Is it rude to bring your own food?

tobeftmom

My mother in law invites us to dinner every week. I usually make do with what she makes, but it's usually not healthy.
Now that I am getting serious with clean eating, would it be ok to bring your own food or not?

gettingtogoal2012

It might be better to offer to bring a dish such as a healthy vegetable side dish, rather than bringing your own separate meal. It also depends on your relationship with her. Will she vet insulted if you explain why you want to bring your own food. If not, then go for it, but I would probably let her know in advance.

kitinboots

I would say not. What sort of food does she make? Is there anything healthy that you can load your plate with and rave to her about? If you consistently praise her for the healthy options (wow this side salad is AMAZING I could eat it every day!) then she will make them again when you visit.

LoraF83

It might be better to offer to bring a dish such as a healthy vegetable side dish, rather than bringing your own separate meal. It also depends on your relationship with her. Will she vet insulted if you explain why you want to bring your own food. If not, then go for it, but I would probably let her know in advance.

It depends on your relationship with her. With my mother-in-law, she would be upset if I brought my own meal. If I offered to help and bring a side dish, that would probably be ok.
One less than stellar meal a week is an ok price to pay for family peace (for me, anyway).

hhayes06

I think maybe instead of bringing your own food you should start inviting her over to your house, that way you can control the meal. I do personally think it would be rude to show up with a whole meal for yourself but if you brought a side dish or two that should be okay. I would start by trying to trade off weeks for which house you will eat at and if she rebuffs that idea start bringing side dishes (telling her first of course). If she isn't receptive to either one of those ideas then start planning for that meal. When you know that you are going to dinner at her house then eat super healthy for breakfast and lunch. Or you could just use that as a cheat meal and chalk it up to a not awesome day.

bevtyndall

I would eat before i got there and just eat a little of the food there.

corsetiere

Hi! I have been in your position before.

I say sit down with her and simply explain that you and your family are trying to be healthier in order to live fuller lives, and this includes eating healthy well balanced meals. Ask her if she would like you to help her prepare the food so that it will fit into a healthier category and benefit all of you.

If she gets offended, remember you don't have to go to dinner at her place. Its optional.

Picola1984

Hide it in the plant pot
Give it to the dog
Swipe it under the carpet

This seems works in cartoons

smilingalltheway

I agree, I talk to her first and let her know you enjoy visiting with her weekly, but you have requirements regarding your meal plan. You might try swapping weeks with her, so she can see the type of meals you prepare, you could still visit regularly and still take care of yourself.

victoria4321

I'd be offended if I made dinner and someone brought their own meal. I wouldn't mind if someone called ahead and asked if I can make something to accommodate their needs though. Why don't you try that?

tobeftmom

Hide it in the plant pot
Give it to the dog
Swipe it under the carpet

This seems works in cartoons

I wish we did have a do:laugh: g

drkatiebug

Hi! I have been in your position before.

I say sit down with her and simply explain that you and your family are trying to be healthier in order to live fuller lives, and this includes eating healthy well balanced meals. Ask her if she would like you to help her prepare the food so that it will fit into a healthier category and benefit all of you.

If she gets offended, remember you don't have to go to dinner at her place. Its optional.

Sort of this. I would not bring my own food. I would not do anything that could be perceived as saying her food is not good enough for you. I would say something along the lines of "you know we've been trying to cut out fats (sweets, whatever you want to say) at our house. I made this AMAZING dish the other night and would love to make it again sometime for the whole family to try. Would it be okay if I made it for next week's dinner?"

tobeftmom

I would say not. What sort of food does she make? Is there anything healthy that you can load your plate with and rave to her about? If you consistently praise her for the healthy options (wow this side salad is AMAZING I could eat it every day!) then she will make them again when you visit.

She doesn't believe in brown rice, doesn't make any vegi side dishes or salads. I have brought a salad on a couple of occasions. She seemed to be ok with that.

fueledbychange

Whenever we go to my grandmother's house, I always pack my own little salad. Nice and portable. Also, no one thinks I'm rude for doing it! They just know I'm serious.

dalgal26

Be the one that brings the healthy dish. Eat a tad of hers and lots of yours. Hopefully everyone else will eventually jump on the healthier bandwagon. You may be the catalyst to get the entire family eating better. It may take awhile, but you never know.

Wishing you great success in your journey to a healthier life!:flowerforyou:

fay_pigu

My gf who can only do western food for a few days at best offers to do cooking.

victoria4321

I would say not. What sort of food does she make? Is there anything healthy that you can load your plate with and rave to her about? If you consistently praise her for the healthy options (wow this side salad is AMAZING I could eat it every day!) then she will make them again when you visit.

She doesn't believe in brown rice, doesn't make any vegi side dishes or salads. I have brought a salad on a couple of occasions. She seemed to be ok with that.

Well if that's the case then now I'd say bring your own food. Just make sure to bring some for other people too if they want.

TheRealParisLove

It is a little rude, but if this is something you do every week, you should have a decent enough relationship to explain that you are eating more healthfully now and would like to bring a side dish that helps you stick to your plan.

You could also just call that meal your "free meal" for the week and just enjoy letting someone else do the cooking and kitchen clean up.

TheRealParisLove

It would be interesting to get the recipes she uses, plug them into the recipe calculator here and see what your macros are for the meal. Perhaps she doesn't realize that she is eating a whole days worth of calories in a single meal. I know that I didn't have any clue what my calorie counts were before I started tracking last year.

RealWomenLovePitbulls

just try to eat a small amount and have ur own food later maybe?

ndluvergirl

My soon to be mother-in-law is pretty nice. However, I still did have some problems working with here when I decided to lose weight. I told her how much losing weight meant to me, and I explained that a slight cheat didn't bother me but when every side dish and main dish she made was outta the park she understood. So she started to add one veggie to the meal...this helped but not much. I then told her one week that I would like to make and bring the dinner the next week so she could have a week off. She accepted. I made something more my style and brought something that was a bit more her style(Meatloaf, salad, vegetables, and baked chicken). She then saw what I was choosing to eat. Now she makes a salad and vegetables every week with her own meal, I also bring the meal once a month. She also usually will make a healthier option of the main meal(aka a small roaster hen when she makes fried chicken). All it took was open honesty. I told her I loved her cooking... a bit too much. And that I needed to lose the weight, I told her how hard I had struggled in the past, and that I was worried about falling off the band wagon again...especially when my boyfriend is a fast food nut and she cooks polish/southern...and my mom is pop/sweet person. She was really sorry and didn't realize it was that hard at dinner.

I would just sit down and talk to her. Don't be mean, don't insult her food as fatty but compliment it as being too good to have a healthy portion of.

TexasSunny

I don't think it's rude. We have Sunday dinner here every week. My DIL is always working on her fitness... she often brings some healthy side dish. It doesn't always appeal to me (she likes veggies WAY more than I do!) so I send the left overs home with her.

Keep bringing the salad, and maybe add a side dish.

She MAY think it's rude. But if that is the worst thing that she can say about you...that you eat healthy.... then everything is OK!

ElizabethRoad

If this were asked on an etiquette forum (or anywhere else that's not fitness related) people would be horrified.

nxd10

It might be better to offer to bring a dish such as a healthy vegetable side dish, rather than bringing your own separate meal.

I agree. And you can eat a lot of yours and just a taste of other things.

There's more to life than dieting - and one of them is family.

My sister in law has a lot of pretty severe dietary limits (vegetarian, limits on types of grains, etc. etc.). My nieces also have particular food needs. My mom tries to accommodate, but one of the easiest things for my sister-in-law is if she just puts out some good, plain food (green beans, squash) that definitely fit. Then my sister-in-law and brother bring a nice dish to share.

Now I know both MY mother-in-law and my mother love it when we offer to cook. It's great to have family over, but it's also great to have help.

My mother-in-law gets insulted when my husband says anything about the healthiness of her food. Especially as she and my father-in-law are on low salt/fat diets and everything they eat is too salty and fatty for us! Our cooking solves the problem.

clw2381

I would talk to her and see how she feels about it. I bring my own food to my MILs because she does not eat healthy in the slightest nad she does not mind. We only see each other every few months though.

Koldnomore

If I were the one cooking and someone brought their own food I would be mortified - though if someone offered to bring a side dish/salad I'd be happy for it I think it's all about the communication.

My MIL's idea of cooking is Kraft dinner, pre-packaged "steakettes" (looks like a hamburger patty) and instant mashed potatoes. I will eat something healthy before I go over and have a little bit of her cooking to say I ate something. Unfortunately if I even offered to bring something I am sure we wouldn't hear the end of how much I offended her.

I had to go over there this morning to have muffins for breakfast.. I brought some of my low cal black bean cakes and listened to her tell me that I was supposed to bring muffins and not 'cupcakes' for the next 2 hours. One of her muffins = 3 x the calories of my 'cupcakes'.. I hate people sometimes.

momtokgo

I think it would be rude to take an entire meal for yourself, but there is nothing wrong with offering to bring a side or the salad and just fill up on that with a little bit of what your MIL made, but it really depends on how close you are to your MIL. If you are very close you might just be able to explain that you are eating a certain way and you would like to stick to by bringing your own food.

I take all my own food when I visit my IL's, but I'm a vegan with celiac disease that can't eat added oils (because of my IBS). Not much choice but to bring food myself. I can't eat hotdogs and french fries for dinner with everyone else or I would be very very sick the next day.

wookiemouse

I wouldn't EVER tell her you're trying to eat "healthier" now because that means her food is UNhealthy. HUGE put down.

My MIL is Satan, but what I would do - lie to her. Tell her you weren't feeling well lately and the doctor did some tests and s/he thinks it might be food related, so you're carefully watching what you eat. Ask her in advance what she's planning to make and then find some of it that will work for you and offer to bring a side dish that you know is "ok" for you to have (ie, if she's planning fried chicken, you can at least take off the skin!).

ninerbuff

I you do, bring enough for EVERYONE to try it or eat.

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thelovelyLIZ

Well, if she's inviting you over for dinner and is cooking for you guys, yeah, it's probably rude. Why not offer to help with dinner or make it yourself one night instead? Or depending on your relationship with her, just explain you're trying to eat healthy.

MrsCCWoods

I would talk to her and let her know that i am changing my lifestyle when it comes to how i eat, and ask her if maybe i can help her make dinner and maybe add a few healthy things into it


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