need advice from men and women *warning TMI*

runzalot81

Everyone else has already pointed out the low libido due to depression, meds, and testosterone.

Also, he could be experiencing potency issues with age.

Men are very sensitive about these issues so definitely be sensitive when talking about it. It shouldn't be "put out or get out" or "I have needs..." Do make sure he understands that you want him. Very much! It might give him a little courage to talk to his doctor.

Wonderob

I am just asking for a fresh perspective....

My wife has lost 15 lbs and is now at her ideal weight. She was sexy and still is.

When we're in bed she feels different - more toned, muscley, firm. Great!

Just sometimes though I get a strange feeling in the back of my mind, just fleetingly. It doesn't feel like what I'm used to - a pang of guilt that I'm with someone else! Not enough to make any difference at all, but if my wife had lost a lot in a short amount of time then I'm not sure if that would magnify the feeling? Just a fleeting moment of guilt might be all it takes?

I dunno - just putting it out there

Sinisi2012

It is hard on the spouse when depression is involved. You are feeling better because you are healthier and want to share that. But he is battling something so different that I bet he can't even explain it to you. Maybe seeing you get healthier and happier is sub consciously making him worry you will leave him. That you are proving you don't need him anymore to be happy.

Go talk to someone who can help you better understand what your husband is dealing with.

This^^

My boyfriend and I have not been getting along lately, aside from dealing with depression, he just told me that he thinks that I am obsessed with my weight loss journey and thinks I need to stop. I explained that it was a healthy obsession and I sought the advice of a personal trainer and a nurtitionist and they both have me on the right track and I assured me I am doing things the right way. Then last night we got in an argument and he said it's because he knows what is going to happen, I am going to lose all this weight and leave him. I have reassured him that I want to get healthy for me and sexy for HIM so I can feel confident about wearing lingerie and trying new things with him. I've invited him to the gym with me, I've talked with him about tyring new foods, he loves to cook so I thought it would be fun to try new things together. He is not buying it and refuses to support me, but I am not going to let him sabotage my weight loss plans, my health and happiness has to come 1st. I wish he would understand that I want to be fit, healthy and sexy with HIM, either way, I would leave him before cheating. My marriage ended when I caught my ex cheating on me and there is no way I could do that to anyone, no matter what the circumstance are. I would not feel right about myself

msmith2020

maybe the new Meryl Streep movie will help... idk.. its about awkward sex between a couple who have become "immune" to intimacy...

sukatx

When you got married 12 years ago, were you 125 lbs heavier than you are now? If you were, that's how he fell in love with you. That's what he was attracted to. Perhaps he's physically attracted to overweight women? And now that you're no longer overweight, the attraction (no matter how much he loves you) is gone?

Happened with my first husband and me. He met me when I was 60 lbs overweight. He married me when I was 60 lbs overweight. Over the course of the marriage, I lost 60 lbs. He completely lost interest in me. His 2nd wife is significantly overweight.

Some men are attracted to blondes. Some men are attracted to tall women. And yes, some men are attracted to overweight women, too.

Since you're asking for advice, I definitely think you should talk to him about it. Tell him it hurts that you feel like he's not attracted to you. You'll probably hear that he is attracted to you, he's just having some other troubles.

P.S.- I concur with the PPs that said that some antidepressants have sexual side effects. It's easy enough to find out using WebMD.

lalaa2012

Hi!

I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to reply to me.

Tuesday night was good and then went really bad:
I was making dinner. Turkey sausages on the George forman & microwaved corn. He did show interest kissing my neck and arms around me. I breathed to him What do you want to do? in a take me like fashon (Like tell me you want ME and lets go!) He said lets have dinner first. Keep in mind he has to be atwork 10pm and leave at 9:30pm. this was 7:30pm after dinner he ate a bowl of cereal and at 9pm we watch baseball (I love baseball btw..) before his shower 9pm... He grabbed me to go with him...

I was like oh!!! now you want it so you can jump off me and take a shower and leave in less than a 1/2 hour??????
get the motor running and never take the car out of park.

I told him I am not a chore....I couldn't have been more hurt....

& Last night was terrible...
we were talking about the previous night and he said he married me because he loved me not just for sex.... later took it back saying he knows it is important to the marriage but he wants quickies not bells and whistles....I think I got 3 hours of sleep last night going over it in my mind.

So we are both going to therapy next Tuesday. I am hoping for it will help.

Thanks again!

hbrittingham

Hi!

I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to reply to me.

Tuesday night was good and then went really bad:
I was making dinner. Turkey sausages on the George forman & microwaved corn. He did show interest kissing my neck and arms around me. I breathed to him What do you want to do? in a take me like fashon (Like tell me you want ME and lets go!) He said lets have dinner first. Keep in mind he has to be atwork 10pm and leave at 9:30pm. this was 7:30pm after dinner he ate a bowl of cereal and at 9pm we watch baseball (I love baseball btw..) before his shower 9pm... He grabbed me to go with him...

I was like oh!!! now you want it so you can jump off me and take a shower and leave in less than a 1/2 hour??????
get the motor running and never take the car out of park.

I told him I am not a chore....I couldn't have been more hurt....

& Last night was terrible...
we were talking about the previous night and he said he married me because he loved me not just for sex.... later took it back saying he knows it is important to the marriage but he wants quickies not bells and whistles....I think I got 3 hours of sleep last night going over it in my mind.

So we are both going to therapy next Tuesday. I am hoping for it will help.

Thanks again!

I am glad you are both going to therapy.

Unfortunately, you will need it for a while. He tried to initiate and you flat out turned him down. Even if it was only 30 minutes of lovemaking, he was still making the effort and you rejected him. Think about how hurt you felt and realize that you just hurt him in the same way. Hopefully therapy will help you both to communicate in a more positive manner.

lalaa2012

Your 100% right I did turn him down. I was hurt that I was pushed back to the very last few minutes. He still had to shower and get ready for work. That's why we talked last night. Seems like he wants to satify himself and leave. He had from 7:30pm and he waited until 9:00pm. He works nights and I work days... I wasn't looking for 30minutes of lovemaking, he simply didnot have that much time - had he pulled me 15minutes to 9 then it wouldn't be too rushed...I'd like some time enjoy him too.

Therapy is going to be in order...

Hi!

I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to reply to me.

Tuesday night was good and then went really bad:
I was making dinner. Turkey sausages on the George forman & microwaved corn. He did show interest kissing my neck and arms around me. I breathed to him What do you want to do? in a take me like fashon (Like tell me you want ME and lets go!) He said lets have dinner first. Keep in mind he has to be atwork 10pm and leave at 9:30pm. this was 7:30pm after dinner he ate a bowl of cereal and at 9pm we watch baseball (I love baseball btw..) before his shower 9pm... He grabbed me to go with him...

I was like oh!!! now you want it so you can jump off me and take a shower and leave in less than a 1/2 hour??????
get the motor running and never take the car out of park.

I told him I am not a chore....I couldn't have been more hurt....

& Last night was terrible...
we were talking about the previous night and he said he married me because he loved me not just for sex.... later took it back saying he knows it is important to the marriage but he wants quickies not bells and whistles....I think I got 3 hours of sleep last night going over it in my mind.

So we are both going to therapy next Tuesday. I am hoping for it will help.

Thanks again!

I am glad you are both going to therapy.

Unfortunately, you will need it for a while. He tried to initiate and you flat out turned him down. Even if it was only 30 minutes of lovemaking, he was still making the effort and you rejected him. Think about how hurt you felt and realize that you just hurt him in the same way. Hopefully therapy will help you both to communicate in a more positive manner.