Food Nazi?

active4life4vr

Thank you for all your replies.

At my heaviest I was 145lbs post baby and stayed that weight for 2 years after our daughter was born. Now I am 127lbs. I worked damn hard to get to where I am and I love being healthy. I just want to share that with my spouse.


I believe that there is a definite weight limit that your spouse could reach before you say "hun I think it's time we lost a few lbs" That line will be different for everyone, but you can't tell me that if your SO got up to 250lbs+ for example, that you would still find them sexually attractive? Love them, yes of course, but attractive?


I realize that this has caused a lot of tension between us and I did have a talk with him about it today. I told him that I am done with our bets. That he knows how I feel about being healthy and that I leave it all up to him.
I will no longer try to encourage him or talk to him about calories.
If he chooses to come on board and actually make an effort then I will support him quietly because he resents me otherwise. No more of this back and forth.
He is a very prideful man and thinks he can do everything by himself. So I will let him and I will continue in my weight loss and bettering myself and my body.

JeaninePaige

Uhhhh.....say what?!?!?! :noway:

So you are saying that if he told you, you would look better with plastic surgery and breast implants that would be ok? Seriously?! I'm 22 and even I'm not the ignorant. Ugh! You sound so shallow it's ridiculous. I typically don't judge on here at all, but you make me want to scream. I gained almost 100 lbs in the 8 years I've been with my fiance, never once did he tell me I needed to lose weight. Also, as time goes on people age!!!! Duh!! You think you look the same as you did 7 years ago? Think again! :grumble: :mad: :explode:

I agree. I gained 50lbs since meeting my SO and he always tells me how beautiful I am. Weight was never an issue. When I decided I wanted to change for MYSELF, he was nothing but supportive and made it clear that he loved me no matter what. That actually made me stronger and has helped keep me going. If he was tearing me down all the time and telling me how he didn't think I was attractive anymore, I'd be beating myself up over it and it would cause major issues in our relationship. In fact, I'd probably dump him for that.

My advice to you, OP, is to stop tearing your husband down before you lose him. Like someone else mentioned here, you agreed to be there for him through thick and thin. So do it. And if you honestly aren't attracted to your SO anymore and simply can't get past his weight, that's a damn shame and you both should see a counselor before you wreck your marriage over something silly.

LowcarbNY

He ate 1100 calories in one supper last week alone.

And how is it that you know his calorie intake to such detail? Are you logging his food? Food Nazi might not begin to describe it.

active4life4vr

Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.


Hilarious.

...he's 5'5 and could lose 20lbs. He is 180lbs BMI of 30, so ya, obese.

caraiselite

let him eat what he wants. you sound like a nag =/ i would hate that.

VanillaBone

Is his belly 'hard'? Like, not a soft flabby belly, but one that protrudes out?
That's probably visceral fat, which might respond better to exercise than diet, anyway. Why not start walking or jogging together?
Food is such a personal issue, it might be easier to encourage him with exercise.

saustin201

You sound like a control freak.

active4life4vr

because we ate the same things! I just ate much less!
I didn't tell him that the 2 burgers he ate were 300 calories each, plus hotdog, plus buns, plus coleslaw, plus chips, plus condiments etc.
It's when I do tell him this gently that I am the food nazi. I can't win.

mrsnathanandrew

Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.


Hilarious.

...he's 5'5 and could lose 20lbs. He is 180lbs BMI of 30, so ya, obese.

Oh no!! He's .1 away from being overweight...really? It's a little sad that you keep track of this stuff...

active4life4vr

Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.


Hilarious.

...he's 5'5 and could lose 20lbs. He is 180lbs BMI of 30, so ya, obese.

Oh no!! He's .1 away from being overweight...really? It's a little sad that you keep track of this stuff...

I just looked it up actually...I had to put it in perspective for people who have never seen him.
What is so wrong with wanting my husband to be in a healthy weight category...geeesh
Overweight is no better!

VanillaBone

I am really not understanding all the judgement on this thread. What if she had phrased it this way:

Help! Unsupportive Spouse!

My husband orders chinese food and eats nothing but candy and chips in front of me!
He says he wants to lose weight, but won't make the effort and calls me a food nazi when I try to cook healthy!
!!!! !!!

I mean, wouldn't everybody be responding "You can't make him want it, worry about you!" or "What a jerk! Leave his *kitten*!"

Instead, she's trying to figure out how to encourage her husband to walk down this path (which he seems to have expressed interest in) and she's getting called all kinds of names. Geeeeeeeez, people!

skullshank

Wow really....I think it's age that bothers you, more than the weight.
You referred to it as making him look older...he is 40.

Put him on here, so i can tell him to kick your selfish shallow *kitten* to the curb!

*applauds

LowcarbNY

but I have told him that I don't find him sexually attractive at the weight he's at.

A comment like that would do wonders for my self esteem. I'd probably be so ready to see you satisfied I'd want to do anything, that is as soon as I took some prozac and got over my deep depression.

EellaK

Are you kidding me? Let's imagine that this were a man, who was saying, "My wife is 5'5" and weighs 180 lbs. I told her I don't find her attractive, but that I will again if she loses 10 lbs." The OP is getting off easy.

sirmio

Maybe you should try positive reinforcement. There have been times when my wife has seemed extra attracted to me after working out for a couple of weeks or made a comment about looking better and it doing something for her. That encouragement is particularly powerful for me.

Ayla70

My concern is that he will get back to 210lbs.

You guys are taking the 10lbs out of proportion. It is his LAST 10lbs. It's the 30+lbs that I am not wanting back in our life because of his eating habits.

Each to their own...210lbs = 95 kilos. A good size man IMO. I'm sure his insides are wonderful.

Also you have to realise, that it might not necessarily be the WEIGHT making him look old....he's 40 for crying out loud. No longer a 20-something. He's ageing. Reality.

mrsnathanandrew

Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.


Hilarious.

...he's 5'5 and could lose 20lbs. He is 180lbs BMI of 30, so ya, obese.

Oh no!! He's .1 away from being overweight...really? It's a little sad that you keep track of this stuff...

I just looked it up actually...I had to put it in perspective for people who have never seen him.
What is so wrong with wanting my husband to be in a healthy weight category...geeesh
Overweight is no better!

You can't force him to do something that he isn't ready to do. That's what's wrong with it! He has to want to do it, and you trying to force it on him is going to make him either resent you, or keep gaining weight.

Also, @vanillabone I'm being so mean I suppose because she told her husband she's not attracted to him. Another woman said it, if it was her husband telling her that she was unattractive because of her weight the other girls would say oh he's a jerk, leave him, ect. So why can't the same thing apply to her? Never in my entire life would I even dream of telling my fiance he was unattractive, EVER. That's something that you don't do. Sure you can make suggestions about eating better, or working out together. My fiance and I lift together, weighin together, and eat healthy together, but I would have major resentment towards him if he just looked at me and told me I was unattractive then tried to bribe me with sex acts.

VanillaBone

Are you kidding me? Let's imagine that this were a man, who was saying, "My wife is 5'5" and weighs 180 lbs. I told her I don't find her attractive, but that I will again if she loses 10 lbs." The OP is getting off easy.

Well, the whole 'I don't find him attractive anymore' may be a bit starchy, but it's not like she said "I won't touch you till you're skinny". Attraction is what it is...A loving spouse will work through it, as she seems to be trying to do.

Funsoaps

You have to focus on yourself you can't really change other people. You can have sit down face to face, real talk about it and then you move on to working on yourself, he can only change himself.

jofjltncb6

I am really not understanding all the judgement on this thread. What if she had phrased it this way:

Help! Unsupportive Spouse!

My husband orders chinese food and eats nothing but candy and chips in front of me!
He says he wants to lose weight, but won't make the effort and calls me a food nazi when I try to cook healthy!
!!!! !!!

I mean, wouldn't everybody be responding "You can't make him want it, worry about you!" or "What a jerk! Leave his *kitten*!"

Instead, she's trying to figure out how to encourage her husband to walk down this path (which he seems to have expressed interest in) and she's getting called all kinds of names. Geeeeeeeez, people!

Interesting observation.