LADIES 30+ ONLY!!! A Woman's Confession...

chocoholicdiva · August 2012

THIS is a little embarassing for someone like me to admit, but...I'm 34 years old and a virgin. :blushing:

Yup, you read that right, I'm a virgin. At 34. Why? A number of factors really. I can't get a boyfriend for starts. No one wants me. Part of the reason no one wants me is I have epilepsy. I mean, bad epilepsy. I hardly go a day without a seizure. Miracle if I get past a week being free of one. And I can't go shopping without a wheelchair. I mean I OWN my own wheelchair, and I can walk. The lighting in the stores are a seizure trigger for me.

Now, do you think a man would want a woman like that? Damaged goods? I doubt it. :noway:

But, I've been popped. I've had one Pap test in my whole life - horrific experience considering the doctor didn't bother to ask me if I was sexually active - and never a single one after. I have friends with 12 year old kids. Friends who have had two kids at opposite ends of the year. You get the idea. And I've never had the experience. EVER. So, my question is, what was it like for you? Or is it like for you? I have no idea and know I'm "missing out" as some of my friends say, so what's your experiences like? I'm curious so when I finally meet Mr. Right, I'll at least have a clue...

ambitious01 · August 2012

Okay, I am 40 years old and childless. I've been married twice. I am now married to a man 17 years my senior with a granddaughter. She calls me granny and I don't even like it. I'm awkward at best.

As for you, when you meet that special someone you will be a national treasure. :happy:

_EmmaStrong_ · August 2012

Please don't put yourself down like that! You are beautiful and precious. You will meet the right man, someday and he will love you for your abilities, not your disabilities. You, my dear, are NOT damaged goods.

vivie72 · August 2012

I agree. You will only have something to offer someone when you truly believe it. You can't expect another person to love you when you don't love yourself.

TheFitHooker · August 2012

I'm sad that you feel like you are damaged goods. You are who you are, who care's what you have, the right man will accept you for the person you are and love you and care for you. That man might have not came alone yet, but he will. Seeing that you think so negatively of yourself, makes me wonder, do you find yourself worthy to be loved by someone else? Do you love yourself? Once you can love yourself, it opens the door for others to also love you. I'm sure you have a lot to offer and we all have something about ourselves we could describe as "damaged goods" so to speak. We just have to focus on the positive things about ourselves and just deal with the negatives as they arise. I don't know much about your condition, but if my husband had that, I would not love him any less for it.

sweetchildomine · August 2012

What everyone else says. None of those things means you'll never end up with anyone. My boyfriend has epilepsy and I love him more than anything in this world. You are NOT damaged goods! You are a beautiful person and the right person will come along when the time is right!

caraiselite · August 2012

sex is stupid and boring and you're really not missing anything. play with your *kitten*. it's way better than some sweaty dude flopping around on top of you not even hitting the gspot.

TheFitHooker · August 2012

Yikes sorry that you haven't been with a man who can please you. I very much enjoy it.

MissShancey · August 2012

^this^
(well not 100% this... like 40% this lol .. i love me some men haha ..)

alleycat88 · August 2012

I would think a seizure could do wonders for the sex life.

sorry. trying to make a joke.

But honey, you can have sex with a guy no problem. YOU have what every man wants, a pu$sy and if you really want to have sex the only thing stopping you, is you.

ScarlettIsSpiffing · August 2012

I have to agree with Mama to Seth, please don't put yourself down like that, you are definately not damaged good but a beautiful woman who needs to learn to love herself and open her eyes to all her good qualities before she can be open to love from others.
Good luck in the search for your prince charming, but in the meantime work a little bit each day on your own self esteem & love the godess you are
x

SurfinBird1981 · August 2012

I'm sure you will find Mr right one day!
I would definitely go for a smear more often though, cervical cancer is a silent killer but is easy to treat if found soon enough.
I had some pre cancerous activity and it only took a day to sort it out.

Best of luck!,

JennieAL · August 2012

I wouldn't worry about it unless it really bothers you. If you want to have sex, there are many ways of making that happen

You can certainly get it if you want it. Just be careful and use protection. Be safe.

As for love and sex... involving a man (or woman, if that's your thing) well, somehow you're going to have to put yourself out there around some men. Or online meeting perhaps. And you're going to have to have some confidence in yourself to do that. Enough to engage in conversation and get something going.

And in the meantime... toys are fun

And so are fingers. I think probably the best thing you can have is an open mind about your sexuality and your own body... know how it works and what you like before you meet the guy... then you can help him please you

lulabellewoowoo · August 2012

Sex is a hit and miss thing. 5 to 20 minutes of wow, or not so wow. But making love is wonderful and doesn't usually have a lot to do with sex but rather than connection you have with that special someone. So as far as the physical sensation, hit and miss. But when you meet that someone (AND YOU WILL!!!!) then the pleasure will be from the tip of your head through your toes, and he may not even touch you.

BTW, my husband says that men find confident women sexy. Whether it be the quiet type or outgoing. So continue working on your almost perfect self and eventually that person will come along that finally deserves your greatness.

Sidebar - with your age, really should get another checkup. There are plenty of awesome GYN out there and our 30s are the time for more diligent surveillance. Ovarian and cervical cancer and such disorders (which are quickly treatable with early detection) do not care whether you are getting some or not. :flowerforyou:

sparklelioness · August 2012

First of all, dont consider yourself damaged goods. It seems that you live your life and have learned how to live with your epilepsy, right? You'll meet the right guy someday, but not if you see yourself as damaged goods-to be honest, that attitude may have more to do with your lack of dates/sex than your 'disability'. Guys like women who are confident...women who give off the vibe 'i know i have something special and i'm worth your time, and worth you pursueing me'. Not 'i'm damaged and i'll be lucky to get a guy to look at me.

Also, we all have issues. Epilepsy just happens to be yours. I have issues, tho you wouldnt know it to look at me. When my fiance and i started dating, i told him two weeks in. He stayed with me. And before you think that my issue must be minor-its not. But he loved me, and he wanted me, regardless of my issue. You can find someone who'll love and want you too, but you have to love yourself and believe youre worth it.

As for your question whats sex like? Its amazing, and beautiful, and exciting, and it makes you feel alive

kaseysospacey · August 2012

I know I don't reach your age requirement, but I have been having sex on a regular basis for about 7 1/2 years so I am going to assume I qualify to say something

I agree with the people who show concern over your "damaged goods" statement. What is damaged? You may have a disorder, but no one is perfect. One of my friends in high school, her mom had epilepsy similar to how you described. Seizures all the time, even with a regimen of medications. But she got married and had kids anyway, because she didn't allowe herself to be defined by her epilepsy. It wasn't "Hi, I'm Sharon. I'm epileptic". It was "Hi, I'm Sharon".

If what you want is a healthy fulfilling relationship, it is better to feel like you deserve one first. If you think you are damaged goods or unworthy, you are making it harder for yourself. I struggled for years wondering why my SO liked me, because I had such low self esteem that I just couldn't imagine why he could want to be with me. I still sort of do, and we've been together since 2004. Try to find some things you like about you. Try to find something you like to do, and go do it and meet people who are interested in the same thing.

If all you want is sex, well, you could meet someone online or at a bar or something. It really wouldn't be hard if you were determined. But I wouldn't recommend your first sexual experience to be a random hookup. It seems like it would leave you feeling worse in the end, and lonelier. I'm not super experienced in this personally, because I've only been with my SO.

Confidence makes people look good. Try to find some for yourself, and you will look and feel better. Be social. Do whatever you can, in whatever limits you need from your epilepsy, to get out there.

Lone_Wolf70 · August 2012

This is the saddest thread I have ever read...and I mean more of the responses than the OP.

AwesomelyAmber · August 2012

Yes exactly!!!! :noway: Crossing my fingers that you find the right guy that can 'get it done' for you, better than you can for yourself.... yikes.
OP... there is someone out there for sure that will love you for you :flowerforyou:

EmCarroll1990 · August 2012

Oh, this is just sad.

LilMissSunshine_ · August 2012

Esssh I can see you have slept with some real winners.

felice03 · August 2012

I don't have any words of wisdom or snark on this one...

FYI-PAPs hurting have nothing to do with if you are sexually active or not, they suck for everyone. PLEASE get them regularly, it may save your life.

EmCarroll1990 · August 2012

THIS. It saved my mom's.

hbrittingham · August 2012

Whoa. I'm sorry that's all it's been for you. Hopefully you will find it to be much more than that with the right person, if that's what you would like.

To the OP, you are NOT damaged goods. My husband is an epileptic, it's controlled now by medication, but when we were first together he was having grande mal seizures a couple of times a week. I still dated and then married him and we've been together for 22 years.

I wonder if there are activities that you can participate in that are not held where there are the florescent lights that trigger your seizures. I am assuming that medication can't totally control them. Maybe some outdoor activities?

Good luck. If you are interested in a relationship and eventually sex, I am sure you will be able to find the right person for you.

pastryari · August 2012

You're doing it wrong.

yoovie · August 2012

This would have been a funny thread if you hadnt included epilepsy.

infamousmk · August 2012

You'll find a man that loves you when you are sure you love yourself. Are you in the dating scene at all? Do you have social hobbies that bring you in contact with men that share your interests?

We're all frucking damaged in one way or another... but getting right within ourselves and finding someone we can share good times with, weather bad times with, and put up with is pretty awesome. You'll get there, too!

Also, sex is pretty effing great. As long as you don't have a bunch of sexual hangups and just try to have fun with someone you care about (or maybe just someone you don't mind swapping fluids with), it's the best.

odusgolp · August 2012

You are NOT DAMAGED GOODS! You stop that. Stop that right now.

Krizzle4Rizzle · August 2012

I agree with Em. Being with the right person makes sex 1000 times better.

OP - You will find some one. You need self confidance and don't talk about yourself so badly.

ahmommy · August 2012

I'm sorry you feel like damaged goods

You are not. Finding that special someone is about finding the person who loves you despite your imperfections - it's not about actually being perfect. In fact, who wants to be with someone perfect? How could you ever live up to that?

CONFIDENCE is sexy, and even better, sex is better when you're confident! If you're embarrassed and self-conscious, you're going to hold back and you won't get the most out of the experience.

leslisa · August 2012

Not seeing a lot of replies that answer your actual question which is, what's it really like. So here's my answer. It's varying degrees of frigging amazing to so sucky you'd think you'd never want it again.

When it's the wrong guy it's friggin' wrong. When it's the right guy, when he's caring and puts your needs first, it's really good. If you accept each other completely, all the good, all the bad, realizing there is no perfect shape, etc. and can talk about what you each want then, to me, that's when it is truly amazing (BTW, that's what I have now).

Honestly, the reality for me is that if something happened to hubby I'd probably invest in some batteries 'cause really, most of the men I know are dumba$$es. They can't help it. It seems to be in their nature. And I'm not the nicest person on the face of the earth anyway so I doubt men would be standing in line at my door and I am totally OK with that. I'm not changing just to get someone.

Now, that being said, note that I (as have many) have been with more than one person in my life (although the same one for the past 22). Some were gorgeous physically but the sex was absolutely less than par because the mental connection just wasn't there.

As far as you being damaged goods, who isn't? Everyone comes with baggage, even if they don't want to admit it. I have no clue why the heck my hubby stayed with me when I was younger, I was a frigging emotional wreck.

PM me if you have specific questions (No one but the original poster) and I'll try to answer as honestly as possible.

yoovie · August 2012

There's no way this is real.

LADIES 30+ ONLY!!! A Woman's Confession...

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