Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?
Replies
-
I would but I don't know if it's for you. If you have to ask a forum of strangers he might you might not be ready for him. Not trying to be mean here though, give it a shot and if you really like him then why even think twice about it.0
-
You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.
Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.
When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.
That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.
Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.
If you look back at my other post, you see that I mention that physical attraction and sexual attraction isn't always based off of PHYSICAL characteristics. You can fall i love with someone both mentally, emotionally and physically even if they have a disfigurement. So, yes, to me, it's superficial to not go out with someone because of a facial disfigurement. You can be easily attracted to someone physically even if they have a disfigurement. Passion is so much deeper when you can mentally and emotionally connect with someone... which plays a very important role in sexual and physical attraction.0 -
Depends on the facial disfigurement.0
-
To all those that actually read my post in detail and have either just responded, been supported, or gone out of their way to defend me, thank you.
I was just nervous before our date, and I reached out to see if anyone else had been in this situation. You are all entitled to your opinions.
Just as a follow up, we had a great time and we even kissed. He talked about it right from the get go, it's not genetic - no one else in his family has it, but he's had 20+ surgeries and it affects half of his teeth. He has a lot of extra blood vessels in one cheek and refers to his face as the $6 million dollar face.
We will be going out again
0 -
My first long term ex had a scar running most of the length of her cheek that she'd had from birth, so yes.0
-
To all those that actually read my post in detail and have either just responded, been supported, or gone out of their way to defend me, thank you.
I was just nervous before our date, and I reached out to see if anyone else had been in this situation. You are all entitled to your opinions.
Just as a follow up, we had a great time and we even kissed. He talked about it right from the get go, it's not genetic - no one else in his family has it, but he's had 20+ surgeries and it affects half of his teeth. He has a lot of extra blood vessels in one cheek and refers to his face as the $6 million dollar face.
We will be going out again
Glad to hear that it went well. I'm not sure how I would handle such a situation, but kudos to you for not letting what other people might think stop you.0 -
I guess I'm just surprised that this would even be a question. It doesn't sound like he's John Merrick and even then if he has the qualities you desire does it really matter?
^^ this ^^0 -
So glad to hear you had a great time! Wishing the best for many dates to come.... 0
-
My experience...look doesn´t matter when you really truely like someone and they touch your heart you won´t see their lacks, you will see them differently than others.
Brain and personality comes first for me.
That may not be so for you but one date might give you some clue. Good luck and have fun.0 -
To all those that actually read my post in detail and have either just responded, been supported, or gone out of their way to defend me, thank you.
I was just nervous before our date, and I reached out to see if anyone else had been in this situation. You are all entitled to your opinions.
Just as a follow up, we had a great time and we even kissed. He talked about it right from the get go, it's not genetic - no one else in his family has it, but he's had 20+ surgeries and it affects half of his teeth. He has a lot of extra blood vessels in one cheek and refers to his face as the $6 million dollar face.
We will be going out again
I'm glad it went well... he's a lucky guy.0 -
Why are people surprised by this question? Our society worships people for physical beauty. I am sorry but as someone whom is "fat", it is the most discriminated trait, so someone questioning facial disfigurement doesn't surprise me. When I was skinny I didn't have people tell me, "You are perfect, except... "enter nice way to say fat here". There are MUCH worse traits people can have then fat, facial disfigurement, or whatever society doesn't hold as "beautiful". Anyways, congratulations you are a douche and he deserves better.0
-
My husband is probably the least main stream attractive of any guy I dated. I told him I wanted to just be friends, but as I got to know him, I realized that the way he cared about me and treated me and how much we had in common made me insanely attracted to him. We have great sexual chemistry and the fact that he decided to join the military to provide me and our future children is the made me even more attracted to him. I am so glad that I found him because he truly is my soul mate and I don't think I could love another man more than I love him.
It definitely does show maturity to give someone out of your comfort zone a chance, and for all you know, you guys could hit it off. I'd much rather be with a guy that treats me right and might not be as attractive or have some sort of disfigurement than be with one that is gorgeous, but has a personality disfigurement (ie is a *kitten*).0 -
I think about it like this: There is always someone you may or may not be attracted to and visa versa. If you want to take the time to actually get to know a person then maybe it won't matter what they look like (now smell thats different--hehe). The other thing to consider is what if something happened to you and you had say a burn or accident that disfigured you, how would you like people to think of you? By only your looks or categorize you as a 'disfigured' person. Hey this guy you (op) speak of could be a total *kitten*, which is why his looks are not the most important thing, his personality and moral compass is. I'm not saying attraction isn't important. Hey, I don't know George Clooney but I know I wouldn't turn him away. lol
My daughter is disabled and if she could meet someone to have a future with I would hope they see ALL the wonderful things about her, inside and out. I also have a cousin with mild CP, he's a grown man now and is happily married to a wonderful girl who couldn't care less about his 'birth defect'
I guess what I am saying is I hope we all get to a point in our lives where we realize there are more important things than our cheekbones and such.0 -
If his personality is already attractive to you, try a few dates, maybe you'll like him, maybe you won't but it won't hurt to spend some time getting to know him better! 0
-
She was asking a "general" question. She already had made up her mind that she was going out on a date with him regardless of "anything" for goodness sakes! Don't go name calling unless you have walked a mile in someone elses shoes and thought what they thought and felt with their heart. Just sayin'....Why are people surprised by this question? Our society worships people for physical beauty. I am sorry but as someone whom is "fat", it is the most discriminated trait, so someone questioning facial disfigurement doesn't surprise me. When I was skinny I didn't have people tell me, "You are perfect, except... "enter nice way to say fat here". There are MUCH worse traits people can have then fat, facial disfigurement, or whatever society doesn't hold as "beautiful". Anyways, congratulations you are a douche and he deserves better.0 -
Why are people surprised by this question? Our society worships people for physical beauty. I am sorry but as someone whom is "fat", it is the most discriminated trait, so someone questioning facial disfigurement doesn't surprise me. When I was skinny I didn't have people tell me, "You are perfect, except... "enter nice way to say fat here". There are MUCH worse traits people can have then fat, facial disfigurement, or whatever society doesn't hold as "beautiful". Anyways, congratulations you are a douche and he deserves better.
No... actually... the 'douches' in this case are the people who can read her post and so thoroughly misunderstand, misinterpret or misrepresent it. Wow.... just.... wow!!0 -
She asked and I gave her my 2 cents. I do not care if anyone agree's or disagree's. end of story.
She was asking a "general" question. She already had made up her mind that she was going out on a date with him regardless of "anything" for goodness sakes! Don't go name calling unless you have walked a mile in someone elses shoes and thought what they thought and felt with their heart. Just sayin'....Why are people surprised by this question? Our society worships people for physical beauty. I am sorry but as someone whom is "fat", it is the most discriminated trait, so someone questioning facial disfigurement doesn't surprise me. When I was skinny I didn't have people tell me, "You are perfect, except... "enter nice way to say fat here". There are MUCH worse traits people can have then fat, facial disfigurement, or whatever society doesn't hold as "beautiful". Anyways, congratulations you are a douche and he deserves better.0 -
Strange question. So you like him but his face is asymmetrical. What's the problem? If your worried about how others perceive you don't. I would think you were open minded, a kind person, and not concerned with outward appearances. Plus in my opinion personality can make anyone hot or it can make them completely disgusting.
Well said, very true!!0 -
Hey if his disfigurement doesn't turn you off, and the good in him outweighs the bad, I say go for it!0
-
Yes I have in the past. He was a wonderful and kind man. I don't normally see the outside first. I do want to also ask you this:
Do you think he was asking a public forums members' if he should ask you out because you were (fill in the blank here)? I don't slam or flame people but, turn the tables. I can't tell from your lack of a weight loss ticker if you have weight to loose, gain, maintain or how many pounds/kg you have done of any the above so I can't use that as an example BUT I'm going to anyway.
IF you are overweight you don't need me to tell you that people look at you differently. It really bites but it's a fact. Being overweight or fat is a highly discriminated against feature. That being said, how would you feel if you found out he was questioning whether or not to ask you out because of your weight? Your weight is something you can learn to control. How can he control a birth defect? You've stated that he is interesting enough and you did accept his date so what's the big deal? Go. Have a good time. Treat him how you want to be treated. Don't be rude and bring up the "swollen face", chances are if you talk enough and listen enough he'll tell you what's up.
1 piece of advice, do not go to a movie on a first date. You have to stay quiet and conversation/interaction is limited. Go someplace where you can talk. I hope you both enjoy the date.0 -
I have in the past. He was in a fire when he was a teenager. It really didn't bother me, his body was also scarred. I didn't let his looks stop me, I really liked what was on the inside. Honestly even with his scars, he was still good looking. I think it matter more of what is on the inside then out.
Hope it is a nice date!0 -
Just curious- is it called a vascular malformation? I have one in my cheek also. It swells up and goes down. People will ask if I have something in my mouth. It hasn't swollen in years unless my head goes below my heart, like when bending over- but used to be swollen all the time. It never affected my teeth but has affected my ear, hearing.0
-
Why are people surprised by this question? Our society worships people for physical beauty. I am sorry but as someone whom is "fat", it is the most discriminated trait, so someone questioning facial disfigurement doesn't surprise me. When I was skinny I didn't have people tell me, "You are perfect, except... "enter nice way to say fat here". There are MUCH worse traits people can have then fat, facial disfigurement, or whatever society doesn't hold as "beautiful". Anyways, congratulations you are a douche and he deserves better.
WOW, you are bloody rude. Glad you're so perfect.
OP. I'm happy you had a good time!0 -
Speaking as someone with a facial disfigurement (deep quarter sized cancer scar on my face) I find this thread very interesting0
-
You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.
Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.
When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.
That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.
Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.
If you look back at my other post, you see that I mention that physical attraction and sexual attraction isn't always based off of PHYSICAL characteristics. You can fall i love with someone both mentally, emotionally and physically even if they have a disfigurement. So, yes, to me, it's superficial to not go out with someone because of a facial disfigurement. You can be easily attracted to someone physically even if they have a disfigurement. Passion is so much deeper when you can mentally and emotionally connect with someone... which plays a very important role in sexual and physical attraction.
And if you look at my post, you'll see I said I can become attracted to someone if we build up a rapport. I am more than fully aware that there is more to attraction than physical features, but pretending like physical features don't factor at all is niave.
Yes, you may be able to fall in love with someone with a facial disfigurement, and, hey, I'm sure I could too. But it doesn't mean that you're a horrible person or devoid of any depth if you're intially put off by a disfigurement. There is a difference between meeting someone in, say, a bar, where looks can factor in greatly, or meeting someone in a non-intimate setting where you have time to get to know each other. Just because you talk to someone, it doesn't mean you will be attracted to them, facial disfigurement or not.0 -
Lol..where is all this hostility coming from? I never once said that anyone is a horrible person. And you spoke of attraction as if it is only derived from physical characteristics, however that's not the only way people are attracted to each other...You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.
Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.
When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.
That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.
Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.
If you look back at my other post, you see that I mention that physical attraction and sexual attraction isn't always based off of PHYSICAL characteristics. You can fall i love with someone both mentally, emotionally and physically even if they have a disfigurement. So, yes, to me, it's superficial to not go out with someone because of a facial disfigurement. You can be easily attracted to someone physically even if they have a disfigurement. Passion is so much deeper when you can mentally and emotionally connect with someone... which plays a very important role in sexual and physical attraction.
And if you look at my post, you'll see I said I can become attracted to someone if we build up a rapport. I am more than fully aware that there is more to attraction than physical features, but pretending like physical features don't factor at all is niave.
Yes, you may be able to fall in love with someone with a facial disfigurement, and, hey, I'm sure I could too. But it doesn't mean that you're a horrible person or devoid of any depth if you're intially put off by a disfigurement. There is a difference between meeting someone in, say, a bar, where looks can factor in greatly, or meeting someone in a non-intimate setting where you have time to get to know each other. Just because you talk to someone, it doesn't mean you will be attracted to them, facial disfigurement or not.
Case and point.0 -
I haven't but I would if I was drawn to them. The fact that you said yes because of the great qualities he has, rather than because you thought you couldn't stay no, speaks volumes and I would just go out and have fun.
It may or may work out and if it does I bet you no longer even notice the swollen cheek.
As for others, who gives a f*#k what they think about it anyway, right?
Have a great night!
well said!0 -
I recently met a really lovely guy and I'm pretty sure he was born with this facial disfigurement. At first glance, it looks like one cheek is kinda swollen - maybe from getting your wisdom teeth pulled - but then you see that it's likely a birth defect.
He is 28, a Cordon Bleu trained chef, has great style, and like I said - really lovely - great conversationalist - super smart and fun.
I am going out on a date with him tonight.
The weird thing is that I've always kinda considered myself to be superficial when it comes to the opposite sex's appearance. Sadly, I've dated cute guys that maybe had other issues...I mean who doesn't. But saying yes to him has taken me by surprise and I'd love to hear from anyone who has, who hasn't, who would, who wouldn't...just your thoughts.
I had a friend tell me he thinks that I'm afraid of what people may think of me - which has me thinking - but not sure if that applies. I mean - it's not me - it's him - but yeah - maybe people would judge me too. I don't know.
Like I said, your thoughts and insights are appreciated.
I haven't read through this whole thread, I'm almost afraid to because it's a subject that hits close to home for me. I can tell you that yes, I would date someone with a disfigurement, provided he wasn't an *kitten* and I wasn't married. From the description, it sounds as though his condition is rather mild. As far as your friend causing you concern about what people will think of you, I don't really understand where she is coming from. He's a nice guy, and he's got a career, that's a whole lot more than some non-disfigured guys have to offer. You like him, so who cares what people think? I don't think anyone is going to think any less of you for dating someone with a facial difference. As a matter of fact, they will probably have a whole new respect for you in that you will come across as a person who sees people for who they are, and not what they look like. And honestly, I can tell you from personal experience that after you really get to know him, you won't even notice his difference anymore, it will simply be part of who he is. If you're curious about what it is, don't be afraid to ask. I'm sure he'd rather people ask him about it than be stared at.
I'm curious to know what condition has caused his swollen appearance. My oldest son was born with syndromatic craniosynostosis (in simplest definition, his skull fused in multiple areas too soon and it was literally crushing his brain and caused disfigurement) so I'm very active in raising craniofacial disorder awareness and love the chance to meet other families affected by them.
My boy has been through hell. Multiple surgeries, permanent scar going from ear to ear, and more surgeries to come. If not for his physical differences though, not a living soul would know anything was different about him. He's smart, caring, active, and does all the same things kids his age do (including driving his mom crazy sometimes). Right now, at this age, most kids don't say anything about his differences or treat him any differently. They actually think his zig-zag lighting bolt across his head is pretty cool. He's a big flirt, and girls seem drawn to him. That's right now though. I now there's going to come a time when appearance is more important than anything (the dreaded teen years), and things may not be too easy for him. I can only hope that he will meet pretty, open minded, and caring women like yourself to see past his scars and asymmetry. Anyone who doesn't take the time to get to know someone because they have a physical difference is likely missing out on an amazing person.0 -
:-) Love ya Katie..
My daughter has the same condition, she has a HUGE scar from ear to ear from 2 surgeries. She, at age 5-1/2 has asked me if her scar can be fixed, you can sometimes see it depending on how her hair is.
SHe can get it fixed when she is 12 or 13 but I'm leaving that up to her, she may want to keep it the way it is, no matter what I'm going to make sure she knows that she should be so proud of herself and that the scar and what she has gone through does not define who she is.0 -
Lol..where is all this hostility coming from? I never once said that anyone is a horrible person. And you spoke of attraction as if it is only derived from physical characteristics, however that's not the only way people are attracted to each other...You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.
Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.
When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.
That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.
Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.
If you look back at my other post, you see that I mention that physical attraction and sexual attraction isn't always based off of PHYSICAL characteristics. You can fall i love with someone both mentally, emotionally and physically even if they have a disfigurement. So, yes, to me, it's superficial to not go out with someone because of a facial disfigurement. You can be easily attracted to someone physically even if they have a disfigurement. Passion is so much deeper when you can mentally and emotionally connect with someone... which plays a very important role in sexual and physical attraction.
And if you look at my post, you'll see I said I can become attracted to someone if we build up a rapport. I am more than fully aware that there is more to attraction than physical features, but pretending like physical features don't factor at all is niave.
Yes, you may be able to fall in love with someone with a facial disfigurement, and, hey, I'm sure I could too. But it doesn't mean that you're a horrible person or devoid of any depth if you're intially put off by a disfigurement. There is a difference between meeting someone in, say, a bar, where looks can factor in greatly, or meeting someone in a non-intimate setting where you have time to get to know each other. Just because you talk to someone, it doesn't mean you will be attracted to them, facial disfigurement or not.
Case and point.
Any hostility you sense is not coming from me.
I didn't say physical characteristics are the only way people are attracted to each other, I said it factors in greatly.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions