Is it rude to bring your own food?

JeaninePaige

My SO's Mom is actually really supportive of me and my weight loss.
She knows I'm watching what I eat so she will often ask if I'd like her to make me something else, like a piece of grilled chicken or some vegetables. Does your MIL know that this is important to you and that you're really trying to watch what you eat? Explain it to her. Let her know how much you love her food and you can eat it in moderation, but you have to do what is best for you and your body.

I'm sure she will understand!

Coppsj02

I had this problem with my grandmother actually, and the suggestion about bringing a side dish didn't work very well (if it's not made by her, it's not allowed in the house usually) so what I did was drank some water before going over there, and kept drinking lots of water throughout. My excuse? "Went to the doctor and I need to drink lots of water because I'm getting easily dehydrated." It's not completely a lie, and I didn't feel like eating much at all, I just ate a nice big salad when I got home!

chezmama

I have a friend who does this and I try to be understanding, but it is slightly offensive. I am fine when she brings a side dish and mostly eats that. But when she brings her own food, try as I might, it does say to me that my food isn't good enough. Then when she had hip surgery, I would have liked to have cooked a meal for her, but I was afraid to. She has gotten better about it though.

Contrarian

Yes, it is rude. As others have suggested, bring a contribution to the meal that is healthy, and just have a bit of the dishes she makes.

The rest of the world doesn't revolve around our fitness goals, and while it may seem normal to those of us who are committed to a healthy lifestyle, to people who don't think about it, bringing your own separate meal is odd, and potentially hurtful.

ricky_j_b

bring some dishes and serve them also,explain there is nothing wrong with the simple america diet,it just does not work for you,,,is she lucky to have good genes or is she overweight??

minnesota_deere

yes it is, very, the trick is to eat small portions.

bikinibeliever

It probably is. I've done it many times, will do it many more. I do explain that I am on a strict diet (hate that word!) and I don't want to screw it up. I always offer to make enough for everyone and sometimes do. I refuse to go and botch up my eating when I know there wont be a darn good thing at these functions to eat. I'm not going to starve all day either! I wouldn't do this though if I was not good friends or family with the hosting party.

cersela

I like to bring my own dish, but I usually as the hostess beforehand if it's okay.

tvanhooser

I was always taught to eat what was put in front of me without complaint, especially when I am someone else's guest. But I would say all the suggestions to try to share the cooking or trade off houses every other week could be a good compromise without offending anyone. I find the more I try to "explain myself" the more flak and opposition I get so I just keep my mouth shut and do what I need to do without creating a scene or making a family stink. I agree with the person who said an occasional day or meal "off" is worth peace in the family.

Pepper2185

Don't offend your MIL - that is one relationship not worth destroying. Plus she is having you over to her house and cooking for you - not the time/place to get on the "I'm being healthy" soapbox. My MIL is the same way, I suggest:

1) Offer to bring a side dish or the salad - if she is cooking every week, it's only fair that you chip in.
2) Get in a good workout before dinner - earn some extra calories.
3) Compliment the healthier dishes she serves, ask how she makes them, make her feel good about them.
4) Remember that you can't control every meal for the rest of your life. There will be weddings, parties, holidays, etc. that you will need to fit in to your life - use these dinners as portion control practice.

femme62209

Totally okay. I do this all the time. It's time to stop accommodating other people. It's all about you now!

cheekyleonie

Why don't you make a suggestion/offer to take something to help her out :-)

Heather_Rider

Hi! I have been in your position before.

I say sit down with her and simply explain that you and your family are trying to be healthier in order to live fuller lives, and this includes eating healthy well balanced meals. Ask her if she would like you to help her prepare the food so that it will fit into a healthier category and benefit all of you.

If she gets offended, remember you don't have to go to dinner at her place. Its optional.

THIS, but the only thing i disagree with is that your HUSBAND should be doing this. My husband makes sure that the only time we go to her house to eat, are on my cheat days.. He even goes as far as to make sure his family plans birthdays, cookouts, ect on my cheat day. Like he said.. what fun is a party if I cant enjoy it!

Kenzietea2

I would make whatever you are wanting to eat, in a large enough amount so that everyone can have some. Not only would it be a wonderful gesture, you can get away with simply trying your MIL's cooking without even having to eat an entire portion. Everyone wins
Personally, if I was cooking a meal for everyone and someone brought their own food because of dietary reasons, food allergies, etc, I would not really care or be offended...but I do know some people that would be hurt/offended.

jtjunkie

My parents expect us over every Sunday to eat. They don't cater the menu to my healthy choices so more often then not if they are grilling I bring my own veggie burger. I really don't care if it is rude or not, I shouldn't have to eat unhealthy just because they choose to, and they make plenty of fun of me for having a veggie burger too.

magerum

I bring my own food with me all the time. People shouldnt have a problem with your personal nutrion and fitness goals. If they do it is their issue not yours. Typically I've found only people with personal guilt about their own fitness and nutrition have problems with it.

Dont let anyone or anything stand in the way of your personal goals.

Oo, Oy!

Brandiberry77

I would say not. What sort of food does she make? Is there anything healthy that you can load your plate with and rave to her about? If you consistently praise her for the healthy options (wow this side salad is AMAZING I could eat it every day!) then she will make them again when you visit.

She doesn't believe in brown rice, doesn't make any vegi side dishes or salads. I have brought a salad on a couple of occasions. She seemed to be ok with that.

I know I really mis eating certain foods when I visit somewhere and they do not offer what I am used to. I have a mother who will bring her own food. Not that I cook bad but she wants to eat what she wants to eat. Eating is such a funny thing because it can be so social and personal. Though I understand and respect her there is still a negative feeling and me accepting when she does it.
You got great advice and I hope your next time out goes better for you. Good Luck!

juanita106

If I was you, I would fix a dish, say a casserole something that you could get most of your meal from and then you could just take a small amount from the things that she prepares, most people do not get offended if you bring a dish and you could always say, that you wanted to help out or was in a cooking mood! That way there is no insult involved and you were just helping out with bringing a dish!!!!

ElizabethRoad

Totally okay. I do this all the time. It's time to stop accommodating other people. It's all about you now!

Because you're on a diet, you no longer have to worry about being polite or offending people! It's only about you!

Good grief people. This is not how normal people behave. If you go to someone else's home for dinner and refuse to eat the food they prepare for you it is extremely offensive. You'd never be welcome in my home again.

orishp

I you do, bring enough for EVERYONE to try it or eat.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

This

If it were a once in a blue moon thing, or not family, I wouldn't do it, but she is supposed to be part of your family and as such I am sure that if you explain to her what you are doing, and why you are doing it, she would understand. Maybe you'll inspire the rest of the family to eat better

I once contemplated bringing my own food to a restaurant where my girlfriends were eating, I didn't, and the chef was very sweet and acomodated my needs

Jacwhite22

It's one night.....Just eat it and move on. Or don't go over there at all........It's really not that big of a deal

Loozin

My 1st instant reaction was as long as she knows you're eating healthy - NO !

But after taking a second to think about the "Family Dynamic" it may be SEEN as.

Without trying to sound too judgemental (I'm trying to lose weight - Kettle-Black) if she is cooking unhealthy for Dinner she more than possibly is eating unhealthy in general.

Depending on your "relationship" could you offer to cook a (healthy) dish one week or help her with Dinner?

It would be good fir everyone to know what kind of journey you are on, for their understanding & possibly their health too.

Good Luck,

Loozin

IronmanPanda

You should bring some of this! Everyone will love it!

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/360696-if-you-re-a-fan-of-crockpot-cheeseburgers

Irish_eyes75

Dinner with MIL EVERY WEEK???? GASP! That's the first problem - not the point, I know.

I guess the question is how confrontational are you? If you don't give a *kitten*...bring your own food. If you don't want to start WW3 in your family then I say bring a big salad or veggie dish and fill up on that and have a small portion of what she cooks. If she comments, simply tell her that you are serious about losing weight and for you the only way to stay consistent is if you have a salad/lots of veggies with every meal so as not to over eat.
Like or lump it MIL!

PS. I have a MIL...who hates me....and I have brought salad and refused dessert and she still doesn't like me....and I am ok with that.
PPS...every week???? I. Just. can't. imagine.

Irish_eyes75

It's one night.....Just eat it and move on. Or don't go over there at all........It's really not that big of a deal

clearly you don't understand the mother in law/daughter in law dynamic! :explode:

miranda_mom

I was just at a picnic yesterday. My dear friend was the hostess and she supplied the main fare (hamburgers and hot dogs) and then we each brought a dish to share. She did have one friend who brought her own salmon burger and I thought that was great - better than the people who were going "Well I don't eat this" and "I don't eat that". I think that's ruder.

nenyablue

I think it's rude to have to pretend to like eating someone else's unhealthy cooking because they aren't willing to be supportive of your dietary needs. You aren't calling ahead and telling her to cook something just for you - that, in my opinion, is what is rude.

That being said...

I would call her this week and let her know your doctor has cracked the whip and told you to completely change what you eat. Tell her you're a little overwhelmed because it's going to be such a big change, and that you don't know how to handle the weekly dinner, and then ask her what she'd prefer - for you to bring something of your own, or a healthy dish to share. I would use the phrase 'my doctor said I need to completely change what I eat' and make the doctor your bad guy.

This is how I handled it when I went on Medifast back in the day - my family still pressured me to eat their unhealthy meals, but when they saw I stuck with my plan, they got used to it. Even though I only did the fast for six months, the idea that I am eating on 'doctor's orders' persists to this day (6 years later) and no one bats an eye about me bringing my own huge salads to family dinners and avoiding trigger food.

I always offer to bring something to share, and that seems to keep everyone happy (they all say NO, though - funny!).

skinnyfithealthyme

My boyfriends mom made us prime rib and three mayo based salads - they were very very heavy. My solution was to load up on prime rib and take a spoonful of everything else. I spread it around my plate when she wasn't looking to make it appear as if I took more than I had. Then I ate about half of it lol at least I got my protein.
Just watch portions, offer to bring a side dish. If she questions you tell her it's because your doctor's making you watch what you eat. I always bring a side dish because I'm lactose intolerant and layering cheese on delicious things seems to be a pretty popular thing at my family get togethers.

paygep

I would eat before i got there and just eat a little of the food there.

This! I would be offended if my dinner guests didn't eat my food. But I wouldn't mind if they put less on their plate.

thebrianmo

My mother in law invites us to dinner every week. I usually make do with what she makes, but it's usually not healthy.
Now that I am getting serious with clean eating, would it be ok to bring your own food or not?

I probably have a very different view point on this than a lot of people, but I say take your own food. I certainly would. For me personally, I pay A LOT of money to participate in the medical weight loss program I am in and I am on a very strict 1200 calorie per day eating plan. I know what I can eat and what I absolutely cannot eat. If someone invites me to their house for dinner and doesn't bother to find out what I can and cannot eat then I either A) eat before I go, b) take my own food, or C) don't go at all.

My health and wellness is far more important than someone allowing their feelings to be hurt because I now make healthy, positive choices about what I put in my body and they want to feed people crap.

You're health is too important as well.