How do you move past the horrible comments
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Wow some of these comments are horrible. I can't imagine ever saying something like that to someone...
And if someone said something like that to me now, my 6'4" 240 lb son and my son in MMA would be hurting someone... just sayin. lol0 -
ugh...ouch.
i know its really hard especially hearing that stuff so young. its so hurtful and gets ingrained into your brain when its so young....
honestly therapy...
its helped me tremendously.....
not all therapists are created equal, they are people too, so the first or even the second may not work out just keep trying at it. but it only works if you work it. therapists are magicians...
hugs
good luck...0 -
I was talking to my therapist about this a little while ago.
Me: This nice old lady down the street told me in 8th grade I was getting kind of fat.
Her: So?
Me: Well, it still hurts.
Her. She was a B****!
Me: **GASP** - thinking to myself - this woman who taught me piano, helped me paint my first oil painting, and gave me old time candy is a B??? Out loud, I said, 'No she WASN'T!'
Her: Who else says those kinds of things to people? She certainly wasn't being nice!
Good point, Ms. Therapist...0 -
I have two very beautiful and skinny sisters who always used to say I was adopted because I was ugly and fat... or I was beat with the ugly stick... or how much candy did you eat today, enough for the entire circus? (I thought that one was stupid even then).
Anyway... now I am 37... I have been married 15 years. My older sister has been married and divorced 5 times, 3 kids by 2 different guys. My younger sister has been married and divorced and has 2 kids by 2 different guys.
So, I guess being beat with the ugly stick translated to success in life... either that... or I didn't wrap my whole world up in the scale or the size of my jeans...
It's still hurtful, but controling what other people do and say is impossible.0 -
I was one of the people on the embarrassing moments and you have to take comments with a grain of salt. Many thin people don't understand what it's like to look at a picture of a shake and gain a pound. They think we all sit around and eat all day long, sure some do but not all of us. Don't sweat the small stuff and live your life to the fullest every day. Nobody is perfect and if they think they are well they are mistaken.0
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I'm so sorry people are so cruel. I just have to say from looking at your picture...you are beautiful. Some of those comments had to come from insecure, jealous people. I've had hurtful things said to me and it still stings to this day. We just have to try to concentrate on the positive remarks instead of the negative. It's hard, I know!!
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I am speechless....! How can someone talk to anyone that way? I´m so sorry to hear that, that you have such an offending family. From what I can see from your profile picture, you´re very pretty. You have a lovely smile!I remember being called monkey face because I used to be an ugly child. My close relatives used to say to me, "You better be really good at school because lets face it, no one will ever pick you for your looks."
I was born dark skinned in a country that is obsessed with fairness/paleness, so I got all sorts of comments about how dark I was, how its the only thing people will see when it comes to marriage and how I should use fairness creams.
To top it off, since I have a younger sister who is thinner, fairer and prettier than me, I had to live with the constant comparison. It used to create problems between us for all the wrong reasons. It didn't matter that I was always at the top of my class, it didn't matter that I am a trained singer and dancer, that I paint and that I do all those things really well besides being good at my profession!
When I started gaining weight, there was whole new set of comments about how God was really unfair to me. My relatives used to say things like when God was doling out beauty, I was hiding.
Now that I fell in love with and married the most amazing guy in the world, they say things like, "Its karma. She looks bad but she must have done something really good in her past life to get such an amazing guy."
Sometimes you cannot win against such people. You just have to let it go. Think about how much life has to offer besides looks and beauty. I've seen and done things which those people will never see or do. If I gave importance to such people, I wouldn't have any time left for myself. Focus on all the good things in your life. Accept that you cannot change everyone, but you CAN ignore the hell out of them! :flowerforyou:0 -
I know exactly what you mean. Just this week my younger sister who has never had a weight problem asked me what classes I was taking at the gym, when I told her I was doing weight training 3days a week and cardio 2-3 days in between she looked at me said "why would you want to tone the body you have? You should focus on cardio and try to lose weight." I couldn't believe it I didn't even reply. She seemed so disgusted by my figure. She also asked me to do her a favor earlier and when I said I couldn't because I've been going to the gym 5 days a week she started laughing and said " well it doesn't show " But I realize I can't change anyone and plan on proving her wrong. It really hurts to hear here comments but there's nothing I can do.
Aw, so sad for your sister, she is fighting like a child against the fact that she will no longer be the "skinny one" and "the one everyone pays attention to" It's a long fall from atop that princess pedestal. I hope she lands ok.
THIS was my exact thought too!!! Followed by "Too bad so sad... I wish I could see the look on her face when you get together after reaching your goal!!!"0 -
You won't forget you just think about it less and or even use it to fuel your workouts and drive to loose weight. I posted a couple days ago of some people driving by and making fun of me for being fat and running. I just move on and will keep going knowing that I will soon be a normal size runner and I will enojoy the benfits of the engery I will have.0
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also i know this is hard to understand or "hear" right now. but most peoples comments like that are just a reflection of themselves and their own issues and insecurities and really have nothing to do with you....
it really is true...but i know hard to compute that their comments aren't a reflection of who you REALLY ARE as a person.0 -
The best thing to do, the think I always did was take that negetive stuff and turn it into a motivator.
"Bill, you are never going to make it thru Airborne school. you are scared of heights". I remember those words as I had my wings pinned to me.
"Bill, Ranger school is way to ohard. You won't make it past RIP". I heard those words as I adjusted that Beret.
"Bill, you are dreaming if you think you are going to get ripped. you just don't have the body shape."
220 LBS and 8% body fat later, I just smiled.
When you hit your target weight and look in the mirror, listen to those "fat" words and just smile.
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ahhh great post! :drinker:0 -
I remember being called monkey face because I used to be an ugly child. My close relatives used to say to me, "You better be really good at school because lets face it, no one will ever pick you for your looks."
I was born dark skinned in a country that is obsessed with fairness/paleness, so I got all sorts of comments about how dark I was, how its the only thing people will see when it comes to marriage and how I should use fairness creams....
I'll reply to OP too, but I just had to reply to this as well! I was so saddened when I read your story, and I think you're GORGEOUS! I can't believe the people who were supposed to support you treated you that way. You found a husband that sees all the RIGHT things, though, and that's awesome!
OP, I was saddened by your story as well. People close to you should NEVER make these kinds of comments, and to do so is just unsupportive and mean. Like another poster said, you'll reach where you want to be and LAUGH at all of those people who told you that you couldn't. I wish you the best of luck!0 -
I was born dark skinned in a country that is obsessed with fairness/paleness, so I got all sorts of comments about how dark I was, how its the only thing people will see when it comes to marriage and how I should use fairness creams.
Wow, they must of been blind, because you are beautiful! The dark skin comments really piss me off. My husband has dark skin and his family is constantly telling him he's too dark or he's getting darker. To them it's ugly. Sometimes my husband tells me he's getting too dark and it's ugly. I tell him his skin is beautiful and to not let his cultures obsession with light skin and his family's ignorance affect him.
He grew up being told how dark he was and I think it's now a complex in his life and to me it's so cruel to do that to a child. Bottom line, you're gorgeous, your coloring is amazing and I am so happy you have found peace with your wonderful husband.0 -
What people say to you is always more of a reflection on who THEY are than it will ever be a reflection of who YOU are. I don't know what will help you to realize how beautiful you really are, but I'm sure if you keep looking you will find it, and it will have nothing to do with your body. For now try to look forward and not get mired in the past. You can't write the next chapter of your life if you are spending all your time reading the last one.0
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When I was 12 my mom took me to the doctor to get on Diet Pills. When I was 16, my grandma said "I'll give you $100 if you will lose 75lbs" (at that time I was 175lbs) I would only eat 1 meal per day at that time and still with the help of Anti depressants and birth control pills and 2 kids and quitting smoking over the next 14 years managed to gain over 200 more lbs. My mom still criticizes my weight (she might weigh 110 at 5' 2"). It hurts. I don't know how you get over it. However, I have a wonderful husband that has loved me for the last 16 years. He loved me when I'm fat, we will love me as I (hopefully) continue to get smaller. Right now I am at the size I was 10 years ago when I had my first child. He is very supportive. He tries his best to help me ignore the rest of my family.0
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I confront people. I'm not mean, but I do confront them and call them out on it. It works because most bullies are cowards. It is pretty rare that someone says something nasty to me. I'm overweight, but being adorable with big boobs and a sweet voice helps
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My mom is the QUEEN of making me feel inadequate – since I was a kid and even now she still tries and gets her digs in on me. (I’m 27!) When I was in junior high and early high school years I was shaped like a boy – no boobs, no hips, no butt. Even then, I got comments such as no guy is going to want to marry another guy – hopefully you’ll find a rich one so he can pay for some plastic surgery…
Once I became a junior in high school, I started filling out – I got hips, a booty and some (in my opinion) lovely boobs!!
Now she’ll make snarky remarks like – hey big booty – can you even fit that thing in your shorts?
Anyhow, I’ve taken a lot of it to heart before, but after becoming older and realizing what problems she has – or anyone who finds joy in making others feel crappy – I am confident that number one, after working out and pushing myself I will be the one with an amazing body and even now I am happy with where I am at now!!
It really comes down to the old saying ‘you need to love yourself before anyone else can’. Whether you weight 400 lbs or 120 lbs, your beautiful for you – and no one can take that away!!0 -
Everyone is saying turn it into a motivator. That doesn't work (not for me). Until something in you snaps and you say to yourself I have overcome (fill in the blank) I can overcome being fat too. That is when you can let go of everything in your past and look onward. I had a doctor tell me I would never be skinny. I had friends, family, peers, random people on the street call me fat or give me that look. I felt down and I felt hopeless and then one day I Snapped and I can see things happening to my body, I can feel the difference, and I'm doing it on my own terms and for myself.
But everyone is different everyone has there own journey you can take advice but you will have to find what works for you to move past it.0 -
You could say to these people (while smiling sweetly) , "Thanks! Yours is the opinion I count on most!" Conversely, you could say, "Ouch!" and let them know they've crossed a line. I would say don't get fit to prove them wrong. This is all for you and your quality of life. And you are very pretty.0
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When I was a kid, I was considered an ugly duckling & would always get bullied on. They also make fun of my "strange" appearance since I'm half-Caucasian with a tanned skin. And being in an Asian country where having fair skin is considered beautiful, I also get a lot of bad comments about my tanned skin.
But the worse come when I turned 15, the time when I also started to gain a lot of weight. Being in Asia where the people are generally small, I was already considered big with my natural frame alone & so being overweight is double jeopardy. My mom's Asian relatives keep on making nasty fat comments on me. One time when we were in a shopping mall, we saw one lady who I estimated to be around 250 pounds. My mom then told me this exact words "If you were going to be that big, I would disown you". To make the situation even worst, they all compared me to my Asian looking sister who is naturally skinny. My relationship with my sister suffered because of this & we're still on bad terms as of this time. She was, is & will always be a competitor to me, instead of somebody who I can offer my support. I don't think it will improve. Also I hate my Asian relatives & I erasing my Asian side of blood as well (good thing I don't have their features).
It sucks to be in Asia. Sometimes I even wonder what on earth are we doing here :grumble:0 -
What people say to you is always more of a reflection on who THEY are than it will ever be a reflection of who YOU are. I don't know what will help you to realize how beautiful you really are, but I'm sure if you keep looking you will find it, and it will have nothing to do with your body. For now try to look forward and not get mired in the past. You can't write the next chapter of your life if you are spending all your time reading the last one.
This! You're so right! You just have to realise at some point that there's just so much out there to accomplish! All this stuff that people say doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I honestly feel that people who say mean things because they can, are put in your life to make you stronger and give you thicker skin (no pun intended!).
It took me a while to stop feeling ugly but my mom, dad and sister are so amazing! They sat me down and told me to ignore mean people and be the best person I could be. They explained that all the stuff people say comes from a well of their own unhappiness, negativity and jealousy. They don't matter, you do!0 -
You could say to these people (while smiling sweetly) , "Thanks! Yours is the opinion I count on most!"
LOVE THIS!0 -
The most important thing in life I have learnt is that bad things happen, don't ever have any regrets because they have made you the wonderful person you are. Tomorrow is another day and you will go forward having learnt these lessons. It has only taken me fifty years but I'm getting there.....0
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When I was a kid my older brother used to say "Harpoon that whale" when I would walk into a room. I'm 100% sure he doesn't even remember that but at 41, I still remember! I don't think about it often but its still there in the "junk" drawer in my head. I hope to able to toss that whole drawer out one day!
My brother did this to me, too! He may not remember exactly how horrible he was, but I do. Even as an adult he would make comments not to me anymore but to others including my husband. I hurts when you feel like your family is ashamed of you. I think now he may regret that way he has treated me in the past but he has never told me he is sorry. As for me, I forgive him but even when you forgive someone you never truly forget.0 -
Someone mentioned an ugly duckling comment by friends. I heard that comment when I was a teenager from MY MOM. I know she didn't mean it to hurt me; she was simply trying to encourage and assure me that I would grow out of my awkward stage. My dad was very emotionally abusive. I was a fat kid (probably BECAUSE of him--I'm sure I turned to food for comfort and to help me cope with his nastiness), and my dad never let me forget it. I don't know how many times he taunted me with the childish 'fatty, fatty, two-by-four', but once was enough for me. I wanted desperately to be a skinny teenager, but I never could overcome my desire to eat. When I was in my 20s, I realized that stress made me lose my appetite and lose weight, and that, coupled with my need to control my environment, introduced me to the world of anorexia (or EDNOS, as I never really ended up much below a healthy weight for very long). Over the years, I have dealt with my issues and am happy to say that I am in recovery from my eating disorder. I am not completely free of my mental issues. I slip easily into depression and the need to control, which is why exercise is vital to my well-being. The endorphins keep me mentally stable and happy. The jabs I endured from my dad made me a more determined person. He told me all the things I couldn't do, and I believed him when I was younger. Now, I only need to picture him telling me that I will never be thin, or healthy and fit, or be able to run, and it makes me all the more determined to prove him wrong. I AM fit now. I CAN run. He will never bring me down again! Have I truly forgiven him? Probably not. I already told my mother that I will not attend his funeral. He has been dead to me for almost 20 years. But that is another subject altogether.
You are STRONGER than you believe you are. Nobody has the ability to control you or the way you respond to the hurtful comments except YOU! I assumed the fetal position and sucked my thumb for a few years, but now, I know that my dad can't hurt me anymore unless I give him that power over me--and I never will again. Find a mantra to move you through the tough times. Remind yourself of your goals, and when you believe that you can't achieve them, say them over and over again or write them down and pin them up in prominent places where you will see them several times a day. Tell people what you plan to accomplish. Show those people who said hurtful things to you that they are wrong!0 -
When I started gaining weight, there was whole new set of comments about how God was really unfair to me. My relatives used to say things like when God was doling out beauty, I was hiding.
Well, I think you're beautiful. I have no idea what your relatives are talking about.0 -
It can be really difficult to move past the things people have said to you. I was obese by the time I hit junior high and the kids there were brutal. The popular guys used to ask out fat girls just to laugh at them and mock them if they said yes. Luckily I was aware of that so knew to just say no or walk away. They used to have a game where they would loudly pick out the ugliest girl at the "nerd table" where I sat. It was usually me unless I was fortunate enough for there to be another girl bigger than me sitting there. I got called fat in the locker rooms, and got made fun of for my greasy hair and acne. There was a group of guys who used to spit sunflower seeds in my hair at the bus stop just because they thought it was funny.
Those experiences left me with the urge to be invisible because its better than people noticing you and making cruel jokes at your expense. I am extremely insecure and uncomfortable with my body even though I wear a size 5 now, and can't stand it if I feel like people are staring at me. Even if you are able to move past them, experiences like that can shape who you are as a person which goes deeper than just getting over it. I wish I had the answer.0 -
Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
Honey, people don't make comments like that when they're perfect. They don't make comments like that when they're happy with themselves either. When someone needs to draw attention to what they see as a flaw in another person, it is their own insecurities. I find it in myself as well, seeing pretty, slender girls being impolite and I immediately go to that same big high school girl mentality where I believe for a moment that all tiny pretty girls are vapid and soulless... Yet I'm just 20 more pounds from being my goal weight and potentially being one of those girls. Will I be vapid and soulless. No. But am I still working through my own issues with my own self image, **** yeah I am.
You don't need to forgive them, or forget them, but you DO need to rise above them. When you are slick and slender and gorgeous, more importantly, you'll still be a ****ing sweetheart and THAT is what will always be your greatest virtue, the thing that wins you what you want in life, and the thing that makes them turn around one day and eat their words and acknowledge to you that they were wrong, without being asked. If you Don't believe their words, they will eat them. Plain and simple.
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I don't know! I remember once around seventh grade, a bratty boy at a hotel where we were staying said to me "you are the ugliest thing I have ever seen!" I still want to go back in time and slap him... 0
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Everyone is saying turn it into a motivator. That doesn't work (not for me). Until something in you snaps and you say to yourself I have overcome (fill in the blank) I can overcome being fat too. That is when you can let go of everything in your past and look onward. I had a doctor tell me I would never be skinny. I had friends, family, peers, random people on the street call me fat or give me that look. I felt down and I felt hopeless and then one day I Snapped and I can see things happening to my body, I can feel the difference, and I'm doing it on my own terms and for myself.
But everyone is different everyone has there own journey you can take advice but you will have to find what works for you to move past it.
This is me! I definitely try to use it as a motivator, and sometimes that helps... but I can really relate to what you're saying! Thank you.0
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