Changing Name?

MFPBrandy

My boss and his wife both work at my place of employ, but don't share last names. I didn't realize that they were married until I figured out that they were telling stories and anecdotes about the same child, haha! When I mentioned it, they told me that because she had been in her career for much longer than they had been married, and that she had scores of professional credits and contacts, it wasn't in her best interest to change it and lose that ground.

I have to say that when you go into a career where your individuality is important against all the people in your field, losing years of that hard work is something I would not expect many to be keen on doing. I don't find it to be offensive in the least, and I know that it can lead to problems down the road.

As a secondary input, my mother changed her name when she married my father and when they broke up (after I was born) a year and a half later, she kept the name so that we would share it. This lead to awkward problems when she had my half-brother and the father was uninterested in being a part of his life, including giving him his last name. My father (and his Italian mother) thought it was highly offensive that this new kid now shared my father's name, when in fact he was entirely unrelated. At that point, my mother didn't want half the family to have different names, though it didn't bother me, and after she and my brother talked it over (when he was old enough), they decided it wasn't worth it to change. My father's family is still very bitter about it though. My mother has started going by her maiden name again in some aspects though she never got it legally reverted. My brother and I still share a last name.

This is something I wonder about (albeit very little)--I had my child as a single parent, thanks to an anonymous donor & a medical team. So she has MY last name. Should I ever get married in the future, I wouldn't want to change my name from hers to his--then she's the odd one out. And changing BOTH names (while she's a child, and unable to decide as her adult self might) is something I'm not sure how I'd feel about.

ClaSSiE86

To each their own!!

As for me.. I personally cannot wait to get married and drop the last name I have been given from a "father" who has never been there! To have the same last name as a man who truly loves me will be awesome! (:

giadatje

I noticed that the choice depends a lot from the country where you live. In Italy (I am Italian), it's absolutely not common to change your last name. I am not even sure it's possible. You have to go through millions of bureaucratic papers... It's a nightmare. I don't know any Italian woman that changed her last name. Not even my grandmothers. Especially because the equivalent of the Italian social security number, it's not a number, but it's a mix of letters and numbers that are coming from your personal information: last and first name, date and place of birth... So, there is no way that the government is going to change the social security number for every woman that get married.

So, when I got married to my husband here in the US, we had a huge fight about it. What was I supposed to do? Changing my name in the US and leave the maiden name on the passport? Which name would have gone on the visa? Have you ever had anything to do with Homeland Security? I won't wish it to my worst enemy. Furthermore, professionally all my previous publications have my maiden name. If I change my last name, do I lose all the work I did during my PhD and further? It is not difficult enough being a female scientist?

Do I love him less because I didn't take his name? Of course not. Am I going to get mad if my children's friends (in the future) will call me Mrs. His-name instead of Dr. My-name? Obviously not. I am not a name, mine or his.

Last but not least, maybe because of the education I received, I find the all taking-your-husband-name an imposition of a man on a woman's life. I am not his possession. He can still divorce me. So according to the law, he can take my name. But I don't know any man that would take the wife's name, unless that would open him the doors of royalty. So why should I take his name?

Btw, he married me in any case

vytamindi

Last but not least, maybe because of the education I received, I find the all taking-your-husband-name an imposition of a man on a woman's life. I am not his possession. He can still divorce me. So according to the law, he can take my name. But I don't know any man that would take the wife's name, unless that would open him the doors of royalty. So why should I take his name?

THIS.

hemlock2010

I hyphenated my name, but that's really too much for everyday use (one is nine letters, the other is 8, and both are hard to say), so I go by my initial and my husband's last name, and all my professional credentials are that way. I wish now that I had not changed my name when I got married.

spongekitty

Professionally? I'd absolutely keep it. Your name gives you ownership, of the things you've done and created.

Similarly, I can't fathom dropping my last name-- ever, and especially not professionally. I'm torn about my preference; If I don't pass on my father's last name, that's the end of the name, but, for the sake of family identity it might be nice if we crafted our own last name that was neither of ours, and both changed our names.

My mother never changed her name, and she told me once that they were supposed to mutually change their name to Shepherd before my dad decided he didn't want to go through the process, and so neither did she. I now have his last name, but I myself have had to have a name change because all my documents didn't agree from places where my mother had tried to give me a hyphenated last name of both of theirs, and places it was only his. Plus, mom was always a bit resentful of the way it all played out.

In short: If i'm changing my name, it isn't to his. Frankly I'd love to find a man who wanted -my- name.

Pimpmonkey

It would be very interesting if I ever changed my name to my current SO's... he has a very unique last name "Goodrunning". I would find it funny to have his last name - also awkward is that his sister (who has the same first and middle name as I) would have the exact same name because she did not change her name when she got married.

For me it would be safer and saner to keep my maiden name lol

God, at least we have different middle names, but our professional lives and our reputations are quite different and even though we spell our first names different, I just do not need that type of confusion in my life!

TanzaMarie

Last but not least, maybe because of the education I received, I find the all taking-your-husband-name an imposition of a man on a woman's life. I am not his possession. He can still divorce me. So according to the law, he can take my name. But I don't know any man that would take the wife's name, unless that would open him the doors of royalty. So why should I take his name?

Yup!

lachesissss

I'm keeping my last name or hyphenating. My children however would get my husbands last name.

move257

It's old fashioned, it's customary, call it what you want but a woman is supposed to take her man's last name. That changes everything if she doesn't. It would definitely be a HUGE issue for me if my wide didn't want to take my last name. It's just part of the whole package.