Is it rude to bring your own food?

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Replies

  • TexasSunny
    TexasSunny Posts: 87 Member
    I don't think it's rude. We have Sunday dinner here every week. My DIL is always working on her fitness... she often brings some healthy side dish. It doesn't always appeal to me (she likes veggies WAY more than I do!) so I send the left overs home with her.

    Keep bringing the salad, and maybe add a side dish.

    She MAY think it's rude. But if that is the worst thing that she can say about you...that you eat healthy.... then everything is OK!

    :)
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    If this were asked on an etiquette forum (or anywhere else that's not fitness related) people would be horrified.
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    It might be better to offer to bring a dish such as a healthy vegetable side dish, rather than bringing your own separate meal.

    I agree. And you can eat a lot of yours and just a taste of other things.

    There's more to life than dieting - and one of them is family.

    My sister in law has a lot of pretty severe dietary limits (vegetarian, limits on types of grains, etc. etc.). My nieces also have particular food needs. My mom tries to accommodate, but one of the easiest things for my sister-in-law is if she just puts out some good, plain food (green beans, squash) that definitely fit. Then my sister-in-law and brother bring a nice dish to share.

    Now I know both MY mother-in-law and my mother love it when we offer to cook. It's great to have family over, but it's also great to have help.

    My mother-in-law gets insulted when my husband says anything about the healthiness of her food. Especially as she and my father-in-law are on low salt/fat diets and everything they eat is too salty and fatty for us! Our cooking solves the problem.
  • clw2381
    clw2381 Posts: 5
    I would talk to her and see how she feels about it. I bring my own food to my MILs because she does not eat healthy in the slightest nad she does not mind. We only see each other every few months though.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
    If I were the one cooking and someone brought their own food I would be mortified - though if someone offered to bring a side dish/salad I'd be happy for it :) I think it's all about the communication.

    My MIL's idea of cooking is Kraft dinner, pre-packaged "steakettes" (looks like a hamburger patty) and instant mashed potatoes. I will eat something healthy before I go over and have a little bit of her cooking to say I ate something. Unfortunately if I even offered to bring something I am sure we wouldn't hear the end of how much I offended her.

    I had to go over there this morning to have muffins for breakfast.. I brought some of my low cal black bean cakes and listened to her tell me that I was supposed to bring muffins and not 'cupcakes' for the next 2 hours. One of her muffins = 3 x the calories of my 'cupcakes'.. I hate people sometimes.
  • momtokgo
    momtokgo Posts: 446 Member
    I think it would be rude to take an entire meal for yourself, but there is nothing wrong with offering to bring a side or the salad and just fill up on that with a little bit of what your MIL made, but it really depends on how close you are to your MIL. If you are very close you might just be able to explain that you are eating a certain way and you would like to stick to by bringing your own food.

    I take all my own food when I visit my IL's, but I'm a vegan with celiac disease that can't eat added oils (because of my IBS). Not much choice but to bring food myself. I can't eat hotdogs and french fries for dinner with everyone else or I would be very very sick the next day.
  • wookiemouse
    wookiemouse Posts: 290 Member
    I wouldn't EVER tell her you're trying to eat "healthier" now because that means her food is UNhealthy. HUGE put down.

    My MIL is Satan, but what I would do - lie to her. Tell her you weren't feeling well lately and the doctor did some tests and s/he thinks it might be food related, so you're carefully watching what you eat. Ask her in advance what she's planning to make and then find some of it that will work for you and offer to bring a side dish that you know is "ok" for you to have (ie, if she's planning fried chicken, you can at least take off the skin!).
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,901 Member
    I you do, bring enough for EVERYONE to try it or eat.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
    Well, if she's inviting you over for dinner and is cooking for you guys, yeah, it's probably rude. Why not offer to help with dinner or make it yourself one night instead? Or depending on your relationship with her, just explain you're trying to eat healthy.
  • MrsCCWoods
    MrsCCWoods Posts: 142 Member
    I would talk to her and let her know that i am changing my lifestyle when it comes to how i eat, and ask her if maybe i can help her make dinner and maybe add a few healthy things into it

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  • JeaninePaige
    JeaninePaige Posts: 464 Member
    My SO's Mom is actually really supportive of me and my weight loss.
    She knows I'm watching what I eat so she will often ask if I'd like her to make me something else, like a piece of grilled chicken or some vegetables. Does your MIL know that this is important to you and that you're really trying to watch what you eat? Explain it to her. Let her know how much you love her food and you can eat it in moderation, but you have to do what is best for you and your body.

    I'm sure she will understand!
  • Coppsj02
    Coppsj02 Posts: 5 Member
    I had this problem with my grandmother actually, and the suggestion about bringing a side dish didn't work very well (if it's not made by her, it's not allowed in the house usually) so what I did was drank some water before going over there, and kept drinking lots of water throughout. My excuse? "Went to the doctor and I need to drink lots of water because I'm getting easily dehydrated." It's not completely a lie, and I didn't feel like eating much at all, I just ate a nice big salad when I got home!
  • chezmama
    chezmama Posts: 396 Member
    I have a friend who does this and I try to be understanding, but it is slightly offensive. I am fine when she brings a side dish and mostly eats that. But when she brings her own food, try as I might, it does say to me that my food isn't good enough. Then when she had hip surgery, I would have liked to have cooked a meal for her, but I was afraid to. She has gotten better about it though.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Yes, it is rude. As others have suggested, bring a contribution to the meal that is healthy, and just have a bit of the dishes she makes.

    The rest of the world doesn't revolve around our fitness goals, and while it may seem normal to those of us who are committed to a healthy lifestyle, to people who don't think about it, bringing your own separate meal is odd, and potentially hurtful.
  • ricky_j_b
    ricky_j_b Posts: 64 Member
    bring some dishes and serve them also,explain there is nothing wrong with the simple america diet,it just does not work for you,,,is she lucky to have good genes or is she overweight??
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
    yes it is, very, the trick is to eat small portions.
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
    It probably is. I've done it many times, will do it many more. I do explain that I am on a strict diet (hate that word!) and I don't want to screw it up. I always offer to make enough for everyone and sometimes do. I refuse to go and botch up my eating when I know there wont be a darn good thing at these functions to eat. I'm not going to starve all day either! I wouldn't do this though if I was not good friends or family with the hosting party.
  • cersela
    cersela Posts: 160 Member
    I like to bring my own dish, but I usually as the hostess beforehand if it's okay.
  • tvanhooser
    tvanhooser Posts: 326 Member
    I was always taught to eat what was put in front of me without complaint, especially when I am someone else's guest. But I would say all the suggestions to try to share the cooking or trade off houses every other week could be a good compromise without offending anyone. I find the more I try to "explain myself" the more flak and opposition I get so I just keep my mouth shut and do what I need to do without creating a scene or making a family stink. I agree with the person who said an occasional day or meal "off" is worth peace in the family.
  • Pepper2185
    Pepper2185 Posts: 994 Member
    Don't offend your MIL - that is one relationship not worth destroying. Plus she is having you over to her house and cooking for you - not the time/place to get on the "I'm being healthy" soapbox. My MIL is the same way, I suggest:

    1) Offer to bring a side dish or the salad - if she is cooking every week, it's only fair that you chip in.
    2) Get in a good workout before dinner - earn some extra calories.
    3) Compliment the healthier dishes she serves, ask how she makes them, make her feel good about them.
    4) Remember that you can't control every meal for the rest of your life. There will be weddings, parties, holidays, etc. that you will need to fit in to your life - use these dinners as portion control practice.

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