Getting To The Gym!

bayviewjulie

Not "allowed" to go to the gym? What kind of a man is that?? Time to get your own life.

WifeNMama

Can you take your children with you (childcare at the gym) or swap childcare with a friend? It could turn into every 2nd day if you can arrange it with a friend.
If your partner believes childcare consists of letting them scream endlessly in a locked room, I suggest never leaving them at home alone with your partner, as you would be an accessory to child abuse.

torygirl79

If your partner abuses you children, leave now.

If he has no history of neglect and you are just worrying of worse case scenarios, you have to be able to trust him with both your children for a couple of hours. If not, the relationship is equally doomed for failure as do you really want to be with someone who you fear would harm your children? What if you were sick or hospitalised?

dad106

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

crisanderson27

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

Because he was willing a month ago...and is willing no longer. Additionally...I didn't twist anything you said...what you said was go anyway...regardless of what might happen to the kids. I asked for clarification with the (admittedly sarcastic) comment about you not having children...since no parent worth the name would EVER just 'see what happens' with their kids safety.

Your clarification was:

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do. Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end. 

Which still in no way suggests you care at all about children's safety.

So please...how did I twist what you said? If you can show me...I will gladly apologize.

dad106

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

Because he was willing a month ago...and is willing no longer. Additionally...I didn't twist anything you said...what you said was go anyway...regardless of what might happen to the kids. I asked for clarification with the (admittedly sarcastic) comment about you not having children...since no parent worth the name would EVER just 'see what happens' with their kids safety.

Your clarification was:

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do. Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end. 

Which still in no way suggests you care at all about children's safety.

So please...how did I twist what you said? If you can show me...I will gladly apologize.

By assuming that I what I suggested OP should do, is somehow a direct representation of what I would actually do.

Did I ever say that I would put my students in harms way? No. Did I ever tell OP that she should put her kids in harms way? No.

Maybe I shouldn't have worded it the way I did, but maybe if she stopped complying when he tells her she can't go, he'd man up and watch the kids like he's supposed to.

There has to be a reason as to why he suddenly isn't willing anymore.. and since OP hasn't said what is, I can only give suggestions based on what she puts.

girl6_nyc

No relationship advice from me.... do you have any close family members nearby? Maybe they can watch the kids while you get your workout on.

crisanderson27

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

Because he was willing a month ago...and is willing no longer. Additionally...I didn't twist anything you said...what you said was go anyway...regardless of what might happen to the kids. I asked for clarification with the (admittedly sarcastic) comment about you not having children...since no parent worth the name would EVER just 'see what happens' with their kids safety.

Your clarification was:

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do. Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end. 

Which still in no way suggests you care at all about children's safety.

So please...how did I twist what you said? If you can show me...I will gladly apologize.

By assuming that I what I suggested OP should do, is somehow a direct representation of what I would actually do.

Did I ever say that I would put my students in harms way? No. Did I ever tell OP that she should put her kids in harms way? No.

Maybe I shouldn't have worded it the way I did, but maybe if she stopped complying when he tells her she can't go, he'd man up and watch the kids like he's supposed to.

There has to be a reason as to why he suddenly isn't willing anymore.. and since OP hasn't said what is, I can only give suggestions based on what she puts.

You would give someone advice that you wouldn't do yourself? Ahh, I forgot...this is the internet. Accountability is nil.

And yes, actually...you did tell the OP to 'likely' put her children in harms way. Your words, not mine.

Now, for the rest of it...I agree about her complying. Maybe she should tell him she's going to the gym, take the kids with her...and go do something else. Let him stew on that. There's a million things she can do, to be honest...including leave him if he doesn't become a respectable human being.

None of these were her question however. And your answer to her question...was to tell an 18yr old mother of however many, who is clearly having issues and is confused, to do something that could very well have harmed her children. My suggestion however, was the opposite of yours. She knows what she should do with her relationship...she doesn't need us to tell her that. But my response was to tell her that if she wants to keep her kids safe, and if her relationship is more important, she'll have to do what he says. The implication being that if not, she should leave.

THAT is why I took offense, and THAT is why I'm still commenting on your responses. You're defending a position (whether you meant to say what you did or not isn't relevant, you've been defending what you said...not what you meant for how many posts?) that is irresponsible at best...and could have ended up with children harmed very, very easily. Possibly worse.

I mean...do you EVER see the news?

kao708

I love the ignore feature so I don't have to look at those posts from narrow minded people that have nothing better to do than squabble with strangers online.

The only thing I can say is hang in there. If you aren't in a position to leave this "man" there isn't much else you can do. Good luck!

dad106

I'd tell your partner to suck it up and go.. and see what happens to the kids when you come back.

Don't have any kids of your own...do you.

Nope, but I'm a teachers aid... So tech. I do have kids.

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do.

Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end.

So...as a teachers aide...you would take a chance that your 'kids' might possibly come to harm so you could go do what you want to do?

I wish I knew where you worked...because they would certainly see a copy of this.

No, I'm not saying that at all

At first he was ok with watching the kids and she could go, and now suddenly he's not and she's not allowed to go? Why could she trust him a month ago but she can't trust him now?

Sounds like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed besides childcare.

Also sounds like you are looking for a fight because you are clearly twisting what I say.

Because he was willing a month ago...and is willing no longer. Additionally...I didn't twist anything you said...what you said was go anyway...regardless of what might happen to the kids. I asked for clarification with the (admittedly sarcastic) comment about you not having children...since no parent worth the name would EVER just 'see what happens' with their kids safety.

Your clarification was:

She said what he would likely do.. not what he would actually do. Only way to find out is to go and see what happens in the end. 

Which still in no way suggests you care at all about children's safety.

So please...how did I twist what you said? If you can show me...I will gladly apologize.

By assuming that I what I suggested OP should do, is somehow a direct representation of what I would actually do.

Did I ever say that I would put my students in harms way? No. Did I ever tell OP that she should put her kids in harms way? No.

Maybe I shouldn't have worded it the way I did, but maybe if she stopped complying when he tells her she can't go, he'd man up and watch the kids like he's supposed to.

There has to be a reason as to why he suddenly isn't willing anymore.. and since OP hasn't said what is, I can only give suggestions based on what she puts.

You would give someone advice that you wouldn't do yourself? Ahh, I forgot...this is the internet. Accountability is nil.

And yes, actually...you did tell the OP to 'likely' put her children in harms way. Your words, not mine.

Now, for the rest of it...I agree about her complying. Maybe she should tell him she's going to the gym, take the kids with her...and go do something else. Let him stew on that. There's a million things she can do, to be honest...including leave him if he doesn't become a respectable human being.

None of these were her question however. And your answer to her question...was to tell an 18yr old mother of however many, who is clearly having issues and is confused, to do something that could very well have harmed her children. My suggestion however, was the opposite of yours. She knows what she should do with her relationship...she doesn't need us to tell her that. But my response was to tell her that if she wants to keep her kids safe, and if her relationship is more important, she'll have to do what he says. The implication being that if not, she should leave.

THAT is why I took offense, and THAT is why I'm still commenting on your responses. You're defending a position (whether you meant to say what you did or not isn't relevant, you've been defending what you said...not what you meant for how many posts?) that is irresponsible at best...and could have ended up with children harmed very, very easily. Possibly worse.

I mean...do you EVER see the news?

Darling, I live near Chicago and work with under privileged children. Yes I see the news, and 95% of the time, my students are in the news for one thing or another.

I'm not trying to defend anything except myself. You assume that you know me and how I would act based on comments I made. You never asked for clarification on anything that I said, you just assumed that you knew what I meant and threatened my job because of it.

If you had maybe asked for clarification instead of just assuming this entire time, we wouldn't keep going round and round.

Seems like we agree on one point and one point only.. and thats about compliance.

Now can we please let this thread rest.. I think it's gone on long enough.

signgrrrl

They're both our kids. I can't just up and leave because I know if I did, he wouldn't look after them. He'd likely lock them in their rooms until I got back and just put headphones on so he didn't have to hear them cry.

& no, no daycare at the gym.

Your problems wont be solved here...You need some real marriage advise. Seek a professional.

lizziebeth1028

They're both our kids. I can't just up and leave because I know if I did, he wouldn't look after them. He'd likely lock them in their rooms until I got back and just put headphones on so he didn't have to hear them cry.

& no, no daycare at the gym.

^^^^Wow, you have more serious problems then just getting to the gym. Daddy needs a serious wake up call on what being a father is!

michele2224

I too get my blood boiling with this, no one should tell you what you can and can't do. I would follow the other people's advice and make the gym at home, or look int o the daycare at the gym, or again make arrangements with other people to help you when you need it. I certainly would not leave them with him, if he is gonna lock the kids in the room.

MonkeyFlower

ignoring all the relationship stuff could you go to the gym once the kids are asleep so that he dosent actually have to do anything? and dont know your kids ages but my gym also offers some kids workout classes for kids aged between 4-12 where they can work out at the same time you do?

wookiemouse

Some people just aren't up to handling kids. My DH is the same way. I can't leave the kids with him, and we've been married 13 years. But he does clean, make a good salary and let me spend all his money. It's just a matter of what your priorities are.

At this point - you have a few options. Find another mom and trade off childcare with her (swap babysitting). If you have family nearby, see if they could help. Look and see if there's drop-in childcare in your area. Finally, suck up the $65 - or see if you can sell the membership to a friend - and buy some DVDs so you can work out at home WITH the kids. It's not the best solution, but I did lose 40 lbs that way, it can be done.

crisanderson27

I'm not trying to defend anything except myself. You assume that you know me and how I would act based on comments I made. You never asked for clarification on anything that I said, you just assumed that you knew what I meant and threatened my job because of it.

If you had maybe asked for clarification instead of just assuming this entire time, we wouldn't keep going round and round.

Seems like we agree on one point and one point only.. and thats about compliance.

Now can we please let this thread rest.. I think it's gone on long enough.

I didn't really assume anything, any more than anyone else reading your specific words would have. That's the nature of printed words on a screen, and having a language we all share with which to communicate. Ask anyone to read what you wrote, I doubt many will see it the way you do.

We do agree on the compliance/etc, and can certainly let the other part of our discussion rest.

Also...I see she hasn't been back. Every time I see threads like these, I honestly worry for the safety of the OP when they just disappear. People...not just men (though sadly it is often men in this regard, as they are usually more physically powerful and/or aggressive) can be truly crazy when their motives and/or behavior are called into question. I carry physical scars myself (and will for the rest of my life) from a similar situation, only reversed.

grimsin

I'd say that he should step up and watch the kids while you go to the gym for an hour. I'm a stay at home dad and when my wife gets home from work I leave for the gym for an hour. it must be a respect thing because we give each other the time we need.

AllDIVA

Does your gym have child care? You may want to look into that and move your membership.

In addition there are things you can do at home.

kubyshechka

I was in the similar situation after my son was born. My husband encouraged me to go to the gym so I can lose the baby weight, but after baby-sitting for a few evenings, he said: ' Sorry baby, but I can't handle that any more'. That was the end of my gym for many years. Some men just can't handle the one on one with the little kids. That does not make them bad fathers or husbands - they just can't deal with it.
You can try to talk to the people in the gym and maybe pay some penalty. It will probably be less then 12 month of membership. As for workouts - get some tapes/dumbbells/resistance bands and workout when the kids are asleep. You can get great results without the gym.

MegdKel

You could try to go first thing in the moring before the kiddo's are awake.