shhhhh....it's a secret

Alzzak

Anyone hiding the fact, or not openly telling family members and friends, that your trying to change your life? Does it harm or help your causes?


I don't tell my dad, or anyone, but that is more because they don't ask.

Geeky_Girl

You mean not telling people we're trying to get healthy (or whatever health goal we've come to MFP for)? Or do you mean changes in life in general?

YokoJ

Im not telling anyone bc I dnt feel like hearing "you're going to look sick" or "omg shut up you're so skinny. Now I'M fat!" smh my fam dnt understand tone vs trying to lose weight.

oh_em_gee

I'm not telling because then well-meaning people will monitor every bite that goes into my mouth

dinosnopro

Most of my family and friend's eyes gloss over when I start talking nutrition and lifting, so I keep it to myself. So I guess it's not really a secret.

g0tr00t

Most of my family and friend's eyes gloss over when I start talking nutrition and lifting, so I keep it to myself. So I guess it's not really a secret.

That's the truth for me too. People at work roll their eye when I tell them I don't eat red meat and for lunch its a green drink. My blood pressure rises and I get a migraine when I eat it. So, since I quit, I feel better and guess what....BP has dropped and no more migraines..hmm...yeah I must be one of those vegan wackos.

Whole reason I like this place....you people "get it".

TheDreadPirateRoberts

I don't speak to my family so that is an easy one to avoid and I figure my friends would think I was bragging if I told them how much I could lift etc. I remember feeling similar with guys who would start coming into work in cut off t-shirts and talk about the amount of push ups they did the night before.

For me, my fitness goals are for me and my fiancee only. People at work see me go to the gym but I dont go on about it aside from to say "Yea, though I walk into the valley of the shadow of death" or "we who are about to die, salute you" as I head off looking glum.

jadesign19

Pardon me as I rant, this topic hits a nerve.:noway:

I can only say from my own experience. No absolutely not. I don't share details of my diet plan with anyone, not even my husband.

I've been on Jenny Craig, lost 25 lbs, stopped Jenny Craig and gained 40 lbs back. I've done weight watchers and lost maybe 5 lbs. I've done south beach, lost 14 lbs, gained about 25. All theses times I shared with family and friends. As the above poster noted, they watch every morsel you put in your mouth. Then when you lose the weight they tell you you need to eat more.
My favorite, is the "skinny fat" relatives who never watch what they eat nor exercise who come to me and say "you know what you need to do....". It shatters my self esteem when I see them with no weight loss. Whether they are judging or not, it's my insecurities that they are.

After being diagnosed with hashimotos hypothyroidism and sharing it with family, things got worse. They don't understand the disease and think its an "excuse to be fat".

Now, this rant being said. I've been real happy with my new plan on MFP. I just completed my first 5k and have 2 more lined up. I don't share it with anyone. But I did have to tell my husband because he needed to watch my kids during the race. Other than my husband, I have a very passive aggressive family. They have their own insecurities and are not comfortable with themselves when I start changing my life for the better. So I decided not to share with them any lifestyle plans. I know they think I'm doing something. I lost 26 lbs and am down 2 sizes. But they never ask or comment. I think they may be worried I'll just gain it back anyway. Who knows?

I'm in this for me and no one else. I learned that at 43, I no longer need the approval of others. At the end of the day, it's me I look in the mirror.:drinker:

m16shane

I'm all like look at me "I'm sexy and I know it.... wiggle wiggle wiggle!" :laugh:

Actually I didn't really tell many people until everyone started to notice. Than it was pretty obvious.

llm1607

I don't talk about it much, people know I'm loosing weight as they can see it but I don't like talking about it.
But! The other day at my nephews birthday party I was torn into because I wouldn't have a bit of birthday cake! All the, oh its only one bit it wont hurt you, its his birthday have some cake, you have done well just have a treat. No!! Why do people do that?! Its like they want you to fail! I don't push eating healthily or exercise on them! Ahh!!

oboeing

Both of my parents are overweight, and neither one is interested in doing anything about it. Dad has high cholesterol, mom has high blood pressure. They eat horribly and don't exercise.

The last time I slimmed down (yup, i've been a yo-yo dieter for years), i got down to a size 6. and my dad told me that he thought i was waaaaay to skinny and needed to put weight back on. and i did (not because he said so, but because that's what i did - yo yo). this time, i tell them every NSV i've had and don't talk about the weight, because frankly, i don't want to hear what they have to say.

sarahp86

I'm not telling because then well-meaning people will monitor every bite that goes into my mouth

^^ this

kvissy

I only speak of it when its brought up in conversation. Unfortunately the people I interact w/ just don't get it. My mother comments on a frequent basis about how I'm "not eating right" (I try to follow a paleo-ish diet)...meanwhile I'm the most active, healthiest, and energetic one of the fam. Go fig!

Friends--roll their eyes as well...whatever--to each their own!

Barbellsandthimbles

My entire family knows, though I didn't necessarily tell them. I've announced it in the past like some tell you to do so you have "support" of your family behind you. But if you fail it makes it that much worse. My mom likes to compete with me and I don't like that. I don't mind friendly competition, but I don't like someone asking you how your weightloss is going and when you answer they have to one up you and therefore discount what you've done. Many of my family try to get me to eat things I shouldn't because "it's only one piece" or "everything in moderation". While I agree that most people can eat whatever they want in moderation and still lose weight, I'm trying to be healthier and that means skipping the sugar. I know sugar is addictive for me and once I eat one piece I want more. So, I avoid that situation as much as I can. They mean well, but just don't quite get it! I don't keep it a secret and if someone asks what I'm doing I'll tell them, but I've learned not to offer it up unless asked!

PrinnyBomb

My boyfriend and his mum know. My mum has no interest and hasn't noticed. My co-workers know, but only as I refuse every piece of junk that they try to stick my way. If some asks if I've lost weight, I say yes and leave it at that. This is for me. Plus there's always the one's telling what to eat/not eat as I'm on a 'diet'. Grr. It's not a secret, it's just not their business

athminbri

I don't really tell people, but my husband knows. He tells everyone! He will even tell random strangers that I have lost 18 lbs. I know he does it because he is proud of me but it sometimes gets annoying.

We had dinner with my in-laws about a week ago. He told them about my new eating and exercise habits. After the meal, they started asking if anyone wanted dessert. I said no thank you. They said "oh we know you don't want any." Um... well maybe I did. I could have had a little dessert. I just didn't want any because that restaurant didn't have anything I loved. So, at times I wish he would stay quiet and just let people notice on their own. Oh well. LOL

myfitnessisavirtue

I am not telling family but my mom knows that I am exercising. My parents and siblings live far away so I kind of want them to be surprised when we meet. Plus my dad always says the wrong thing or I take it the wrong way and my 2 siblings are thin and always have been.

My kids and husband know everything and are supportive. My ILs live close but don't know. I will just let them notice on their own.

A few friends asked me what I am going to do when my kids are both in school and I get 3 hours to myself. I said exercise!! But they don't know I am really going to try to lose 100 pounds.

spiregrain

I talk about it. My mom struggles with weight and many obesity induced illnesses from blood pressure to type 2 diabetes to reflux to arthritis. She talks a lot about how she feels its hopeless, even though over the years she has lost maybe 100 lbs. I talk about it because she needs someone to show her it isn't, and she's a good mom who wants me to succeed even if she doesn't (although she does sometimes offer me a ton of junk food when I go over... but she will get it that I don't want that, soon I think.) The more I talk about it -- she gets a little grumpy, but thinks about it after. This week she shocked me by saying she'd be willing to work towards doing a C25K! That's my biggest NSV and its not even about me.

brittaney10811

People know that i'm working out because i have never thrown myself into a workout regimine as religiously as i have when i started CF (crossfit). I'm excited about it and i would talk about it with anyone who wants to hear it.

that being said..... i don't really discuss it with anyone at work. i work with all guys, so it would probably make them uncomfortable anyway. a couple of the ones i'm closest to know i'm working out and laugh at me when i come in sore in the mornings, but that's about it. my family is extremely supportive on my mom's side.... my dad's side give quick nods of approval, but they really don't want to hear about it.

those are the cases where i plan to just let my results speak for themselves. after all, people will ALWAYS question what you say, but they can NEVER question what you do!!

ChappyEight

I'm not telling because then well-meaning people will monitor every bite that goes into my mouth

Exactly.

33neenaj

I keep it on the down-low in regards to my co-workers.

apedeb09

The only people that know i'm trying to lose weight (other than u guys obviously) is my hubby, my mom and grandma.... I haven't told anyone else in fear that i will jinx myself or the fact that I just don't want a bunch of people asking me how it's going.. it's embarrassing for me to talk about my weight. I'd also just like to surprise people and have them see for themselves that i'm losing weight instead of me saying it.

camrunner

I told my parents because I was 16 and some adjustments needed to be made in terms of grocery shopping, but that was about it. It wasn't because I was embarrassed. I just kind of enjoyed the questions. Like the teacher I had for an entire year who asked me after I lost 100 lbs, "did you lose weight?"

TrimAnew

I told my then-fiance-now-husband first. I knew I wouldn't succeed unless he was on board with what I was trying to do. This way,

1) he doesn't accidentally sabotage me with sweet treats as much (he was stunned when I showed him the calorie count of what chicken biscuit minis + small hashbrowns + OJ from Chick-fil-a add up to vs what my goal is for the day)
2) he makes a point to compliment me when I've been good (including praise and kisses and hugs when I'm sweaty or cook something especially healthy that he also enjoyed) and to encourage me to keep it up ("You look bored. Have you walked yet?")
and 3) he makes for good back up.

Case in point, when we went to visit my folks for some pre-wedding planning stuff, my parents like to cook things they know I like, but that aren't really good for me. This is a problem not just because it's tempting but because I do really enjoy it and I don't want them to think I'm rude or that something is wrong if I try to turn it down or only take one serving. After a couple of meals of this awkwardness and my quiet frustration (I did talk to my parents, but wasn't very forceful because I didn't want to be rude), he managed to talk to my dad without me or my mom around, and help explain the situation on my behalf. Guy code must work wonders because the next time we went to see them they only cooked my most unhealthy favorites once instead of every meal and everything else, while still delicious had healthy sides or they didn't repeatedly offer me seconds. My parents, and especially my dad (who just finished Couch to 5 K) are both trying to lose as well, plus they work in medicine, so they were pretty understanding and supportive as well once they realized how much it meant to me.

At work, I haven't hidden it, but I didn't openly talk about it until I'd made noticeable progress. People seem to understand and don't push. For example, if I turn down a sweet and explain simply, "It looks delicious, but I'm trying really hard to get back down to a healthy weight and so I don't have room for that sweet today. I was so happy with what I lost before the wedding, that I just want to keep that ball rolling for a while." They usually understand and even remember for later events. It probably helps that I work in a cubical, so there are a lot of people around that are also fighting the bulge and their wishes are equally respected.

I actually heard about MFP from other co-workers who use the site. So I'm glad they weren't being secretive.

Alzzak

You mean not telling people we're trying to get healthy (or whatever health goal we've come to MFP for)? Or do you mean changes in life in general?

Both really, If you have examples of other life changes that your not telling people... or are... fire away

helen0616

I am not making a big deal about it this time around.

It just is what it is. Sometimes talking about it over and over becomes overkill and I don't even want to think about it anymore. So this time, it's for me. Only me.

My mom lost about 80 lb on Weight Watchers a few years ago and is totally in denial about the fact that she has put it all back on and more. She would be the person I would talk to but now I can't, because it almost becomes a competition. She feels like my saying anything about food gives her license to make excuses for herself. I'm sure it's just because she is embarrassed to have failed, again, and I can totally understand that.

For me, it's been lose 30, put on 40. Lose 40, get pregnant, put on 35. The last 10 years for me has been like a roller coaster.

amandae0182

I am actually doing this with 2 aunts, my mom and a cousin. So i ahve them to talk to. I can though understand why you wouldnt talk to people about it. We are doing a biggest loser competiton and i think the competitiveness has been a huge motivator.

BigDaddyRonnie

Most of my family and friend's eyes gloss over when I start talking nutrition and lifting, so I keep it to myself. So I guess it's not really a secret.

This for me too. I grew up with a family that ate total junk and boxed foods. Unfortunately I did not realize that until my kids were ready to play sports and I took a good look at our lifestyle and figured out where I learned this behavior.

I remember the first time I told my family I no longer drink soda. They freaked out...literally. Since then, I don't talk about it. Once in a while I get the "you look like you are losing weight" and "why are you lifting weights at 41?" comments. I ignore them as I watch them waddle away. Its funny how they have all of these ailments, and I am fortunate enough to be pretty healthy and happy.

TheFitHooker

I didn't announce it when I started because I didn't feel like hearing the "And next week you'll be eating the same crap as always." This way I didn't hear that and now they know I've changed. I think seeing is believing.

MrDude_1

I dont mention it.
I dont give advice unless asked.

Id rather just let results speak for themselves.

AngryDiet

When you lose significant weight, your fat friends and acquantances feel that you are somehow betraying them.

You're abandoning the club. Their club.

You're indirectly putting them in the uncomfortable position of deliberately ignoring that they really should re-evaluate their own habits.

So of course I tell everyone!