Getting To The Gym!

RunDottyRun

Ok so back in March I joined a gym. I joined only after my partner agreed that he'd look after the kids and let me go at least 1-2 times week (even though I'd prefer every 2nd day). This went okay for about a month, then he started to refuse to let me go.

Now it's months later, and we're paying $65/month for NOTHING. I am so irritated. I will even get into my workout clothes, pack my gym bag, get the kids fed, settled ect so they're easy to look after... and I'm still not allowed to go.

Anyone else have this happen and have advice?

stfriend

Are they his kids? If so, he isn't "babysitting" he's being a father. Don't wait for permission just pack and go. If they aren't his kids, is there anyone else who can watch them? Is there childcare at your gym?

RunDottyRun

They're both our kids. I can't just up and leave because I know if I did, he wouldn't look after them. He'd likely lock them in their rooms until I got back and just put headphones on so he didn't have to hear them cry.

& no, no daycare at the gym.

stfriend

I'm staying clear of the relationship advice because thats a whole kettle of fish on its own. That said can you take the $65 a month and start you're own gym? A bench, some adjustable bar/dumbbells, maybe a jump rope or a bike? Maybe for cardio take the kids to the park and chase them around?

RunDottyRun

No because it was a 12 month membership. Locked in till next March, otherwise I would have just cancelled it case closed. The thing I'm irritated with is the money going to waste!

ncqueenbee

How much will it cost to cancel the membership. Will it cost more or less than the $65 per month x 12?

If you can, I too suggest you establish your own mini gym at home. Get some work-out dvds, a few weights etc. I cancelled my gym membership many, many years ago because it was just to inconvenient with my hectic schedule, and now I have a nice set-up in my spare bedroom...treadmill, spin bike, weights..etc.

dad106

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

mmk137

that's one seriously poor excuse.

remind him of the agreement, also tell him, if he wants you to be the best that you can be, you need to go to the gym

crisanderson27

I'm not going to give relationship advice, but that doesn't stop me from giving him the ****ty dad of the year award. I'm a single Dad with sole custody of my THREE children. NOTHING is more important than spending time with them.

Then again, we'd be finding a sitter anyhow, because I'd be going to the gym WITH my wife.

In the end though, given your stated circumstances...you have no choice but to pay it and don't go, or go and jeapordize your children and relationship.

This is assuming your relationship is more important of course.

Good luck with all of this...but unless you give in to him and how he's manipulating you...I don't see it ending well at all.

crisanderson27

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

MelStren

Maybe you can hire a sitter to come in so you can go to the gym.

lilpoindexter

WOW. Not "allowed" to go??? I think he is insecure of you getting all fit, and dumping him.

sheshe32

WOW. Not "allowed" to go??? I think he is insecure of you getting all fit, and dumping him.

This. I would also say tell him to suck it up (I do have children). But then again, this would tell my hubby I was serious - but hes an awesome dad. It has happend to me though, and that is what I have done.

Get a sitter if you have to, say its for x amount of children, and one "grown" male. LOL.

Sasssy69

They're both our kids. I can't just up and leave because I know if I did, he wouldn't look after them. He'd likely lock them in their rooms until I got back and just put headphones on so he didn't have to hear them cry.

I'm sorry but this makes me physically ill.

MrsBully4

This situation sounds incredibly effed up.

dad106

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

jeffpettis

Take the $65.00 a month and hire a divorce attorney!!! They're his kids and he won't be a father while you go to the gym? He'll lock them in they're rooms? What the hell are you still doing with this piece of garbage that calls himself a man????? :mad:

denisebme

Ok so back in March I joined a gym. I joined only after my partner agreed that he'd look after the kids and let me go at least 1-2 times week (even though I'd prefer every 2nd day). This went okay for about a month, then he started to refuse to let me go.

Now it's months later, and we're paying $65/month for NOTHING. I am so irritated. I will even get into my workout clothes, pack my gym bag, get the kids fed, settled ect so they're easy to look after... and I'm still not allowed to go.

Anyone else have this happen and have advice?

I don't normally comment on other people's relationships, but this one just got my blood boiling.

You are a grown woman, there is no "allowed" here, you make your own choices. That said, you obviously can not leave your children with someone unwilling to look after them, or who would lock them up in their rooms just to spite you if you left. That makes me sick!

This man is not your partner, he's not even much of a man, because real men don't act like that.

You really do teach people how to treat you. You need to change the lesson plan with this moron.. (sorry, strong feelings about this subject)

Oh yes, and I did have this in my life once.. I got divorced.. I just wish it was that easy. After years of putting up with this behavior, I finally said "no more", and my home erupted into violence. I took my kids, put them in my car with only the clothes on our backs, and ran 1000 miles to get away. When we give up control of our own lives to someone else, they don't give it up easily. When you give it to someone who uses it to manipulate and control you, they don't react so well when you try to take it back.

BABetter1

And, I would add one thing to what the previous responders said. The fact that you seem very accepting of this "allowed or not allowed to go" situation is utterly disturbing to me. A person who loves, cares about, and values another person (in other words, a healthy relationship) wants them to do things that make them happy and healthy. This man seems very controlling. It's great that you want to improve the health of your body, but you might want to start looking into ways to improve the health of your relationship as well.

yarwell

Maybe you can hire a sitter to come in so you can go to the gym.

Preferably an unattractive one.

crisanderson27

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

bayviewjulie

Not "allowed" to go to the gym? What kind of a man is that?? Time to get your own life.

WifeNMama

Can you take your children with you (childcare at the gym) or swap childcare with a friend? It could turn into every 2nd day if you can arrange it with a friend.
If your partner believes childcare consists of letting them scream endlessly in a locked room, I suggest never leaving them at home alone with your partner, as you would be an accessory to child abuse.

torygirl79

If your partner abuses you children, leave now.

If he has no history of neglect and you are just worrying of worse case scenarios, you have to be able to trust him with both your children for a couple of hours. If not, the relationship is equally doomed for failure as do you really want to be with someone who you fear would harm your children? What if you were sick or hospitalised?

dad106

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

crisanderson27

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

Because he was willing a month ago...and is willing no longer. Additionally...I didn't twist anything you said...what you said was go anyway...regardless of what might happen to the kids. I asked for clarification with the (admittedly sarcastic) comment about you not having children...since no parent worth the name would EVER just 'see what happens' with their kids safety.

Your clarification was:

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do. Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end. 

Which still in no way suggests you care at all about children's safety.

So please...how did I twist what you said? If you can show me...I will gladly apologize.

dad106

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

Because he was willing a month ago...and is willing no longer. Additionally...I didn't twist anything you said...what you said was go anyway...regardless of what might happen to the kids. I asked for clarification with the (admittedly sarcastic) comment about you not having children...since no parent worth the name would EVER just 'see what happens' with their kids safety.

Your clarification was:

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do. Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end. 

Which still in no way suggests you care at all about children's safety.

So please...how did I twist what you said? If you can show me...I will gladly apologize.

By assuming that I what I suggested OP should do, is somehow a direct representation of what I would actually do.

Did I ever say that I would put my students in harms way? No. Did I ever tell OP that she should put her kids in harms way? No.

Maybe I shouldn't have worded it the way I did, but maybe if she stopped complying when he tells her she can't go, he'd man up and watch the kids like he's supposed to.

There has to be a reason as to why he suddenly isn't willing anymore.. and since OP hasn't said what is, I can only give suggestions based on what she puts.

girl6_nyc

No relationship advice from me.... do you have any close family members nearby? Maybe they can watch the kids while you get your workout on.

crisanderson27

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

Because he was willing a month ago...and is willing no longer. Additionally...I didn't twist anything you said...what you said was go anyway...regardless of what might happen to the kids. I asked for clarification with the (admittedly sarcastic) comment about you not having children...since no parent worth the name would EVER just 'see what happens' with their kids safety.

Your clarification was:

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do. Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end. 

Which still in no way suggests you care at all about children's safety.

So please...how did I twist what you said? If you can show me...I will gladly apologize.

By assuming that I what I suggested OP should do, is somehow a direct representation of what I would actually do.

Did I ever say that I would put my students in harms way? No. Did I ever tell OP that she should put her kids in harms way? No.

Maybe I shouldn't have worded it the way I did, but maybe if she stopped complying when he tells her she can't go, he'd man up and watch the kids like he's supposed to.

There has to be a reason as to why he suddenly isn't willing anymore.. and since OP hasn't said what is, I can only give suggestions based on what she puts.

You would give someone advice that you wouldn't do yourself? Ahh, I forgot...this is the internet. Accountability is nil.

And yes, actually...you did tell the OP to 'likely' put her children in harms way. Your words, not mine.

Now, for the rest of it...I agree about her complying. Maybe she should tell him she's going to the gym, take the kids with her...and go do something else. Let him stew on that. There's a million things she can do, to be honest...including leave him if he doesn't become a respectable human being.

None of these were her question however. And your answer to her question...was to tell an 18yr old mother of however many, who is clearly having issues and is confused, to do something that could very well have harmed her children. My suggestion however, was the opposite of yours. She knows what she should do with her relationship...she doesn't need us to tell her that. But my response was to tell her that if she wants to keep her kids safe, and if her relationship is more important, she'll have to do what he says. The implication being that if not, she should leave.

THAT is why I took offense, and THAT is why I'm still commenting on your responses. You're defending a position (whether you meant to say what you did or not isn't relevant, you've been defending what you said...not what you meant for how many posts?) that is irresponsible at best...and could have ended up with children harmed very, very easily. Possibly worse.

I mean...do you EVER see the news?

kao708

I love the ignore feature so I don't have to look at those posts from narrow minded people that have nothing better to do than squabble with strangers online.

The only thing I can say is hang in there. If you aren't in a position to leave this "man" there isn't much else you can do. Good luck!

dad106

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

Because he was willing a month ago...and is willing no longer. Additionally...I didn't twist anything you said...what you said was go anyway...regardless of what might happen to the kids. I asked for clarification with the (admittedly sarcastic) comment about you not having children...since no parent worth the name would EVER just 'see what happens' with their kids safety.

Your clarification was:

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do. Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end. 

Which still in no way suggests you care at all about children's safety.

So please...how did I twist what you said? If you can show me...I will gladly apologize.

By assuming that I what I suggested OP should do, is somehow a direct representation of what I would actually do.

Did I ever say that I would put my students in harms way? No. Did I ever tell OP that she should put her kids in harms way? No.

Maybe I shouldn't have worded it the way I did, but maybe if she stopped complying when he tells her she can't go, he'd man up and watch the kids like he's supposed to.

There has to be a reason as to why he suddenly isn't willing anymore.. and since OP hasn't said what is, I can only give suggestions based on what she puts.

You would give someone advice that you wouldn't do yourself? Ahh, I forgot...this is the internet. Accountability is nil.

And yes, actually...you did tell the OP to 'likely' put her children in harms way. Your words, not mine.

Now, for the rest of it...I agree about her complying. Maybe she should tell him she's going to the gym, take the kids with her...and go do something else. Let him stew on that. There's a million things she can do, to be honest...including leave him if he doesn't become a respectable human being.

None of these were her question however. And your answer to her question...was to tell an 18yr old mother of however many, who is clearly having issues and is confused, to do something that could very well have harmed her children. My suggestion however, was the opposite of yours. She knows what she should do with her relationship...she doesn't need us to tell her that. But my response was to tell her that if she wants to keep her kids safe, and if her relationship is more important, she'll have to do what he says. The implication being that if not, she should leave.

THAT is why I took offense, and THAT is why I'm still commenting on your responses. You're defending a position (whether you meant to say what you did or not isn't relevant, you've been defending what you said...not what you meant for how many posts?) that is irresponsible at best...and could have ended up with children harmed very, very easily. Possibly worse.

I mean...do you EVER see the news?

Darling, I live near Chicago and work with under privileged children. Yes I see the news, and 95% of the time, my students are in the news for one thing or another.

I'm not trying to defend anything except myself. You assume that you know me and how I would act based on comments I made. You never asked for clarification on anything that I said, you just assumed that you knew what I meant and threatened my job because of it.

If you had maybe asked for clarification instead of just assuming this entire time, we wouldn't keep going round and round.

Seems like we agree on one point and one point only.. and thats about compliance.

Now can we please let this thread rest.. I think it's gone on long enough.