LADIES 30+ ONLY!!! A Woman's Confession...

kennethmgreen

I know you may not be looking for advice from the male perspective. So feel free to skip right over this post. It may not even be coherent. I will be genuine and sincere, but not always serious.

You are surely to get some patient, loving feedback from others in this thread. And perhaps some snarky comments from others. I want to offer you some pragmatic advice. It may not apply. It may sound crazy or stupid or irrational or sexist. You can completely ignore it. But it's free, so there is no refund.

First, the gross stuff. All men are gross. Women are gross too (see my FL), but not all women are gross. Thems the rules. Part of being gross is that men tend to be far less selective with whom they have sex with. You are incorrect when stating "Part of the reason no one wants me is I have epilepsy." I believe you have epilepsy. And I believe you have not yet found someone to have sex with. I also believe there is a man (many!) who will want to have sex with you. I believe this as much as I believe gravity exists. There are men out there that will want to have sex with you *because* of your epilepsy, though that may not be what you are looking for. The point is, there are willing and able men out there. And there are enough of them that you get to choose, find a decent one. You don't even have to settle! (note that I say decent and not perfect).

You having epilepsy is an obstacle, for sure. I won't pretend it isn't. But it is not an insurmountable obstacle. I suspect that it may be a big obstacle to you. And it will be a big obstacle to some. But it will not be a big obstacle for everyone.

You may not find Mr. Right tomorrow. You may not find Mr. Right this decade. But there will ALWAYS be a man somewhere who will have sex with you. Always. There are well-funded studies proving this. I'm not trying to be disrespectful or crude. I am simply saying that convincing yourself that no one wants to have sex with you is good way to not have sex. That belief is likely a bigger obstacle than any physical limitation.

What this means is that you can have sex if you want. Please, if you are religious, or have a moral reason for not having sex, then just stop reading now, call me a long-winded blowhard and consider this missive a typing exercise from the vast moral decay. I don't want to deny anyone their beliefs. From what you wrote, I am assuming you haven't had sex because you have chosen not to of your own accord (no external pressure), and that perhaps you are looking to have sex. You did not specify getting married first, so again, I am assuming you are talking about having premarital intercourse. (it sounds so hot when worded like that, doesn't it? )

I hope you are comfortable talking about sex and sexuality. If you are, half the battle is over. Seriously. If you aren't, work on getting there. It will pay dividends when doing the deed. If your are not already, explore your body. Others have stated this more explicitly than I, and they are correct. Get really good at that. Again, it will pay dividends when doing the deed.

Mostly, get clear about sex and love. Know the difference. For some, they may be one and the same (or very closely related). For others, one is mechanical or animal, the other emotional or spiritual. Doesn't matter much. Figure out the definitions that fit for you. If you are looking to fall in love, that likely is a very different game plan than looking to have sex. I suggest being honest with yourself and figuring out which one is more important. Not more important forever, more important right now. If, for example, you decide that you'd like to have sex and someday fall in love, then you can focus on the sex part now and look for the love later.

I don't like the term "damaged goods" at all. I want you to stop using that phrase today. Seriously. I think it's not only degrading, but inaccurate. Bad tomatoes are damaged goods. No one is undamaged. We're all weirdos to some degree or another. Every single person reading this sentence has multiple reasons why they might be considered a weirdo - physical, mental and emotional. We alls gots baggage of some kind. Some may be more obvious than others, but no one escapes. We are a planet of weirdos. The secret to hooking up is having somewhat compatible weirdnesses. The secret to long-term relationships is compatible weirdness and a willingness to put up with your partner's weirdness.

I don't know if your post is completely real. It's just words on the Internet. I'm choosing to believe that you are real, that what you wrote is real. If I'm wrong, then I've just lost some time. I think it's cool that you were willing to be vulnerable and honest. Both characteristics will serve you well - both in sex and love. Good luck.

infamousmk

Ken makes some really good points!! (as usual)


OP, if you want to just try bangin' it out, you could go out and find ten dudes right now that will want to pop your cherry (yes, I am being crude!) ... if you look at sex as something fun to do with your clothes off, you will have fun, and you will find partners.

chocoholicdiva

There's no way this is real.

Believe it or not, my life is as real as you can get it. Nothing fake about this post. Where I live the men that do want me are nothing but a bunch of ****heads and the great looking ones are all taken. I live in a place that has about 20,000 people, give or take, and though that doesn't seem like a lot our place is pretty densely populated. I have friends with epilepsy who don't have it half as bad as I do. A FRACTION as bad. Theirs is under control enough that they can live a normal life. The friend that had two kids on opposite ends of the year? She's one. When I first posted this, I was feeling lonely. I live with my parents because of the extent of my seizures. I can't go out alone. So I was feeling bad because I had been having problems all week and knowing my next pill time was almost up was getting to me. I'd seen a bunch of couples out that day, couples my age, and felt guilty I wasn't part of that demographic. When it gets like that, and you've been popping pills for almost 31 years, it gets to you every so often. Thanks to all of you for your support.

As for the Pap test, I was in my twenties then. It was horrific, like I said, and done by a male doctor. My new M.D. is a woman. :bigsmile:

chocoholicdiva

I know you may not be looking for advice from the male perspective. So feel free to skip right over this post. It may not even be coherent. I will be genuine and sincere, but not always serious.

You are surely to get some patient, loving feedback from others in this thread. And perhaps some snarky comments from others. I want to offer you some pragmatic advice. It may not apply. It may sound crazy or stupid or irrational or sexist. You can completely ignore it. But it's free, so there is no refund.

First, the gross stuff. All men are gross. Women are gross too (see my FL), but not all women are gross. Thems the rules. Part of being gross is that men tend to be far less selective with whom they have sex with. You are incorrect when stating "Part of the reason no one wants me is I have epilepsy." I believe you have epilepsy. And I believe you have not yet found someone to have sex with. I also believe there is a man (many!) who will want to have sex with you. I believe this as much as I believe gravity exists. There are men out there that will want to have sex with you *because* of your epilepsy, though that may not be what you are looking for. The point is, there are willing and able men out there. And there are enough of them that you get to choose, find a decent one. You don't even have to settle! (note that I say decent and not perfect).

You having epilepsy is an obstacle, for sure. I won't pretend it isn't. But it is not an insurmountable obstacle. I suspect that it may be a big obstacle to you. And it will be a big obstacle to some. But it will not be a big obstacle for everyone.

You may not find Mr. Right tomorrow. You may not find Mr. Right this decade. But there will ALWAYS be a man somewhere who will have sex with you. Always. There are well-funded studies proving this. I'm not trying to be disrespectful or crude. I am simply saying that convincing yourself that no one wants to have sex with you is good way to not have sex. That belief is likely a bigger obstacle than any physical limitation.

What this means is that you can have sex if you want. Please, if you are religious, or have a moral reason for not having sex, then just stop reading now, call me a long-winded blowhard and consider this missive a typing exercise from the vast moral decay. I don't want to deny anyone their beliefs. From what you wrote, I am assuming you haven't had sex because you have chosen not to of your own accord (no external pressure), and that perhaps you are looking to have sex. You did not specify getting married first, so again, I am assuming you are talking about having premarital intercourse. (it sounds so hot when worded like that, doesn't it? )

I hope you are comfortable talking about sex and sexuality. If you are, half the battle is over. Seriously. If you aren't, work on getting there. It will pay dividends when doing the deed. If your are not already, explore your body. Others have stated this more explicitly than I, and they are correct. Get really good at that. Again, it will pay dividends when doing the deed.

Mostly, get clear about sex and love. Know the difference. For some, they may be one and the same (or very closely related). For others, one is mechanical or animal, the other emotional or spiritual. Doesn't matter much. Figure out the definitions that fit for you. If you are looking to fall in love, that likely is a very different game plan than looking to have sex. I suggest being honest with yourself and figuring out which one is more important. Not more important forever, more important right now. If, for example, you decide that you'd like to have sex and someday fall in love, then you can focus on the sex part now and look for the love later.

I don't like the term "damaged goods" at all. I want you to stop using that phrase today. Seriously. I think it's not only degrading, but inaccurate. Bad tomatoes are damaged goods. No one is undamaged. We're all weirdos to some degree or another. Every single person reading this sentence has multiple reasons why they might be considered a weirdo - physical, mental and emotional. We alls gots baggage of some kind. Some may be more obvious than others, but no one escapes. We are a planet of weirdos. The secret to hooking up is having somewhat compatible weirdnesses. The secret to long-term relationships is compatible weirdness and a willingness to put up with your partner's weirdness.

I don't know if your post is completely real. It's just words on the Internet. I'm choosing to believe that you are real, that what you wrote is real. If I'm wrong, then I've just lost some time. I think it's cool that you were willing to be vulnerable and honest. Both characteristics will serve you well - both in sex and love. Good luck.

LOL Ken you know how to make a woman laugh!!! Trust me, I can be just as crass as the rest of them, men, women, don't matter, so your post was a good read!!! :laugh:

juliecat1

Eeeesh. Well that was depressing.

Don't put yourself down.
Get yourself some toys
Go get another exam.
Sex is amazing. Whoever agreed its not up there is doing it wrong

foxyforce

there are totally epilepsy groups in Toronto, I wonder if there are some where you live?? maybe you can meet someone there?

Artemis726

You'll find a man that loves you when you are sure you love yourself. Are you in the dating scene at all? Do you have social hobbies that bring you in contact with men that share your interests?


We're all frucking damaged in one way or another... but getting right within ourselves and finding someone we can share good times with, weather bad times with, and put up with is pretty awesome. You'll get there, too!


Also, sex is pretty effing great. As long as you don't have a bunch of sexual hangups and just try to have fun with someone you care about (or maybe just someone you don't mind swapping fluids with), it's the best.

^this^ except sex is amazing with someone you love who loves you back. Otherwise it's just another physical act- which isn't alla that no matter how great it is. Good luck!

no1canadianangel

sex is stupid and boring and you're really not missing anything. play with your *kitten*. it's way better than some sweaty dude flopping around on top of you not even hitting the gspot.

You're doing it wrong.

agreed... but I could go all day everyday lolll

JennieAL

there are totally epilepsy groups in Toronto, I wonder if there are some where you live?? maybe you can meet someone there?

This is a great idea.

chocoholicdiva

there are totally epilepsy groups in Toronto, I wonder if there are some where you live?? maybe you can meet someone there?

This is a great idea.

Great idea, yes. Having them stick here in my area, nope, doesn't happen. What happens is they start up, members get the info they want, group disbands. Happens every time, there's just not enough interest in my location. :grumble: