Guys can you help me out? Nurturing relationships?????

mslack01

Have you read that Love Languages book? sounds like it. that is a really great book for the question the OP is asking. It's by... Gary Chapman, I think?

I have! It makes a lot of practical sense. I understand he takes kind of a religious angle (I'm not, so I kind of ignore it) but it's worth the trivial hour or so it takes to actually read through. Really made me change my approach to relationships and it always has an effect.

I have read it and it does make sense. The problem is when you can't even figure out your love language or your SO's.

hongruss

A friend of mine says all men want is " an empty sack & a full stomach" I also like a little peace to watch a movie, without a thousand questions about the plot or a massive monologue of how your friend/sister/mother upset you earlier today

Russ

chargers8709

My three most important factors are:

Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Trust
and friendship

I guess something is working...my husband and I just
celebrated our 25th anniversary!!

BigDaddyBRC

Stop thinking so much and live the moment...a beer, sammich, and sex is pretty much all we need

33neenaj

The little things mean so much more.....

pdj1220

One thing that helps in all relationships is using lots of "I" statements,

instead of "You always pick your friends over me!" , try to reword somewhat, "I know that you need time with your friends, but sometimes I feel like you choose time with them over me." Says the exact same thing, but doesn't sound accusing.

RobynMWilson

If it's healthy and you value it then you're already nurturing that relationship....if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

A_New_Horizon

I can honestly say after being married and divorced, and now being engaged, that for me communication is so important. Knowing what your SO needs to feel loved, etc. I never realized during my marriage, how much the little things in a relationship mean. Holding hands in the car, in public, a kiss on the forehead, a simple I love you, saying please and thank you for little things, doing things together(ie:household chores like cleaning, cooking, etc) My marriage was full of a lot of sefishness, and I was alone alot while he did whatever fun things he chose to do like softball, hunting, bowling, etc..this time around, I knew what I wanted and needed in a relationship and was up front about it from the get go. I have never been happier and I feel so blessed.

I suggest you just talk and you both determine what it is you need to nuture your relationship. Good luck to you!

I agree with this....I got married had 2 kids, and am in the process of a divorce. Our marriage was very one-sided. I feel I did everything humanly possible to save my marriage BUT I can't change a person. I hope to find a healthy relationship someday who will accept both me and my kids. Little things are important. I know several have mentioned the Five Love Languages - it is a great approach to relationship whether you are religious or not. We all have a different "love sign". If you can figure out your SO, then the relationship will be much easier/healthier.

MSepp

My fiancee and I enjoy quality time.

We set aside a little money each month to take a trip somewhere (long weekend or even just a regular weekend)...wine tours, skydiving.

I realize financially this is not always feasible. On a regular weekend, we take time to go on a date. Movies, karaoke, it doesn't have to be expensive or outrageous...even if it's just dinner and a walk.

Also on a daily basis, we try to eat dinner at the dinner table so we can talk with each other about how our day went, if anything exciting or troubling is going on...just investing time in the other person.

Of course sexy time doesn't hurt either-that's all part of it.

Alluring72

LOVE the cable guy bit - thanks for the laugh!

Maybe I am over thinking it and I did ask him about what he wants and needs - just looking for outside input that might be valuable.

Got the sex and BJ's covered - he's one of the lucky men that does not need to coax or conjole his So for sex, in fact I am often the initatator.

I know I was not a good partner in my marriage and I don't want to mirror my parents relationship that's why I posted the question. I appreciate all the input. Thanks!

nevertoolate2

trust and be trustworthy
be honest and ask for honesty
be yourself (warts and all) and encourage your SO to be themselves
treat others as you would want to be treated.

ignore psycho-babble relationship advice

oh, and listen and hear that your SO listens to you.

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

Communication, communication, communication... that is the main key. Without it, everything won't last long.

Also be yourself & don't be afraid to show it off to your SO.

33neenaj

Taking the time to speak your partner's "language" is important... In other words, figuring out what makes him feel loved, and doing that. For you, it may be verbal affection. For him, it may be physical intimacy or spending quality time together or getting gifts or leaving little notes or something else. I always have good results when I figure out what makes another person feel loved (it's usually different than things that make ME feel loved) and spending the time to make them feel appreciated in the way that is most significant to them as an individual.

Huh?
ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz:yawn:
I need my woman to talk less and undress more.....simple deal.
Let's not make relationships more complicated that we need to. You start in with a bunch of psycho-babble, and he might just pack up and GO!

LOL

dcc56

........she is asking the GUYS for advice.....but the advice from women outnumber the men.

wareagle8706

........she is asking the GUYS for advice.....but the advice from women outnumber the men.

We're women, what do you expect? can't help but get involved.

pattyproulx

Ya, don't go overboard - and get too 'deep' into talks about nurturing the relationship. If anything that might scare him off.

Make him feel appreciated (we like to feel important), do nice things for him, and just be yourself. There's no need to overthink it.

glovepuppet

........she is asking the GUYS for advice.....but the advice from women outnumber the men.

i refer to everyone, as a group, male and female, as guys.

lotsa people do, so i don't think the reply ratio is weird.

RAF_Guy

If you follow these rules form the Good Wife's guide published in 1955, then you wont be too far off the mark

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.


****Puts on tin hat and runs for cover*******

smiley245

thankyou soooo much for your concern apparently the cable guy is just part time she says he is really a nurse and shes been going there three times a week for treatment , free of charge if you can believe that mannnnn such good people in this world

did she get checked out by a doc/nurse after? it's a life saving move but carries a small risk of causing internal injuries. a lot of people aren't aware of this. glad to hear she was ok!

/hijack.
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:laugh: You sir are funny. *tips hat

I don't have anything new to add, I agree with the few men that have commented. Props to you for wanting to work to ensure a great relationship

SVCat

Best thing a SO could do for me, is to do something that she knows I love (fishing, canoeing, hiking, camping, target practice, basketball, boxing,etc.) that I know she hates or scared to try, but to see that she is willing to do that for me, it means a lot.