Freind request with an ED person?
Replies
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Thanks for your feedback everyone!
A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`
"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big
I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!
Also, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)
Hmmm and never mentioned erectile dysfunction lmao!0 -
Do you get pissed off when walking your female dog and people ask what his name is?
I kinda do, actually. She's a Great Dane. It doesn't take a lot of effort or any particular knowledge of doggie anatomy to figure out her gender.
To the OP: As long as you are realistic in your expectations, I don't see any harm in doing it. I had someone on my friends list (to me, if she didn't have an ED, she was certainly headed there) unfriend me because I responded to pretty much every one of her questions about how she needs to lower her weight with questions about why she's eating so little and working out so much.
ETA: Because you said you're worried about letting the person down, I'm now leaning towards the 'don't do it' camp. Unless you're not going to do much self flagellation if the person does in fact go off the deep end.0 -
Thing is, most people don't understand how hard having a ED is to people. Someone very close to me struggles with a ED and I know she works incredibly hard at getting better. Some days she doesn't reach the 1,000 calorie mark, and other days she does. But she's trying and is getting better at it, albeit slowly. ED isn't something someone can just turn off and change right away. It's something that they will have to fight the rest of their lives. The key is helping them by giving them tools to help overcome EDs voice.
Honestly, if you don't have personal experience with someone with ED, I think you will do better for them in the long wrong by not accepting their request. Something that you consider a normal comment "Hey, try eating some more calories tomorrow" can send someone with a ED in a spiral. It's an evil little voice in their heads that is constantly whispering to them. Tough love with someone with ED usually doesn't work and generally makes them retreat further into the disorder, or worse gets them to start lying about it to hide it.
I know early on before I knew about her ED, I said a lot of things and did a lot of things that looking back, I can see how it "helped" her to spiral out of control. I spent a lot of time learning about ED so I could help her out and be the kind of support she needed to allow her to succeed. But if you are not prepared to help them, then you could easily do more harm then good.
Just my 2 cents...0 -
Thanks for your feedback everyone!
A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`
"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big
I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!
Alos, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)
If she's glorifying her ED, she's not looking for help, and you're not going to make an impact. It's probably better that you unfriend her. It's going to be a very unsatisfying experience for you. Friendships are supposed to be mutually rewarding.
By the way, only women have clothing measured in size "zero", so it's obviously a female...0 -
Thanks for your feedback everyone!
A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`
"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big
I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!
Alos, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)
There's a big difference b/w having an ED and being pro-ana. And men don't wear a size zero... usually... whatever, i quit...0 -
If she is underage, please report the profile. Regardless of their reason, anyone under 18 is prohibited from this site.
Guide her in the right direction by providing her with some resources. Try these:
http://www.somethingfishy.org
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
Somethingfishy.org is, in my opinion, one of the best places for resources, support, and advice on how to recover and get help from any eating disorder. I have had and recovered from anorexia and even though some people try to use MFP as a tool to recover, it can really swing either way here. They either get great advice and support in recovery or, unfortunately, very dangerous advice from other people who suffer from EDs.
I have a recovery-focused blog: tumbleintorecoverywithme.tumblr.com
:flowerforyou:
ETA: After your description of the profile, I'd say this person is not looking to recover in the slightest. Many people suffering with EDs "reach out" for support but sadly, it's mostly just going through the moves. This is not true for everyone of course, but self-denial is a powerful thing.0 -
Do you get pissed off when walking your female dog and people ask what his name is?
I kinda do, actually. She's a Great Dane. It doesn't take a lot of effort or any particular knowledge of doggie anatomy to figure out her gender.
If that's all it takes to piss you off, we should totally be friends. It'll be fun.0 -
Well I clicked on this thinking it might be to do with Ehlers-Danlos. Probably alone on that one lol.
I probably wouldn't add someone with an eating disorder because I'd think (unless they said otherwise) that they were adding me to laugh at the fat person. Although to be fair I guess it's an eating disorder that got me here. *brain hurt*0 -
So yesterday I had a friend request from someone with an ED. I keep only a few friends on MFP, just so I can keep up with the feed and be supportive, but that is by the by.
This person, sent me a friend request, they said I have read some of your posts and you give good advice" I asked my friends what they think because I am certainly not an ED specialist, 1 answered to say , you always give smart info but I understand your concerns and maybe point them in the direction of the community for more advice`
So, what do I do? maybe the young person will read this, but I don`t know what to do for the best?
I would add them. They need healthy support and thats why they are reaching outd.0 -
If i said i have never had an ED, I would most likely be lying.
But for me personally to triggering, I would always be looking at what their eating/not eating.0 -
It's all up to you. From the way it sounds, she believes you are a good role model and if you are eating healthy, then you are being a good role model to her. She is probably trying to recover. If I were you I would add her, but if she does constantly post negitive stuff I would delete her.0
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OMG I have read eaach and every one of your replies and I am still confused lol!
So I think, I am going to add this person and see how it goes, I can only do my best right???0 -
IF you are not worried about being triggered by the person with the ED, and you eat reasonably well and give good advice you sound like a perfect role model, even if the interaction is low between you you might end up demonstrating a healthy way to be.
Sure enough. I have a few friends that make me cringe at the low calories they consume but there's no danger of me being triggered unless someone brings a Reese's into the room.
Just be a good role model for them and show them what healthy eating is all about. 0 -
Do you get pissed off when walking your female dog and people ask what his name is?
I kinda do, actually. She's a Great Dane. It doesn't take a lot of effort or any particular knowledge of doggie anatomy to figure out her gender.
If that's all it takes to piss you off, we should totally be friends. It'll be fun.
LOL!
It does get old. As do the jokes about putting a saddle on the thing, questions about who is walking whom, and others of the ilk. And don't even get me started on people that think it's funny/cute when their little terrors are generally being asshats towards my dog, and she'd doing her best not to sit on their heads.0 -
LOL!
It does get old. As do the jokes about putting a saddle on the thing, questions about who is walking whom, and others of the ilk. And don't even get me started on people that think it's funny/cute when their little terrors are generally being asshats towards my dog, and she'd doing her best not to sit on their heads.
Do you call yourself a "furmom"
respond asap this is important0 -
As long as you're okay seeing low diary entries sometimes and knowing you can't personally change them, you can only help (a ton) by being a good role model, than I'd say definitely add them. Having someone who eats a healthy amount and is losing weight and/or is healthy can be incredibly encouraging and helpful for someone with an ED. You just have to understand you can only set an example, and when they're ready they can try to follow. I personally think you should add them, because it takes a lot to reach out to someone with normal eating habits and admit you struggle when your brain is telling you to eat less and less and not tell anyone about it.0
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Why did I think that meant erectile dysfunction??0
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LOL!
It does get old. As do the jokes about putting a saddle on the thing, questions about who is walking whom, and others of the ilk. And don't even get me started on people that think it's funny/cute when their little terrors are generally being asshats towards my dog, and she'd doing her best not to sit on their heads.
Do you call yourself a "furmom"
respond asap this is important
NO! It skeeves me out no end to hear people use that sort of terminology. Or calling kids 'skin kids'. Blech!0 -
I thought it was a guy named Ed.
totally thought he was talking about erectile disfunction... thought this guy was awfully bold!!!0 -
eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:
Also this!
lol this! ED is the medical acronym for erectile dysfunction0 -
Thanks for your feedback everyone!
A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`
"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big
I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!
Also, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)
Hmmm and never mentioned erectile dysfunction lmao!
Since she is glorifying it I would just decline. I have struggled with anaorexia and bulimia and they are not easy things to recover from. I accept friends that are recovering but not those that are still pro-ana as I am not willing to let myself slip back into that lifestyle.0 -
Thanks to all with your different, yet encouraging comments!
No erectile dysfunction! lmao!
But seriously thank you x0 -
IF you are not worried about being triggered by the person with the ED, and you eat reasonably well and give good advice you sound like a perfect role model, even if the interaction is low between you you might end up demonstrating a healthy way to be. But if you're uncomfortable with the situation just decline it.
Perfect Advice!!!0 -
I have no problem adding anyone who sends me a request. I do my best to be as supportive as I can be, regardless of what a person's goals or problems may be.0
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Off Topic: But if someone ever referred to their children as "skin kids" I'd be on the phone to CPS faster than I can drink a beer....0
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eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:
This
Me too! Lol
But i don't see anything wrong with adding her. She may be reaching out for help and thinks from reading your advice that you may be the one who can say the right things and give the right support to help her overcome her ED.0 -
eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:
OMG!! I thought I was the only one! hahaha0 -
I haven't read any of the other replies, but I think you should have added her.
I have a VERY good friend with an ED. She is trying very hard to get better. BUt she can't without support. Could be possible this person was looking for support as well as advice. I don't think you should NOT accept a friend request from someone just because they have an ED. Would you do the same thing to a person with diabetes? Probably not. Give her a chance. You never know.0 -
I don't decline them b/c I know there's no chance in heck of me being influenced by them, first and foremost. I also am not a therapist and EDs have little to do with weight and everything to do with control issues...the ED is only a symptom of something bigger! I will not praise ANYONE who is eating less that 1200 cals per day but I'm also not the food police so I don't admonish them, either. My hope is they see how much I eat, what I look like, and they will have that moment of clarity one day that will get them out of the cycle. I don't want them feeling alone but if they ask me for specific advice about their ED (if they aren't in denial about it) I will be honest but I lack the necessary degree to effectively counsel them...
^This!!!0 -
So you guys mean to tell me that you discuss details about what happens with your friends requests. Keep that *kitten* private and to yourselves. There is no need to discuss this in a forum. Specially a f*cking forum that is suppose to be about motivation and support.
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