Anybody have family members who are totally not supportive?

haley6251993
haley6251993 Posts: 41
in Motivation and Support
I currently live in a household where healthy lifestyle practices are not a priority. That said, I do my best to work and maintain my own health while hoping to be a model to the rest of them. But lately my efforts are being criticized and bashed to the max. My 5'10 112lb 16 year old brother spends his time going into detail about how fat I am and how no amount of work will fix me all the while ranting about incorrect health 'facts' that he has inherently pulled out of his a**. My father is the same way without the insults. My mother just stands back and refuses to say anything about it, which helps no one.

Keep in mind that all of this happens when I try to just go about my ways without saying anything. I get yelled at for buying healthy foods with my own money, and I get yelled at for monitoring my portions when we eat together. I am at my wits end with this. Does anyone else have this issue?
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Replies

  • HardyGirl4Ever
    HardyGirl4Ever Posts: 1,017 Member
    I'm really sorry to hear that, it's such a shame. *hugs* I don't have it nearly as bad as you. My family says the're supportive, but always buy me "treats". And my husband hates the healthy food I make, and often begs to have fast food instead. I wish I was more in a situation like you so that you could have someone to relate to. I"m really sorry, and if you ever want to talk or complain or whatever, feel free to message me! xo
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    Thanks, I'm glad you're not in my situation though lol, I wish you luck with yours as well :)
  • aqm22
    aqm22 Posts: 153 Member
    *Hugs* I feel for you. I'm sorry you have to go through that. Add me. I wanna help give you encouragement.

    How old are you? You sound like you're old enough to make decision for yourself. You're making a change for the better not for the worse. If they don't like it, screw them.

    I love my family to death, but I make the decision that affect my life. Then again, I've always been the stubborn one. I use their negativity to fuel the things I wanna do. That's just me though. The more someone push me to do something the more I go in the opposite direction. That's how I gained 15 of my 30lbs actually.

    Use what they're throwing at you as fuel to achieve your goal. Prove them wrong! Make them see what you're trying to do. Think of how awesome it will feel when you achieve your goal. It'll feel 10x better because of their negativity. =)

    Good luck! Be strong!
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    I'm 19. I definitely plan on proving them wrong :) Thanks for your support.
  • Kluiver
    Kluiver Posts: 9 Member
    I have supportive siblings, but my brother does try to give me dieting advice even though he's never been on one (he's actually trying to gain). You just need to stick to your guns and prove him wrong in the long run. You know what's best for you.
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    Thanks, thats the plan :)
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    I'm 19. I definitely plan on proving them wrong :) Thanks for your support.

    Go OFF to college! Double benefit! get the heck outta there and get educated! Biggest regret of my life was not finishing this and you'll be amazed what you learn about yourself when you leave the nest.
  • chloenmiller
    chloenmiller Posts: 40 Member
    I know how you feel! My mom and brother, (12), are both stick-thin with a lot of natural muscle definition. My dad and I both have the shorter legs, big butt, more stocky body. My dad went from being morbidly obese to just overweight (5'9" and 260lbs->190-200lbs) I'm not overweight, but my little brother will always tell me I'm "fat" and "lazy". He can get away with eating macaroni and cheese and cookies all days and being tiny, and I can't. I don't eat that stuff because I know I would put on weight. I'm kind of a health nut, of sorts. I love clean eating and working out, I feel like it gives me something to be proud of. My whole family thinks I am crazy though, they pressure me to eat bad foods, always stocking the house with cookies and pizza and nutella.. Then of course I have all my healthy foods. I don't even know where I am going with this, but I know how much it sucks having your family calling you names and not being supportive of your effort to become a better version of yourself. Add me if you want! :)
  • WillMarple
    WillMarple Posts: 12
    My whole family is big and they give me crap about trying to lose weight even though I've already lost nearly 60 pounds. They keep saying you will fail just give it time. You can't choose your family but luckily you can choose your friends. That is where I get my support and motivation, best of luck to you. You CAN do it.
  • curtnrod
    curtnrod Posts: 223 Member
    People will hate you, rate you, berate you, and try to break you. How strong you stand is what Makes You.

    Stay strong and keep your eyes on the prize!
  • Run4UrHealth
    Run4UrHealth Posts: 348 Member
    I hate that you do not have a good support system...my family totally supports me. The only support I did not get was on vacation they told me to stop monitoring everything I eat and enjoy myself. I did not want to eat crap and then crave it after I got home so when I say NO! they know I mean NO! When you brother says things like that to you...use it as motivation to prove him wrong. What you do with your money is your own business and your parents should support that because the healthier you are the longer you will live! Keep your head up and prove them wrong! :)
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    PARENTS!!! DO WE HEAR THESE YOUNG GIRLS (oh and Will-Saw him after I posted)?!?!? We as parents need to build our girls up so well that no one could tear them down. We need to teach our sons that treating women this way is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! These girls have body image issues and no support to make it better. They're here trying to do it the right way, not by eating disorders, pills or surgery!! They need our support. Let's teach our children better!!!!
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    @Setof2Keys I am in college, but I don't leave again for another month, and it really doesnt stop once I'm away
  • natasa2604
    natasa2604 Posts: 11 Member
    I'm in the same position: also 19, trying to be fit and healthy, but it's so hard to explain to your family why you want to do that. My younger sister is just as same as your brother, always telling me that I'll stay fat (even though I don't consider myself fat - I'm 1,67m, 60kg ), my father has health issues because of his weight - he has about 100kg, and just 1,80m tall, and he thinks that I want to be anorecsic (not sure if spelled properly), so he's always buying me sweets and candies and juices...and my mum is actually the worst: she works out daily, eats healthy food, but she is always mocking me because I try to look and feel fit...
  • gloriapiz55
    gloriapiz55 Posts: 73 Member
    So sorry to hear that "hugs to you" feel free to add me as well. If they can't be supportive you have friends here on MFP! It's hard when the family doesn't support you. Your situation reminds me of the recent episode of extreme make over weight loss edition, the girls family was very unsupportive, especially the mom. Well the girl ended up moving out and staying with a friend and was able to acheive her goal.

    Hang in there, your doing this for you not them. Just ignore them and keep doing what your doing!!
  • wannaplay2505
    wannaplay2505 Posts: 26
    Sweetie, whenever you choose to break the cycle and deviate away from the "norm," you're unfortunately you're going to get criticized. =C Healthy is better! Please don't let them break down your determination to better yourself.
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    Thanks everybody, I appreciate your support :)
  • wannaplay2505
    wannaplay2505 Posts: 26
    PARENTS!!! DO WE HEAR THESE YOUNG GIRLS (oh and Will-Saw him after I posted)?!?!? We as parents need to build our girls up so well that no one could tear them down. We need to teach our sons that treating women this way is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! These girls have body image issues and no support to make it better. They're here trying to do it the right way, not by eating disorders, pills or surgery!! They need our support. Let's teach our children better!!!!

    HEAR! HEAR!!
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    The 16 year old learns from the dad and the mom must feel like she can't say anything or she'll get the rath of the 16 year old and the husband, she needs to grow a backbone and stick up for you and you need to tell her that.

    or tell them all to take a flying hike off the nearest ledge
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    The 16 year old learns from the dad and the mom must feel like she can't say anything or she'll get the rath of the 16 year old and the husband, she needs to grow a backbone and stick up for you and you need to tell her that.

    or tell them all to take a flying hike off the nearest ledge

    I have told her that. My goal is to change all of their minds, but if that doesnt work, then I'll take the second option :)
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    @Setof2Keys I am in college, but I don't leave again for another month, and it really doesnt stop once I'm away
    But you have the option to cut off the phone call and say you have homework... ;)
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    @Setof2Keys I am in college, but I don't leave again for another month, and it really doesnt stop once I'm away
    But you have the option to cut off the phone call and say you have homework... ;)

    True, and I do plan on doing that
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    My husband is not very supportive. If I am running at all late in the morning (Sorry, I don't roll out of bed at 7am, take a 29 min poo and leave for work) I do all imaginable housewife stuff, he will make a comment like "Maybe you shouldn't go to the gym?" "No you clown, maybe I shouldn't cook your breakfast, pack your lunch, run a quick load of laundry and than maybe I'll have some time"

    *Sighs* I hate complaining. I don't stress this to him but it is how I feel.
  • Get_Me_Fit1
    Get_Me_Fit1 Posts: 194
    Omg my family isn't as bad as yours. They say they are tryig to help, but always buy treats and say "oh one little this and that won't hurt you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I know how it feels bad to not have the physical support. I'll add you, so that you can get the support you deserve (: were all very proud of you for trying to get a better lifestyle and actually staying with it through everything you've been through (: your brother can suck my non existent **** (: :flowerforyou:
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    Omg my family isn't as bad as yours. They say they are tryig to help, but always buy treats and say "oh one little this and that won't hurt you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I know how it feels bad to not have the physical support. I'll add you, so that you can get the support you deserve (: were all very proud of you for trying to get a better lifestyle and actually staying with it through everything you've been through (: your brother can suck my non existent **** (: :flowerforyou:

    Best post :) made me laugh out loud haha thanks :) & yes please add me
  • pichild
    pichild Posts: 72 Member
    My problem growing up was the exact opposite, yes I was also constantly told I was fat but rather than unhealthy food being around all that there was was healthy food...at 12 years old I was 5'5" and 125lbs...not fat, not small no but not fat...when I looked at your profile picture I saw a beautiful girl...if you are uncomfortable at the size you are you have the power to change it..I personally know the power that negative words can have especially when coming from those we love...if you need someone to talk to that's been there I am here....I know how hurtful family can be...remember you are a beautiful girl and you can change your life for the better...use MFP to guide and support you along the way...
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    My problem growing up was the exact opposite, yes I was also constantly told I was fat but rather than unhealthy food being around all that there was was healthy food...at 12 years old I was 5'5" and 125lbs...not fat, not small no but not fat...when I looked at your profile picture I saw a beautiful girl...if you are uncomfortable at the size you are you have the power to change it..I personally know the power that negative words can have especially when coming from those we love...if you need someone to talk to that's been there I am here....I know how hurtful family can be...remember you are a beautiful girl and you can change your life for the better...use MFP to guide and support you along the way...

    Thank you for your kind words. I read your profile and what you wrote is quite inspirational. Thank you again :)
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
    Ok, you know what? You're bother is stick-skinny NOW, but in twenty-five years when he's middle-aged, and his metabolism slows to a crawl (I promise you it WILL happen, it happens to everybody) and all he knows is to to eat whatever he wants, (burgers chips, ice cream, cookies) he is going to PACK on the pounds. And FAST. And if you can stick it out, you will be sitting pretty, lean and healthy, while that horrible snotrag sits on his fat butt, scratching his head and wondering how he ever let it get this bad, and why he can't seem to ever lose it. And when that day comes, you can give him some crap of your own, and then he'll see how much his actions have hurt you. The extra cherry on the cake is, you will have had all those years to hone and fine-tune your body to being efficient, and enjoying healthy foods, while your brother and family will have to learn to undo DECADES of terrible eating habits.

    Also some advice: If your family is truly as unsupportive as you say they are, you need to tell them that their actions and words are truly hurting you, and if they don't stop, once you leave you will stop calling them as much, or stop coming over to visit as often. Clearly let them know that this is something that is very important to you, and if they really love you, they will back off and respect it. If they still won't stop, GTFO of there and don't come back until you've proven them wrong!
  • Kathy53925
    Kathy53925 Posts: 241 Member
    My husband tries, but he STILL thinks it's simply a matter of "stop eating" and you will lose weight! Umm...it's not that easy for someone morbidly obese! He was overweight once...from drinking tons of beer...and tried to live on a snickers a day and a light supper. He lost, but not everyone can do that. (it was about 25 lbs I think)

    He is doing better now, but still not that supportive.
  • haley6251993
    haley6251993 Posts: 41
    My husband tries, but he STILL thinks it's simply a matter of "stop eating" and you will lose weight! Umm...it's not that easy for someone morbidly obese! He was overweight once...from drinking tons of beer...and tried to live on a snickers a day and a light supper. He lost, but not everyone can do that. (it was about 25 lbs I think)

    He is doing better now, but still not that supportive.

    Well thats certainly not the healthy way to lose weight. Just stick to your guns :)

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