Self Sabotage....A cry for help

CJK1959

Hi folks fatman here again...

The fact that I am losing motivates me more, losing 20lbs is amazing, how come such an acheivment wasn't on your mind when you reached for the cake or the bun? You must have been doing so well for a number of months, and then started to disregard what you had done and fell into your old ways. That's why I think people are right when they say it's a lifestyle change and not a diet.

I have dieted on and off for 8 years- it's only now that I made lasting changes without completely restricting myself that I am starting to see some success. The changes you make need to bearable, even enjoyable, in 6 months from now and 6 years from now.

You are so right! I had lost 23 lbs. and then I don't know what happened...maybe my success went to my head and I thought that i didn't have to be careful anymore....but it's all back now and I am so discouraged by my own lack of self control. But, I logged yesterday for the first time in months and although I was pretty close to over, I wasn't over and I felt better about some of my choices, so I think that is a good first step....one day, one moment, one choice at a time. Thanks for your comments and good luck on your journey!

CJK1959

... I bought a journal today at the store and plan to begin writing about how I feel, when I feel the urge to overeat and hopefully I will learn to reach for the book when I feel the need to indulge instead of the fridge or cabinet.

When I get "the urge" I go for a walk now but that journal might make some pretty interesting reading in 6 months time especially if you're able to draw some clear conclusions from it. Who knows... there could even be a best seller in there somewhere

Having just read Kal's post about fear it reminded me of something that came out during a session with an NLP therapist a few years ago (not something I'd normally do as I have an inbuilt aversion to all therapists... most of them seem to want to turn everyone into victims... but I digress...)

During the session I said something that on reflection I've always felt was rather odd, that I was "afraid" of being a thin person because as a "fat" person I felt I was a nice guy, but as a "thin" person I might become someone I didn't like very much, in fact almost as if I was going to go out of my way to be horrible if I did become "thin".

I must admit I never went back. I think there were possibly some childhood issues there but to be honest I feel some doors are best left closed and locked but now Kal and CJ have go me thinking I wonder how much of it is down to psychology rather than physiology and how much I may have subconsciously "sabotaged" myself over the years without even realising it. In hindsight I'd guess my protective mantra of "I'm OK with who I am" was a kind of sabotage in itself.

Interesting stuff... think you might have opened a can of worms here CJ

PS... anyone know what the calorie content of a can of worms is? Can't find it on MFP database

What you say about the "fat person" vs the "thin person" made me think about some things that have crossed my mind over the years.....(although crossing the mind and not staying may have caused some of the issues to begin with) But, anyway, when I was growing up, I was really aware of and afraid of girls getting kidnapped and killed (back in the 70's you started hearing more and more about it on the media...they are so helpful....((insert sarcasm here))) And I thought it's always the skinny pretty girls....so if I'm not skinny and pretty then maybe I'm safe. Nutty, I know, but now that I think about it, the thought of being "taken" terrified me. Maybe that started it....and then it was downhill from there. Food became comfort....something to do when I was bored.....food never judged me or made fun of me....it was my friend...OMG...is there a therapist in the house?????

Overboard_Eater

When I first read your post I was instantly reminded of my experience of being clinically depressed which started after my father's death when I was a teen. The idea that everything is going well in my life but why am I still so sad and doing self-destructive things. Then I checked your profile and read about your late husband. It was after his death that you gain a major part of your weight. Have you ever thought that you might have "survivor guilt"? That somewhere deep inside you think you don't deserve getting healthy, and being happy with a new partner because of what happened to him.

I think the journaling will be good for you but you might also think about reading some books on coping with the loss of a spouse because it sounds like you eat those feeling away, or reading about the symptoms of depression.

Just don't give up! Make mini goals for yourself. Once you see yourself reaching them (besides just losing weight) I think it is harder to slip back. Good luck! Feel free to add me.

Dorkaleena

On the exercise front, I have a suggestion. I have mobility issues due to how overweight I am. Walking and regular aerobics are NOT an option for me. However, I have invested in a mini-arm cycle and it allows me to get some aerobic exercise every day. I'm up to 40-50 minutes a day now. (When I started 2 months ago I couldn't do more than 10 minutes in tiny 1-2 minutes bursts.)

Also, I bought a "Chair Dancing" DVD. They have Core strengthening DVD's as well as Aerobic DVD's. Right now I'm working with Core Strengthening. You do the exercises in a chair. No impact on knees and ankles! It's working well for me.

If you REALLY want to exercise, there's ways to accomplish it.

filady

Wow you sound like me in the eating department, Ive been chewing alot of sugar free gum and making sure I eat 3 good meals a day about the same time. With summer here I have a bunch of fruit on had cleaned and ready to eat. This is my third time at mfp, three times the charm!

caraiselite

just need someone to say HEY you're getting fat, stop eating so much!