Double Standards...

AwesomelyAmber

Set your own standards. They're the only ones that matter.

YES!!!! Thankfully I can honestly say that this is how I look at things 99% of the time! but darn if there isn't that ONE PERCENT left!:laugh:

bleacheblonde

Where did you get this? I've never noticed society have any issue whatsoever with telling people they're fat. They do it daily if not every minute. Seriously. Walk into any check out line at any grocery store and look at any women's magazine. What is the one topic that is listed on every single front cover? How to lose 10 lbs. What do you think they are saying? All women are fat. I see enough posts here from folks noting encounters with folks who have no problem telling them they're overweight. Guess what? We know and we're changing.

No, I don't think there's any double standard here. Some people think you should mind your own business all the time. I say do what you think is right. I see no point in telling a total stranger what you think of their meal. You don't know what their story is. But if your friend is unhealthy and you're worried, share that. If they ask you to stop it, then don't do it again. That goes for either end of the scale.

Yes, I do have friends that try to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I've even seen that on here when someone says "I have a tough time eating all my calories" and the answer is "eat some cake already!" I get ticked.

But all in all, I'd say Americans are an equal opportunity, outspoken and rude society. Just MO.

^^ What she said! YES.

I have learned to just pretty much ignore everyone except for my fiance and my family when it comes to comments about my weight. People on the internet have had absolutely no issue with calling other people fat, in my experience. I've been accused of being fat and lazy online all the time by people who have never met me. I've also been asked if I was anorexic before when I was thin by people that only knew me as a fat person and felt the need to assume I was unhealthy when I was physically healthier than ever. I don't know that there's really a double-standard...I think there is an all-around standard of rudeness and of needing to stick one's nose into other people's business.
If you don't know someone personally, then you should keep your judgments to yourself.
If someone doesn't know you personally, you should ignore their judgments completely. That's my philosophy. It works quite well!

anrieken

I think part of the problem stems from our society's obsession with being PC and trying not to hurt anybody's feelings. Generally speaking, obese people are going to be more self-conscious of their body so it's not ok to point it out, but fit people are going to be more happy and confident so it's ok to be more frank with them because they can handle it. Personally, I think we need to do a little more fat shaming than is currently acceptable. It is neither ok nor healthy to be obese and it's ludicrous to say that Holley Mangold, for instance, is healthy just because she works out and can lift massive weight. She may be healthy underneath her layers and layers of fat, but that fat is still going to send her to an early grave.

AwesomelyAmber

Please understand, I am not saying that people DO NOT call people fat, or DO NOT say rude things...
I'm saying that SOMEHOW 'we' find it acceptable to tell people that they are 'too skinny', or the other comments, BUT if person A says to person B that they are 'too fat' you can bet that person C is going to tell person A why they should NOT say things like that. Flip side is that if person A says to person B "you are too skinny, eat a piece of cake" person C doesn't quickly jump to come to the aid of person B. Phew! That was hard for even ME to follow... but I hope my point was made! :laugh:

DefyGravity1977

I just encountered this situation this week. I have been heavy since I was 10 years old and got serious about my weight when my grandfather passed two years ago. I have a family friend and another family member tell me that I was "obsessed" because I was talking about my journey and my progress so much on Facebook. I think if someone had said to me bluntly, as my grandfather did in the last conversation I had with him, that I was getting to the point of putting my health in danger and that I needed to do something before it was too late I may have done something sooner. My grandparents went to their deathbed worrying about my health and that was the kicker for me and now am being accused of being obsessed. Of course it appears that I am obsessed because I know my family history. People need to be more open and honest with the loved ones in their lives when it comes to the concerns of weight and heatlh

AwesomelyAmber

I just encountered this situation this week. I have been heavy since I was 10 years old and got serious about my weight when my grandfather passed two years ago. I have a family friend and another family member tell me that I was "obsessed" because I was talking about my journey and my progress so much on Facebook. I think if someone had said to me bluntly, as my grandfather did in the last conversation I had with him, that I was getting to the point of putting my health in danger and that I needed to do something before it was too late I may have done something sooner. My grandparents went to their deathbed worrying about my health and that was the kicker for me and now am being accused of being obsessed. Of course it appears that I am obsessed because I know my family history. People need to be more open and honest with the loved ones in their lives when it comes to the concerns of weight and heatlh

So very sorry to hear of your grandparents but it seems that it has helped you to be a healthier person :flowerforyou: One of the reasons for this post was that I was told last night that I brag too much about my loss on FB. Reality is that once a week (Friday, weigh day) I post my loss for the week and total weight lost to date. ONCE per week is bragging??? :laugh: :laugh: My response? "You don't like my posts, block me. I read about people's trips to the store, when their kids take naps, who they are pissed off at... I guess that those people can read ONE post about my success!"

grrrlface

My family kept telling me I was getting fat for a long time, it hurt so I did something about it. I'm now 134lbs at 5'2.5", I could do with losing a bit of the tummy and thighs I still have but now my family and friends say I am getting too thin! It still hurts my feelings but when I say that they expect me to be fine with it because I "look good".

Just because you think someone looks good doesn't make them a stronger person to take people judging their bodies/appearence. No one knows the opinions someone truly has of themselves and it's wrong that people feel the need to comment.

DefyGravity1977

I just encountered this situation this week. I have been heavy since I was 10 years old and got serious about my weight when my grandfather passed two years ago. I have a family friend and another family member tell me that I was "obsessed" because I was talking about my journey and my progress so much on Facebook. I think if someone had said to me bluntly, as my grandfather did in the last conversation I had with him, that I was getting to the point of putting my health in danger and that I needed to do something before it was too late I may have done something sooner. My grandparents went to their deathbed worrying about my health and that was the kicker for me and now am being accused of being obsessed. Of course it appears that I am obsessed because I know my family history. People need to be more open and honest with the loved ones in their lives when it comes to the concerns of weight and heatlh

So very sorry to hear of your grandparents but it seems that it has helped you to be a healthier person :flowerforyou: One of the reasons for this post was that I was told last night that I brag too much about my loss on FB. Reality is that once a week (Friday, weigh day) I post my loss for the week and total weight lost to date. ONCE per week is bragging??? :laugh: :laugh: My response? "You don't like my posts, block me. I read about people's trips to the store, when their kids take naps, who they are pissed off at... I guess that those people can read ONE post about my success!"

Exactly the response I got and the response I gave. The family friend deleted me. My perception is that if they didn't like that I have changed and I have found something that keeps me going and they cannot be positive in support than I don't need them.

bleacheblonde

I think part of the problem stems from our society's obsession with being PC and trying not to hurt anybody's feelings. Generally speaking, obese people are going to be more self-conscious of their body so it's not ok to point it out, but fit people are going to be more happy and confident so it's ok to be more frank with them because they can handle it. Personally, I think we need to do a little more fat shaming than is currently acceptable. It is neither ok nor healthy to be obese and it's ludicrous to say that Holley Mangold, for instance, is healthy just because she works out and can lift massive weight. She may be healthy underneath her layers and layers of fat, but that fat is still going to send her to an early grave.

Why do we need to "fat-shame" people, even if they ARE fat? What does it matter to you if someone is fat? It's their life, and they can be fat if they want to. Being fat sucks, but some people are just fat. I don't see how shaming them or pointing it out does anybody any good whatsoever. I don't understand why people can't just leave each other alone and get on with their own lives.

rininger85

I just don't care what anyone else says... thick skin over here means nothing phases me...

anrieken

"Why do we need to "fat-shame" people, even if they ARE fat? What does it matter to you if someone is fat? It's their life, and they can be fat if they want to. Being fat sucks, but some people are just fat. I don't see how shaming them or pointing it out does anybody any good whatsoever. I don't understand why people can't just leave each other alone and get on with their own lives."


The reason it matters if other people are obese, not just fat, but obese, is that it affects the entire community. It's especially important since it seems the US is heading toward socialized health care. People who are willfully obese, I'm not talking about those with legitimate medical conditions, are a drain on society because their irresponsibility increases the cost of care for everyone. I don't know how much you know about the healthcare system or insurance, but the overall health of a pool, or group, affects everyone's premiums.

Yes, they have the right to do as they please with their personal choices and lives, but when their personal choices begin to adversely affect everyone's welfare it's time they put a stop to it. Would you be so quick to defend a person who chooses to drink and drive? This idea of the individual being more important than the community is counterintuitive to survival. We humans thrive when we are part of a community because we are stronger together than we are alone. For someone to claim they have the right to be willingly sick because it's their life to live, while at the same time increasing the burden to everyone, is incredibly selfish and self-centered.

AwesomelyAmber

Yikes... not to sound all self-righteous and full of unicorn pee and glitter or anything but please dear God no.
I don't want anyone "shamed" into anything... I'm sure I talk about people, I'm a liar if I say I don't ever. But to talk DOWN about or to people is NEVER ok. Kind of the point of the post... don't call people fat, don't tell slimmer people to eat a cake. There are nicer, kinder ways to say almost anything... :flowerforyou:

anrieken

I am in no way suggesting we start treating people like second class citizens or being cruel to them. Let's just get this idea that it's ok to be obese out of our heads. When someone who is overweight makes a disparaging remark about their weight, instead of saying, "It's ok, you're beautiful the way you are," why don't we say "You're right, you are overweight. Do you want some help with that?"

I'm not suggesting a person can't be beautiful while obese, especially since a person is so much more than their appearance, but I am suggesting that it is not ok to be obese when you can do something about it. There are plenty of programs for people to get the counseling and psychiatric care they need, if they need it, and there is a wealth of information and support for people who want to get healthy. There is just no good excuse for an otherwise healthy person to remain obese - especially when they are sure to become a drain on their community.

JennyLisT

I know this is an extreme case, but I've had teenage boys throw rocks at me while yelling disparaging comments about my obesity. That didn't exactly gear me up to get healthy, and neither did any less dramatic incidents of name calling. "Fat-shaming" isn't the way to go to get people to make healthier choices.

AshleyLo_44

Take it as a compliment. :flowerforyou: She's jealous of the fact that you can do what she's too weak to accomplish.

So agreed. Now I'm just starting on my weight loss journy. What kills me is those who try and then give up and are angry at you because you have success where they failed. They failed because they gave up.

AshleyLo_44

I know this is an extreme case, but I've had teenage boys throw rocks at me while yelling disparaging comments about my obesity. That didn't exactly gear me up to get healthy, and neither did any less dramatic incidents of name calling. "Fat-shaming" isn't the way to go to get people to make healthier choices.

I am sooooooo sorry they did that to you :grumble: no one should ever do that EVER :mad:

AwesomelyAmber

I am in no way suggesting we start treating people like second class citizens or being cruel to them. Let's just get this idea that it's ok to be obese out of our heads. When someone who is overweight makes a disparaging remark about their weight, instead of saying, "It's ok, you're beautiful the way you are," why don't we say "You're right, you are overweight. Do you want some help with that?"

I'm not suggesting a person can't be beautiful while obese, especially since a person is so much more than their appearance, but I am suggesting that it is not ok to be obese when you can do something about it. There are plenty of programs for people to get the counseling and psychiatric care they need, if they need it, and there is a wealth of information and support for people who want to get healthy. There is just no good excuse for an otherwise healthy person to remain obese - especially when they are sure to become a drain on their community.

Now this^^ I can understand and appreciate. Thank you for clarifying your thoughts. We are all entitled to our opinions, it's just when our opinions become out and out rudeness that I take offense...

AwesomelyAmber

I know this is an extreme case, but I've had teenage boys throw rocks at me while yelling disparaging comments about my obesity. That didn't exactly gear me up to get healthy, and neither did any less dramatic incidents of name calling. "Fat-shaming" isn't the way to go to get people to make healthier choices.

I am sooooooo sorry they did that to you :grumble: no one should ever do that EVER :mad:

EVER EVER EVER... :explode:
I'm so sorry too and am glad that you found MFP. :flowerforyou:

SeaChele77

I take it as a compliment and feel that I'm achieving my goals when people notice. I don't let it get to me b/c either its coming from a good place or if not - I don't care about their comment anyway!

Superbritt2drescu

I am rude right back and ignore them. I act as if they never said a thing. I am not going to stop being healthy because others don't like it.