Need to rant!

Only1Mickee

Mine has always said, "I dont care how you look". When are men going to realize that's not what we want to hear.

joannecando

I SO hear ya! I am in a situation where my husband, kids, and I share a home with my parents. I am struggling to cook healthier foods, provide better snack options, and prepare more food at home instead of running to a drive through. I push myself to get out and work out at least three times a week, which is very contrary to my usual nature. I am losing weight, but it is slow progress, and nobody has said a word about my loss. Meanwhile, my husband is dropping weight rapidly, and everybody keeps talking about how good he looks. It is sooooo frustrating. The truth is, though, that men do lose weight differently than women. They tend to lose from their abdomens, and that is the most noticeable location.

Have heart. You are doing the right thing. Your whole family will reap the benefits for the rest of their lives. Know that your friends on here support you, and don't be afraid to ask your hubby for a little recognition of your efforts. What you are doing is hard, and deserves a compliment at the least - or a second massage

serentity78

I have to lose more than 15pounds before others notice...I have lost inches so people notice that as weight loss when my weight loss is under 10 pounds. Men always lose faster with less changes.

codapea

Yes, my husband is losing weight, too, just by what I am cooking now, lol. But as far as husbands go, I think they are afraid of saying the wrong thing and opt to say nothing at all. For him to bring up your weight loss in front of all your friends is tricky territory, and I think you should have stood up for yourself and said, "Well he has me to thank for his weight loss! My lifestyle change is rubbing off on him!" It would have given your friends the que to say, "Yes, we noticed how great you look as well." Also, honestly, for those of us who have a lot to lose, I think it really takes a lot of weight coming off before people start noticing. I've lost 10 lbs. and no one has said a thing, including my husband, but like I said, the topic of your weight is just awkward for most hubby's to bring up without prompting.

WickedPixie1

I actually don't think your husband is being a bad guy here. You say he doesn't appreciate all the changes you've put in, but it also sounds like you haven't actually told him. How is he supposed to notice that the bread has fewer calories or how many carbs are in a meal? If you just give him the food, he'll assume it's healthier but can't possibly recognize what exactly is different. I'm not saying you don't deserve acknowledgement, but if the guy is in the dark about what's going on, you can't really expect it either.

It's also not necessarily true that men always lose more easily than women do. They're often bigger to start with so they see bigger numbers and differences in body fat distribution can make it look more drastic earlier on. However, I can say that my boyfriend (who is a foot and a half taller than me) has a hell of a time losing weight while it's generally pretty easy for me. In the end, you'll drive yourself crazy if you try to compete/compare with someone else. Focus on improving yourself and you'll be able to see those positive changes.

LOL!! Agreed...how many times has your husband asked you where something is, gone into a drawer or cupboard looking for it and couldn't find it and starts whining...then when you go up to help, it's right there in plain sight?
By all means, have a little chat and tell him about the changes you've made to the food and shopping and why you are doing it and that you'd love a little support and recognition for your efforts every once in a while and how bad it makes you feel when he's given kudos for not trying and you're blanked.

I've been married nearly 20 years, I get the 'you need to lose weight' snipes and then when I start he goes into sabotage mode. I don't think it's entirely deliberate since it happens with everything I do...education, quit smoking...but I don't live in his head so I can't say for sure. For the most part, I think he's just oblivious

zmzmzm19

Well.........first off.......Congrats to you for your 15 pound loss! That's amazing!! Keep up the good work, you are not only changing your health, but your familie's as well, and that's another big step that is awesome!! Keep your chin up and continue the AWESOME job.............you rock!! :happy:

ZiezieO

You're an amazing lady first off! Taking care of both yourself AND your family. Especially showing you kiddos determination by taking them with you when you go out to work out.

When you hear people talk about your hubbys loss, just be proud of YOU because he might not be working off his butt, but you're the person behind the scenes and that's YOUR hard work... pretty soon it will show on you too!

However, make sure you tell him that all that weight that's magically gone from him isn't coincidence... It's a lifestyle change that he hasn't realized.

AbbsyBabbsy

How is your husband supposed to credit you with his healthier lifestyle when, by your own admission, he doesn't even know it's happening? If you want to be thanked for using lean ground turkey or light bread you have to at least tell him about it!

I'd let this one go, but let your husband know that in the future you'd like it if he complimented your new look/lifestyle once in a while.

And congrats on losing 15lbs!

AllonsYtotheTardis

My experience with men has been that things that we gals consider obvious, are not obvious to them. Talk to him - he probably doesn't even realize how he made you feel.

BABetter1

My man felt a little threatened when I first started losing weight. But, I think he's finally realized that I'm not trying to get "thinner" so I can find another man, ha, ha. I'm just trying to get healthy for my own peace of mind. He doesn't watch what he eats at all, but he is making attempts to get involved with my exercise and encouraging me to team up with him in his exercise as well. He actually teaches a spin class 2 nights per week at the gym. He used to work out at least 6 days per week, but now just does his 2 classes. Anyway, I've been doing his classes too, and I'm currently in week 4 of C25K. He has decided starting this week to do it with me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make this all about me. What I'm getting at is that men do often feel threatened by their partners sudden efforts to lose weight. And, he may have been so surprised by your friends noticing his weight loss that he didn't think to explain that it was actually YOUR hard work that made HIS weight loss possible. Since he hasn't had to make any effort, he is likely not even thinking about weight loss, whereas you are totally focused on it. I'd say give him some time, and give yourself some time to put this into perspective. Then, once your calm and not so hurt by this perceived slight, have a calm discussion with him about how you felt when he didn't even mention your hard work and subsequent weight loss, and tell him what you would like from him.

weighlossforbaby

My husband have lost 40 lbs in 1.5 years and I restarted my journey in April and have lost only 4 lbs :frown: I measure everything I eat and exercise while he eats a lot and plays video games and loses weight.