So apparently I'm a failure????

justjenn1977

We set out this last week to do the greenbrier river trail... About 160 miles in five days... Myself and the kids and two friends...

We didn't make it... Decided to stop ten miles from the end (saving us twenty miles round trip) and did 140... Slept out four nights... Rain one of them forcing us to seek shelter in a gazebo instead of sleeping in our hammocks (pain in the back as it were) butt blister (almost made me stop and hitchhike back to the car at mile forty...)

I decided to cut it short mainly because I have to work tomorrow and I don't want to be dead... I'm already very sore... I'm not sure how the extra twenty miles would have done me...

So my friend says we failed because we didn't "finish" what we set out to do... We didn't finish the trail and I have never seen the last ten miles of it... (we have section biked it before)

I say I am not a failure because I DOUBLED my previous longest bike... I didn't once say "I can't do this it's too hard lets go home I'm finished" (although he claims my cutting it short was saying that)... I say I'm not a failure because I don't know many people who can do 140 miles let alone people my age and weight (I'm still 270#)...


So am I a failure? Is this a guy thing I don't understand? My friend has this thing about "completing" things that feels almost neurotic to me...

MoreBean13

Get another friend. That one is bogus.

ETA: All accomplishments are successes. You fail when you don't try.

SherryTeach

You are only a failure if you let someone else make you believe that you are.

mom2dms

Hummmm....I'd probably feel the same way your friend does...but I'm really weird like that....but I think you've been very successful! What a great trip!
Be proud

We set out this last week to do the greenbrier river trail... About 160 miles in five days... Myself and the kids and two friends...

We didn't make it... Decided to stop ten miles from the end (saving us twenty miles round trip) and did 140... Slept out four nights... Rain one of them forcing us to seek shelter in a gazebo instead of sleeping in our hammocks (pain in the back as it were) butt blister (almost made me stop and hitchhike back to the car at mile forty...)

I decided to cut it short mainly because I have to work tomorrow and I don't want to be dead... I'm already very sore... I'm not sure how the extra twenty miles would have done me...

So my friend says we failed because we didn't "finish" what we set out to do... We didn't finish the trail and I have never seen the last ten miles of it... (we have section biked it before)

I say I am not a failure because I DOUBLED my previous longest bike... I didn't once say "I can't do this it's too hard lets go home I'm finished" (although he claims my cutting it short was saying that)... I say I'm not a failure because I don't know many people who can do 140 miles let alone people my age and weight (I'm still 270#)...


So am I a failure? Is this a guy thing I don't understand? My friend has this thing about "completing" things that feels almost neurotic to me...

Capt_Apollo

you didn't fail. no, you didn't complete your goal due to some circumstances, but you still accomplished a lot and should be happy.

sometimes a goal is set high, and while we may not reach it on the first try, we can come amazingly close, and give us some gusto for the next time.

rocketass99

Tell your friend to shove it. He is no friend.

wbgolden

you didn't fail. no, you didn't complete your goal due to some circumstances, but you still accomplished a lot and should be happy.

sometimes a goal is set high, and while we may not reach it on the first try, we can come amazingly close, and give us some gusto for the next time.

right

ThePhoenixRose

you didn't fail. no, you didn't complete your goal due to some circumstances, but you still accomplished a lot and should be happy.

sometimes a goal is set high, and while we may not reach it on the first try, we can come amazingly close, and give us some gusto for the next time.

right

exactly. Ya ever heard the quote "If you aim for the moon and miss, you still get a handful of stars." same idea. you got a hell of a lot of stars. be proud.

dotmango

Wow, what a great memory for your kids, knowing that you always put health and joy first. I have a lot of great memories of trips like this as a kid, and they were all victories.

kiminikimkim

You failed at recognizing that she is not your friend

pastryari

You're not a failure and don't let anyone make you feel that way.

I like to think that everyone is succeeding when they're get up off that couch and MOVE!

gradrun

you're not a failure but you did fail on the goal you set. is that a women thing? to not be able to discriminate between facts and personality traits?

ninerbuff

We set out this last week to do the greenbrier river trail... About 160 miles in five days... Myself and the kids and two friends...

We didn't make it... Decided to stop ten miles from the end (saving us twenty miles round trip) and did 140... Slept out four nights... Rain one of them forcing us to seek shelter in a gazebo instead of sleeping in our hammocks (pain in the back as it were) butt blister (almost made me stop and hitchhike back to the car at mile forty...)

I decided to cut it short mainly because I have to work tomorrow and I don't want to be dead... I'm already very sore... I'm not sure how the extra twenty miles would have done me...

So my friend says we failed because we didn't "finish" what we set out to do... We didn't finish the trail and I have never seen the last ten miles of it... (we have section biked it before)

I say I am not a failure because I DOUBLED my previous longest bike... I didn't once say "I can't do this it's too hard lets go home I'm finished" (although he claims my cutting it short was saying that)... I say I'm not a failure because I don't know many people who can do 140 miles let alone people my age and weight (I'm still 270#)...


So am I a failure? Is this a guy thing I don't understand? My friend has this thing about "completing" things that feels almost neurotic to me...

You're not a failure, however for the particular goal you set to do you failed to achieve. And there's nothing wrong with that since every failure eventually comes with success. You would have been a failure if you didn't even attempt it.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

pastryari

you're not a failure but you did fail on the goal you set. is that a women thing? to not be able to discriminate between facts and personality traits?

*Distinguish.

Must be a man thing.

AABru

I'm sorry, but 140 miles on a bike is no small deal! It's an even bigger deal when you factor in the fact that you are not at your ideal wieght...GREAT WORK!:drinker:
I did 50 when I was 5.5 months pregnant with my first child...it sucked, but I knew if I could do it, I could survive chidbirth!

gradrun

you're not a failure but you did fail on the goal you set. is that a women thing? to not be able to discriminate between facts and personality traits?

*Distinguish.

Must be a man thing.

Oops! My bad. That is a non-native speaker thing. Gender doesn't really play a role :-) . Even less so, if you consider the fact that I am a woman. I just don't like discarding perfectly valid observations as a "guy thing".

IronmanPanda

you didn't fail. no, you didn't complete your goal due to some circumstances, but you still accomplished a lot and should be happy.

sometimes a goal is set high, and while we may not reach it on the first try, we can come amazingly close, and give us some gusto for the next time.

I'm not afraid to say this made me a little teary eyed...

Alex_is_Hawks

They say to do is success....and to re do until you complete it on your terms is perfectionism...

so to even do it is a success...and the day you go back and finish is, you will be perfecting it...

rarely is it perfect the first try...

elyelyse

It depends what YOU feel the real goal of this trip was? If your goal was to go for longer than you had ever gone, and to get outside and be healthy, you succeed. To me, that's way more important than any mile marker. Sometimes we have to go for goals we may not be able to reach, to push ourselves. It would be pretty boring if we only attempted those challenges we knew for sure we could accomplish.

dovek11

Its not the destination, its the journey.....

The destination is a number on a scale or on a pair of jeans. Big deal. Yep, its a big deal when we get there... when the blood sweat and tears are spent and the number is earned by us.

but how many want to rush it.... hurry it. I want it NOW!
Some use drastic measures to get it NOW.
How many of them actually stay at their goal weight? Very few. They take the short cuts, they get to the finish line any way they can,
and they never enjoy the journey. They don't take the time to look and reflect how they got to the starting line, or how they are going to get to the goal. They don't work on the things that need worked on.... nutrition education, emotional issues, self esteem, etc....
Its all a rush to get to the goal any way they can. But what do they end up with?

There was no true journey of earned achievements, of struggles and glories.

It wasn't the destination for you that was so important. Was it? Before speaking to this jerk, you seemed to feel proud of all your accomplished on your journey of the river trail stay.
But you let one person, one single person shake the belief in your soul that you accomplished something great and wonderful.

Sounds like, until he came along, you had a great time, a beautiful part of your journey. But you might stop to think why, just why you would let one persons opinion of your journey just come along and ruin it all.
What the heck do you care, should you care, what one other person thinks of your accomplishments?

You will always face people who seek to tear you down, whether by judging size, race, demographics, etc....
They are not worth your time, unless you allow them to be. Their opinions hold no credence, unless you let them.

SethosTBG

No, you're not a failure. It appears that it-the hike-wasn't thoroughly planned. For instance, checking the weather so that you could have packed the appropriate gear, map out the time +/- 60min.(which includes time to get there, perform the hike and return). Other than that you're not a failure.

As for your friend whether be male or female, everyone has a definition of failure. Myself I don't fail because I am not living up to someone's standards I have my own, and I push myself. I am my judge, if i think i did good I happy with that decision, If I thought I could do better, well next time I will. After all it's supposed to be fun, not a chore, not a competition either, ask your friend whose keeping score.

Enjoy life and your journey if you're satisfied the hell with everyone else, at least you do it.

RevNimue

You are not a failure. If you feel good about what you Have accomplished that's all that matters. I would honestly suggest, getting a friend who is positive and not someone who is negative to work out with. It can be pretty discouraging when someone is constantly making you question your accomplishments. The fact that you got as far as you did AND you got a butt blister to prove it, I think that's a HUGE accomplishment! Not everyone can say that they have gotten a butt blister from doing an amazing workout like you have. Kudos to you sister and stay strong, you've come a long way and honestly the only person that you should compare yourself to is yourself.

kadinlucas

Well what you did still sounds impressive and is definitely a personal success. But in terms of doing that trail, then yes unfortunately you failed.

caraiselite

not a very good friend at all

taaaters

You are definitely not a failure! You did brilliantly doing what you did! You're friend isn't very supportive and you not finishing is his issue, not yours... don't let him bring you down! Congratulations for going as far as you did!

HolyPeas

I mean, you didn't finish but I'm not sure why this person felt the need to call it a failure. I think THAT choice of words says a lot about that person and what they think of you.

Consider finding new people.

VogtAndrea

You are NOT a failure. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're a failure at anything.
You ARE a work in progress and doing very well at it. This "endurance ride" was a huge step and you did far better than you've ever done so far. That's success. If they want to feel they failed, fine..... let them. You do NOT have to feel that way EVER.
This isn't a journey that any of us who are really heavy can make in a short time. It's done in baby steps and small victories. This wasn't a failure because you've done more and gone farther than you've ever done before. IF they have and didn't manage to finish it, let them take on their own negative comment but YOU do NOT have to.

Gidzmo

We set out this last week to do the greenbrier river trail... About 160 miles in five days... Myself and the kids and two friends...

We didn't make it... Decided to stop ten miles from the end (saving us twenty miles round trip) and did 140... Slept out four nights... Rain one of them forcing us to seek shelter in a gazebo instead of sleeping in our hammocks (pain in the back as it were) butt blister (almost made me stop and hitchhike back to the car at mile forty...)

I decided to cut it short mainly because I have to work tomorrow and I don't want to be dead... I'm already very sore... I'm not sure how the extra twenty miles would have done me...

So my friend says we failed because we didn't "finish" what we set out to do... We didn't finish the trail and I have never seen the last ten miles of it... (we have section biked it before)

I say I am not a failure because I DOUBLED my previous longest bike... I didn't once say "I can't do this it's too hard lets go home I'm finished" (although he claims my cutting it short was saying that)... I say I'm not a failure because I don't know many people who can do 140 miles let alone people my age and weight (I'm still 270#)...


So am I a failure? Is this a guy thing I don't understand? My friend has this thing about "completing" things that feels almost neurotic to me...

A failure? NO! You doubled your previous longest bike ride (that's a huge achievement). And no matter how much you checked (as one poster suggested you do), that could have been a surprise storm (figuring the weather is called 'forecasting' for a reason).

Maybe you'll try again when you are feeling better!

heatherfeatherv

Also if he is not heavy he doesn't understand you just did the distance you did carrying the weight of a whole nother person on your back so really you did your distance for two. Good job I know because I'm 339.6 everything is harder.

legs_n_bacon

Your friend is a dilhole, you didn't fail.

wbgolden

Your friend is a dilhole, you didn't fail.

taking an "l" out doesn't mean you didn't steal it back. i hope you know that.