Depression and Motivation

RhinestoneRocky

These past two months I've been in a whirlwind of change.

My husband and I separated. We're trying to work on things but he had an affair for two years. Slept with the woman once but an emotional affair for two years.

I was working out 5 days a week and maintaining my weight, even making some progress in some fitness goals.

After all this came to a head (I discovered two years worth of emails on his work computer) I've been thoroughly depressed, which really goes without saying.

I barely feel motivated and have put on 7 lbs. Which, needless to say, just makes it all worse. This week I've worked out or at the very least have been active every day. Yesterday I slipped up and started eating my emotions again.

So I put this question out to you all.....What do you do when the depression takes hold and all you want to do is crawl in a hole and cry? I could really use some help here. (I am seeing a therapist, who is lovely, but she isn't really helpful with the weight issue, aside from emotionally)

Thanks.

KCoolBeanz

When you begine to heal emotionally, the rest will follow. In the meantime, try to eat right, and get some exercise. You're gonna have good days, and sh*tty days. Even on the days you feel like crap, make small goals for yourself, even if it's to walk around the block a couple of times. If you feel like your eating is about to spiral out of control, remind yourself that you're IN control. Say it to yourself out loud in the bathroom mirror if you have to!

Take it one day at a time, and believe that better times are on their way.


Best of luck to you :-)

Amryfal

that's a terrible thing to discover, OP, and i feel for you

i struggle with depression also, and i've found that the times i can barely motivate myself to get off the couch...are the times i really need to do that.

when i feel like crap, i do yoga. it relaxes me, puts me in a meditative state, and gives me something to focus on besides feeling like crap. and the boost afterwards helps clear up the depression.

find some sort of exercise to do that you really enjoy, whether it's yoga or a walk or a bike ride or something - that you can make yourself do, and that you can tell yourself, "i know if i do this i'm going to feel better." if you can learn to listen to yourself when you say "ok, self, time to do some yoga," that discipline can be applied to all other kinds of situations where you need it.

good luck, and take good care of yourself!

SammieGetsFit

When you begine to heal emotionally, the rest will follow. In the meantime, try to eat right, and get some exercise. You're gonna have good days, and sh*tty days. Even on the days you feel like crap, make small goals for yourself, even if it's to walk around the block a couple of times. If you feel like your eating is about to spiral out of control, remind yourself that you're IN control. Say it to yourself out loud in the bathroom mirror if you have to!

Take it one day at a time, and believe that better times are on their way.


Best of luck to you :-)

^^ This.

As for tricks/tips... Do you have any favorite healthy foods? Fruits or veggies you could eat forever? Maybe keep those well stocked and when you're feeling like you need to treat yourself because you're sad and feeling unmotivated, grab that treat. Eat all you want. Have a bad day. And then next day maybe it'll be that much easier to make the right choices since you aren't adding too much guilt on top of it all?

Hang in there! :flowerforyou:

PANZERIA

Aww. OP, I feel so bad for you. =(

I was depressed for the longest time with my family situation, and I let my weight get out of control. I know that it's SO difficult, but keep eating healthy. Turn your exercise into your therapy, not the food. When you start feeling down (and trust me, you need to do this as SOON as you start to feel that twinge of depression in your gut otherwise you won't), get up and do something. Don't sit still. Don't put it off. Even if it's just going for a 20 minute walk, DO something! Don't sit!

Keeping your head as healthy as possible will help you through everything. Yes, being sad is completely understandable, but don't let it turn into depression or anxiety. Walk, run, buy a punching bag, do whatever you can to keep from sitting still for too long. It'll keep your mind clear of too much negativity.

I hope everything goes alright for you. My heart goes out to you.

Moxie42

I try to turn my depression into aggressive energy and use that to fight my battles. I might start off paralyzingly depressed but then I try to say "F this depression, F this situation, and F everything getting in my way. I WILL work out and I WON'T eat an entire pint of ice cream cuz dammit, I'm sick of this cycle and I will NOT let it defeat me!" It sounds angry and I suppose it is, and maybe that's not the healthiest way to go about it but it works for me. And doing that helps me let out my tension and feel at least a little bit better. In your case, you could try to do a similar thing...instead of only focusing on what he did and how much it hurts, try to think, "you know what?! I'm better than that and I'm better than this situation. I might feel like hell but I won't let this ruin ME! I won't let him win!"

So sorry you're going through this, btw

melann1974

Maybe you need to talk to your DR if it is actual depression and not being "down" because of the situation.

amanda_ataraxia

I also dealt with something like this and honestly, it only made me work harder.
Instead of turning to my usual foods to make me happy, I turned to exercise to make me happy. Changing my body and being physically strong has made me mentally strong.
And I when I do feel down and I want to binge, I make sure I over indulge on raw broccoli, green peppers, cucumbers, etc.

Good luck to you and I really hope that things work out for the best.

PANZERIA

Deleted.

sunrise611

These past two months I've been in a whirlwind of change.

My husband and I separated. We're trying to work on things but he had an affair for two years. Slept with the woman once but an emotional affair for two years.

I was working out 5 days a week and maintaining my weight, even making some progress in some fitness goals.

After all this came to a head (I discovered two years worth of emails on his work computer) I've been thoroughly depressed, which really goes without saying.

I barely feel motivated and have put on 7 lbs. Which, needless to say, just makes it all worse. This week I've worked out or at the very least have been active every day. Yesterday I slipped up and started eating my emotions again.

So I put this question out to you all.....What do you do when the depression takes hold and all you want to do is crawl in a hole and cry? I could really use some help here. (I am seeing a therapist, who is lovely, but she isn't really helpful with the weight issue, aside from emotionally)

Thanks.

It will get better and you will heal. Time really does heal all wounds. However, in the meantime, it's a day-to-day healing process.

Go easy on yourself. Don't beat yourself if you feel bad and slip up. Try not to binge on food as an emotional reaction or "solution" to your sadness. You know that filling up on food will not fill you up emotionally or make you feel better ... in fact, it will just have the opposite effect.

Use this energy to your benefit and to fuel your motivation and drive to be healthier. Put yourself on an exercise schedule and make yourself eat healthy stuff on a daily basis. Aim for foods and exercises that you enjoy that will be fun and easy to turn into a good habit.

Then you can reap the rewards of getting more fit and healthier and that will give you a new focus and renewed pride in yourself. Go for it! You deserve it!

lcrabbs

I think scheduling and paying for a class you have to physically go to helps and motivates. When paying for a class, you may feel more obligated to go, which gets you out of your house/hole and puts you among people. Making yourself more social and physical helps distract and even alleviate some of the down feelings. Also, make sure it's a class you are excited about--something you always wanted to learn but didn't. That excitement can also help offset the depression.

Suaso

I agree with those saying turn exercise into therapy.
I did that after I broke up with my boyfriend of three years (not the same, I know) and even though I'd still feel crushed having an hour to just channel all the emotions into a physical activity really helped.
Maybe join a fitness class where you don't have to be alone and are motivated by others.
Try a new activity to shake up your life - kickboxing, boxing, anything that's demanding physically.
However, I also urge you to be kind to yourself in this time.
Don't let weight gain get you down. It may happen but you know you can lose it.
You lost it once, you can lose it again
Sending my love!

sammniamii

First *HUGS* for dealing with all this. Sorry it's dragging you down.

But as to helping with depression & emotional eatting - I've tried to keep water with me at all times. If i feel like I want something to eat, I remind myself to drink some water, wait 30 min and if I'm still "hungry" then I can eat. Sometimes I have to do it many times in a row, other times I do it, get distracted and forget. Other times.... I just eat. I gave up beating myself up for doing it - punishing yourself for something isn't gonna help, just relax - log what you ate and try to find something to distract you.

My Kindle Fire is helping - although I swear I am gonna go broke buying .99 books every day or so (I can speed read). Or I play video games, which I have realizes doesn't help so I've purchased a indoor mini-treadmill to walk on while I play.

Just find something to distract: clean the house, fold clothes, scrapebook, surf Craig's List, go Mall walking.... anything that helps distract you.

Keep strong hun, you will pull thru this, you will return and be better.

ScubaAmyMN

I don't think I can add anything that you don't know or that the above posters haven't said, but just wanted to chime in support. That's a really, really crappy thing to discover (I would use a stronger word than crappy, but am not sure if I'm allowed). While I've never been in that situation, I do understand the cycle of depression and lack of motivation.

I like the idea of making small goals. Sometimes when I'm struggling, I commit to a 20 minute walk (you could even commit to less). If I feel like continuing, I continue (often). If I don't, I don't, but at least I tried.

I also like the idea of yoga. I love yoga. I think doing it outside your home might be nice if you can find a class or studio somewhere - might be more peaceful than how I can imagine your house currently feels.

One other idea: maybe take up a new activity that your husband DOESN'T do or that you never did together. It might help you feel independent and like you have some power. Things like bowling, golf, hiking, Zumba, etc.. Heck, if you just want to tackle the emotional and not the physical, even drawing, knitting, playing an instrument, etc.

Bottom line: I know that cycle all too well. It's hard to break, but once you do, in three months you will be glad that you started today!

bazfitness

i struggle with depression also, and i've found that the times i can barely motivate myself to get off the couch...are the times i really need to do that.

^^This.

When you are feeling low/depressed is when you absolutely have to do something. I know it's difficult at those times but if you can do something on those days imagine how strong you're going to be when life gets better again - as it will do! It'll also give your sense of well being a boost just to have done something!

Best wishes!

lorib75

OH man, I hear ya. I can't say I know what you're going through, but I have been in the pits before. I think you should use his eff up as motivation to kick some serious azz!! Beat the crap out of the heavy bag, do some tae boe, run until you drop! This is YOUR time!!! Don't let him and your hurts ruin all of your hard work!!!! :flowerforyou:
Know that all of us MFP peeps are loving you and lifting you up!!

sunandstars2

I also dealt with something like this and honestly, it only made me work harder.
Instead of turning to my usual foods to make me happy, I turned to exercise to make me happy. Changing my body and being physically strong has made me mentally strong.
And I when I do feel down and I want to binge, I make sure I over indulge on raw broccoli, green peppers, cucumbers, etc.

Good luck to you and I really hope that things work out for the best.

^^ I was going to reply with something along these lines, also... I have been thru a few life-changing, emotional, tumultuous relationship issues over the years, and along the way I discovered I have that tendency to focus more on working out and getting healthy when I'm down and depressed ... I use the exercise as a way to take out aggressions, and get control of at least one thing in my life -- how I feel about my own body. Getting strong and pushing thru the crap that really hurts does wonders for you mentally, whether you're going thru some tough times or not. I hope you can find the strength to get back to what you know works for you. And things will get better...

Now I'm in a great relationship and thankfully he and I both make fitness a part of our regular routine. I do circuit training and aerobic dvd's at home, and I run, and he mountain bikes and does CrossFit once a week. We count on each other for encouragement and reminders when we get off track here and there..

Best wishes to you!

WhatDoesLisa

Talk to the doctor about some natural supplements too. Omega-3's and something called n-acetyl-cysteine (just called NAC) are really good for mood disorders. And it's nice that they don't have the side effects of a prescription medication. Exercise is great but every little bit helps.

StarkLark

Definitely exercise for me. Sometimes when I'm having a really down day I go for a run with some music. I don't run much, but it helps clear my head and seeing the sights pass by and some good music in my ear makes me feel better about myself.

Another trick I use is to prepare all of my food for the next day. It makes me feel proactive, like I've already started making good choices for tomorrow even if today wasn't the best. It also allows me to start the next day off easier with one less thing to do before I go to work.

farahsaleem

i feel really bad for you..
me and my husband have been trying to conceive for 6 years without success and used to stay so depressed because of this.. my husband is a doctor and doing his specialization and doesnot have much time for me either which would make coping with depression worse.. and nowadays he z posted in a city where i dont have many friends so not much social life as well.. but i have tried hard and overcome these depressive phases by mainly exercise.. even on the days i dont want to do anything but curl up in my bed and cry and just eat, i force myself to walk.. and i really feel much better after simple walk. i have been able to control my depression and mood swings with exercise..

Melanie_RS

you go through the motions anyway.

when you force your body to act, it will change your brain chemistry.

and a great book to read is A Guide To Rational Living by Albert Ellis.

it helps stop loop thinking...the constant pervading thoughts.

but if you don't read...just keep going through the motions like you would if you weren't depressed.