How do you move past the horrible comments

Kimshu

Forgiveness helps alot. Replace the stupid, aweful words with good ones and say them outloud to yourself thruout the day. You are beautiful!

DMZH78

I too have been told all kinds of things....

You won't do this, you won't do that. It's your genes to be fat, it's hereditary, etc etc.

But you know what...... I lost the weight before and I WILL DO IT AGAIN! I can do anything I set my mind on and for everyone that said anything to me, I just ignore them because they obviously they are the ones that have an issue otherwise they wouldn't be picking on me, right?

It's like the girl that always nit picks on all the other girls, she does it because she has the issue and wants to make all the others look bad in her eyes (& tries to to other people).

And just some people are mean, it's who they always have been and will never change. Those are the types of people you need to NEVER listen to because what pukes out their mouth is not worth listening!

I use all this to motivate me knowing that one day soon, they won't be able to say that about me anymore.

Jess6385

Thank you so much everyone!! This has really helped. Great advice!

HauteHauteMami

Ah, grasshopper, when you forgive them, you forgive yourself.


Don't waste any more of your life being fat. I was there. Believe me, it's better being fit. By about 10000%.

People say dumb stuff. I know I do it, I'll bet you do it, too. Forgive.

Wonderful answer!

Alternadi

I have always been heavy. As kids my older brother always told our friends my dream come true would be a bottomless bag of potato chips. A few years back I told him I was thinking about getting married and he said "Wow, how are you going to find a garter belt big enough to fit around that thigh?" I then said immediately and in a friendly way , "well I have to go now "and got off the phone. ( I did not rudely hang up on him.)
My brother can be so charming to everyone and I think he is nicer to strangers than his own family. I noticed this is not so uncommon -treating family worse than strangers. I see it a lot. For me, I do know my brother loves me even when he's a royal jerk. I believe, he knows deep down that no matter what he does or says, as family he is safe and I will always love him even when he hurts me.
I believe his actions are a reflection of his insecurity, of what people think of him. He worries about making the right impression. When he acts like a jerk to me I think it somehow makes him feel stronger like dominating over a weaker animal in the pack. It used to make me crazy. But now I think its kind of sad posturing and when he does it, I immediately and politely remove myself from his presence. I am allowed to show respect for myself and remove myself from disrespectful behaviors.
He occasionally asks when I do this "Are you going because of me?" and I just say "Well, honestly I just didnt really appreciate what you said and I have other things I need to get to anyway. No big deal. I'm not mad or anything." Sometimes he will even apologize. In the 7 to 8 years that I have used this technique his jerk remarks have become less and I think he actually gained some respect for me by not letting him dump on me. He still slips up but its hard to teach an old dogs new tricks.
I struggled for years with a love/hate for him. But there are times when he is sweet and thoughtful. Without that though, I dont know that I would have been able maintained a close relationship with him. We are actually pretty close now and even supportive of each other...most of the time.
Respect yourself and see others hurtful behavior as what it is, a weakness in them. They lack something and consiously or subconsiously they think hurting you fulfills something in them. You dont have to strike back but you dont have to be a victim of their weakness either. Take the power back for yourself and move forward.
Sorry for how long this is. Guess you struck a cord close to my heart.

simplysteff

I think many of us have been in this kind of situation as a kid. I grew up in a house where my step-dad's knickname for me was Miss Piggy and he'd make oinking sounds at me when I ate from about 6-15 years old. My mom was a former lettergirl/majorette and parade princess. She favored my little brother because he was the adorable thin one. She put me on my first "diet" around 10 years old. Growing up was hard at home and equally hard at school. I see a lot of the kids I grew up with at my kids schools, in town and on fb etc. They choose not to remember how they treated me and what they said about me. I go along with it but, my prayer is that none of their children ever experiences the pain they caused me. They don't know that the "teasing" I grew up with shaped so much of my life. It took me so long to forgive them and even after that, it doesn't take the memory away. I am trying to change my life but, it's a day to day struggle. When I am failing, I have their voices in my head reminding me why "I am unworthy of succeeding".

My husband, kids, friends and friends from sites like this are my strongest support system. Despite my self doubt and inner voice shaped by my upbringing, I know with the help of the good people in my life, I can do this. God has been good to me and replaced the hateful people with likeminded, lovely friends and family members who lift me up as an adult. Overcoming your childhood is difficult alone. Lean on others, talk it out, and trust that there is peace and happiness in your future.

caraiselite

you just realize "well i am fat, people are telling the truth'
rude, yes absolutely!
their parents should have taught them some manners.. but being fat is something you can, and are!, changing. they will always be *kitten*.

i've never had someone call me fat to my face, but i would say 'i may be fat, but i can lose weight. you will still be an ugly jerk'
i would use the comments as motivation, and then get over it.

anberlingasm

I work in retail and a customer once made comments about my weight, then told me it should be ok because I 'should be able to put up with abuse from customers'. At the time, I was speechless and it really hurt me. Now, I understand that he was a middle-aged man with a middle-aged spread and nothing better to do with his time than insult a stranger.

It's worse when your relatives do it because you have to listen to it more often. My great-grandad once told me (at my 16th birthday party) that I looked like I'd put on weight. What do you say to something like that?

You can only use these things to push yourself into working harder. Don't forget the comments, just don't let them get you down.

CJisinShape

Its sad. These days I keep my comments, goals and achievements to myself. I lost 40 lbs - I was told I needed to exercise to lose the weight I was carrying. I mentioned the other day how I hadn't worn these size jeans in years - I heard, that's good a woman on the street asked me how I keep my feet so smooth. If they can't flat out right insult, they will ignore my accomplishments. My neighbors have joined in - I planted a garden and they will pass right by me and not say a word, meanwhile I got cars honking to tell me how beautiful the garden looks. If they can't criticize they will minimize. I have learned to take their silence as a compliment.

But, I do believe that all things work for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his to his purpose. I hope that they see the light of Christ in me. Amidst all of this negativity, he has taken me "from glory to glory." I guess I've learned to roll with the punches.

iris8pie

My Dad said to me recently:

"I cant believe Ray (My husband) Married you. you are so much bigger than he is."

It devastated me.I havent been able to speak to him since, and Im not sure If I should mention it when I do....

cheerforsteelers

Words hurt the most when they come from those closest to you. For me it was family members. I got all sorts of awful comments, but, like another posted mentioned, forgiveness was the answer for me.

2012asv

Time and proving them wrong.

Spanaval

I remember being called monkey face because I used to be an ugly child. My close relatives used to say to me, "You better be really good at school because lets face it, no one will ever pick you for your looks."

I was born dark skinned in a country that is obsessed with fairness/paleness, so I got all sorts of comments about how dark I was, how its the only thing people will see when it comes to marriage and how I should use fairness creams.

To top it off, since I have a younger sister who is thinner, fairer and prettier than me, I had to live with the constant comparison.

Sometimes you cannot win against such people. You just have to let it go. Think about how much life has to offer besides looks and beauty. I've seen and done things which those people will never see or do. If I gave importance to such people, I wouldn't have any time left for myself. Focus on all the good things in your life. Accept that you cannot change everyone, but you CAN ignore the hell out of them! :flowerforyou:

You and I have similar families, and I suspect, share the same ethnic background. My dad's family was mean, rude, nasty to me because I was the dark skinned child born to fair skinned parents, and have a light skinned younger brother. Of course, it didn't help that I was a girl either. I was called all sorts of names, scarecrow, beggar child, etc. and that was my aunt with multiple degrees in education.
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In the end, I've forgiven them, but not forgotten. They've lost all credibility. And you know what? These mean, narrow minded, shallow people? There is just no helping them, they will always remain ugly on the inside.

Alternadi

My Dad said to me recently:

"I cant believe Ray (My husband) Married you. you are so much bigger than he is."

It devastated me.I havent been able to speak to him since, and Im not sure If I should mention it when I do....

I truly understand your pain. The question you have to ask yourself is"Will talking to Dad about it change anything?". What kind of person is your dad? Do you think the comment was meant to be hurtful or was it more a lack of sensitivity, like a terrible joke? If you dont think it was deliberate then dont shy away from talking about it. Dont make a big deal about it , but you can let him know what he said wasnt very nice but that you love him and wanted to share your feelings with him. On the other hand my motto is you cannot reason with crazy so if he did on purpose then know its a sad failing in him and not you.

LoosingMyLast15

i was called all kinds of names in high school and got called a few in grade school. sometimes a thought will pop into my head while i'm working out and i use THAT as my motivation to push myself. oh and going to my 20th year high school reunion and seeing how some of my classmates ummmm aged helped me feel WAY BETTER!

LosingWeight4Good

When I was a child, I cried when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
When I was a teenager, I ate more when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
When I was of age, I drank when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
When I was a middle aged adult, I blamed other people for not valuing who I REALLY was. That didn't work.
When I turned 46, I got my as* off the couch and stopped crying, drinking, overeating and blaming others. It's working! :happy:

HisPathDaily

Ah, grasshopper, when you forgive them, you forgive yourself.


Don't waste any more of your life being fat. I was there. Believe me, it's better being fit. By about 10000%.

People say dumb stuff. I know I do it, I'll bet you do it, too. Forgive.

This

ErinBeth7

My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”

I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”

:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :explode: I cannot believe people can be so cruel. That statement makes me SO MAD! Even more mad at your brother for talking about you that way, especially to others. Its one thing to think it and another go around saying it others. THATS HORRIBLE! I feel for you.

Alex_is_Hawks

One of the biggest things I've learned about hateful comments and people who make them is that no one is exempt from them...

everyone experiences a hateful comment in their life, overweight people, disabled, people, jocks, princesses, everyone does...

we are all in the same boat and that boat is pretty simple...

you may remember it, but the person who said it will not. You aren't fixing anything or ruining anyone else's life but yours by hanging on to those comments. It takes time and it's not easy but you simply have to let it go...

and if you can't, it'll only scar you.

No one else.

And with that kind of realisation I decided to let it go....yes I know there were hateful comments in my past...i remember being very upset and hurt at times in my life from mean people, but at this point in my life, I could not remember a single comment made...i chose to let it go and I'm not wasting my space in my head and my heart holding on to that....

Let it go.

hdsqrl

I obsess over the comments, then pout, and then take a Big Girl pill and use their words as a challenge to prove them wrong. I remember my first IT-related job, in which the guys who sat near me KNEW I knew my stuff, but would still preface everything they said to me with, "I know you're just a girl, but maybe you'll know the answer to this..."

I didn't have a college degree back then and sometimes thought I'd be stuck in dead-end jobs forever.

I'm now working on my second Master's Degree, this time an MS in Information Security. I never see those guys any more, but there's more than a little bit of pride knowing I could kick their little IT bums across the building and back nowadays.

Take the hurtful words, acknowledge what you can do to make sure no one ever has cause to say those words to you again, and then take the steps necessary to make that happen. Even if you never see the mean person again, YOU will know they'd have to eat their words if they saw you now. :flowerforyou: