Dumped, Depressed and wanting to kill something.

cdgibson1

Think I will just start going to the gym instead. I found out my husband has been cheating on me since June and we just adopted a beautiful 4 year old in May. This lady is calling me telling me when she sleeps with my husband. I have thrown him out and left him with sixteen stitches but I still do not feel any better. I am depressed and weigh 240 pounds. I want to look like a body builder by Friday night. Not for him but for me. I have alot of time on my hands now and would really love some advice to get me on the fast track of being more emotionally and physically healthy. Sorry to dump on you guys when we first meet.

neenaleigh

OMG! What a JERK! Men are SOOOOO STUPID SOMETIMES! :mad: I AM SOOOO Sorry you have had to endure such pain ! Cheating is the WORST!:explode:

My only advice is not to beat yourself up, its not you. Its definetly HIM! Everything happens for a reason though, someday you will meet the right one and he will love you big or small! Right now focus on yourself, go to the gym and look in those mirrors and tell yourself, "I WILL DO THIS!" and you will , for you and your little girl! Good luck! if you need to vent, email me! Or post more, we will all listen!:flowerforyou:

heather0mc

you got this woman! you are beautiful and the hubs is an idiot obviously.

mfp is a great community you will find tons of support here!

:flowerforyou:

Shannon023

Look at you, you're a very pretty lady. :flowerforyou:

Sorry you're ex is a idiot, you deserve better!

Welcome and good luck! :flowerforyou:

Nich0le

First off, welcome to MFP, and second we are here for you to dump on, everyone needs to vent from time to time!

I think heather said it best, obviously an idiot, some men never grow up and now it's time for you to focus on you and your newly adopted child! Sounds like you are a strong lady and exercise is a great stress reliever. Something you need to remember as a mommy is that you MUST take time for mommy and let those guilty feelings go because a healthy, strong and happy mom makes everything else the same!

that is my advice, take time for you, exercise to relieve stress and remember that emotionally...time heals all and now a door just opened for you to have an even better life! :flowerforyou:

shredder

Hi... I just read your story and my heart really bleeds for you.
I have to say the first thing I would do is to change your sign on name from "bigchunkydunk" to a way more fitting description....like "hotoff thepress"
You're so pretty and clearly compassionate, adopting a child is a huge step and not a lot of people have the courage and strength to do it. I'm positive there is a ton of things about you and the person you are that are spectacular. Like neenaleigh said, this is so not about you! I don't know why men go to the dark place when life overloads them and the easiest way out for him is the toughest for you. As for the other woman...what a cow. Change you phone number asap!!!She sounds like a sicko and they probably deserve eachother.
Get a plan, get your A#@ to the gym and be the woman YOU want to be. The best revenge and the sweetest would be to knock his socks off with a healthier and sexy body and mind and have him come crawling back to you on his belly. :sad:
I'm hear for you whenever you need a sounding board.
STAY TOUGH :flowerforyou:
Shredder

SDawgW

Oh my goodness! First of all, here is a BIG HUG coming your way >>>>>>BIIIIIIG HUGGGGGGG<<<<<<<

Secondly, don't beat yourself up for what someone else has done to you. Unfortunately, you cannot control what other people do to you but you CAN control what you do to yourself. From this point on, you need to stop taking it out on yourself.....step one: change your user name. You are GORGEOUS!

Thirdly, my condolences to your ex...for that "lady" to be calling you and saying those things to you screams nothing less than TRASH. He's in for one helluva disappointment.

Fourth: use whatever anger, depression, frustration you have on bettering yourself. Think before you put anything in your mouth (again, this is something that you CAN control). If you're feeling extra down in the dumps, get out and go for a walk. That beautiful 4 year old will enjoy trips to the park. On rainy days, pack up bebe and head to the mall for some indoor walking.

A friend of mine gave birth to a little baby boy and then one week later, her husband stumbled through the door at 2am drunk as a skunk and told her that he didn't love her anymore and that he had a new "woman". She was of course devastated. But she has made it through. Her boy is almost 5 years old and she has found a new love. Someone who appreciates her and treats her the way she should be treated. But she has said numerous times that she didn't let herself explore a new love until she loved herself.

Here's the best part: everything you do from this point on is done for YOU and YOUR CHILD. No one else! No one to try and please but YOU!!!!!! :flowerforyou:

MissKim

men suck. its a fact. they are selfish and act with the wrong head if given the chance. Is the marriage for sure over? I know that sounds like a dumb question but I know alot of marriages that have made it through these kinds of things with the right therapy. being cheated on is a very hard thing to deal with, but is more common than you think. think of the husbands that just don't get caught!? I'm sure there are a few good men out there that wouldn't do that, but everyone makes mistakes. How long have yall been married?? Is this the first time?? Is he even remorseful about it?? Was the marriage good besides this?

Either way things go with you guys, this would be good motivation to take care of yourself. You need to be happy with yourself regardless of your marital situation. Take this time to do things for yourself, take care of yourself, and make yourself happy!! If losing weight will do that then you've came to the right place for support!! Just keep your head up and I will say a prayer for you and your husband.

Hetfield

I'm so very sorry.... thats horrible!!! You have the right idea in mind though - take care of yourself and get healthier... The gym is the best place to start. Find a class that you really like and stick to it. This site is amazing for helping to keep track of what you are eating and how much exercise you should get each week. Good luck to you and keep up the motivation!!!

gnastro

You deserve someone who will treat you right. Never put yourself down. Set small goals for yourself and achieve them.Take one day at a time , you can do it. If you need to vent you can email me. I am also on facebook.Adopting child is one of the most wonderful things you can do.Think of this as a new beginning even though it must really hurt you. Keep up the good work & keep logging on .

You can do it!!

vhuber

I am really sorry to hear what has happened to you BUT please do NOT feel the victim here, this was a circumstance that YOU had NO control over and life WILL get better!! I will not trash men for doing this kind of thing cuz there are women out there who do it too. I think BOTH are selfish when THEY know the outcome is going to cause pain to some one! YOU are better than them and YOU deserve to look and feel that way so YES I agree get your tush to the gym and when you do NOT feel like it remind yourself how much better you WILL feel afterwards. Drink your water and LOG every bite too . IT will not be long and we will be reading YOUR success's here on MFP!! Keep posting good or bad that is what WE are here for! I am sending you a cheer up hug AND along with it a big shove to get you out the door and to the gym!! Best wishes sweetie!
vhuber

bettersusan

Put that emotion into exercise. It is VERY healing to the body and to the mind. Run off your anger. You will think more clearly and positively.

I am SO, SO sorry for your pain. I will be saying a prayer for you today. I wish you well on your journey. You will be a stronger, happier and healthy person one year from today. When you look back, you will see you have climbed a mountain. It's done one step, one day, at a time.

You are going to get thru this dark time and you are on your way.

Susan


Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Diet Plans

135gratitude

I am with Shredder - change that MFP name!!! You need something positive, that reflects the change you are making.

This is time for the NEW YOU!!! Take this opportunity to transform yourself. Clean house literally and figuratively - you got the jerk out of the house, now you can emerge a healthy, and fit you! Create a plan, have goals, and just do it! This is your time to re-create yourself, and your life. Learn about fitness, food, and you will be a new you!

Congratulations that you are starting MFP and creating a new life for yourself. I started here over weight and unhappy with myself, and my life has changed. Yours will too!
:flowerforyou:

mojomcgee

Hey you wonderful, beautiful, strong woman! First I agree that you should change your sign in name to something more uplifting so it promotes positive feelings about yourself when you sing in. Again I keep reading and hearing the weight battle is really about caloreis in vs calories used so this site is a great tool to get control of the calories. Be patient with yourself and the weight will come off. Then you will feel so good about yourself!!! I can't even begin to address the topic of a cheating spouse because my first hubby was one. Notice we arent married any more and I don't regret leaving him for a minute. God has since answered my prayers and I have a wonderful husband who loves me and treats me right. I pray the same for you in the future when you have a handle on things. Perhaps the adopted child is all part of Gods plan for you so you don't have to suffer alone. You have a little person in your life who needs you to be the best you can be for them. Love yourself and life gets better.

shinybonnie

When I want to kill something, I truly enjoy playing some good ol' fashioned violent video games. I like World of Warcraft and Age of Conan - both allow for massive carnage; AoC has a lot of blood splatter...

CasperO

men suck. its a fact. they are selfish and act with the wrong head if given the chance. <<snip snip snip>>

Thanks for that,,,


Change that name lady. That's not who you are.

cdgibson1

Thank you all for the support. I should have lost a few pounds in the past few days just in tears. I have not heard from him. I dont know if it because of her or the 10 stitches he got in his head. Anyway, I don't know how to make the feeling that my heart has been ripped out go away.

Again, that you for the kind words and support. I just cant get my head around it all. I never knew we were having problems since we just adopted, things have been better than ever.

jalara

What an *kitten*! I'm so sorry to hear that!

On the other hand, congratulations on the adoption. That is wonderful! It's always nice to hear something that nice.

And also - welcome to the site. I've just discovered it, and I already love it.

I'm sure you'll persevere through this. And when you do, you'll have a beautiful little one to enjoy all your success with. And that will make you the luckiest woman alive.

All the best.

Phoenix_Rising

Thank you all for the support. I should have lost a few pounds in the past few days just in tears. I have not heard from him. I dont know if it because of her or the 10 stitches he got in his head. Anyway, I don't know how to make the feeling that my heart has been ripped out go away.

Again, that you for the kind words and support. I just cant get my head around it all. I never knew we were having problems since we just adopted, things have been better than ever.

I can't write much just yet.
I'm at work and if I start to write too much, I'll end up losing it and cry a river.

I'm in a similar situation. With a 4 year old daughter.
Reading the support here has almost made me cry.
You can bet God led you to this website. :flowerforyou:
You will find the most wonderfully supportive people here.

And see my name? I only changed it last week.
I needed to be reminded that no matter the hell I've been through, I will rise above.
Burned, yes.
But better off, risen anew from those ashes.
Don't discount yourself. If I can't bear to post here, I will try to PM (private message) you.

Change your name.
You are strong, you are a mama, you are a woman.
You will overcome this situation.
Day by day, step by step.
For you and for you kiddo. :flowerforyou:

1harleygal

:flowerforyou: First off DO NOT allow someone else dictate to how you feel, be happy in your own skin because you don't need someone else to make you happy! Yes I know easier said than done, but I have succeed in this and found out how much happier, confident, more self-esteem and that I now work on me for myself and no one else. In working on myself for just me I have stuck to my diet and excercise so much better, funny how that works! You just keep the faith and know you are sssooo much better off without him! Also I have been where you are, except I was cheated on twice!:flowerforyou:

laughingfox

Oh darlin'! I'm so sorry to hear that. What a JERK! Now that you know his "true colors", I'd say you and your beautiful baby are better off rid of him (though I know this is easier for me to say)! I joined MFP because of a guy who cheated on me, dumped me, and kept all my stuff! :noway: We weren't married yet, but almost! Some days, I still miss him. :grumble: But every day, I am learning that I should be living life for ME, being healthy for ME, and learning to move on! MFP is such a GREAT community, and you WILL meet your goals (emotionally, mentally, and physically!) if you stick with it, and stick with us.

barbarella

TN Beauty!!!!! :flowerforyou:

You are a beautiful & strong woman!
I'm soooooooo very sorry this happened.
It will take time to heal & feel better.
In the meantime, do all you can for you & your little one to feel good.
Exercise, hot baths & playing are great stress relievers!

I wish you the best Girl! Take good care!!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

charliesgold

I needed to be reminded that no matter the hell I've been through, I will rise above.
Burned, yes.
But better off, risen anew from those ashes.
Don't discount yourself. If I can't bear to post here, I will try to PM (private message) you.

Quoting my real life best friend above because she is the strongest woman I know and you can be just as strong and make it through this. Sending you both gigantic hugs and perseverance and all the love your hearts can take and then some *hugs*

Narkeena

:flowerforyou: OMG!.. I feel for you.. I've been on the situation of being cheated on... I know how it feels... Just move forward girl! I know you can do it... you are very pretty!

He will soon realize it's his lost! Just focus on yourself and your little girl... and yes, there is a reason for everything... You'll meet someone in the future who will give you his all...

Smile... work out... go Out.. PRAY....

Just message me if you need a friend to talk too...

anthrochix

16 stitches is impressive! He deserves way more than that. I'm so sorry that you had the rug pulled out from under you like that and that you are having a hard time. It WILL pass. You WILL come out on the other side stronger, smarter, buffer and better than you were when you were with this jerk. Like another reader posted, what you CAN control now is how you will react to your new life - and what better motivation than your new daughter! I will be praying for you, hon. Available for support if you need. (**hug**)

BrendaLee

Wow...I have to comment on the stitches since no one else has...never the way to go, no matter how angry you are. That being said, he's a pig, and you need to change your mindset. You're lucky to be rid of him, and now you can focus on yourself and your beautiful child. Don't be waiting for him to call. Change your number, change the locks. Good riddance. Take your frustration out at the gym like you said.

All men are not pigs (most, but not all), so don't waste your energy on one who is.

twilight1542

I am saddened by your reasons for joining MFP but happy that you are doing this for you & your new child

It's time to stop living for other people & life for yourself. Channel all your anger & frustration into exercising & getting fit. My best workouts are always when I'm stressed or irritated because of the adrenaline rush of strong emotions.

You're a strong woman-you wouldn't be here if you weren't. It may take a long time for your heart to heal, but by starting this new lifestyle your body & mind will become stronger.

It's time to say good riddance to bad rubbish--the hubby--and welcome the dawn of a better time in your life. When you least expect you'll find the man you're meant to be with--someone who will love & respect you & most importantly treat you & your child right

marisol7649

Same year, My ex-husband cheated on me for years and I was non the wiser. I only found when I left him because something was never felt right. When I was single everyone knew!! I was humiliated.
I lost so much weight because I did not have friends only through my ex- so I hit the gym, instead of feeling lonely. It took me three years being single. I looked pretty but my self esteem was in the gutter because I thought what was wrong with me that he had to cheat on me. Well, like I said three years later and many dates ( which was fun, some not so much ) I found a wonderful man. We are still together 7yrs. Looking back I even gave thanks to my ex, had he not done this to me I would never have met my new guy. My ex- remarried and his wife is a witch, one of his girlfriends gave him an STD.
I was happy to hear this at first, because he got what he deserved, but I feel sad that I am so happy and he is not. He always tell me he regrets how he treated me. We are friends now.

Karma Karma Karma.

He will get his and you will get yours. Keep up the faith, do exercise. Oh I read so many self help books. My favorite was the THE RULES, and I never got hurt again.

GOOD LUCK, THIS TOO SHALL PASS

tashjs21

:frown: :flowerforyou:

You have gotten some great advice already.

Good luck and good riddance!!! You are on your way to better things! :drinker:

MOMOFTWO29

Hello and welcome to MFP, the best website ever!!! You will love this site if you don't already. I love this site. It is so motivational, supportive, helpful, easy to use, and everyone is so nice and friendly. I just wanted to wish you a lot of success on your weight loss journey. You can do this!!!!!!!!!!!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: I am sorry to hear about your husband cheating on you.

selbyhutch

Not a whole lot else to say that the group hasn't said already.

Grats on the little girl!
Violence is not the answer.
Exercise will be a great stress reliever.
Definitely... change the screenname.