Depression and Motivation

BSchoberg

Well, first - you give yourself permission to crawl into a hole and cry! Not forever, but you need to process some of this pain you're feeling. FEEL your feelings - you're allowed!

Then remember that no one is going to take care of you but you. In a year, will you want to run into him so he can eat his heart out because you are so effing amazing? You bet your ever slimming *kitten*!

filomenae

On those days when I want to crawl into bed and give up, I push myself to go out into the world, get exercise, clear my mind, and surround myself with people. Isolating only feeds the depression, makes it stronger. You need distractions

It will get easier with time if you push yourself daily to do exactly the opposite of what you feel like you want to do. Want to hide in your room or stay under the covers? Get up, workout, maybe shower and pamper yourself, get out of the house- do something! I read books to help distract my mind from the depression, the thoughts, the lack of hope, etc..

You can do this I'm here for support! : )

steveinct

I am not sure if it will help, but I like to work out hard and heavy when I am feeling down. I can NOT do long cardio or anything like that because my mind drifts and I dwell on what is bothering me. Instead, I push heavy weights or, as a poster said earlier, I kick or punch a heavy bag. If you can find a release at the gym (even if that is just a 40 minute escape from your own mind), you will probably find it easier to find the motivation to go.

Good luck!

marthathebear

I feel really bad for you. To be betrayed by someone you love hurts the worst. It makes you feel useless and unattractive. When you add on extra weight you feel even more so. The thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with you. He is the one with a problem. As far as the weight you have gained, I'm glad you are so concerned with a small amount because it can balloon if you don't take action now. Exercise will help improve your mood and help with the weight. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist, it helps to talk to someone. I hope you are close with your family, you can use their support. Don't blame yourself, take positive action, talk to supportive people and you can start to feel better about your self and your situation. Add me as a friend if you want to I would be glad to talk anytime.

kme2011

Oh man, sounds like you are having a rough time. I've been in a "down" mood the past few days myself. Nothing that has to do with anything major just blah days. Anyway i hope you feel better soon. Make yourself feel better and show him what he gave up on. i know its easier said than done but you can do it. we are here to support you. They say exercising releases "happy hormones" so lets get to it and get happy. lol. If you need a friend to chat with feel free to add me.

RhinestoneRocky

Thank you all for your wonderful words of support and inspirational ideas.

I'm not one to ask for help and then not follow through.

Yoga, pampering, healthy snacks, moderation, exercise, all of these. I'm making a schedule, setting google reminders, going to give it a go.

After I posted my original post, I went into the office gym and worked out. I blasted some Beastie Boys and worked up good sweat, and I actually feel a little better. Amazing how when you're at your lowest, the simplest of things can often turn out to be the best.

Thank you for reminding me I can still mourn the loss of my former life and still get in my digs by getting healthy, happy and whole again.

Every so often, despite our brains 'knowing' what we need to do, a different perspective truly is helpful. I'm constantly amazed by the kindness and honesty on MFP.

Truly appreciating this wonderful community.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

run, I run (now anyway), my sister yoga's, I have friends that bike . . . what it is you do should depend on who you are, but you have to move and do something you like. I still crawl into a bag of candy, but I run until I'm raw. I run until whatever it is I leave as dust on the trail, I pick it back up on my way back but I run for that feeling of nothing but me and my feet and the clarity it all brings. The motivation is tough, but the seratonin (sp) is especially important to your mental health and well being. My BIL died a few weeks ago and that week I ran, the day of the funeral I ran. My active husband has been sitting and the hole has been getting bigger and bigger, so we had some serious talks about the importance of exercise when it comes to chemical balance in the brain and mood control. Not only that, I get the whole comfort food thing now, but you have to get the healthy stuff first and then the crap . . . food is just as important to mental health as movement.

You are at a branch in the road and you can either take all that energy and use it to be self destructive, or you can use it to heal yourself. Your marriage will shake out one way or another, but how are you supposed to make reasonable decisions while neglecting yourself? You can’t make good decisions about your emotional well being while you’re allowing yourself to sit in the mire.

The motivation can be impossible to come by, find a really supportive friend who will force you to put on those shorts and sneakers and get your move on.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Oh, and find a kick boxing class or a body combat class . . . beating the crap out of something may be just what you need.

menletti

Dang it. I'm sorry you're going through this. I imagine most of us have at one or another and we've all dealt with it differently. Counseling is a good start. Depression is a disease that can kill so don't mess around with it. Be honest with your counselor and also with your medical doctor.

That being said...I find it helps me to NOT look at the big picture. When I get down, instead of saying "oh I need to go exercise for an hour or two" I say to myself, "I need to get out of bed and wash my face". I know it sounds dumb but by setting goals in 5 minute increments really helps me. Even if all I did all day was get out of bed and wash my face, that was a goal I set and I achieved it. And when I can do two or three of those 5 minute goals, I give my self a treat...a new coat of polish on my toe nails, a fried egg sandwhich....something that makes me want to do even more of my 5 minute goals. Pretty soon I'm back to the big picture.

Unfortunately, you're the one that has to go through this so all any of us can do is support you. We've all got your back and we're all here for you.

RhinestoneRocky

Now beating the crap out of something...that right there is definitely a good idea.

I think there are a few places near my new home that offer classes. Could be rather cathartic.

Quasita

This may seem an insensitive response but I promise, it's not.

I have "no worries" pills. AKA Xanax. When my emotions are running that heavy and hard and I'm losing control, I have to start taking the no worries pills.

I recommend finding a therapist that specializes more in the types of issues you are struggling with. My EAP connected me with a counselor that was experienced in ED as well as other issues I struggle with. He is the one that dubbed the Xanax as the "no worries" pill. I refused to take them except for the dentist and other things that made me nervous but he urged me to understand that there is no weakness there, when you need help and you accept that help.

Medication has helped me gain control of my bulimia and binge eating problems during high stress times. I'd also recommend making a mix CD with songs like "I Love Myself Today" by BIf Naked, and "U + Ur Hand" by Pink, blast it while driving down the highway...

I knowthis is not an easy time to see it but you are going to be okay, don't let this man's mistakes ruin the goodness you've made in your life. Don't let it encourage you not to care. Now is a great time to get yourself all hot and sexy and awesome and let him watch your tight, well-shaped *kitten* as you walk away to bigger and better things for yourself... If that's what you decide to do anyway.

Baychick

Wow this really hit me. I went through depression and am still struggling with it after me and my ex split up.

Fasbold

This is a tough situation. I understand where you are coming from, not identical scenarios, but going through and being divorced sucks. I hope that you are able to reconcile. Just be patient and work through the emotions.

The hardest part in these situations, for me anyway, is that old saying, "It is ok to feel the way you feel, but it is your choice how you react to those feelings." I hate that saying, but it is true. We all struggle with our down times. It is too easy to make it an excuse to do nothing productive. For me, years of using the tough emotional situations be an excuse to become a fat person makes it all to easy to fall back in that rut. But by sticking with it and exercising and eating right, just feeling better alone helps motivate me to do better.

I also like the advice of beating up a punching bag. I always tell people that I'm divorced because I didn't want to go to prison. There are healthy ways to take out anger, aggression, sadness, etc. that will benefit both physically and emotionally.

You can do this!

Stick to your guns and do what is best for you. It sucks right now, but a year or two from now you can look back at this time and be glad you toughed it out.

EricaLynn813

depression sucks I recently loss my mom who was my best friend and now that she is gone i feel so alone I have plenty of friends and family but no one is my mom. the last few weeks I have been pushing myself to workout hard so that I can get back down to a healthy weight but it is so hard especially while I am still fighting with this depression and recovery from a knee injury. everyone tells me the pain will ease and I feel human again but as each day goes on I find myself feeling worse.....

farmers_daughter

I didn't read all the replies so I'm just answering your question from my own experience:

But first of all please....take the time and DO cry, allow yourself to grieve your loss. You did suffer a loss, and it's ok to mourn it. Ball up and cry, cry hard....then one day when the tears don't flow so easily do something each day to move forward.

I started with music therapy, get a play list of some really upbeat songs that talk about being strong and independent. You have to mentally move forward before you can physically move forward.

Play it loud, play it often, this tends to wash out the lingering "wishy washy, I wanna cry" feelings.

Next it's hard to describe this but "feel free". Concentrate on how you, yourself, and I will get up and live your life for YOU!

Katy Perry has a really good song out, called Wide Awake, when you have fallen off of Cloud Nine, and hit the concrete, give yourself some time to catch your breath and slowly get up and walk away. You can take your time lying there, nobody's going to rush you, and don't let them. If you want to stay on the concrete that's ok. Just realize your not in the cloud anymore. It wasn't your fault, you did nothing to deserve this, and you will be fine.

Repeat repeat repeat.....I will be fine. And believe it.

Edit: Oh yes, and above all...time....it's a cliche but time heals, it really does.

NikkiSixGuns

Man, my heart breaks for you. I know where you're coming from and it is a terrible, dark place. I will share with you that some days won't feel so bad, and others will really reeeeeally stink. Have faith that it's all part of the process and it will NOT be like this forever. MANY HUGS TO YOU.

As other posters have said, the best medicine is counter-intuitive. When you don't feel like doing diddly squat, that's the best time to get up and move. Do something - anything - but sit still and think.

I took up running and I discovered that it's wonderful therapy. You don't even have to be good at it. It didn't make everything go away and it wasn't a miracle cure, but it got me to a better place where I could see things from a more realistic perspective. It helped me cope with all my emotions.

After a while I learned that no matter how slow I ran, I could always outrun my emotions! Knowing that was helpful, but there were still tons of days when I wanted to just curl up and stop breathing. Those days took all I had for me to get my shoes on and go.

What worked for me when I'd get to that dark place was to bargain with myself. I'd tell myself, "OK. You can wallow here for 10 minutes. Feel the emotions and let them out. Be pissed and sad and feel crappy about it all. Then get outside and do something good for yourself."

Every day that you get up and keep going is a day you put between you and the whole mess. With time it will get easier to cope.

Keep your chin up as much as you can - you're stronger than you think you are.

jackspack

You gotta take it one day at a time. Tomorrow will be better. You will come through this a stronger, better person. His affair had nothing to do with you. It is completely his own demons that caused it. That is not an excuse - that his just how this crap happens. I struggle with this too, so I understand.

For me, talking to others who understand (have been there and done that) helps tremendously.

I didn't read any other replies - but take the best of the best and run with them.

You need to get in shape for you. Not him. (Plus you gotta outrun the zombies!)

And remember yoda.