Relationships
Replies
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I really guess it is how comfortable you are, I mean my wife and I are both extremely flirty people, but as I said together 20 years, we know everything and do not hide anything.
I'll put it this way, she was at work and their power went out... she texted me.
"Bummer the power went out at work"
I replied, " that stinks, well no making out with anyone in the dark!"
she replies, " darn, how did you know? LOL"
you gotta laugh peeps, or it's no fun
We do that sort of stuff too. Like I said, I have never been the jealous GF to him or anyone else, except with that one chick, but that is because I feel he crossed a line by writing some of those things in the past.0 -
I was just wondering, how would you feel if your bf/gf/spouse/etc. spoke to an ex on a regular bases? Under which circumstances would it bother you or not?
- Jenny
It is totally natural to feel a little bothered, but, if he's being completely open with it, then you should have nothing to worry about. Like @yksdoris said, if/when they hide it, you should be worried.
Have you tried talking to him? Tell him your concerns?
I know from previous experience that jealousy is a horrible thing. It eats away at you and makes you become suspicious and bitter. It'll ultimately ruin a relationship.
I hope you're able to work it out.0 -
i hate it, and they know
they stopped many many years ago, and now it is sort of awkward whenever they are around common friends, but at least they know their boundaries finally
Well aren't you a treat....
I speak to quite a few of my exes and generally have done. Unless something really bad happens then I don't see any reason not to. The relationship side of it may have broken down, but that's no reason to ignore each other forever.
If my gf had an issue with it, then that would be her issue. That's not to say I wouldn't care, but I wouldn't not see a friend because my gf was irrationally jealous.
I couldn't be in a situation like the one the above poster's bf is in where they have to feel awkward around each other, but that's ok because 'they know their boundaries finally'...
lol
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Okay, so it didn't work out romantically with an ex. That means I have to stop caring about them? Were you not friends when you were together? Why does the friednship have to end? My ex and I know each other better than anyone. We had went through some really traumatic things together. He's a part of my past and my past is what makes up who I am. When we broke up there were hurt feelings, but we got over it. There is no desire to get back together. But there is a desire to not lose the kinship we had. I don't think it's fair or right for someone to demand I give that up.I believe that your ex is your ex for a reason. So, unless you have kids, you should cut all ties with them out of respect for your new partner.0 -
Mine did, and after discussing it was deemed not acceptable, especially as she was also asking if his penis was still pierced...
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Mine did, and after discussing it was deemed not acceptable, especially as she was also asking if his penis was still pierced...
well was it? :laugh:
definitely would have pissed me off
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OUCh why would you do that...
for teh record mine is not, I am happy the way it is
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I agree with elizabat that its possible to maintain a platonic relationship after things break off.... Allycat I love that pic , lol0
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I agree with elizabat that its possible to maintain a platonic relationship after things break off.... Allycat I love that pic , lol
:laugh:
you and I both laugh, but ask my SO, I probably have looked like that once or twice after finding things I didn't like in his contact with one of his exes. I am ashamed to admit it tbh, but hey.. we can't always be perfect- right?0 -
Nope perfect is not where I'm at either especially when it comes to angry, though angry can sometimes be very attractive. I once heard a quote that its about progress not perfection anyways. Btw, theres. Lathing wrong w getting angry when it's warranted 0
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My boyfriends ex girlfriend is one of his, and now my, best friends. They were together for 7 years when they were young- teens to early 20's. They're now both in their 30's. I admittedly had my reservations at first but she is one of the loveliest people I have ever met and is a fantastic friend to me. It's blatantly obvious that they split up because they became friends rather than lovers. I'm very glad she's in my life!0
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I find it quite difficult in relationships , I rabbit on a lot, and if I talk about what friends get up to, cars, technology, random things I often get accused of 'going on' I love people who can just jibber endlessness about anything and dont hang off every point, twist it and make it an issue.
If you are just choosing to make the ex an issue, because that is what you tend to do then you have the problem, you are a control freak.
If there generally is a belief something is 'going on' behind your back or even simply they are more into the ex than you - that is a reality you should probably not ignore. However, the solution to that is go your separate ways - not bully into submission - you can't change people0 -
I've been on both sides of the issue: I've had a guy cheat on my with his ex, and I've stopped dating someone who objected to me being friends with an ex.
The real question, as someone else said, is whether you trust your SO. To me, red flags would be the SO a) hiding the friendship or otherwise being deceptive about it, b) being unwilling to spend time with both ex and current SO together, c) constantly comparing the current SO to the ex in a way that flatters the ex., or d) spending so much time communicating with the ex that it impacts the current relationship.
Other than that, I think someone who who opposes being friends with ex on principle is a control freak.0 -
My bf has to talk to his ex because they have a kid together. But i dont trust him due to the fact that he has lied about what he has said to her before. He has made her look great and made me feel like i will never be good enough. We have been off and on for a long time. The last 2 yrs we have been together straight but I think i will always feel that he would take her over me.0
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I'm actually really good friends with an ex of mine, when his girlfriend (now wife) first met me she was a bit wary because of our past (we were together for 2 years) but now we all get along great. I was actually her bridesmaid at the wedding because she knows how good friends me and Adam are so wanted me to be part of it.
We split up amicably - he went in the army and I went to Uni and neither of us could cope with the long distance.0 -
I talk to my EX husband a few times a month. Our son is 26, but we still talk about what is going on in his life. My husband doesn't mind at all.0
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A thread with lots of insecure people! LOL0
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If you trust your partner then it shouldn't bother you at all
i agree.
i also decided a long time ago that i wasn't going to waste my time worrying about things i could not control. I treat my wife very well, and try to find something to do daily to make her life better. that is the stuff i can control. i don't care who she talks to. If she is going to stray, then she's going to stray no matter what i do.0 -
He does, it doesn't bother me.0
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It wouldn't bother me. As long as there is trust, it should be an issue.0
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It depends on the context. There are sometimes children in the relationship. That makes talking to them different than a 2 year relationship that was intense or like a first love or something. I would feel uncomfortable with my boyfriend talking to an ex of his IF HE DID NOT TELL ME. And like what mrysnshn said, lieing about it is even more inappropriate.
Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.0 -
Why do I feel like you aren't "just wondering"? That you bumped this thread three minutes after creating it tells me it's more than a innocent question you are simply curious about. I could be wrong, though.I was just wondering, how would you feel if your bf/gf/spouse/etc. spoke to an ex on a regular bases? Under which circumstances would it bother you or not?
I'm old and boring and don't expect you, at 19, to fully appreciate what I'm going to say. I don't mean to be condescending. You are probably far more mature than I was at 19. But relationships at 19 are a lot different than they are at 29. Or 39. And us old farts aren't any smarter or better or anything like that. We've simply had more practice making the same mistakes. That's all it is.
If you trust your relationship - trust your partner, trust yourself, trust in the relationship itself - a lot of stuff doesn't matter. There will always be attractive people my wife talks to. There will be ex-boyfriends, men she has had a history with, etc. I don't worry about it because I can't. I just don't have the energy. (another advantage of getting older is getting more tired - which forces you to be selective about things that are truly worth getting upset over).
The fact is, if my wants to talk to an ex, and somehow they fall in love and sneak off to Cancun or something, it would feel pretty terrible. I'm not making light of infidelity. However, the hard part to accept (and maybe the piece that will be tough for you) is that if my wife was willing to do that, me getting upset about her having coffee with an ex isn't going to change anything.
If my wife wants to be with me, then she will act accordingly. If I want to be with my wife, I will act accordingly. I'll go so far as to say that it's not even about trusting whether she talks to an ex or not, but about whether she wants to be in the relationship with me. And I trust that she does. And I know that I do. So, we don't have that problem.
In other words, the important thing is whether you and your partner want to be together. Try as we might (with the help of insecurity, neurosis and Hallmark), there is no other question more crucial as that one. If you and your partner want to be together, act accordingly. Everything else follows.
I'm saying all of this from the comfort of a 17-year relationship (married 15). I think that if you are in a relationship with someone and his/her behavior is bothering you, you should talk about it. You can talk about something without being demanding. You can talk about something without freaking out. You can talk about it without having expectations. Just talk about it. Get it out there. Own it. Focus on you. Be patient.0 -
Well, It all depends I guess. Im still friends with some of my EX's so Id expect my self and them to be just as understanding0
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On a regular basis? I'd absolutely have a problem with it. It's not about trust; it's about respect for each other and the relationship. If you are involved with someone else, it IS disrespectful to maintain regular contact with a person with whom you were once in love and/or shared a sexual relationship. It's one thing to say hi when you see each other in the grocery store. It's entirely another to be talking on the phone, texting, e-mailing, Facebooking, having lunch/dinner, etc., on a regular basis.0
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I also disagree with the premise that if a person is being open about it, that means there's nothing to worry about. Ever hear the expression "hiding in plain sight?" I dated a guy earlier this year who did exactly that. He told me upfront that he was still friends with several of his exes and one of them in particular was really leaning on him at the moment because she had just lost her job and her mother was in really poor health and she had two young children to take care of, blah blah blah. I was not the nosy type or the untrusting type, so it never really concerned me that he texted back and forth with this girl a lot. He frequently did it while he was sitting right next to me, so I figured it couldn't be that big of a deal. He would hide it from me if it was anything I needed to be worried about ... or so I thought. Then one night he texted me to tell me he was still in love with her, and I realized it was part of his plan all along ... do everything out in the open to make me think he was trustworthy.0
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My husband and I got married young (21) so he didn't have many serious relationships, aside from one. All the other girls were high school girl friends. He made a comment after we got married that "she's the only other woman he would have put a ring on the finger of" Nice, huh? It's been 4-5 years since he has said that, but whenever her name comes up, I still fume on the inside.... I try not to say anything, but I think he knows better by now. They speak very infrequently.0
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I was just wondering, how would you feel if your bf/gf/spouse/etc. spoke to an ex on a regular bases? Under which circumstances would it bother you or not?
- Jenny
My SO knows there is one girl that I cannot stand him talking to - it turns me into a raging ***** and has come close to messing up our relationship. The reason it pisses me off so much? The content of his messages to her.
All his other exes I have no problems with
This, a 100% this. Still pisses me off to think about it0 -
Now if it is your significant other talking to their ex that they have children with I can see that being different (there is nothing you can do about it-they have children together they are going to communicate). I look at it this way, if you are looking for trouble your gonna find it. If your significant other is communicating via text and calling or hanging out with an ex without you then to me that is a red flag and is inconsiderate of the others feelings. I don't see any reason they can't say "hey how have you been"--something along those lines; but if it is something they wouldnt say infront of you then that is not a good sign (hiding things and just "not saying anything" is just a bad as lying in my book when you are in a monogomous relationship). Exes are never a good topic and can cause such havoc in a relationship, jealousy is a awful emotion to feel.0
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