Best Man Problems?

jabrende

So I'm supposed to be the best man at my former best friends wedding. The reason I say former is because ever since he's met this girl I've seen him less and less. I can count on one hand the times I've seen him this whole year so far. Whenever I would ask him if he wanted to do something he would blow me off every time for his girlfriend/fiance, and basically I just gave up trying to hang out with him... I feel like I don't even know him and just don't think we're really friends anymore.

How should I tell him I don't want to be in his wedding?

Ready2Rock206

How soon is the wedding? If there's still enough time for him to find another best man just tell him what you said here. If the wedding is next week suck it up and go...

iiiEllie

Tell him exactly what you just told us.

MSimm62385

Depends how much you considered him a friend. Might as well plan a bachelor party for him to remember, since he's going to have even less time for friends after getting married.

kzcortes

Even though you guys never hang out...the fact that he asked you to be his best man means something. You're obviously still his closest friend - even if you only see him a handful of time a year. Stick it out.

Worst case scenario you can hit on the bridesmaids

EDesq

If you consider him "former" then do as YOU feel. But UNDERSTAND this, YOU and everyone else WILL be secondary in his Life. And well it should be, a MAN'S Family should take priority! You are jealous dude, get over it!

BeckaT79

No offence but I really thought that only girls had this problem :-) You should be honest.... Tell him how you feel. When we or our friends find someone enough to love and marry them that becomes their best friend. I would be more offended if I were you if he shrugged you off for another best guy friend. If you don't want to be his best man then don't be, but by him asking you to stand by his side when he marries the woman of his dreams means that you are still his best friend. Good luck!

misty0413

meet up with him first and see how things go, you may have to tell him you can't. But this happened with a friend we had been friends since we were 10 and a couple of years ago there was a 4 year period with no contact from her. well we met up and its like we picked up where we left off. tell him how you feel over a couple of beers before you cancel out on his wedding.

Jonalee1977

Let me guess...you're single.

You should be happy that your friend found the live of his life. If you were in his shoes, I'm sure he'd step up and be the best man at your wedding. You're just going to have to straight up tell him that you can't be his best man, then be prepared for any trace of your friendship to be over.

JodieChampoux

Well, I'm a wedding minister, and have had to deal with many issues that might disappoint a bride/groom. The main thing is to not put off telling them. Be honest, call your friend and just tell him that you feel that he might be better asking a relative or somebody to be his best man because you just don't feel that connected to him any more. Try to not make it sound like you are mad about the relationship falling apart, just let it go and move on. Just be sure to do it as soon as possible, otherwise you will probably have to man up and do the wedding.

txbutterfly69

He is in love right now, still walking on cloud 9. Not sure if you are married/dating, but it's hard not to focus on the person you love at the beginning. Be happy for your best friend and be at his wedding. You may regret it one day if you are not.

taunto

This might sound cheesy but here's the thing. Friends need to hangout, best friends can go and meet 10 years later and still feel like they hungout yesterday. I have lived all over the world and obviously have had many close friends scattered over the world, I haven't spoken to many of then over many years but I know that anytime I do talk to them, its like the same.

I have been a best man at 2 wedding. I haven't talked to either of them after their wedding much since they're both in west coast and I'm in MI. Its just a passage of time, they want to spend more time with their new family but I know that after a few months of wedding all that lovey dovey thing calmed down to normal and now they can't wait to get out with their friends on the weekends.

If you wanna hangout that badly, and miss the "bro time" you guys used to have, just tell him straight up. Tell him that you miss the time you 2 used to spend together without the lady and you feel like she's become almost literally balls and chain and that you'd love to hangout together and "bro it up"

SeanNJ

Even though you guys never hang out...the fact that he asked you to be his best man means something. You're obviously still his closest friend - even if you only see him a handful of time a year. Stick it out.

Worst case scenario you can hit on the bridesmaids

This.

amanda3588

You don't. You say you don't see him since he met the girl, then why did you agree to stand up for him at his wedding? Sounds like you're the one not being a good friend here. Sorry.

jaxonvol

This was a person who was a very important part of your life, and apparently you are the person that he wants standing beside him on probably the most important day of his life. Don't be "that guy" who boycotts the wedding because you don't agree with his choice of a mate. Be happy for your friend that he has found someone he wants to spend his life with and support him in this decision.

oregonzoo

This might sound cheesy but here's the thing. Friends need to hangout, best friends can go and meet 10 years later and still feel like they hungout yesterday. I have lived all over the world and obviously have had many close friends scattered over the world, I haven't spoken to many of then over many years but I know that anytime I do talk to them, its like the same.

I have been a best man at 2 wedding. I haven't talked to either of them after their wedding much since they're both in west coast and I'm in MI. Its just a passage of time, they want to spend more time with their new family but I know that after a few months of wedding all that lovey dovey thing calmed down to normal and now they can't wait to get out with their friends on the weekends.

If you wanna hangout that badly, and miss the "bro time" you guys used to have, just tell him straight up. Tell him that you miss the time you 2 used to spend together without the lady and you feel like she's become almost literally balls and chain and that you'd love to hangout together and "bro it up"

Very best reply in this thread.
Listen to this!!

avir8

He's obviously in love, give it time it's a new romance. To give up a friendship becuase you don't get to see your friend often is not a good reason. He surely felt you were his BFF to ask you to be "best man" so Man Up!!

myth4ever

He just caught up in his girl....you can't take it personal. She is by order his new best friend for life they are on a journey to become 1!!! Be happy for him and trust he will come back around. The role change a bit but you are still an important fixture in his life.

Brierrose007

I completely understand what this feels like!!! If the woman he's marrying is telling him he can't hang out with you (or his other friends), then he has a bigger problem than 'being all wrapped up in a new romance'. That behavior is controlling and he needs to see it from an outside perspective before he marries this woman. On the other hand, it could be a stupid guy thing where he does forget other people exist when she's around, but he still needs to gain perspective, so talk to him... I think you should be honest with him and tell him you're feeling alienated from his life, then bat the ball into his court by saying that if you get to spend more time together to renew the friendship, and learn more about his bride, then you would feel more comfortable participating in his (or her) "big day". He gets to make the decision with all available information.

GhostPack

You gotta do it. Man code.

Also, tell him to nut up and hang out more often. His lady probably isn't into what you guys like, so that's an issue of doing something else.

gigibenton

My opinion....being asked to be best man at a wedding is the ultimate way a male shows his "love" and respect for another male.it is an honor and you do it to honor the friendship...whether that friendship is based on a past circumstances or not really doesn't matter. Life changes, people change,life moves on but he must still value your friendship or he wouldn't have asked.

DominiqueSmall

Sometimes we are afforded the opportunity to do something for someone else who maybe hasn't treated like we would have hoped. I agree that the fact that he asked you shows he still considers you a good friend. Perhaps this is a moment in which you set aside what you want, and extend him grace, and be there for him. The fact that he has found love is a reason to celebrate, not end a relationship that sounds like it was a great one. I hope you can find a way to help him celebrate his day and love.

jabrende

I've told him numerous times that we never hang out anymore and feel we're growing apart, and he always gives some excuse or some reason... like, I'm almost done with school, we'll hangout when i graduate... which hasn't happened yet, or We just moved, I gotta get settled in, still nothing... Every time I'd ask him to do something he says he'd rather do something with her... I finally gave up and told him to contact me if he ever wants to do anything... And he still hasn't.... He never even texts me to see how I'm doing

Edit: Also, He asked me to do this a long time ago when we still hung out a lot and talked to each other... but I think we've grown so far apart since then...

coliema

Tell him exactly what you just told us.

^^That.

Fruch02

Just wear your PT belt. You'll be good.

magj0y

I've told him numerous times that we never hang out anymore and feel we're growing apart, and he always gives some excuse or some reason... like, I'm almost done with school, we'll hangout when i graduate... which hasn't happened yet, or We just moved, I gotta get settled in, still nothing... Every time I'd ask him to do something he says he'd rather do something with her... I finally gave up and told him to contact me if he ever wants to do anything... And he still hasn't.... He never even texts me to see how I'm doing

Edit: Also, He asked me to do this a long time ago when we still hung out a lot and talked to each other... but I think we've grown so far apart since then...

how far away is the wedding?
how long have you known him?
Is he a military bud? (if yes, no backing out!)

I have lost about 4 friends due to relationships. These people suck, imo.

sweetbeckymarie

I'm having the same issue myself. I say talk to him and tell him how you feel. He most likely is just so happy and in that blissful relationship mindset that he doesn't even realize that he is blowing you off and that it may bother you. Plus most men are rather daft (no offense) so you all need things laid out for you very obviously from time to time.

jerbear67

In any kind of relationship that you have communication is key. He is clearly feeling differently about the friendship than you do, he asked you as his best friend to be the best man in his wedding. Before you decide to end a friendship, not be the best man, you need to talk to him and tell him exactly whats bothering you about the friendship. I'm guessing that you have been friends for quite sometime now. Tell him he needs to make time to talk before the wedding as its concerning the wedding, that will get his attention. I can tell you from having been in a commited relationship just as if we were married. When things are new in a relationship like this all you want to do is spend time with the love of your life. I know that's what happened in my case. I wanted to spend as much time with my partner as I could and placed my friends on the back burner. I honestly didn't realize that I was doing that to my friends. Then after the "honeymoon" period was over I started to reconnect with my friends and they point out that they had been placed on the back burner. However I'm glad that I reconnected with my friends and they didn't brush me aside because tradgedy struck and he (my partner) was killed in a car accident. My friends were my rock during that time. Here is what I have found to be true, romantic relatioships can come and go (seems to be the trend these days) but solid friendship are forever. Friends to me are like family, though we may not talk everyday or hangout every week I know that the love is there and if I need them they're a phone call away and vice versa. When I get together with my friends that I haven't seen in sometime we always seem to pick up right where we left off. Keep that in mind because if they have kids your time with him will become even less.

christine24t

How soon is the wedding? If there's still enough time for him to find another best man just tell him what you said here. If the wedding is next week suck it up and go...

Yeah this. If you still have time say something like, "Brian, I'm really honored that you want me as your best man, but over the past year or so, you and I haven't been so close. I'm not quite sure that we're good enough friends to warrant me being your best man."