My Sister Makes Fun of me when I try to be healthy..
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I would lovingly confront her about it. Sisters are forever. She needs to correct the behavior now so that your relationship can be healthy and happy. Let her know how it makes you feel, try to get her in your shoes. Maybe come up with a word, a code word that calls the conversation back to her when she says something hurtful. Try to get her to explore WHY she does this. Yeesh, I'm sorry man. I would be really upset if my sister did that to me. How awful. If nothing helps, just keep your distance, like you said.
I totally believe that Sisters are forever and will always be there if she needs me. However, I won't treat her as my Best Friend. I just can't do that anymore. There's been many things in the past that made me think "Wow, what the!?" She's gone after guys she knows like me.. tried taking friends, etc.
Honestly the reasoning behind this is I have done a lot of things she hasn't- I graduated High School and Went to College. I lived on my own, and don't have kids. She dropped out of High School her Sophomore Year, Had her first child at 17, then she got married, had two more kids and got her RN! Her Husband is Super Awesome & She's come a long way. But I often hear I am Selfish, cause I don't have kids... It's difficult but there.
SO TELLING right here. She is obviously very jealous of you and the choices you've made. Calling someone "selfish" for not having children is the most *kitten*-backwards thing ever (hi, world population of 7 billion, aren't actually running a shortage) and attempted guy stealing is just a whole other can of worms. Toxic toxic toxic. Her disapproval means you are doing it right. Keep it up, you rock, and she's pissed about it. Her problem, not yours!0 -
Even our Father says she's a Bully. Boo to that- because there are other times where she's the nicest person!! It's hard to know which way it up really..
That's very common behaviour with abusers. On minute they're all sweetness and sunshine and the next they have a knife in your back.0 -
Your sis sounds like a giant douche bag...
My big sis does the same, so does my dad. But you know what would really get her mad? if you beat her critisism by succeeding. So, get your pretty *kitten* in gear and forget about her. She's just being a jealous *kitten*. xxxxxxx0 -
It sounds like she wants attention and only knows how to draw negative attention. When she says these negative things, try to turn it around on her by saying "Yes, you're right." This response makes her responsible for her words. It also gives her the chance to reverse her statement and/or shuts down the whole conversation.
So if she criticizes something you eat, just say, "Yes, you're right, but I have to try something."
If she puts down the fact that a guy is flirting with you, just say, "Yes, you're right, but I don't care."
That statement will point out to her what a jerk she is being without actually having to say it.0 -
My sister does the same thing. Every family get together, her and my brother-in-law eat like crap and then judge every plate of food I eat. She's six inches shorter than me, but only weighs 10 pounds less than me. But, she says she is "so successful" with her weight loss, at least you have the choice to stay away from your sister. I still live with my parents, and I have to deal with her. And, they just moved closer, so now I have to deal with her more often. o.O I just take solace in the fact the I'm going to be healthier and hotter than her.0
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Hahahahahahahahaha!!!"He's probably gay." "Oh... did you get to him first?"0 -
Have you though about including her in your heath and weight loss journey? Maybe turning it in to a healthy competition between the two of you. Maybe make it something you can share and bond over.0
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DITTO! You are doing this for YOU so go ahead and give her something to be jealous of! Who knows, if she sees it working for you maybe she'll change her tune!She obviously has some self-estem issues herself. Along with a pinch of sibling rivalry, perhaps. You just have to ignore it and do what you need to do. This is for you, not anyone else. Good for you for making those decisions even if she is not on board. Keep it up and good luck to you.0 -
My little sister is the same way she tells me that im fat to hurt me shes 16 and is dumb but it gets to me becuse i know ive gained a lot of weight during the past year and im really self conscious.Yours just seems like shes jealous words do hurt but keep your head up especially because your working on it and youll get there and shell be even more jelous and try to put you down more
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As someone who is a huge fan of sibling fighting, you should totally be mean. Ruthless mean. The kind of mean you can only be to family.
^^THIS^^
If your sister wants to go there... then GO there. Give her a dose of her own medicine.
You say with a snotty look on your face."Looks like you could use a run around the block too sis."
As for her putting you down about not having kids, throw it back. You are the younger sister after all. "I'm waaaay too young for kids yet." ... "Why would I need to have kids of my own right now, I get to be auntie with yours."
Remind her that you are almost smaller than her, that it won't be long and you will be smaller. She better get a move on it. Even if it doesn't shut her up you'll get to vent back on her. Its okay to be angry at someone.
And it doesn't sound like she could ever have a "healthy" competition with you over this.0 -
Is that you in your picture? No wonder the guys are hitting on you, you're GORGEOUS!!!!!0
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It sounds to me like she's jealous. Ignore her and focus on yourself and your goals. Keep going and shell soon get bored. I know she's your sister but she sounds like a bully. Chin up and keep smiling0
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She's probably just jealous because you are eating healthier and doing good for yourself. Just try to ignore her and she should stop eventually. She's only trying to bring you down.0
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Thank you to everyone who has responded.. I guess I am not that crazy to think about keeping my Distance. Even if it's from a Family Member. Like many of you said- Toxic People don't help anyone.. I will keep an open mind though and hopefully one day when she sees she isn't part of my life that she will realize all the hurt she did do when she was around..0
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I read this somewhere -
Last thought on this: if you do have genuinely toxic people in your life, get rid of them. Stop calling them. Stop emailing them. They’ll get the point. Get them out of your life. Don’t walk around carrying anger and negativity towards them. It just poisons your own mind and harms you, so just remove them from your life. If you see them in public, be cordial and move on. Again, they’ll get the point.
... When it's family though I know how hard it is ... keep on at it ... smile when she says this kinda crap believe me it'll p!ss her off more ...:flowerforyou:0 -
I agree that Toxic People should be put aside.. but then I feel like I am doing something wrong by putting my Sister aside.
Afterall she is Family.. Ya know.. It just is an inner conflict I have within myself I suppose.
Toxic Sister......hmmmmm a good band name?
Being family does not giver the right to be abusive. Sounds like she has to try to drag you down to make herself feel better, it may sound harsh but be straight with her. Tell her she has two choices, she cans the crap or you create some distance.
It would make a good band name, huh! haha
I have had that talk with her saying that I am going to step back and live my life without including her in my Day to Day things.
She will just make comments now like "Oh you're still mad at me?"
Just the other day she mentioned a Cute guy on my Facebook and how she thinks he likes me. I was like, yea we're good friends and she was like "Well he's probably Gay- so Don't waste your time" I was like "Ummmm Thank You!?"
Anyways- it seems like talking with her about the issue doesn't matter much. These sort of things have been happening for years now.
Even our Father says she's a Bully. Boo to that- because there are other times where she's the nicest person!! It's hard to know which way it up really..
Well next time she says something like this smile at her and say I guarantee you he is so not, smile bigger and walk away
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my brother does this all the time, he underweight for his height (6ft5) and i'm overweight, and when I'm eating healthy things he constantly takes the piss and laughs at me, trying to force me to eat fatty foods so i put weight on.
He also eats things like crisps, pringles, ben and jerrys ice cream and chocolate in front of me and goes 'see i dont need to diet because im already beautiful and thin, i can eat this and still be skinnier than you'll ever be' -.-
but once i'm healthier, fitter and feeling better, he'll be the one looking flabby and with low self esteem! don't let your sister get to you, you'll be the one that's in the better place and you'll have a line of men queuing up just for you! 0 -
Ah.... sisterly love. I understand, I have 3 older sisters. Turn it around. Next time say something like "Perhaps if you were nicer he would have flirted with you." or "Stop being such a b****! Being healthy make ME happy, I could care less what my health does to YOU." or my personal favorite: "It's MY life, not YOURS."0
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She often will say "If you get skinnier than me, I will be so pissed" at first I thought- oh haha, she's kidding.
But then she would start making fun of the things I was doing..
Eating Salad or a low Calorie item when we go out to eat.
Not eating Dessert or having a yogurt instead..
Eating Fruit or Veggies alone instead of chips & dip or added things.
Etc.
But it goes further too..
If she sees, hears or finds out about a guy flirting with me she'll be like "oh they like everyone" or " I bet their gay"
I myself have Self Esteem issues & she knows this. So It's so hard having someone who should be that go to person put you down.
ugh- just needed to vent.
Sounds like we have the same sister! I was astounded when she had the nerve to say she was the skinnier sister and there is no way I allowed to be smaller than her...hahaha...?? I didnt find the comment funny. I did get smaller than her. Then life changes happened and I got bigger again. She had the nerve to tell me she was happy I got divorced cause now shes the smaller one again.
It hurts, No matter how much you try to look past it and call it jealousy/insecurity and what not. It still stings.
My sister has a host of other issues as well (she is jealous I have children and that my parents give my children attention. And morbid as it sounds she is pissed that her share of the "someday" inheritance will have to be shared with my kids.......She left my parents house in a furry of tire squeals when my mom let it slip.... Id rather my parents live it up and spend every last penny now.....)
Limit the interactions, this is the only thing that has kept me sane and from wringing her neck all these years.
When you do chat, discuss things other than hot issues. If she goes down that path change the subject.
Doesn't always work but it does limit the amount of snarky remarks I get.0 -
She often will say "If you get skinnier than me, I will be so pissed" at first I thought- oh haha, she's kidding.
But then she would start making fun of the things I was doing..
Eating Salad or a low Calorie item when we go out to eat.
Not eating Dessert or having a yogurt instead..
Eating Fruit or Veggies alone instead of chips & dip or added things.
Etc.
But it goes further too..
If she sees, hears or finds out about a guy flirting with me she'll be like "oh they like everyone" or " I bet their gay"
I myself have Self Esteem issues & she knows this. So It's so hard having someone who should be that go to person put you down.
ugh- just needed to vent.
Sounds like we have the same sister! I was astounded when she had the nerve to say she was the skinnier sister and there is no way I allowed to be smaller than her...hahaha...?? I didnt find the comment funny. I did get smaller than her. Then life changes happened and I got bigger again. She had the nerve to tell me she was happy I got divorced cause now shes the smaller one again.
It hurts, No matter how much you try to look past it and call it jealousy/insecurity and what not. It still stings.
My sister has a host of other issues as well (she is jealous I have children and that my parents give my children attention. And morbid as it sounds she is pissed that her share of the "someday" inheritance will have to be shared with my kids.......She left my parents house in a furry of tire squeals when my mom let it slip.... Id rather my parents live it up and spend every last penny now.....)
Limit the interactions, this is the only thing that has kept me sane and from wringing her neck all these years.
When you do chat, discuss things other than hot issues. If she goes down that path change the subject.
Doesn't always work but it does limit the amount of snarky remarks I get.
As of now- the only contact I really have with her is when I am there to see my Nieces and Nephew. She'll ask how I am etc. but I keep the chit-chat to a minimum and I don't get too deep into what I am doing with my life. She has def given me my share of reasons to not even bother. It's so hard to understand why this is.. I just don't get it.
I am sorry to hear that you have a sister similar to mine- perhaps they could be bffs?!
Anyways.. that's it for now Thanks for the support! 0 -
Friend and family relationships have unwritten roles. Some could be the pretty sister, the smart brother, the responsible one etc. When these roles change or there is a threat for change, many people can't deal with it and unfotunately relationships can suffer. You should be upfront wiht your sister about what you need from her and let her know how her words effect you.
Work your a** off, it's your turn to be the skinny sister!0 -
[quote/]As of now- the only contact I really have with her is when I am there to see my Nieces and Nephew. She'll ask how I am etc. but I keep the chit-chat to a minimum and I don't get too deep into what I am doing with my life. She has def given me my share of reasons to not even bother. It's so hard to understand why this is.. I just don't get it.
I am sorry to hear that you have a sister similar to mine- perhaps they could be bffs?!
Anyways.. that's it for now Thanks for the support!
[/quote]
Sorry to hear you have to give your sister some boundaries :devil: but I am happy to hear you are enforcing it :bigsmile:
I am lucky to have a supportive sister, (she joined MFP after me in support when I started last month - and she's done well in the last month) She has lost [i think?] about 60 pounds over the last 5 years and is close to her goal weight on this last push. She is proactive in giving her advice and I in turn sometimes have my own ideas about how I want to do things so we both are good at annoying each other. I just want to say that even if she never changes or offers support, you will be a better person for what you are doing. Health comes from within, you know?0
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