Am I being unreasonable??

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  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
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    I think it's ridiculous that your husband's friend is staying in your son's room. Since you don't have a guest room I think it's rude for anyone to stay in your son's room. I would never make one of my kids give up their room for a house guest. People stay in hotels when they come to visit us.
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Tell him to grow up, he can see his friend another time, you may not see your dad too many times after this.
    I consider this taking a mile when given an inch. You already allow him an entire week away from his adult responsibilities so he should appreciate it and support you like husbands are supposed to do.
  • JenMatan
    JenMatan Posts: 2
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    Nope, not being unreasonable. Husband being a jerk.
  • realme56
    realme56 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    Those boys need to grow up. Tell your husband HE can stay at the friend's place as long as he wants to!
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    You nagged, and got your way.
    Be happy for your victory.....:drinker:
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    You nagged, and got your way.
    Be happy for your victory.....:drinker:

    Fairly uncalled for. If she wants to take up the rare opportunity to spend time with her family then I wouldn't call this nagging. Specially since the friend is overstaying his welcome
  • mem50
    mem50 Posts: 1,384 Member
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    One word. Nope. For real? the "friend" knows the parents are coming and he should have enough brains to skedaddle. Hope everything goes well.
  • pghdgt
    pghdgt Posts: 11 Member
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    Have your husband and his friend get a hotel Saturday. They can have their fun since they only see each other once a year and you get to spend a whole day and night alone catching up with your family...
  • chica23GK
    chica23GK Posts: 100 Member
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    I don't think your request is unreasonable, but you actually won that one... so tread lightly. You're asking for a lot... you got your husband to ask his friend to leave. That's what you wanted. I know you ALSO want him to be all sweet to you and tell you that of course your dad is worth it and his friend should be only too happy to go for that reason... but he has agreed to ask him to go. That's the important part. Afterwards, he will more than likely see how important it was that he do that. I am just urging you to be grateful for the small victories right now. You're stressed out.

    It's all going to be okay. But yes, let your husband follow through and ask his friend to leave on Friday. You'll get an evening to gather yourself and talk to your husband about it all before your dad gets there.

    Yeah, what MrsMack said - I agree. You aren't unreasonable in wanting the friend to leave but may be expecting too much to want hubby to "respect your wishes" with a smile. If he's "letting" you have your way, maybe let him "blame" you (he saves face w/his friend). If you get along well w/his friend, and don't want to look like a witch, you can always just be upfront w/him. If he's your friend, too, he should be cool & understand. ... It's easier when one is on the outside looking in (such as I am now) - totally understand your "hysteria" - your need to vent :)
  • KaidaKantri
    KaidaKantri Posts: 401
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    I don't think your being unreasonable at all, not many wives would like their husbands to spend a week every year like that with his friend, I know I would hate it. Your husband is being unreasonable in that he isn't being very understanding especially since your father is ill. Too many he sounds very childish and you should not feel bad or embarrassed.
    [/quote/]


    1 week every year is not that much to ask for hanging out with a good friend. I'm sure if you were in that situation too you would agree. HOWEVER I do think that he should have been more reasonable with you. I like the other comments about the hotel. Since your dad is coming and you've already made plans, if the friend wants to stay longer, I think having the friend get a hotel for 1 night in order to hang out with his friend is more than reasonable. You will get some alone time with your dad, and then once his friend leaves on Sunday, then he can hang out with you and your dad if that's what you want. I would think that this would be a reasonable agreement. But that is what my opinion is.
  • chica23GK
    chica23GK Posts: 100 Member
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    You nagged, and got your way.
    Be happy for your victory.....:drinker:

    It's a guy thing - lol :D
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    You nagged, and got your way.
    Be happy for your victory.....:drinker:

    Fairly uncalled for. If she wants to take up the rare opportunity to spend time with her family then I wouldn't call this nagging. Specially since the friend is overstaying his welcome
    I just thank God I married a lady who always gave me the space I needed when it came to my friends.
    We've been together 30 years, married 29, and this would never have even come up.
    When her stupid parents come in, they stay at the Residence Inn, and I show my face for a quick "hello" during dinner, then pop off to whatever I was doing.
    Too much togetherness is what ruins marriages.
    Anyway, that's his bed, and he has to live with this mess.
    I just can't relate, but good luck with it all.
  • KaidaKantri
    KaidaKantri Posts: 401
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    You nagged, and got your way.
    Be happy for your victory.....:drinker:

    Relationships aren't about victories. AT ALL. They are about making compromises that satisfies everyone.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    I was brought up with the belief that family came first. Considering the time stretch between you seeing your parents and the fact your dad has cancer and may well never get a second trip, that trumps his best friend even without playing the "family first" card. Your circumstances are more complicated than his since he and this friend get to screw around here there and yonder all the time. And besides that, if you have a child together shouldn't your child know his maternal grandparents before it's too late?

    Personally I don't like slamming other people's spouses just from one side but what you've laid out is pretty cut and dry and it's obvious he's being a petulant, whiny child. Some guys never grow out of that when it comes to what they want to do or their friends. I know someone else mentioned the friend go sleep in a hotel while your dad is there and I agree that perhaps alternate arrangements should be made as perhaps a compromise to the situation. Your husband might be bitter over it, but he'd be less so than if you told the friend to pack up and ship out.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    You nagged, and got your way.
    Be happy for your victory.....:drinker:

    Resident troll, I presume? That or your sarcasm's just a tad too thick, like corn syrup.
  • annahiven
    annahiven Posts: 185
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    Well, I would personally try and make room for all, and I would never be upset with my partner for seeing a friend that he just gets to see once a YEAR... especially not if it had been planned for a while and just happened to overlap for a day and a half. There is always room for everybody, as long as there is room on the floor for a mattress, isn't there?

    But that's just me.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    Well, I would personally try and make room for all, and I would never be upset with my partner for seeing a friend that he just gets to see once a YEAR... especially not if it had been planned for a while and just happened to overlap for a day and a half. There is always room for everybody, as long as there is room on the floor for a mattress, isn't there?

    But that's just me.
    Thank You :drinker:
    Not every wife is out to wear down their husbands down to a nub.
    Sometimes it's like an estrogen echo chamber around here.
  • Jill_newimprovedversion
    Jill_newimprovedversion Posts: 988 Member
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    I think honesty is the best policy here.

    Just approach your husband's friend directly and lay it all out for him.

    Tell him you were under the impression that he was leaving on Sat. so you planned for your father to come visit on Sunday. Explain that your father has cancer, and this may be his last visit w/ his daughter and grandchildren.

    I'm sure if you let him know what an emotional time this is going to be for the family he will not want to intrude. Any decent person would be understanding in this situation.
    ^^ My EXACT same thoughts
  • Canadien
    Canadien Posts: 122 Member
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    You're not being unreasonable at all. Your husband and his friend are being one hundred percent selfish and very, very rude. You're right: who would stay as a house guest for that long when they KNOW they're inconveniencing the owner of the house?
  • mazasmusings
    mazasmusings Posts: 74 Member
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    If I pulled what your husband is doing with my wife, she would kick my *kitten* - physically, emotionally, spiritually.

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