i will never be good enough

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2

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  • 8smartypants8
    8smartypants8 Posts: 5 Member
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    honey i have been seeing a shrink on and off for 5 years about this type of issue. FINALLY about a month ago my therapist had me write down the expectations i feel i am still held to from my mother and we talked about which ones i felt i forgave her for. then i wrote most of them onto stones and went down to the pond. i read over each of them and chucked the stones in the water. i felt like i took off a super heavy backpack off my conscience.

    like some other replies to you, this isn't about you, and he probably has no idea how hurtful it is to you. you could confront him, you could learn to blow off his comments (ie don't let them sink in - don't BELIEVE them) or remove yourself from the situation. sometimes, unfortunately, family are the most toxic people in our lives. i understand how you feel, and i feel for you. best of luck in learning how you can best deal with it, overcome and persevere!
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I am sorry that you and your father have a poor relationship and that it harms your mental state so much. It must be difficult to go through. I would consider seeking some sort of mental health professional for therapy.
    Secondly, I also believe that you might benefit from trying to do this for YOU and no one else, espeically your dad. Be happy for you. Be healthy for you.
  • sixisCHANGEDjk
    sixisCHANGEDjk Posts: 243
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    You're beautiful as you are and can do as much as you desire. I'm sorry for your Dad's actions. He's obviously suffering from his own decisions in life and you need not have the same regrets. Keep up the great work and hopefully you'll inspire him to do something besides 'judge' someday soon.
  • sheclimbsrocks
    sheclimbsrocks Posts: 110 Member
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    How soon can you move out of his house?
  • Kmachado9
    Kmachado9 Posts: 17 Member
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    Hang in there!
  • sheclimbsrocks
    sheclimbsrocks Posts: 110 Member
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    It's true, even if it's family:

    268729_456257437740727_1592451249_n.jpg
  • ARyding17
    ARyding17 Posts: 75 Member
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    Thankyou everyone so much for all your support.

    My mom and dad are divorced so I only see him every tues and every other weeked. I wouldn't go at all but I hate the fact that I would be hurting his feelings. I know its wrong and he hurts mine multiple times but I just can't help it. He is my dad and I guess I do just want his approval. My mom also just got married so I feel like I have to go over there to give them some space. She always says that anytime I want I can chose to stay at her house but than I bring it up and she says they really want some time alone.

    I just don't know what to do.

    I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...
  • Sox90716
    Sox90716 Posts: 976 Member
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    Just say f#$k it and drive on!:smile:
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    The way he acts is not a sign of that you aren't good enough. It's a sign that HE ISN"T good enough (of a father). This isn't a lacking in you, but in him.

    I know it's hard because he is supposed to help you shape your self confidence and worth but you'll have to learn to do that on your own since he can't handle the job.

    Is that you in your avatar? I think you are a very attractive and pretty young lady and you seem very intelligent. Get healthy for YOU and go about moving on with your life. Every time he says something mean and hurtful try not to take it to heart and instead wonder why he has become such a mean bitter old man.
  • shierrarobin
    shierrarobin Posts: 181
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    The best thing you can do is keep up what you're doing. Even if your dad continues to belittle you, if you feel good about your body then his words can't hurt you.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    .
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    He sounds like my mom. ;) She still feels the need to point out my flaws (my tummy has some loose skin and so do my thighs). Guess what? I don't really care what she thinks. I would give you advice, but the rest of the comments sum it up pretty well so no need to repeat. Just know you are awesome. Do it for you. Not for anyone else.
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I have always tried to be good enough for my dad but its never going to happen. He was the start athlete when he was in high-school and even though he is old and overweight now he still acts like he can pass judgment. I hear him call girls chubby when I would die to look like them if he thinks there chubby what does he think of me?

    Just now I was complaining about my flat feet and he said 'well that must be why you are slow'. I'm so tired of this and I just don't know what to do.

    23 pounds down and I'm still not good enough.

    Next time you hear him say something like that about another girl, say, "Well, Dad, you're old, fat, and washed up." When he gets P.O.'d, and he will, say, "If you don't like people passing judgement on you, don't pass judgement on them. You may not realize it, but when you say things like that about girls who are thinner than me, it makes me feel badly about myself. I've been trying very hard to please you all my life. Apparently, nothing I do will ever be good enough for you, so I'm not gonna do it for you anymore. From here on out, I'm gonna do it for me."
  • sheclimbsrocks
    sheclimbsrocks Posts: 110 Member
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    Even if you have to write it on a post it, email or note, tell him this:
    I wouldn't go at all but I hate the fact that I would be hurting his feelings.

    Believe me. It will hit home and may make a difference. I had to do something similar with my family.

    Hang in there. You are wonderful, beautiful and you ARE good enough.
  • tvanhooser
    tvanhooser Posts: 326 Member
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    My mother is the same way. Which is why I don't share my goals or progress with her and didn't even tell her I was even trying to lose weight. My grandmother's branch of the family has a reunion every other year which was just this last weekend....and then she (and everyone else) noticed. Which is nice once but when that becomes the focus of conversation and the only thing they can think of to talk to you about the whole weekend --- well, I find that really annoying. Come on people, I didn't do this to impress you and there's more to my life than my weight whether it is high or low or in between. Can we PLEASE talk about something else? They may think they are being supportive and motivational but I got this far without their input and I don't find that type of "support" very --well, supportive. It's more like after a time or two you realize that even though they couch it in sugar, they are still determining my intrinsic value and worth as a human being based on my weight which has exactly NOTHING to do with ANYTHING that is really ME which is something they have NEVER shown much interest in at all. Plus the innuendos that they find me and exercise slightly amusing. I mean I know they are all ALOT more athletic than I have ever been, wanted to be or ever will be; and I know that no matter how good of a shape I get myself into, I will never be fast and I am OK with that. I have no grand physical feats in my goals. Nothing in me has any drive to achieve in that direction. I just want my knee and ankle pain issues to subside, that's it, really and truly. I see no 5Ks, marathons, triathlons, extreme fitness challenges,etc. in my future. Mental action is more my game than physical. I do just enough to keep the weight coming off and that's enough for me. Which is why it's good that I am not around them more often and when I am I have to keep all this in mind to help me turn a deaf ear and steel heart to their backhanded "compliments" which are really condescending and proof that they will never judge me on anything but their image of my body (NOT my own -- to me I am still the 115 pound 16-year old girl in the picture even though I still have a ways to go to get there. THAT is how I see myself when I think about it at all, which is not often. I'm more worried about the content of my character than the shape of my skin to twist an MLK quote!)
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    Sometimes a person's issues are their own, not a reflection of you. Don't take it personally.
  • 519harley
    519harley Posts: 241 Member
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    Ahhh honey, I'm sorry! Please continue to do this great work your doing for YOU!! I would love to support you if you like! My best to you, Karen
  • Susan_Rae_1
    Susan_Rae_1 Posts: 154 Member
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    You should be SO proud of yourself!!! He is an idiot (sorry) and not worthy of you protecting his feelings. What a jerk to make comments about people being "fat". GRRRRRR... I am proud of you and don't even know you. This is HARD work.
  • Chrisxytme
    Chrisxytme Posts: 44 Member
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    I have always tried to be good enough for my dad but its never going to happen. He was the start athlete when he was in high-school and even though he is old and overweight now he still acts like he can pass judgment. I hear him call girls chubby when I would die to look like them if he thinks there chubby what does he think of me?

    Just now I was complaining about my flat feet and he said 'well that must be why you are slow'. I'm so tired of this and I just don't know what to do.

    23 pounds down and I'm still not good enough.

    Both my parents are like that and i have had to put up with it for 34 years, I know its hard but you got to ignore it and be proud of yourself. 23 pounds is an awesome accomplishment to be proud of. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do that will ever change him, so stop trying and be proud of yourself and you will go far. Keep up the good work!
  • StoutGirl09
    StoutGirl09 Posts: 73 Member
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    Be good enough for yourself, 23 pounds is amazing.

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