How do you move past the horrible comments
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Wow, you could be telling stories from my childhood, I have the same type memories....
To be honest I still havent 'moved on' from those comments/memories, I know I should but its very hard......
Add me if you want
xox0 -
The best thing to do, the think I always did was take that negetive stuff and turn it into a motivator.
"Bill, you are never going to make it thru Airborne school. you are scared of heights". I remember those words as I had my wings pinned to me.
"Bill, Ranger school is way to ohard. You won't make it past RIP". I heard those words as I adjusted that Beret.
"Bill, you are dreaming if you think you are going to get ripped. you just don't have the body shape."
220 LBS and 8% body fat later, I just smiled.
When you hit your target weight and look in the mirror, listen to those "fat" words and just smile.
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Exactly! Nothing motivates me more than someone telling me I can't do it! Pushes me to prove them wrong!0 -
I know exactly what you mean. Just this week my younger sister who has never had a weight problem asked me what classes I was taking at the gym, when I told her I was doing weight training 3days a week and cardio 2-3 days in between she looked at me said "why would you want to tone the body you have? You should focus on cardio and try to lose weight." I couldn't believe it I didn't even reply. She seemed so disgusted by my figure. She also asked me to do her a favor earlier and when I said I couldn't because I've been going to the gym 5 days a week she started laughing and said " well it doesn't show " But I realize I can't change anyone and plan on proving her wrong. It really hurts to hear here comments but there's nothing I can do.
Aw, so sad for your sister, she is fighting like a child against the fact that she will no longer be the "skinny one" and "the one everyone pays attention to" It's a long fall from atop that princess pedestal. I hope she lands ok.0 -
Instead of trying to just get over it... use it for motivation in the gym!!0
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I still have issues with self esteem from what was said to me when I was 20-21, I'm almost 40. I use it to motivate me. I don't think some people realize how much words can hurt.0
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Living well is the best revenge. It will be fun to make the nay sayers eat their words.0
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Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
I might be giving a different answer but it might work for you, it sure works for me but it is a little negative. But sometimes loving yourself and forgiveness isn't enough to get rid of your anger and resentment. You get motivated, change yourself and then confront your mom and brother or whomever about what complete @ssholes they were and how you want them to know how ashamed of them and pissed you are. Then tell them to go F themselves. Like I said it doesnt' work for everyone but for me this gets it right off my chest and the burden now lies with them. Then forgive of course lol, sometimes loving yourself means telling someone that has hurt you to kiss your @ss.0 -
It's so much easier said than done but let go of the ugliness. Find a way to surround yourself with happy positive people that love you as is and support you through all your hard work to become a healthier person!
There are a lot of shallow, ignorant, and hateful people out there but there are a lot of great people out there too. The bad comes with the good but decide to be kind regardless of how unkind others can be. Sometimes people are out and out cruel and other times they don't realize how far they shoved their foot in their mouth. (Mainly the family members and friends who think they're being supportive and helpful.)
The world is not without hurt and even if you were "perfect" someone would find something mean to say. It's the nature of the beast. You being a thinner/healthier you won't fix other people's stupid. :noway:0 -
I also remember nasty comments, but sometimes we need to look at the person saying them, they are probably a self hater and toxic person...The memories are painful but I try to add that to my motivation and fuel myself further towards my goal.
I will remember the fat comments but will not let the toxic people win:happy:0 -
Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
The Eleanor Roosevelt quote comes to mind for me here, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". These negative comments are only given power by you. Who's to say that calling someone fat or big is negative? You decided it was negative, and it doesn't have to be. Ultimately you're hurt because it feels like people kick you when you're down when you're "big". They dont get to wear their so called faults on their sleeves like heavy people do, they dont have giant targets on their back. The people prey on bigger people are cowards. Everybody has stuff unique or different about them, but its certainly not your mother or brothers job to make sure you know about it anymore than it is yours.
My point is you move on by forgiving yourself, when youre okay with you no matter what size you are those comments cant hurt you anymore. You forgive them because its good for you, what they did was crappy and cowardly but we all do things like that from time to time.0 -
Wow some of these comments are horrible. I can't imagine ever saying something like that to someone...
And if someone said something like that to me now, my 6'4" 240 lb son and my son in MMA would be hurting someone... just sayin. lol0 -
ugh...ouch.
i know its really hard especially hearing that stuff so young. its so hurtful and gets ingrained into your brain when its so young....
honestly therapy...
its helped me tremendously.....
not all therapists are created equal, they are people too, so the first or even the second may not work out just keep trying at it. but it only works if you work it. therapists are magicians...
hugs
good luck...0 -
I was talking to my therapist about this a little while ago.
Me: This nice old lady down the street told me in 8th grade I was getting kind of fat.
Her: So?
Me: Well, it still hurts.
Her. She was a B****!
Me: **GASP** - thinking to myself - this woman who taught me piano, helped me paint my first oil painting, and gave me old time candy is a B??? Out loud, I said, 'No she WASN'T!'
Her: Who else says those kinds of things to people? She certainly wasn't being nice!
Good point, Ms. Therapist...0 -
I have two very beautiful and skinny sisters who always used to say I was adopted because I was ugly and fat... or I was beat with the ugly stick... or how much candy did you eat today, enough for the entire circus? (I thought that one was stupid even then).
Anyway... now I am 37... I have been married 15 years. My older sister has been married and divorced 5 times, 3 kids by 2 different guys. My younger sister has been married and divorced and has 2 kids by 2 different guys.
So, I guess being beat with the ugly stick translated to success in life... either that... or I didn't wrap my whole world up in the scale or the size of my jeans...
It's still hurtful, but controling what other people do and say is impossible.0 -
I was one of the people on the embarrassing moments and you have to take comments with a grain of salt. Many thin people don't understand what it's like to look at a picture of a shake and gain a pound. They think we all sit around and eat all day long, sure some do but not all of us. Don't sweat the small stuff and live your life to the fullest every day. Nobody is perfect and if they think they are well they are mistaken.0
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I'm so sorry people are so cruel. I just have to say from looking at your picture...you are beautiful. Some of those comments had to come from insecure, jealous people. I've had hurtful things said to me and it still stings to this day. We just have to try to concentrate on the positive remarks instead of the negative. It's hard, I know!!
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I am speechless....! How can someone talk to anyone that way? I´m so sorry to hear that, that you have such an offending family. From what I can see from your profile picture, you´re very pretty. You have a lovely smile!I remember being called monkey face because I used to be an ugly child. My close relatives used to say to me, "You better be really good at school because lets face it, no one will ever pick you for your looks."
I was born dark skinned in a country that is obsessed with fairness/paleness, so I got all sorts of comments about how dark I was, how its the only thing people will see when it comes to marriage and how I should use fairness creams.
To top it off, since I have a younger sister who is thinner, fairer and prettier than me, I had to live with the constant comparison. It used to create problems between us for all the wrong reasons. It didn't matter that I was always at the top of my class, it didn't matter that I am a trained singer and dancer, that I paint and that I do all those things really well besides being good at my profession!
When I started gaining weight, there was whole new set of comments about how God was really unfair to me. My relatives used to say things like when God was doling out beauty, I was hiding.
Now that I fell in love with and married the most amazing guy in the world, they say things like, "Its karma. She looks bad but she must have done something really good in her past life to get such an amazing guy."
Sometimes you cannot win against such people. You just have to let it go. Think about how much life has to offer besides looks and beauty. I've seen and done things which those people will never see or do. If I gave importance to such people, I wouldn't have any time left for myself. Focus on all the good things in your life. Accept that you cannot change everyone, but you CAN ignore the hell out of them! :flowerforyou:0 -
I know exactly what you mean. Just this week my younger sister who has never had a weight problem asked me what classes I was taking at the gym, when I told her I was doing weight training 3days a week and cardio 2-3 days in between she looked at me said "why would you want to tone the body you have? You should focus on cardio and try to lose weight." I couldn't believe it I didn't even reply. She seemed so disgusted by my figure. She also asked me to do her a favor earlier and when I said I couldn't because I've been going to the gym 5 days a week she started laughing and said " well it doesn't show " But I realize I can't change anyone and plan on proving her wrong. It really hurts to hear here comments but there's nothing I can do.
Aw, so sad for your sister, she is fighting like a child against the fact that she will no longer be the "skinny one" and "the one everyone pays attention to" It's a long fall from atop that princess pedestal. I hope she lands ok.
THIS was my exact thought too!!! Followed by "Too bad so sad... I wish I could see the look on her face when you get together after reaching your goal!!!"0 -
You won't forget you just think about it less and or even use it to fuel your workouts and drive to loose weight. I posted a couple days ago of some people driving by and making fun of me for being fat and running. I just move on and will keep going knowing that I will soon be a normal size runner and I will enojoy the benfits of the engery I will have.0
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also i know this is hard to understand or "hear" right now. but most peoples comments like that are just a reflection of themselves and their own issues and insecurities and really have nothing to do with you....
it really is true...but i know hard to compute that their comments aren't a reflection of who you REALLY ARE as a person.0
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