Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?

CassiusKnox

Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?

No. Because my husband frowns on me dating other people.

pffft. I cannot believe this thread is even getting legitimate responses. Totally offensive.

see what I mean?

saragato

Dating someone with a disfigurement is like dating someone overweight or who's missing a limb. It's a physical difference that you can either overlook or stare at and obsess over. As for what others in a public setting think, *kitten* them. Who's on the date here, you or the rest of the bar? In the end, it's one part of a whole person.

As for myself personally, more than likely I would. I value personality, intelligence, and general mind over looks. Doesn't mean I wouldn't notice or care to any degree, but nothing says I can't give them a chance as much as the next person.

NoAdditives

Thanks for all your responses. Even the 'holier than thou' ones. Obviously I said yes because I value him as a person. I'm just being honest. After all, some people don't date people because their fat...and most people can lose weight. It affects his teeth and and his cheek and well - I know for a fact that some people wouldn't even give him the time of day - just to get to know him which is horrible, but it's naive to think that looks don't factor in.

There's nothing wrong with honesty, and there's certainly nothing wrong with questioning what you're ok with. Some people just can't handle certain things. And, no matter what a person says, every single one of us has a bias of some sort. For some it's physical, for others it's intellectual, for others it religious. And just because a person's bias is physical, doesn't mean that person is overly superficial or is otherwise a "bad" person.

AlotOfSweatAndPain

Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?

No. Because my husband frowns on me dating other people.

pffft. I cannot believe this thread is even getting legitimate responses. Totally offensive.

I thought it was an legimate question.

bonjour24

regardless of what we all think (and believe me, my initial reaction was 'what a stupid question'), initial attraction is what can spark a relationship. unless you have one of those slow brewing ones where you're mates for years before you finally hook up.
if someone had an obvious facial disfugurement, i think it would be naturally questioned before you start a relationship with them. for some it would be a very brief consideration and disregarded, for others (like OP) it would be more of a conscious decision.

so, if you like him go for it. you do not need permission to like someone if they have something quirky going on. you don't need to defend your choices. you just need to live with them.

NoAdditives

Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?

No. Because my husband frowns on me dating other people.

pffft. I cannot believe this thread is even getting legitimate responses. Totally offensive.

I find this response "totally offensive."

slkehl

I find disfigurements intriguing and interesting. It's different, and different can be attractive.

_the_feniks_

Anybody who says physical attraction is not important is a liar and should get off their high horse. You cannot see one's intellect, sense of humor or compassion at a glance.

That being said and to answer the OP's question. Hell no, I wouldn't.

MB_Positif

It's really hard to say. I dated a guy years ago who had a few small, but raised moles on his neck. When we first met, I thought they were a little bit of a turn off, but he was sweet and fun so I kept dating him. Anyhow, fast forward a year or so when he started to annoy the crap out of me and I began to hate those moles. They became repulsive to me! This makes me sound so bad...ultimately though, I think if I really loved him I could have gotten "over" them!

mommared53

Well, I'm not a liar, on my high horse or holier than thou when I say I don't care what someone looks like. I grew up being called ugly so I don't care what someone else looks like.

amselby81

If you're afraid of what people will think, then you shouldn't date him. He deserves someone who can look past his disfigurement and who won't care what others think.

weevil66

Hold on a second. You are 39 and you have a date with a hot 28-year old chef? You go girl!

Seriously though, I didn't think your question was dogging on the guy or even saying you wouldn't go out with somebody with a facial disfigurement. You said flat out that you were going out and he was a lovely guy. You were asking what others would do. I think that you were kind of surprised at yourself because you thought you were more superficial than you are. Good. There is more to you than you thought. Don't get hung up on what other people think. If you like him and he likes you, and you both treat each other right that is what matters. Who gives a flying eff what people think of something on the exterior of a person.

I am somebody who has a genetic disorder and I could write a book on the bull**** that people have said to me, the looks, the attitudes, the list goes on but I don't care what they say or think because I know that I am a good person, If somebody can't get past my exterior to see the person that I am inside that is their problem not mine.

7funnygirl7

My husband was born with a cleft palate because his mother had measles while pregnant and this caused the defect. When I met him, I seen something "different" about him but liked him because he put a smile on my face, made me feel comfortable, treated me kindly and then fell in love with me and all my faults. I guess bottom line is..if you enjoy each others company, go for it! Life is just too darn short to waste it on petty things like looks~ they truly are only skin deep. A mental connection will take you on a more intersting, fun, fulfilled journey rather than just having a trophy on your arm. Best of Luck to you

TozzatheHatcher

I have been with my husband for almost 8 years (married a little over a year) and he has a birth defect. He was born with cerebral palsy. His right arm can't extend all the way and his fingers spasm/move all the time when he is awake. When I first met him I wasn't sure about the whole thing. I got to know him and 8 years and 2 kids later here we are. My point is, if he's a nice guy and you are interested in him give him a chance. Could be the best decision you ever make

ValerieMartini2Olives

If I actually knew them in person and they were amazing and still overall attractive, I probably would. If I was doing an online dating thing and was reading his profile and he said he had a disfigurement, it would probably be a deterrent. Shallow, I know, but it's the truth. It's no different than someone who wouldn't want to date me for being overweight. We like what we like.

TheMiddlePath

That question is amazing , and why in net ? I think its a heartless question and very shallow, if i was the guy i wouldnt date you

QFT. And thanks to people like OP, he has been a baseline of always "that guy with the disfigured face." She doesn't mention chef or intelligent first, it's his flaw.

Actually, the first thing I say about him is that he is a really lovely guy.

TimedEventSystem

That question is amazing , and why in net ? I think its a heartless question and very shallow, if i was the guy i wouldnt date you

QFT. And thanks to people like OP, he has been a baseline of always "that guy with the disfigured face." She doesn't mention chef or intelligent first, it's his flaw.

Actually, the first thing I say about him is that he is a really lovely guy.

I'm sorry, what's the topic of the thread say again?

"Great conversationalist? Does he get a chance?"
"Smart and saavy? Should I stay or should I go?"

No. It's facial disfigurement. This thread really brings up yet again that just because someone doesn't fit society's typical idea of beauty you'll never be given a fair chance. I loved having nasty comments thrown at me when I was undergoing radiation therapy and fighting for my life multiple times. People like you really made sure to remind me of how ugly I was. People like you never thought of my circumstances, just my outward appearance.

So thanks!

wyze

That question is amazing , and why in net ? I think its a heartless question and very shallow, if i was the guy i wouldnt date you

QFT. And thanks to people like OP, he has been a baseline of always "that guy with the disfigured face." She doesn't mention chef or intelligent first, it's his flaw.

Actually, the first thing I say about him is that he is a really lovely guy.

I'm sorry, what's the topic of the thread say again?

"Great conversationalist? Does he get a chance?"
"Smart and saavy? Should I stay or should I go?"

No. It's facial disfigurement. This thread really brings up yet again that just because someone doesn't fit society's typical idea of beauty you'll never be given a fair chance. I loved having nasty comments thrown at me when I was undergoing radiation therapy and fighting for my life multiple times. People like you really made sure to remind me of how ugly I was. People like you never thought of my circumstances, just my outward appearance.

So thanks!

I think you need to chill, this thread is not about you. I am sorry you have had a rough time with your health and had people make nasty comments to you due to the side effects, but it seems like your taking out your anger on the OP.

Please read her post again. She is going on a date with the guy and is actually surprised about the fact that his facial disfigurement hasnt stopped her from doing so. Atleast she isnt lying about the fact that she is aware that it is there. She is asking a genuine question from an honest place and i think that the fact that she is giving him a chance and trying to get to know him speaks volumes.

That being said, you can never really get to know someone unless you move beyond initial impressions. If i met someone who had some kind of obvious disfigurement, of course i would be aware of it, but that wont stop me from getting to know the person if he is able to catch my attention with a good convo, sense of humor and intelligence.

takehimaway

Sure would.. That kinda stuff doesn't matter to me in the slightest.

Sunsh1ne

Your date sounds like a great guy. For some people, physicality gets in the way, but for most people, we look for personal connections as a basis for relationships. Example: when I was a kid, I was asked to share a seat with a girl I didn't know during a group activity. She had severe scarring on one side of her face, which I later learned was from a dog attack. Some kids in the group avoided her, but we got chatting, had a lot in common, and eventually became very close friends. After about a week, I stopped seeing the scars and just saw my friend, actually to the point where, when she was old enough to have reconstructive surgery done, it took me some time to notice what looked different about her.

Bottom line: Have fun. Be a person getting to know a person. Don't worry about bodies.