i will never be good enough
ARyding17
Posts: 75 Member
I have always tried to be good enough for my dad but its never going to happen. He was the start athlete when he was in high-school and even though he is old and overweight now he still acts like he can pass judgment. I hear him call girls chubby when I would die to look like them if he thinks there chubby what does he think of me?
Just now I was complaining about my flat feet and he said 'well that must be why you are slow'. I'm so tired of this and I just don't know what to do.
23 pounds down and I'm still not good enough.
Just now I was complaining about my flat feet and he said 'well that must be why you are slow'. I'm so tired of this and I just don't know what to do.
23 pounds down and I'm still not good enough.
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Replies
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This has nothing to do with how good you are. It has everything to do with you dad having no confidence in himself and thinking bringing others down will make him bigger.0
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I've been there, my dad was like that. I loved him, but he was hard to tolerate when he got like that. My advice to you, if it bothers you that much, do what I did and tell him how much his comments hurt. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it bothers you, but if he does, then talking to him will give you a good idea whether or not you should limit your time spent with him from then on. It took me a long time to sort things out with my dad, but after several years of only seeing me once or twice a year, he got the picture and started behaving himself. Hope things work out for you. Much love for your courage and strength in wanting to change your life.0
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I hope you can see eventually that this has nothing to do with you. This is also abusive and I hope you can find happiness with other family members and friends. This isn't your fault! You are good enough!0
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if you are doing this for your dad then you are wrong
you have to do it because YOU want it!!
you are doing great keep it up!! you will see at the end of the road YOU will feel better!!0 -
YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Just KNOW that deep down. Tell yourself that. What other people think is non of my business - is my motto...but I know it's not so easy especially when it is someone as close as a father. It seems like his comments about other girls are indirect comments towards you? I agree that letting him know that it hurts you may help. Even if he doesn't change his behavior, you have changed yours.0
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Not only are you good enough, you are better than. The simple fact that you recognize this behavior as wrong says you have been affected by this but you will not repeat it. This is not the case in some people.My father was the same and my mother worse. It took years of therapy but I was able to get through it. My sisters however became just like them. This is not your problem it is theirs. I tell you that for free but I spent thousands to learn that. Now for revenge!!! Be successful in all that you do by trying your hardest everyday. One day everyone will know just how great you really are and success is the sweetest revenge!!!0
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I agree with the caveman! Your dad is no longer young and an athlete, so he picks on others who still have all the opportunities that are now gone for him. I wish there was a magic button where you could just mute him! But since there isn't, you need to try to just feel sorry for him that he feels the need to be so critical. It must be sad living in his head...0
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At the end of the day, having the support and approval of your family is nice but not necessary. YOU only have to be accountable to YOURSELF. You only have to be "good enough" for yourself, and I think that starts with you believing that you ARE good enough, regardless of what your father thinks. This was something that I struggled with for a long time but finally came to terms with in 2010 when I started this journey and lost 70lbs. I AM worthy. I AM valuable. I AM inherently a good person, and *I* know the truth, regardless of what others may say or think. Sometimes I had to look myself in the mirror doubtfully and repeat it until I believed it. I do not need the approval of others to be a worthy, valuable, good person.0
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I have always tried to be good enough for my dad but its never going to happen. He was the start athlete when he was in high-school and even though he is old and overweight now he still acts like he can pass judgment. I hear him call girls chubby when I would die to look like them if he thinks there chubby what does he think of me?
Just now I was complaining about my flat feet and he said 'well that must be why you are slow'. I'm so tired of this and I just don't know what to do.
23 pounds down and I'm still not good enough.
Sounds like someone's dad needs to be put in their place. One thing you could do is find out if you can outrun him now. If you can, anytime he makes a smart aleck comment about chubby girls, just tell him that those chubby girls could probably run his wrinkly old butt down and kick it if they were so inclined. He'll probably laugh it off but in time, it may let him know what it feels like to be picked on. If you can't outrun him, use it as a goal for you to achieve that doesn't have anything to do with the scale. I've shaved over 4 minutes off the time that I run 3 miles in and almost 3 minutes from my time to run 2 miles in the past six months, and I was in decent shape to start with. You can make a tremendous difference if you work hard at it.
BTW, if you are down 23 lbs, you are well on your way to being where YOU want to be. At the end of the day, don't worry about him.0 -
WOW he kind of sounds like my dad. My dad always told me I was fat ever since High School. He told me I would not graduate High School or College and I did to prove him wrong. I know he cares but he uses some kind of reverse psychology to get me to try harder. it is really annoying and I know his intentions are good but he is probably does not know better, I'm sure your dad knows you are good enough he is just trying to see if he can push you harder which is not right because it is in a negative way but parents are not perfect. Just believe in yourself and stand up for yourself to your dad . Tell him how you feel and express the positive that you have done. Do what you are passionate about and give it 100 percent. When he sees your passion he will be proud of you even if its not the sport he was great at when he was young or anything in life. You can not follow his exact footsteps you have to be your own person. God has made you unique with qualities that other people might not have. Just find what inspires you and go after it.0
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First of all, you are beautiful! Your post really spoke to my heart. My dad was also verbally abusive when I was growing up. He called me some very hurtful names. It mostly stemmed from his upbringing and lack of confidence in himself. He is 70 years old now and is very sorry for what he did back then. Maybe one day your dad will see the error of his ways, maybe not.
I know what a vulnerable time this is for you. I have an 18 year old son. I am glad you have chosen to come here to flush this all out. There are a lot of caring people here. Cling to what you are and can be. Don't let anyone else's words dictate who you become.
Not sure how you feel about prayer but I'll be praying for you.
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I am really sorry that your dad's chances of success are long gone and you have youth, beauty, and a whole life of possibilities ahead of you. Even I'm jealous haha. I wanna be a pretty young 18 year old. Some people have an unhealthy need to be better than other people and bringing someone else down is a way of keeping them "above" the rest. Since I don't know your family, I can't tell you how to respond to him. But know that one day you will be grown and can do whatever you want. You CAN do whatever you want. When you are young, it is easy to forget that your family isn't the center of the universe. I had difficulties with my mother and I used to be hurt by her rejection. When I grew up I didn't care anymore. Also, your weight doesn't put a value on your head. If losing weight makes you feel powerful and stronger, keep it up. Best of luck.0
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I agree with the caveman! Your dad is no longer young and an athlete, so he picks on others who still have all the opportunities that are now gone for him. I wish there was a magic button where you could just mute him! But since there isn't, you need to try to just feel sorry for him that he feels the need to be so critical. It must be sad living in his head...
This and caveman0 -
I think you should become a badass just for yourself.
Then stab him with a cattle-prod for 3 seconds.0 -
There are some people out there you just can't please...
Sometimes you have to cut out the toxic people in your life, even if that means family.
Please be careful not to seek out men with a similar condescending attitude as your father, you could end up doing this subconsciously. My coworker endured the same ordeal and now chooses to only date guys who treat her like crap. In an indirect way she is trying to get the approval of her father through these jerks, but she never can, she just ends up with black eyes and a busted ego.0 -
Envy, because of a lackluster life, is a reflection of one's wish to have done more.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Stop trying to be good enough for everyone else and just be good enough for you. You'll be happier that way 0
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Repeat after me : I'm good enough..I'm smart enough. You need to worry about yourself and not what everyone else thinks.0
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Who cares what your dad thinks??!! How do you feel about your accomplishments, abilities, and self-worth?? Because at the end of the day, he's an old man and you still have your whole life to do amazing things.
go. do them. fruck everyone else.0 -
I think you should become a badass just for yourself.
Then stab him with a cattle-prod for 3 seconds.
^^^What she said.0 -
honey i have been seeing a shrink on and off for 5 years about this type of issue. FINALLY about a month ago my therapist had me write down the expectations i feel i am still held to from my mother and we talked about which ones i felt i forgave her for. then i wrote most of them onto stones and went down to the pond. i read over each of them and chucked the stones in the water. i felt like i took off a super heavy backpack off my conscience.
like some other replies to you, this isn't about you, and he probably has no idea how hurtful it is to you. you could confront him, you could learn to blow off his comments (ie don't let them sink in - don't BELIEVE them) or remove yourself from the situation. sometimes, unfortunately, family are the most toxic people in our lives. i understand how you feel, and i feel for you. best of luck in learning how you can best deal with it, overcome and persevere!0 -
I am sorry that you and your father have a poor relationship and that it harms your mental state so much. It must be difficult to go through. I would consider seeking some sort of mental health professional for therapy.
Secondly, I also believe that you might benefit from trying to do this for YOU and no one else, espeically your dad. Be happy for you. Be healthy for you.0 -
You're beautiful as you are and can do as much as you desire. I'm sorry for your Dad's actions. He's obviously suffering from his own decisions in life and you need not have the same regrets. Keep up the great work and hopefully you'll inspire him to do something besides 'judge' someday soon.0
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How soon can you move out of his house?0
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Hang in there!0
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It's true, even if it's family:
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Thankyou everyone so much for all your support.
My mom and dad are divorced so I only see him every tues and every other weeked. I wouldn't go at all but I hate the fact that I would be hurting his feelings. I know its wrong and he hurts mine multiple times but I just can't help it. He is my dad and I guess I do just want his approval. My mom also just got married so I feel like I have to go over there to give them some space. She always says that anytime I want I can chose to stay at her house but than I bring it up and she says they really want some time alone.
I just don't know what to do.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...0 -
Just say f#$k it and drive on! 0
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The way he acts is not a sign of that you aren't good enough. It's a sign that HE ISN"T good enough (of a father). This isn't a lacking in you, but in him.
I know it's hard because he is supposed to help you shape your self confidence and worth but you'll have to learn to do that on your own since he can't handle the job.
Is that you in your avatar? I think you are a very attractive and pretty young lady and you seem very intelligent. Get healthy for YOU and go about moving on with your life. Every time he says something mean and hurtful try not to take it to heart and instead wonder why he has become such a mean bitter old man.0 -
The best thing you can do is keep up what you're doing. Even if your dad continues to belittle you, if you feel good about your body then his words can't hurt you.0
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