What to do for my wife?

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  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
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    Do you want a happy marriage or want to push your wife, till she wants to stab you.

    Okay, this just made me laugh. However, it is the truth. Men and women gain and lose in different ways. She is scared for whatever reason and while I am sure she does not want to be Molly coddled she sure doesn't want to have you leave her in the dust as it were. Give her time and always praise her accomplishments. Women also analyze everything that comes out of their partners mouths. What you may say in a light hearted manner may be seen in her mind as an insult. If you do see it as sabotage....ditch the junk youself and do the shopping. You can't blame her for your own weaknesses. Just be patient.
  • JGunccRugby
    JGunccRugby Posts: 26
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    Short on time but thanks for all of the support. You guys are great.
  • JGunccRugby
    JGunccRugby Posts: 26
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    Also, just uploaded a couple of pre-weightloss pictures at various weights. I don't change much between 270-290.
    The one that is my primary is with my neice.
  • TrimAnew
    TrimAnew Posts: 127 Member
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    Who does most of the grocery shopping and cooking? If it's her then you might have better luck if you start going with her or offer to do the shopping and cooking on some of the days. That way you can control what comes in the house and if she wants to get something else, she'll have to make a separate trip for the junk. That way, it's not her habit that has to change as much (it's hard to pass up the sweets on sale all over the store after all).
  • belgerian
    belgerian Posts: 1,059 Member
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    she probably thinks you will get sexy and leave her.

    My husband actually said he doesn't want me to lose weight because of this.. but when he saw that I was going to anyway, he started working on his own and dropped 30lbs before I dropped 10. We can't workout together at all because I can't stand knowing it is so 'easy' for him and I get super frustrated.. but he doesnt try to sabotage me because he know's it's what I want. Good luck with your wife.. the best thing to do is support her with whatever she chooses.. and if you can't help but eat the snacks then eat in moderation and ask her to bring home so healthy stuff so at the very least you have the option.

    Similar experiance with my wife and I only she lost about 30 and I lost about 80. Still makes her mad. Funny kinda of mad.
  • JGunccRugby
    JGunccRugby Posts: 26
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    Just an update: I sent her an apologetic and encouraging email the other night so it would be the first thing she read in the morning. She was already in bed by the time I had figured out my angle of approach. I was also big on reaffirming my feelings for her.

    We ended up having a good chat, she shared her personal frustrations and provided the example of how my obsessions irritate her. The longest running obsession that she hates is the lawn which I spend about an hour grooming and inspecting daily. But she is much happier, stated she is going to continue to support me, and also wanted me to feel like I could share my success with her.

    I gave her tips from the docs office but left it up to her. All n all she was a happy camper and in her words I made her "all kinds of giddy" because I surprised her by stopping in at her office unannounced after I passed a licensing exam yesterday.

    Thanks for the encouraging words and insight. The biggest help is knowing That many have experienced the same issue on some level.
  • JGunccRugby
    JGunccRugby Posts: 26
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    Who does most of the grocery shopping and cooking? If it's her then you might have better luck if you start going with her or offer to do the shopping and cooking on some of the days. That way you can control what comes in the house and if she wants to get something else, she'll have to make a separate trip for the junk. That way, it's not her habit that has to change as much (it's hard to pass up the sweets on sale all over the store after all).

    We split the cooking. I do all of the grilling and some of the sautéed items, she covers sides or makes a 1 dish meal. We shop separately because I am particular about meat selection.
  • jerbear1962
    jerbear1962 Posts: 1,157 Member
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    wow kind of like my story is kind of going. She has to want to lose the weight herself before it will happen. You can want all you want but until she has it in her head she wants or needs to lose the weight nothing can happen. My wife has to eat what I fix or fix stuff she wants. I have watched her reaction to my weight loss and I'm trying to not talk about it around her because I think she's a bit resentful. I've always been able to lose weight fairly well I've just always been bad about keeping it off. Good luck
  • Sweet_Pandora
    Sweet_Pandora Posts: 459 Member
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    I think the idea of going to the grocery store together is great. Perhaps try coming up with a new recipe to cook together or cook for each other one night a week.

    Another suggestion is to offer to go for a walk/swim/bike ride with her, don't mention it being exercise tell her it will be a time for the two of you to relax out of the house and catch up on each others day.

    Include her in a way that does not sound like it is meant as a way to lose weight may help put the focus on the couple time.

    All the best.

    Karen

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