Destined to be Fat Forever? (Ranty)
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lindsayforlife
Posts: 93 Member
Note: This is just how I feel. I'm prepared for all the comments so feel free to be honest. This is just what goes through my mind most of the time.
My husband (who is also a compulsive over-eater) and I had a pretty good workweek this past week. We ate very healthy, got in a bit of activity and were feeling pretty good. Then the weekend came. We went for a couple of walks, tried to eat healthy and about 1/2 way through Saturday I noticed that we were both kinda sad and super grumpy.
"What would you like to do tomorrow?" I asked...
"How about we go up to the Italian market and get some breads, meats, cheeses, maybe some olives and wine and head out for a picnic!" He said.
"Um, well we're not going to get anywhere if we eat all of that stuff"
"Well, let's head to Whyte ave and go the the farmer's market! We can get those yummy bagelwichs and then grab some desserts and cured meats!"
"Um..." I said.
"Ok, how about we go to the movies? I've been dying for some theater popcorn!"
To this, I also had to say no, because the willpower of not eating bad things wouldn't have worked.
About half way through Saturday, after we had cleaned the house, gone for our walk and played with the kitty, the mood in the house started to change. Grumpiness turned into full-on *****y. Boredom. The feeling that we were trapped alone in the house with only healthy food!! Oh my god! We actually got in a spat because my cardboardesque toast slices were bigger than his! oh, the humanity!
Finally at about 5pm, we succumbed and ordered pizza. It was delicious, but pretty much immediately afterwards we regretted it and spent the rest of the evening lamenting about our poor choices and wondering if it's all worth it.
Let me make myself clear:
I KNOW eating healthy is good for you. Duh.
I've been bombarded for literally decades with people professing how I will "feel better" and "live longer" and "have more confidence and self-esteem" and "just generally love life" if i lose weight.
I'm aware that there are plenty of non-food related activities my partner and I could do together...I love spending the weekend walking around in circles, playing "bored" games, going to the arts district and looking around at the galleries interspersed between cafe's and bistros filled with things I can't enjoy. Yippee.
So in our conversations, we asked ourselves honestly: Are we destined to be fat forever? We've both been through years of cognitive behavioral therapy in order to get a handle on why we eat and how we can adopt new behaviors and engage in new activities that will help to avoid/prevent us from turning to food for any sort of emotional reasons.
It didn't work for either of us.
Immediately after ANYTHING good, bad, happy, sad, boring or exciting happens to me, I still automatically think about food. I actually DREAM about food. After I finish one meal, I'm already thinking and planning what my next meal will be. I am slowly becoming convinced that this type of behavior never really goes away.
Failure is also a HUGE factor that prohibits my success...I don't want to lose weight, knowing that the likelihood of me REALISTICALLY being able to keep it off for the rest of my life is something like 15-20%. I'm not being defeatist here, but I find it hard to get motivated knowing that the likelihood of me being able to maintain a significant weight-loss is very small. How crappy would i feel if i gained all of that weight back?
Sure, being fat sucks....but doesn't eating healthfully suck too? I've been dieting off and on since I was a porky 5-year-old. would my life thus-far have been more enjoyable if i would have just embraced the way I'm destined to be and live a fat, happy life? Am I prepared to hate life and have little to no way to emotionally cope with situationsother than food? (oh wait, i can go for a walk, meditate or keep a journal!)
I know weight-loss isn't supposed to be easy. I know I have to be "mentally prepared" and "doing it for myself" in order for it to be successful...but what if one never gets to the point of mental preparedness?
I often see people who embrace the "fat is beautiful" stance and "I can be big and healthy" sort of mantra. While i don't by any means buy into the fact that you can be fat and happy...i wonder if you can be fat and generally content? Sure, if i was healthy I would look better, potentially feel better and magically have more friends and be more confident and go on various public speaking engagements to profess how much my life has changed since losing weight...but do I want to live the next several decades worrying if every food decision i make is going to turn me into my old, fat self?
Perhaps the answer is to just enjoy life, eat what you want and release the expectations that society has placed on you to live within the confines of a certain physiological ideal. Maybe there should be a free pass for those who have been fat since a very young age. The expectation that we are all cut from the same cloth and that I can just as happily live a healthy life as someone who has rarely used food as tool to aid in their mental health is such baloney.
Maybe this post is more for those of us who see no hope of success. For those whose attempts at losing weight and keeping it off are like torture, pain, or a constant suffering...Who hear phrases like, "it will get easier, you just have to try harder" or "stop making excuses and just do it" or my personal favorite: "EAT LESS, MOVE MORE!" I just want to just beat that person with a head of celery.
So today, on my 1772th Monday morning, I refuse to make my weekly pledge: you know the one. "I'm never eating again! Today is the first day of my diet. This week, I promise I will eat healthy, exercise every day, write in my food journal, log everything I eat and bounce through the fields with bunnies and unicorns and shed my fat suit little by little with every step i take!"
Nah...
My husband (who is also a compulsive over-eater) and I had a pretty good workweek this past week. We ate very healthy, got in a bit of activity and were feeling pretty good. Then the weekend came. We went for a couple of walks, tried to eat healthy and about 1/2 way through Saturday I noticed that we were both kinda sad and super grumpy.
"What would you like to do tomorrow?" I asked...
"How about we go up to the Italian market and get some breads, meats, cheeses, maybe some olives and wine and head out for a picnic!" He said.
"Um, well we're not going to get anywhere if we eat all of that stuff"
"Well, let's head to Whyte ave and go the the farmer's market! We can get those yummy bagelwichs and then grab some desserts and cured meats!"
"Um..." I said.
"Ok, how about we go to the movies? I've been dying for some theater popcorn!"
To this, I also had to say no, because the willpower of not eating bad things wouldn't have worked.
About half way through Saturday, after we had cleaned the house, gone for our walk and played with the kitty, the mood in the house started to change. Grumpiness turned into full-on *****y. Boredom. The feeling that we were trapped alone in the house with only healthy food!! Oh my god! We actually got in a spat because my cardboardesque toast slices were bigger than his! oh, the humanity!
Finally at about 5pm, we succumbed and ordered pizza. It was delicious, but pretty much immediately afterwards we regretted it and spent the rest of the evening lamenting about our poor choices and wondering if it's all worth it.
Let me make myself clear:
I KNOW eating healthy is good for you. Duh.
I've been bombarded for literally decades with people professing how I will "feel better" and "live longer" and "have more confidence and self-esteem" and "just generally love life" if i lose weight.
I'm aware that there are plenty of non-food related activities my partner and I could do together...I love spending the weekend walking around in circles, playing "bored" games, going to the arts district and looking around at the galleries interspersed between cafe's and bistros filled with things I can't enjoy. Yippee.
So in our conversations, we asked ourselves honestly: Are we destined to be fat forever? We've both been through years of cognitive behavioral therapy in order to get a handle on why we eat and how we can adopt new behaviors and engage in new activities that will help to avoid/prevent us from turning to food for any sort of emotional reasons.
It didn't work for either of us.
Immediately after ANYTHING good, bad, happy, sad, boring or exciting happens to me, I still automatically think about food. I actually DREAM about food. After I finish one meal, I'm already thinking and planning what my next meal will be. I am slowly becoming convinced that this type of behavior never really goes away.
Failure is also a HUGE factor that prohibits my success...I don't want to lose weight, knowing that the likelihood of me REALISTICALLY being able to keep it off for the rest of my life is something like 15-20%. I'm not being defeatist here, but I find it hard to get motivated knowing that the likelihood of me being able to maintain a significant weight-loss is very small. How crappy would i feel if i gained all of that weight back?
Sure, being fat sucks....but doesn't eating healthfully suck too? I've been dieting off and on since I was a porky 5-year-old. would my life thus-far have been more enjoyable if i would have just embraced the way I'm destined to be and live a fat, happy life? Am I prepared to hate life and have little to no way to emotionally cope with situationsother than food? (oh wait, i can go for a walk, meditate or keep a journal!)
I know weight-loss isn't supposed to be easy. I know I have to be "mentally prepared" and "doing it for myself" in order for it to be successful...but what if one never gets to the point of mental preparedness?
I often see people who embrace the "fat is beautiful" stance and "I can be big and healthy" sort of mantra. While i don't by any means buy into the fact that you can be fat and happy...i wonder if you can be fat and generally content? Sure, if i was healthy I would look better, potentially feel better and magically have more friends and be more confident and go on various public speaking engagements to profess how much my life has changed since losing weight...but do I want to live the next several decades worrying if every food decision i make is going to turn me into my old, fat self?
Perhaps the answer is to just enjoy life, eat what you want and release the expectations that society has placed on you to live within the confines of a certain physiological ideal. Maybe there should be a free pass for those who have been fat since a very young age. The expectation that we are all cut from the same cloth and that I can just as happily live a healthy life as someone who has rarely used food as tool to aid in their mental health is such baloney.
Maybe this post is more for those of us who see no hope of success. For those whose attempts at losing weight and keeping it off are like torture, pain, or a constant suffering...Who hear phrases like, "it will get easier, you just have to try harder" or "stop making excuses and just do it" or my personal favorite: "EAT LESS, MOVE MORE!" I just want to just beat that person with a head of celery.
So today, on my 1772th Monday morning, I refuse to make my weekly pledge: you know the one. "I'm never eating again! Today is the first day of my diet. This week, I promise I will eat healthy, exercise every day, write in my food journal, log everything I eat and bounce through the fields with bunnies and unicorns and shed my fat suit little by little with every step i take!"
Nah...
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Replies
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I don't believe in free passes. You and only you can take responsibility for your health and well being (don't blame hubby, he may be a bad influence but you are still responsible for you) and being overweight since you're a kid is only an excuse. If you really want to lose weight and lead a healthier life you'll do it, simple as that or as Yoda said "Do or do not. There is no try"
Having said that, I do subscribe to the theory that you can be big and healthier at the same time. You can be active (walk, play sports, ride your bikes) which will go a long way towards mitigating many of the health problems associated with being overweight (blood pressure, serum lipids etc) it's not ideal but it's better than being overweight and a couch potato at the same time.
It sounds to me like part of your collective problem is that you're trying to change too much all at once. The journey towards better health is one of baby steps and small changes, go ahead and order a pizza (just not an extra-large for the two of you). Life is meant to be enjoyed, you can have better health and still eat tasty stuff - just a little less of it.0 -
I've felt the same way in the past. Why not just enjoy eating what I want....
I think the fact is I really can't stay big and enjoy life to the fullest. I can't keep up with my wife, who is 5'8" 135lbs, in any kind of physical activity. I'm predisposed to health problems. I can't be sure i'll fit on a roller coaster or in an airplane seat.
I could have a decnt quality of life if I don't change, but I think it will vastly improve when i'm healthy.
Plus...
YOU'VE LOST 54lbs!!! I'd kill to be that far along!0 -
Start by just simply looking at this as nothing more than a challenge to yourself. Dont worry about anything else.
Make it a challenge to divide up your meals and snack to fit you number. Then challenge yourself to leave 50 calories open.
When you start to feel better, challenge yourself to simple exercise.....walk 10 minutes out, turn and go back. When you feel good about that, then add 5 minutes, etc, etc. Gently adding to it. Next add small hand weights while you walk.
If you look at this as something you are forced to do, it wont work. Making it a challenge...let's say a game...will make it easier. You are in control.....not the diet.0 -
I don't believe in free passes. You and only you can take responsibility for your health and well being (don't blame hubby, he may be a bad influence but you are still responsible for you) and being overweight since you're a kid is only an excuse. If you really want to lose weight and lead a healthier life you'll do it, simple as that or as Yoda said "Do or do not. There is no try"
Having said that, I do subscribe to the theory that you can be big and healthier at the same time. You can be active (walk, play sports, ride your bikes) which will go a long way towards mitigating many of the health problems associated with being overweight (blood pressure, serum lipids etc) it's not ideal but it's better than being overweight and a couch potato at the same time.
It sounds to me like part of your collective problem is that you're trying to change too much all at once. The journey towards better health is one of baby steps and small changes, go ahead and order a pizza (just not an extra-large for the two of you). Life is meant to be enjoyed, you can have better health and still eat tasty stuff - just a little less of it.
Very well said!
You can still have treats now and then - I do all the time. I just (try to) make sure they are within my calorie goals and make sure I get in my exercise.
Something else you may want to try, rather than starting over each day with a new calorie goal, is to do a weekly average. For example, my daily calorie goal is 1,700, which puts my weekly goal at 11,900. I try to stay under my daily goal each day (after exercise), but if I go over one day, I don't fret because I am still under my weekly goal. This allows for 'splurge' meals, drinks, or whatever (I hate the term 'cheat', btw).
And don't look at any food as The Enemy. Food is not the enemy, quantity and frequency are. Cut down & cut back but still enjoy it once in a while.0 -
One word comes to mind when I read this: enablers. You guys are totally enabling each other. I have a thin SO who can eat whatever he wants, so that's hard.. but I'd imagine its harder being in your position. You guys have got to fill idle time (like some kitty playing time) with gym time.. maybe tennis, or basketball? HORSE is fun! I wish you guys luck on your journeys!0
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Channel your interest in food into cooking delicious AND healthy food. It doesn't need to be one or the other.
I spend my bored time researching other peoples recipes, adapting unhealthy recipes and making up my own. I still get to spend as much time thinking about, reading about, cooking and eating delicious food as I did when I was fat. Maybe more.
If you don't like 'cardboardesque' toast then don't eat it, find something you do like.
Go to a farmers market and have a little of the unhealthy or more calorie laden parts and a lot more of the fresh veg and fruit they presumably also sell. Go on picnics just plan a little more carefully.
Try looking at skinnytaste.com for really good recipes ideas (texas skinny cheese fries taste calorie laden and amazing) and also I use bbcgoodfood.com as my 2 favourites at the moment. Don't waste calories on food you don't enjoy, you'll just resent it and set yourself up for failure. This has to be a complete lifestyle change for ever if you don't want to put the weight back on. So you better find a way to enjoy it.
Have takeaway pizza if you want - but have a slice or 2 with salad.0 -
Don't have any great advice (although, a lot of the replies are pretty solid), but I just wanted to let you know that I feel the same way quite often. I'm hoping "it gets better" as well. :flowerforyou:0
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You have lost 54 pounds already! That's amazing! Obviously you are doing something right
Just keep swimmin'
Yeah, it sucks when you wanna stuff your face full of junk and you know it will stall your progress. I can relate. Yesterday I wanted fried food SO BAD. Hadn't had any in forever. So I say, sure, okay, screw it. I'll figure out how to fit it in today.
Well, I hadn't eaten so much in so long that it took me literally 5 hours to eat a chicken meal from Chicken Express. FIVE HOURS! Because I got full quickly and it was uncomfortable to eat much at one time.
Then, I felt like crap the rest of the day.
Really, just let yourself have the occasional treat. Fit it into your calorie allowance sometimes. Find healthy foods that taste good to you, and experiment with recipes to find the best tasting healthy food. It's worth it.
Bad food is addictive and hard to get away from. But you've come too far to throw your hands up now! 0 -
"How about we go up to the Italian market and get some breads, meats, cheeses, maybe some olives and wine and head out for a picnic!" He said.
I think you should do this. Honestly. And if you feel like it's going to make you feel guilty, don't drive to the picnic. Take a hike, or ride your bike and then ENJOY THAT AWESOME FOOD.
I love it that your husband is on this journey with you. I wish mine was, but he's already so damn skinny.0 -
Food is not the enemy and 'diets' don't have to be painful!! If you want to make this a lifestyle you need to re-adjust your thinking - it's not deprivation it's moderation! You can still go to Farmers' Markets and the like and come home and cook healthy nutritious meals together. If you tell yourself you can never eat a piece of italian bread with olive oil again....you are destined to fail. Learn moderation and portion size.0
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I am fat and happy, right now! I'm still losing weight for my health.
You can do it, take it one hour at a time if you have to. You say you aren't happy, you don't believe you can be fat and happy. You won't be happy when you're not fat either by the sounds of it.
You can definitely be fat and generally content. I think it is very important for you to find your happiness right now, the way you are, which in no way means you stay fat. No one is destinied to be fat forever, so you woke up with no weekly pledge today. The weekly thing coudl be your problem. No matter what time it is right now, start now and finish the day doing what is right for your body. Smaller portion sizes, eating your veggies, etc. whatever you can do today counts.0 -
What was wrong with eating the pizza? Did you eat the whole pie or what?
To me, you and your husband can't eat clean for the rest of your lives and that's not a bad thing. Incorporate a cheat meal into your diet and I bet the b****yness tapers off, if not disappear completely.0 -
I agree with what some of the others said - it sounds like you are SUPER depriving yourselves when you are good, and then of COURSE you snap at some point.
I eat pizza, dessert, salami, good bread, bagel sandwiches, etc all the time. I just can't eat all of those things all day, every day. but I eat them fairly regularly, even, I just fit them into my calories.
You guys sound like me and my husband - we love eating, we LOVE good food, and we got pretty overweight for a while there. It was easy for us to lose SOME weight though - my husband cut out his 6 soda a day habit and started getting up and doing 45 minutes of exercise with me, 3x a week. He's hovering around 225 (6'2") and he's not super fit or anything but he looks good, and healthy, and he loves the results he gets from lifting weights so he's been going with me.
I was more of a 'I'm not hungry but i want a brownie" eater - now I know how to work a treat into my day SOME days, but that I can't just eat anytime I feel like it.
otherwise, we eat pizza once or twice a month (I don't really like pizza, or I'd eat it more), we eat out ALL the time (Every day, basically), we eat fried food (sometimes!) and dessert (sometimes!) and we don't spend all that much time working out - right now its 4x a week lifting weights + 10-20 minutes jogging or walking 2x a week. (Seriously, 10 minutes sometimes).
we don't keep junk food or snacks in the house and we don't order more food than we really need to be satisfied -- like the other day we shared a cheesesteak with extra meat and had a cinnamon sugar soft pretzel to share = lots of tasty treats but we split them so the calories weren't out of control.
I don't look like a fitness model but I can live with what I have right now (see profile pic) and I don't feel like I am sacrificing anything.0 -
"How about we go up to the Italian market and get some breads, meats, cheeses, maybe some olives and wine and head out for a picnic!" He said.
I think you should do this. Honestly. And if you feel like it's going to make you feel guilty, don't drive to the picnic. Take a hike, or ride your bike and then ENJOY THAT AWESOME FOOD.
I love it that your husband is on this journey with you. I wish mine was, but he's already so damn skinny.
I agree! A picnic is a lovely idea......put the emphasis more on fresh fruits and veggies....and watch your portions with the bread olive oil and cheese!!0 -
It seems to me everything you were choosing to do together as a couple surrounded around food. That seems to be a bigger issue. What about going for a bike ride together, or kayaking or something like that or even so, he wanted to go to the farmers market and pick up some stuff for a picnic.
So how about getting some bread and olives as well as some fresh veggies and hummus and some nice wine, bike to the farmers market and bike over and have a picnic, eating bread and olives isn't going to kill you, but add some veggies in there and it can be a fine lunch out.0 -
Make mini-goals, whatever that is, drinking more water, adding vegetables to the pasta, exercising more etc.
Do not be so hard on yourself. You can have that picnic but have portion control of the breads and cheese. If you eat a bit too much, walk an extra mile, etc.
Be happy. Change your lifestyle, this isn't about going in a diet, it is about changing your life. Take a few steps at a time. Don't deprive yourself.
I go have my Wendy's burger but no cheese or mayo. I enjoy it and I don't feel guilty or anything cause i continue my exercises and strength training and I know the next day I am not having another burger.0 -
This is what your profile says:
<b>Why I Want To Get In Shape
I'm huge, my legs and joints hurt, I have bad skin, I'm physically limited in the things I want to do, I want to live a long, healthy life and enjoy my life while I'm at it!</b>
I totally get your rant. I often wonder - why can't I just be happy being overweight - that would be easier. Just accept that I'll never be skinny and enjoy the food I love. But even in my worst moments, I know that there is no reality where I can be happy being obese because it causes me physical pain. I don't need to be skinny; I don't even need to be in the "normal range", but I'll never be happy at obese. If you are honest with yourself, neither will you - if you could be, you would have given up a LONG time ago.
So have your ride on the the wahambulance, feel sorry for yourself, do whatever damage you're going to do by eating your discontent, then pick yourself up, put on your big girl panties and try again.0 -
Really, you should just quit now. Clearly all those people advising you to lose weight were wrong, and continuing on your prior path is the way to go. Go ahead, be fat, happy and die young. It will save you the effort of doing something worthwhile, you'll never have to worry about making better choices, or learning how to live in moderation and still enjoy life.
The cliched saying that floats around here every so often seems incredibly apt right now: "Living healthy is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard".0 -
I'm a compulsive over eater, but I've found that I can control it and loose weight as long as I am eating low carb, otherwise I just sit and dream about food all day and get really mad when I can't have what I want, or more of what I want or lament when someone has a bigger portion size than I do.
I'd highly encourage you to look into actually giving low carb a good honest shot, don't half-*kitten* it and see what happens.0 -
Ive always thought this way my whole entire life, but some how my thinking has changed, and I'm more so looking forward to the outcomes of losing weight.
Great health, feeling of accomplishment, and skinny jeans lol! Keep up the good work and don't lose faith!0
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