How to deal with unsupportive friends??

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  • PaBeany
    PaBeany Posts: 14 Member
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    I would recommend MFP. It shows you (very quickly) where you're going wrong. You could say to her that it's hard to see where all the weight comes from, but that this will help.

    I work in the health food sector and immediately cut back on all the 'healthy' food I had been eating in excess. Houmous, olives, avocado. I still eat them, but I was having an avocado with houmous for lunch most days, no lighter veg. It could come in at 800kcals!

    Good luck!
  • Klizbeth81
    Klizbeth81 Posts: 16
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    Like a few people have mentioned, try asking if she would like to workout with you one day, or ask if she would like an "accountability buddy," or tell her about this website. See if you can motivate her to lose weight or eat better. Friends who don't share your excitement for your accomplishments do suck in that moment, but I don't think that justifies you not being a good friend to her or writing her off so quickly. I'm not implying that you haven't been a good friend, but since you want to maintain that relationship, reach out to her and see if you can help. If she continues to bring you down then you can reevaluate your friendship. But she may be receptive, and you might just be the encouragement she needs to get motivated. Then you can feel proud about your progress and that you helped someone else make positive changes in their life, too.
  • likearadiowave
    likearadiowave Posts: 445 Member
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    So, I have some friends and co workers who are ridiculously unsupportive of me losing weight. One in particular, we'll call her "Jane" she herself wants to lost 100 lbs but all she eats is fried food, donuts and candy and fast food. She says she just simply cant give it up.Her and her husband have been trying for a second baby and the doctor diagnosed her with PCOS due to weight, and advised her to lose 100 lbs. One day while I was in our breakroom talking to another co worker ,i said yeah I'm down 25 lbs now!! "Jane" says"i hate you" and moved tables. What do i do with her?? I know shes jealous that i've lost weight and she hasn't, and shes a friend of mine. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I am not going to not tell people my achievements just because she's there.

    She's an anchor. She wants to weigh you down try telling her if she isn't going to be supportive, you aren't going to be friends with her anymore.
  • mikmurphy
    mikmurphy Posts: 57 Member
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    I hate you? And seriously, moving to a different table? It might be one think to "jokingly" say I hate you, but to move tables and shut you out is ridiculous and immature. I'd find some new buddies.
  • 5pmsomewherenow
    5pmsomewherenow Posts: 163 Member
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    If this is a true friend for you - not just a casual work aquaintence -- then, perhaps YOU need to be the supportive friend to her. You are already on your way to getting your act together toward a healthy lifestyle. You're going to do it, with or without her, right?

    Why not offer to include her in some walking exercise -- maybe invited her and others to head outside for a 15 minute walk instead of hanging in the breakroom. Make the invitation "one on one," instead of in a group, and hopefully embarassment won't be an obstacle.

    Some people around the perimeter tend to think that people who lose a significant amount of weight get snooty about the fatties left behind. It can be a "I'm better than you are, mentality" -- your original note kinda sounded like that, especially when you came from the tone that your friends aren't supporting YOU. You're doing great, and you feel great, but it's not all about you. Be a good friend yourself and be supportive to those who are important to you.

    Kindness is always the higher road even in the face of jealousy and non-supportive "friends." If someone has been curt with you in a public setting, you can only gain respect of others by remaining upbeat, calm and kind. Meanies are losers.
  • MarshallCroft
    MarshallCroft Posts: 54
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    “Friend”… What type of “friend” is she? I’m not asking about “how can she do that to you if she’s a friend?” I’m talking about is she a coworker and you two are friends ONLY on the job? Go out together, not just lunch together? Or is it just friends 9-5 and when you’re out home or on vacation you have your life and she has hers? If she’s just a coworker friend, then there’s a little competition there that you might not be aware of. Perhaps she thought she was superior to you, and now she thinks you’re endangering that with your fitness results…

    But I see that you state she’s your friend and you don’t want to lose her. What if SHE wants to lose you? Will you be okay with that? She may subconsciously view you as the representation of a fitter “her,” what she thinks she’s not ready to give up (poor eating habits, poor fitness habits, etc…), so you’re turning into the enemy… She may even start thinking that “you” are doing this to her (like you’re hurting her in some way). For someone who’s not ready to give up her vices, it’s a very large sacrifice. Making changes in the present is very difficult without the desire AND motivation to do so. The mind is very deceptive, and can play its worst tricks on the person in which it resides.

    If you’re dedicated to your pursuit, you should let her set her own distance. You can remain compassionate if you wish, but don’t be condescending or patronizing, because that could end the friendship that YOU cherish.

    Life isn’t fair; it’s opportunity. Because you can make it how you want, live it how you want. You can also turn it into your own personal hell. That’s what you’re coming out of, and that’s where she prefers to live…
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
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    She's not a friend. Period.
    She's not ready to lose weight and she sees her failures in your success. I'm going through the exact same thing with my friend and I simply don't talk to her about a lot of stuff anymore. I don't go to lunch with her, I don't really engage when she asks me stuff, one word answers only.
    A good friend would not try to bring you down, no matter what! You deserve better.
  • andrewlazenby
    andrewlazenby Posts: 151
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    I would make a big sign that counted the pounds lost and put it in a prominent place....


    Like many things in life, if it's important to her she will decide to do what she has to do. Otherwise, enjoy your success!
  • StarkLark
    StarkLark Posts: 476 Member
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    Be proud and continue to share your success with those who support you. You might change their lives as well. In terms of Jane, I'd approach her and let her know what she did was hurtful and reach out to help her join you in the program you are working. If she rejects you AND continues her behavior, it's time to find a new friend.
  • 2gabbee
    2gabbee Posts: 382 Member
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    Interesting you call her your friend .Friends raise you up, cheer you on, & are supportive of anything you do. They don't sabotage , bring you down, she could of said tell me what you found that works for you would you share that with me, or next time you go for a walk can I join you, that's being supportive. If her behavior & attitude continues as hard as it will be let her go, she's not a true friend. Love her from a far surround yourself with positive people!
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
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    I found the only way for a person to truly lose weight is because they want to. When she is ready, she'll start losing weight. Maybe try talking to her and explaining you guys can do it together. If she turns you down, then give her space until she's ready. Don't let her sabatosh your hard work though.
  • tigerlinly
    tigerlinly Posts: 219 Member
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    i agree with most everyone here if she was truly wanting to lose it if u keep it up and maybe try not to mention around her if possible but actually let her see the prgresse maybe she will get off her lazy butte and do something about it i was that way i would sabatoge my own self but i finnally got it and now family is actually trying to help me
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
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    I don't have any friends, so it's not an issue.
    There is no such thing as an unsupportive friend. Assuming it is a positive change you are making in your life. Now, if it's jumping off a cliff or snoring a line of coke you wouldn't want your friend being supportive. Losing weight is hard enough without some *kitten* fake friend giving you grief for every pound you drop.
  • PalmSpringsCal
    PalmSpringsCal Posts: 7
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    Im pretty much in agreement with all the responses.
    From how you described her shes not really a FRIEND. Shes a superficial friend. As long as things go to her approval then shes fine. Its the testy areas that show the real friend or person... generally
    I think you know the rest.

    Why would you even entertain the thought of not wanting to lose someone that treated you like youve described?
    She must have some other amazing qualities that over shadow that behavior.

    Some people just dont want to hear what they dont want to hear. Different views on Religion,politics ,weight and so on.


    if youve gotta keep this friend,
    Dont ever mention anything around her thats remotely related to weight,calories etc

    Dont you eat dinner together and you order a salad and she orders a side of beef.

    Shell notice everything you do thats related directly or indirectly to "weight loss" and shes going to fester and pop..
  • katielauren2001
    katielauren2001 Posts: 171 Member
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    Not a true friend. A true friend would be happy that you have lost weight. She obviously uses food as a crutch for emotional issues and is unable to let go of it. Speak to her and tell her how upset you are by her comments.If she wants to lose weight have a word with her, tell her that YES it is possible for her to lose weight if she stops eating food that is not good for her body.
  • avir8
    avir8 Posts: 671 Member
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    Just cuz you work together does not make you friends. Yes she's jealous, so keep rubbing it in her face that your getting healthy and loosing weight. Use it as motivation to keep trying harder and working to reach your goals
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
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    Haters gonna hate... She's jealous because you're making progress and she's still in denial. I say just ignore them and focus on those that are supportive in your life.

    this
  • sassyusername
    sassyusername Posts: 32 Member
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    She sounds really petty and insecure. She must be a really sad person. I feel feel bad for her and I hope you just pity her and move on without getting angry at her and letting her spite get you down. You've put in a lot of hard work to lose 25lbs so congrats. And your picture is absolutely adorable!
  • NoahandPresleysMom
    NoahandPresleysMom Posts: 763 Member
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    I recOmend you keep talking about it and telling people of your accOmplishments!! I don't care if people are tired of hearing it or give me crap about it. If they aren't proud of you they aren't friends. I hope people are jealous. I've worked really hard to lose the weight I have.

    I Like this :):)

    Yeah my husband keeps tellling me if she can't be happy for me and use me as inspiration(I had two miscarriages and a SUPER hard time having my two children) then she isn't important enough to have as a friend. I need support, not that kind of crap

    @ sassyusername- AWWW Thank You!!! :bigsmile:
  • Akijade
    Akijade Posts: 210 Member
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    Let the haters be your motivators. :D

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