Freind request with an ED person?

chi18

I got a request from a girl who was in recovery, which I did not know at the time, and I found it very uncomfortable. Seeing posts in your timeline that say, "I wanted to binge for lunch but had some cucumber and a glass of water instead!" can be a little awkward. I just felt like I didn't know what to say - good job on not binging but there's a lot of healthy options in between a binge and some cuccumber? Way to try, I know this must be hard? Or, "Do you guys think I can lose 5 pounds this week?" This girl didn't have 5 pounds to spare based on her profile picture.

I just felt ill-equipped to help her in any way, you know? And honestly, I'm happy to support my friends on here who are just trying to be more active, eat better, etc. but ultimately I come on here for myself. Commenting on their healthy posts helps me, logging my food helps me tremendously, but seeing a young girl's issues in my timeline did not help me and feeling uncomfortable with the situation did not help me. Ultimately she stopped logging in so I never really came up with a solution. You may find that you feel like you can really help her, but my personal experience was more like, "I just don't want to be responsible for this girl's health. She should be talking to her doctor/therapist about this stuff." Again, some people may not have a problem with it and I was feeling very guilty about the situation, but wanted to offer my honest perspective.

CakeFit21

This is your experience and you make what you want of it and do what ever you're comfortable with. If I were her, reading this post, I'd rescend my friend request.

I agree.

DsAdvocate

I was wondering why you'd want a friend with erectile dysfunction and had to check this thread out. Not that there's anything wrong with having one but it's not something that'd show up on my radar of potential friend qualities.

600racer

eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

I thought it was a guy named Ed.

delilah47

First, congrats on having a reputation for giving sound advice. Most advice here should be based on common sense and knowing when to keep that in perspective. You could probably give good advice, and be supportive, to a person with an ED except if that person asks a medical question you don't know the answer to. If I were accepting FR, I wouldn't hesitate to add that person. Later, if they are bent on self-destruction and you no longer feel you can be supportive, just tell them so and advise to get professional help. That being said, anyone with an ED should be seeing a professional along with using MFP as a tool.

Captain_Tightpants

Friend them and then continually post food porn pics on their feed. Things like a plate full of delicious sizzling bacon or a cilantro decorated chicken korma. They'll either unfriend you or improve. Either way you win.

CynthiaElise

You'll never know whether it'll be an epic fail or not until you add her and interact with her.. I say do it and see how willing she is to accept your advice/help and apply it to her life.. if you then realize she's not looking to change I'd move on. To be honest I respect those who have ED's and come here to MFP to get healthy support... no need to judge her off the get go and decline simply because she was being honest about what she's been through on her profile. I don't decline people who friend request me because they're over-weight and looking for support in getting healthy so I don't see why we must judge those who are on the opposite spectrum of things... Just like anyone else if we don't interact with one another and if they're clearly not using MFP as a healthy outlet then guess what? They're deleted.

odusgolp

If you're thinking about it this much and posting a topic about it, I'd say No...

Just like I won't add people with an erectile dysfunction... I'd have to provide too much support.

taso42

If you think you can help, have at it. It can be exhausting and frustrating though.

CynthiaElise

eating disorders are a very serious topic... however when i first read the topic i read it as erectile disfunction :laugh:

Baahahahaha, you're my hero!

mermx

Thanks for your feedback everyone!

A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`

"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big

I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!

Also, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)

Hmmm and never mentioned erectile dysfunction lmao!

Spanaval

Do you get pissed off when walking your female dog and people ask what his name is?

I kinda do, actually. She's a Great Dane. It doesn't take a lot of effort or any particular knowledge of doggie anatomy to figure out her gender.

To the OP: As long as you are realistic in your expectations, I don't see any harm in doing it. I had someone on my friends list (to me, if she didn't have an ED, she was certainly headed there) unfriend me because I responded to pretty much every one of her questions about how she needs to lower her weight with questions about why she's eating so little and working out so much.

ETA: Because you said you're worried about letting the person down, I'm now leaning towards the 'don't do it' camp. Unless you're not going to do much self flagellation if the person does in fact go off the deep end.

recoiljpr

Thing is, most people don't understand how hard having a ED is to people. Someone very close to me struggles with a ED and I know she works incredibly hard at getting better. Some days she doesn't reach the 1,000 calorie mark, and other days she does. But she's trying and is getting better at it, albeit slowly. ED isn't something someone can just turn off and change right away. It's something that they will have to fight the rest of their lives. The key is helping them by giving them tools to help overcome EDs voice.

Honestly, if you don't have personal experience with someone with ED, I think you will do better for them in the long wrong by not accepting their request. Something that you consider a normal comment "Hey, try eating some more calories tomorrow" can send someone with a ED in a spiral. It's an evil little voice in their heads that is constantly whispering to them. Tough love with someone with ED usually doesn't work and generally makes them retreat further into the disorder, or worse gets them to start lying about it to hide it.

I know early on before I knew about her ED, I said a lot of things and did a lot of things that looking back, I can see how it "helped" her to spiral out of control. I spent a lot of time learning about ED so I could help her out and be the kind of support she needed to allow her to succeed. But if you are not prepared to help them, then you could easily do more harm then good.

Just my 2 cents...

secretlobster

Thanks for your feedback everyone!

A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`

"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big

I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!

Alos, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)

If she's glorifying her ED, she's not looking for help, and you're not going to make an impact. It's probably better that you unfriend her. It's going to be a very unsatisfying experience for you. Friendships are supposed to be mutually rewarding.

By the way, only women have clothing measured in size "zero", so it's obviously a female...

odusgolp

Thanks for your feedback everyone!

A littlle more information to this person is in the `profile page`

"I find beauty in bones"
My size zero clothes are too big

I have experience in being overweight, I am an ex psychologist, I don`t know how much of that I have put across in posts but my main concern is letting someone down that has serious issues!

Alos, just to clarify I never said this person was a female :-)

There's a big difference b/w having an ED and being pro-ana. And men don't wear a size zero... usually... whatever, i quit...

sarahkatara

If she is underage, please report the profile. Regardless of their reason, anyone under 18 is prohibited from this site.

Guide her in the right direction by providing her with some resources. Try these:
http://www.somethingfishy.org
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Somethingfishy.org is, in my opinion, one of the best places for resources, support, and advice on how to recover and get help from any eating disorder. I have had and recovered from anorexia and even though some people try to use MFP as a tool to recover, it can really swing either way here. They either get great advice and support in recovery or, unfortunately, very dangerous advice from other people who suffer from EDs.

I have a recovery-focused blog: tumbleintorecoverywithme.tumblr.com

:flowerforyou:

ETA: After your description of the profile, I'd say this person is not looking to recover in the slightest. Many people suffering with EDs "reach out" for support but sadly, it's mostly just going through the moves. This is not true for everyone of course, but self-denial is a powerful thing.

odusgolp

Do you get pissed off when walking your female dog and people ask what his name is?

I kinda do, actually. She's a Great Dane. It doesn't take a lot of effort or any particular knowledge of doggie anatomy to figure out her gender.

If that's all it takes to piss you off, we should totally be friends. It'll be fun.

iieee

Well I clicked on this thinking it might be to do with Ehlers-Danlos. Probably alone on that one lol.

I probably wouldn't add someone with an eating disorder because I'd think (unless they said otherwise) that they were adding me to laugh at the fat person. Although to be fair I guess it's an eating disorder that got me here. *brain hurt*

gigiangelique

So yesterday I had a friend request from someone with an ED. I keep only a few friends on MFP, just so I can keep up with the feed and be supportive, but that is by the by.

This person, sent me a friend request, they said I have read some of your posts and you give good advice" I asked my friends what they think because I am certainly not an ED specialist, 1 answered to say , you always give smart info but I understand your concerns and maybe point them in the direction of the community for more advice`

So, what do I do? maybe the young person will read this, but I don`t know what to do for the best?

I would add them. They need healthy support and thats why they are reaching outd.

Nessiechickie

If i said i have never had an ED, I would most likely be lying.
But for me personally to triggering, I would always be looking at what their eating/not eating.