advice about creepy guy at gym

2

Replies

  • thedreamhazer
    thedreamhazer Posts: 1,156 Member
    Don't give hints or wear kid gloves. Tell him he's creeping you out and that he needs to leave you alone. You don't know how serious this is or isn't in his head, so don't treat it lightly or delicately. Be firm that he needs to leave you alone. If he doesn't leave you alone after that, go to the police. It might some harsh, but you need to deal with this like that.

    I had a friend lose her sister to a stalker that she tried to handle delicately on her own because she didn't think he would ever actually hurt her.

    I'm not trying to scare you. You don't need to be scared, you just need to know that you have the right to take this seriously, even if it hurts his feelings.
  • AubreySue81
    AubreySue81 Posts: 167 Member
    Next time he follows you to your car mace him. He should get the hint then and stay away.

    Just kidding.

    Maybe.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    But, seriously. Some people just need to be told straight out, bluntly. Don't feel bad, just do it!
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
    If he's making you uncomfortable, SAY SO. If it continues after you ask him to back off, speak with the owners about it and ask them to let you out of contract without the fee. Let them know their employee is harassing you and you want out.
  • ZForce915
    ZForce915 Posts: 23
    Serious reply.

    The next time he approaches you tell him "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I'm not interested in a relationship". It's direct and non-accusatory.

    If that doesn't work you really should speak to management and tell them you were direct with him once and he's making you feel unsafe.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
    When he's stood near you, pretend to get a phone call, make the conversation short and sweet (you don't wanna be talking to yourself for too long) and end it with "I love you too, baby. See you tonight." followed by a big sloppy kiss down the phone.

    Done.
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    Just be honest but respectful. Tell him thanks but you aren’t interested. Some people don’t take subtle hints. He could think you are just shy.
    Wouldn’t you rather hear it straight up instead of making an *kitten* out of yourself? Save the poor guy the humiliation.
    If he continues then its super creepy and you need to let the owners know he is harassing the member(s).
    I don’t think they would like to lose members over someone wanting a date.
    Good luck and always be careful.
  • rhonniema
    rhonniema Posts: 522 Member
    He's creeping you out and you don't want to come off as a b!tch? lol.

    "I'm sorry if you were misinformed or misguided, but I am not interested in a relationship at this point in time."

    Hopefully it's not your mom egging him on or something.
  • thedreamhazer
    thedreamhazer Posts: 1,156 Member
    Serious reply.

    The next time he approaches you tell him "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I'm not interested in a relationship". It's direct and non-accusatory.

    If that doesn't work you really should speak to management and tell them you were direct with him once and he's making you feel unsafe.

    Only thing I would say to this is that she doesn't have to apologize for anything. Don't say "I'm sorry" if you didn't do anything wrong.
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
    He talks to mom about how he wants to date me. How he "respects" me. Seems like a nice guy.

    Yea, that sounds super creepy. I hate it when nice guys respect me. :huh:

    Oh come on....If a guy told me he "respects" me I would laugh right in his face. He's obviously saying what her mother wants to hear so she'll tell her daughter to date him.
  • rlmadrid
    rlmadrid Posts: 694 Member
    Sorry, I'll stop.

    Well you're just the bees knees. You can follow me to my car :blushing:
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
    I wouldn't be comfortable there at all. I would speak to management and tell them that their employee has created an uncomfortable environment. No matter what you say or how you say it, his little ego is going to be bruised ant this could turn ugly.
    Get out - especially since you want to anyway - perfect time to make the jump. Management would rather lose the contract than a formal sexual harassment complaint!
  • philOHIO
    philOHIO Posts: 520 Member
    Get over yourself. He wants your mom! Or you AND mom....
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Sorry, I'll stop.

    Well you're just the bees knees. You can follow me to my car :blushing:

    :laugh:
    Friend request sent!
  • Libby81
    Libby81 Posts: 734 Member
    When you say he follows you to your car.. does he walk a few feet behind you and duck if you turn around or does he chat with you as you walk to your car? It's much better to be cautious than to assume someone is just being a nice.

    I was going to say the same thing. What does he do when he follows you out? that situation could easily escalate, especially if there is no one else around. Be cautious. If you can't speak to the guy himself, maybe have a word with the managers and point out you've noticed him following you. Also tell your mam to be as blunt as possible re: your lack of interest. That way you might be able to avoid acting at all

    Good luck x
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
    Give him what he wants! Then maybe he'll leave you alone :)
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    Serious reply.

    The next time he approaches you tell him "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I'm not interested in a relationship". It's direct and non-accusatory.

    If that doesn't work you really should speak to management and tell them you were direct with him once and he's making you feel unsafe.

    Only thing I would say to this is that she doesn't have to apologize for anything. Don't say "I'm sorry" if you didn't do anything wrong.

    THIS. there is no reason for you to appologize.

    "Guy, i'm not interested." is all you need to say.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    I am sure he is not trying to make you uncomfortable or be creepy, but you should be honest with him. If you don't say anything, he doesn't know he is doing anything wrong. Like another poster said, some people(men especially) need to be told bluntly. That doesn't suggest be mean to him. But you need to tell him you are taken and uninterested.
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
    Wait, how does he know your mom? Do you know him outside of the gym as well? I would talk to him for sure. Im just curious about that part....
  • BrownEyedG1rl
    BrownEyedG1rl Posts: 625 Member
    If he's making you uncomfortable, SAY SO. If it continues after you ask him to back off, speak with the owners about it and ask them to let you out of contract without the fee. Let them know their employee is harassing you and you want out.

    ^^^ this! Say something to him first. If he doesn't stop, then speak to the owners.
  • taco_tap
    taco_tap Posts: 152 Member
    I knew people on the internet would be able to help! Seriously. I think I will talk to management anyways. I still might confront him about it if the opportunity arises. I definitely wont seek him out. Its one of the 24 hour gyms with cameras everywhere so I think I will still feel uncomfortable working out there with the constant feeling that hes in the the back room where the cameras are. I have times where other guys are talking to me. Innocent enough and he has this terrible scowl on his face. Just...weird..

    As for the instances when he followed me out to my car. I would be done with my exercise, grab my purse and leave. he is no where in sight when I leave. As I am sitting in my car, turning the ac on or sending a text or whatever, I look up and boom... there he is at my window. trying to talk to me and showing me pictures on his phone. I dont feel like I would comfortable working out there anymore.

    edit: typo
  • CalJur
    CalJur Posts: 627 Member
    Make a written report to management detailing the circumstances. If they do not respond in the appropriate and timely manner there are additional ways to escalate it.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
    Yeah, you need to grow a pair and tell him to move along and tell the manager.
  • jen_bd6
    jen_bd6 Posts: 501 Member
    So, there's this guy..... who creeps me out. He works at my gym (which is a pretty small gym.) He seems to be pretty chummy with the owners (who are all brothers.) He talks to mom about how he wants to date me. How he "respects" me. Seems like a nice guy. Just creepy. who talks to a girls mother about her? So, I have been pretty tolerant about the guy. Til he followed me out to my car, for the second time. I have never hinted that I was interested. He even thinks I am dating someone. So I dont know what to do.

    I hate hurting people's feelings. I have considered getting out of the contract but its nearly 500 bucks. (Wouldnt mind joining a bigger gym anyways.) I really really dont want to be mean. Do I just grow a pair? Is there a way to soften the blow and not come off as a total B? He is persistent, I will give him that. I could start wearing a wedding ring. :huh:

    Let him know how you feel about it... that you aren't interested or that you are taken... get some mace just in case... you never know with people... seriously...
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    If someone followed me out to my car... without notice first.. i would def be creeped out. I prob would have said.. Listen, I'm sure you are a great guy and I don't mean to be rude but I am not interested.
  • ModoVincere
    ModoVincere Posts: 530 Member
    Have you tried a taser?
  • robinhardysmall
    robinhardysmall Posts: 246 Member
    Get a fake engagement ring and wear it :) oh but tell your Mom ahead of time of the plan :)

    but you may want to say something to the owners as well in case he is doing this to anyone else...
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    Be mean. well, it's not exactly "mean," it's letting him know exactly how you feel and where you stand. Guys don't normally get the picture unless it's crystal clear and there is no confusion about how you feel. He probably thinks he has a shot since you haven't told him up front that he doesn't. If you spend your time worrying about "hurting" people, then you're wasting a lot of your time. When dealing with anyone, it's best to be direct and firm, not hateful, but firm and direct.

    If you're worried that he's the type to go nuts and you fear for your safety, then I suggest getting a stun gun and some pepper spray. If he gets to close and aggressive, and you feel you're in danger, stun him, if he still doesn't get the hint, pop him with some pepper spray, then get out of dodge and report it. However, he's most likely just a guy who thinks he's playing your game by being nice, "respecting" you, and talking to your mom, because he most likely thinks those are the things you'd be attracted to in a guy.

    Also, boyfriends are rarely a deterrent for a guy who is determined to "win" you over.
  • widetobride
    widetobride Posts: 47 Member
    If he gives you the creeps, I'd go with your gut. I'm the type of person who will just be a B to someone who gives me the creeps so that they get the hint that I'm not interested, so that's probably not helpful to you.

    I would try to not engage him in conversation if you're not interested in him. If he persists, I'd let the staff know the situation at the gym, and let them know that it creeps you out enough that you are considering canceling your contract, and I bet you they would help you out with the situation, if he doesn't get the message by you not talking to him.

    By the way, I do think if you just don't talk to him or tell him that you're really trying to focus on your workouts and end any conversation he starts, he may get the picture, and that's not being mean, but being firm.

    Good luck :flowerforyou:

    I think that if he is just being nice, fair enough- tell him u have a man, etc. But I agree- go with your instinct. If he is following you to the car to keep talking, maybe he is just slow on the uptake. If he is stalking you, different matter altogether.
    Get your mum to say "Actually, I asked her- she doesn't fancy you.". Harsh but true. If this man is following you in a threatening way, take an attack alarm to the gym, and tell him that he is frightening you, and you would be very grateful if he didn't follow you about. Better to be a little firm than put yourself at risk, or lead the poor loser on!!!!! :huh:
  • widetobride
    widetobride Posts: 47 Member
    Have you tried a taser?



    Hahahahaha. I love it!!! that is my answer to naughty school kids too!!!!! :wink:
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    I knew people on the internet would be able to help! Seriously. I think I will talk to management anyways. I still might confront him about it if the opportunity arises. I definitely wont seek him out. Its one of the 24 hour gyms with cameras everywhere so I think I will still feel uncomfortable working out there with the constant feeling that hes in the the back room where the cameras are. I have times where other guys are talking to me. Innocent enough and he has this terrible scowl on his face. Just...weird..

    As for the instances when he followed me out to my car. I would be done with my exercise, grab my purse and leave. he is no where in sight when I leave. As I am sitting in my car, turning the ac on or sending a text or whatever, I look up and boom... there he is at my window. trying to talk to me and showing me pictures on his phone. I dont feel like I would comfortable working out there anymore.

    edit: typo

    Ok i know i just posted but i hadn't read this yet. holy crap. Def just tell the owner of the gym but be careful. It's sometimes the seemingly nice persistent ones who won't take NO for an answer... you can prob get out of your gym cancellation fee too.

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