Destined to be Fat Forever? (Ranty)
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You cannot think of it as "going on a diet." That word sets you up to fail. If you cannot commit to transforming your way of eating all at once, make small changes, one by one. Or, commit to being "fat and happy." I was never able to feel happy with myself when I was heavier, but if you can, more power to you!0
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Part of your profile reads: "I'm huge, my legs and joints hurt, I have bad skin, I'm physically limited in the things I want to do..."
Your outlook of "heavy and happy/content" doesn't quite compute with the above... just saying.0 -
Geez, what's up with the food-as-entertainment hate? Plenty of fit and healthy people are food hobbyists. I love food. It is my favorite thing. I love it better than the other things. I can be healthy by staying active, maintaining my muscle mass, getting enough of the right nutrients, and by not overeating. None of those things requires me to give up food as a hobby or as my entertainment. I own a RACLETTE grill people. That is 2 hours of melted cheese goodness with friends.
I can have food, but I can't have hours of mindless TV/Video games/Movies *and* food, so I traded those things for exercise and I kept food.
It's not hate, it's just stating a fact. Personally, I'd rather keep my video games and ditch the entertaining food (and I also have no real choice this time of year about not getting much exercise), but whatever works for you is great. If I had the money for more expensive entertainment, I'd ditch the video games, too, by the way. I suspect there are some relatively wealthy overweight people out there who just aren't getting the max bang for their entertainment buck!0 -
Well you were right about having to me be "mentally ready", and maybe the reason why this hasn't worked for you is because you obviously aren't there yet. And happiness stems from much more than just appearance (being fat). There is such thing as being fat and happy because "fat" is not the only thing that controls your emotions.
It sounds like you kind of don't even want to lose weight anymore, but in case you still do:
You CAN have a piece or two of pizza every now and then and still lose weight. You should not feel guilty! A lot of people go through what you're going through or similar to it, but they push through it. It is not going to kill you to eat healthy, and eating healthy does not SUCK! I enjoy eating healthy and finding new healthy recipes that I like, that are flavorful and full of the things I love! You should try that. Do you like to cook? Does your hubby?
It's also great to rant because at least you know the problem and you're here searching for help so there IS hope. Please don't give up. Keep pushing. It is not going to happen over night. Actually, it might take a long time! But you need to accept that and keep trying.0 -
You said you and hubby ate really well all week so I don't see the problem with splurging on the picnic items. It's one meal and doubtful that it'll ruin your whole week unless you go on a full out binge. Enjoy the picnic and go on a nice hike afterwards. You won't succeed long-term if you feel completely deprived.0
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I didn't read all of the replys so I hope that I'm not repeating things. First off, do you like to cook? My suggestion is that you start off the day with a healthy breakfast at least 5 days a week and then start every lunch and dinner with a big salad with a light dressing. Then make a small portion of something that you really like for you and your guy (or order one serving if you go out and split it). You can still cut back on calories and enjoy it. Just savor every bite of your foods that you like. Let the taste really sink in and with that after a big salad you will feel full and have a meal that you really enjoyed. Then later try to make your lunch healthier more days each week until dinner is your one meal to really really enjoy.0
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Moderation is not working for you. A lot of people gain control of their appetite and their food obsessions following a restrictive, low carb diet. I can not even begin to describe how wonderful it is to finally have a normal appetite and not constantly be planning the next meal or snack. Give it an honest effort and see how you feel:
http://www.dietdoctor.com/lchf0 -
I'm a compulsive over eater, but I've found that I can control it and loose weight as long as I am eating low carb, otherwise I just sit and dream about food all day and get really mad when I can't have what I want, or more of what I want or lament when someone has a bigger portion size than I do.
I'd highly encourage you to look into actually giving low carb a good honest shot, don't half-*kitten* it and see what happens.
^^This
I'm just like you, hubby trouble and all. On the one hand he harangues me to eat right and work out. On the other, he buys me treats all the dang time! The only fix I've found is going on the Paleolithic diet. It's taken away my cravings (for the most part) for "junk food" and when I do indulge, my body reminds me that I wasn't meant to eat that stuff...and QUICK!!
I'm never hungry, weight is just melting off. It sounds hard, but compared to what I've attempted in the past to lose weight it is a BREEZE (I've even done the prescription HcG at 500 calories a day and only like ten things you're allowed to eat...for six months. It worked but the weight came right back on...and FAST.)
Since food seems to be the focus of your activities together, Paleo could also be a great way for you to bond and fill the void as you discover and create recipes for amazing food together. And you do not have to go cold-turkey. Ease your way in and you will still get the benefits. It's also a way of eating that you could easily stick with for life.0 -
Based on your comments, it seems as though you are going into this with a negative attitude, instead of focusing on what I can't have - pizza, picnics, etc. focus on ways you can incorporate all those things into your daily life, even if it means adding 10 mins onto a walk, so you can eat x. The picnic with foods from the local italian market sounds like a great idea, but bring a frisbee with you. enjoy the food, wine and conversation with your loved one.
I get the frustration ... (just took two weeks off and gained back the five pounds i lost the month before.) but try & remember you aren't going to be able to keep eating "perfectly" (whatever that is) everyday, and its ok. This is one of the reasons I've been enjoying this place, more than other ways to lose weight that i've tried - this seems to be a more realistic way of losing weight, rather than eating some weird combination of foods at prescribed times.0 -
I feel the same way as you. My boyfriend isn't trying to lose weight, but he is an enabler.
Friday night:
Me: What do you want to do?
bf: Let's go to steak and shake!
Me: ummm. noooo...
Cue argument.
Saturday:
Rinse and repeat but with McDonalds. I gave in and ate a 6 piece chicken nugget.
Sunday:
Rinse and repeat but with Taco Bell. I gave in and ate a side order of nachos.
The reason I gained so much weight is because I take enjoyment in eating food. I love the tastes and the textures. I love trying new foods. I love socializing over a box of pizza. Stuffing my face with popcorn while playing video games sounds awesome! However, then the hurtful comments from others and just the feeling of self-hatred started to take over. I've been yo-yoing this journey to fitness and a healthy life style since last year. I just keep looking at my failures as a sign of weakness instead of my beginnings or my achievements as a sign of strength. I keep telling myself that I just need to get over it. Yeah okay, easier said than done right?
Whenever I get in this rut, I think of what Jillian Michaels said in her one video for Body Revolution.
"THESE PEOPLE WORK THEIR *kitten* OFF TO LOOK LIKE THIS AND TO HAVE THIS BODY."
Edit: Sometimes for the lolz, I like to look at this screen cap from Texts From Dog.
Hopefully it made you smile
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"How about we go up to the Italian market and get some breads, meats, cheeses, maybe some olives and wine and head out for a picnic!" He said.
I think you should do this. Honestly. And if you feel like it's going to make you feel guilty, don't drive to the picnic. Take a hike, or ride your bike and then ENJOY THAT AWESOME FOOD.
I love it that your husband is on this journey with you. I wish mine was, but he's already so damn skinny.
I agree with this!
So many people take the idea of a "diet" to mean they must restrict themselves for the rest of their lives. If you can't see yourself living this way for the rest of your life, then you will not be able to, pure and simple. And that is probably why you have dieted your whole life, you have never found a plan that you can arguably see yourself able to maintain. Last year I tried the 1200 cal limit and, sure, it worked for two months but I could not maintain it and I fell off the wagon hard! Now I am on a cyclical plan with leangains where I fast in the mornings, then eat 1525 if I didn't lift weights, and 2300!!! if I did lift and I am totally losing body fat. You would not believe what I am able to fit into those training days and so I get my treats in and my special evenings with my husband that are meant to be enjoyed and not worrying about food the entire time. This is just the way I have found to do it so that I can live my life the way I want, by enjoying it and not stressing out about it.
Putting too much "weight" (sorry for the pun) on food can cause us to fail. I highly suggest that you look into they myriad of ways that you can have healthy lifestyle, not diet, that will allow you to life.0 -
Part of your profile reads: "I'm huge, my legs and joints hurt, I have bad skin, I'm physically limited in the things I want to do..."
Your outlook of "heavy and happy/content" doesn't quite compute with the above... just saying.
It was more of an internal question to myself that I was posting on MFP, and it seems that others have that feeling as well. "Can I just live life the way I've been living and be happy?"
Sometimes it's just too much, and sometimes it's very hard to stay positive. Obviously I've had some small successes, but damn...that 50 pounds was not easy, but at the same time I look back on this last year, having lost that weight in that time period, and I KNOW I didn't try very hard.
Maybe I am making excuses for myself, but as I said, this was exactly how I was feeling this morning and often how I feel alot of mornings, particularly if I've eaten poorly the day prior.
Maybe it's just the way I grew up, but there has always been an all or nothing mentality. if you slip, you fail...that sort of thing. I'm wondering if it does get easier...because 34 years later, it's only gotten harder.
Moderation is another issue I have...if i have a little, I'll want A LOT! So maybe it's just supposed to be a lifelong process. I know I'm going to strive for a healthy eating lifestyle, but I don't know if I'm ready to accept the "forever" part of it...I dunno, just one of the aspects of the journey I'm having serious issues with.
But, like some have said...I have lost over 50 pounds in a year. I know fat is bad and unhealthy and I want to do somethign about it...but maybe some people just don't want to work that hard. Obviously, we take the easy way...it's what we know and what we're comfortable with. Not saying it's right...just trying to explain how I feel and why it's so damn hard.0 -
Hobbies!!! You don't have to have the same hobbies either! This weekend I canned while my BF sanded and prepped a piano bench for stain. Sometimes I make jewelry while he drums. You sound bored!
OT: I lurve texts from dog!!!!!0 -
I'm going to cut to the chase. You are in denial.
Like an addict, you have to WANT to get fit and healthy, want it more than anything. Be willing to sacrifice a little piece of yourself for the ultimate goal. Until that lightbulb moment comes, you will always try and fail. The lightbulb moment is a feeling inside you, when everything suddenly clicks and you get a determination that you've never had before and you KNOW this is it.
It will be hard along the way, but if you're sick of starting again, then you can't give up.
Having said that you have lost 54lbs, so you can lose weight. No one is destined to be fat and no one is naturally fat. You can do it. Don't deprive yourself as you'll just snap and fail, have a cheat meal once a week and allow yourself a small treat if your calories allow.0 -
"How about we go up to the Italian market and get some breads, meats, cheeses, maybe some olives and wine and head out for a picnic!" He said.
Soubnds like hubby needed a day off - I think we all do occassionally.0 -
I'm going to cut to the chase. You are in denial.
Like an addict, you have to WANT to get fit and healthy, want it more than anything. Be willing to sacrifice a little piece of yourself for the ultimate goal. Until that lightbulb moment comes, you will always try and fail. The lightbulb moment is a feeling inside you, when everything suddenly clicks and you get a determination that you've never had before and you KNOW this is it.
It will be hard along the way, but if you're sick of starting again, then you can't give up.
I've been waiting....and waiting...where the hell is my lightbulb?
But seriously, I think deep down I do want to lose weight, but it probably is just laziness. My hubby and I even joked last night, "We never would have gotten fat if it was this hard!" referring to how hard it is to lose...
I'm not in denial. I know EXACTLY how fat I am, the heath issues associated with it, the societal stigma, how it affects my love life and social life and basically how being fat negatively impacts most all of my life. I think I'm more pissed that being fat does all of these things and I oftentimes feel powerless to fix it. Like I said, I KNOW what I need to do in order to be healthy. Right now I'm just having a very hard time doing it and mentally convincing myself that it is, in fact, worth it.0 -
It sounds like you need to break out some of your CBT exercises again. Maybe see if your DH will work through the Beck Diet Solution with you.
Also, if you focus on the negative, it's really hard. You can be fat and happy, and you SHOULD actually strive to be fat and happy, because if you aren't happy with yourself when you are fat, you probably aren't going to be happy when you are skinny. No amount of food will make you happy.
Seeing what you posted about how your Saturday went, it sounds like you need to figure out how to work your favorite things in to your life and you need to work on reframing. Why couldn't you get some cheeses and meats and head out for a picnic? Small portions of those foods can be satisfying, and you can bulk out your meal with lower calorie options so that you are full. You also shouldn't eat cardboard toast if you don't like it. Instead of saying we can't have XYZ because it's too high calorie, try reframing it in to, okay, I want XYZ, what do I need to do to make this work? In the past week, I've had a chicago dog, pulled pork, spaghetti, cheesecake and more, and still met my calorie and nutrient goals AND still lost over a pound.
You may even want to change your weight loss goals on MFP to only 1/2 pound a week or even to maintain which will allow you more calories and more food choices in your day. If you do this, you can increase your losses by exercising more and not eating back the calories.0 -
I hear you. I've been there. I am completely healthy except for that dang number on the scale. But I don't agree that I am destined to be fat forever.
I still think about food constantly. Its in my head all the time. Its why I'm on MFP all day everyday. I want to eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, celebrating, etc. But I don't eat all the time anymore because I make a continuous effort to change my point of view. Food is not entertainment, nor is it my best friend or lover. Acknowledging that food is none of those things and is only required for survivial is what has prevented me from continuing to get bigger and bigger.
Have I lost a ton of weight yet? No.... but I have prevented myself from reaching the 300 pound mark, and I have begun to lose slowly.
Do I slip up and eat crap? Yes, which is why I haven't lost a lot of weight yet.
So why don't I just give up and let myself enjoy whatever I want? Because I have hope. I have hope that being responsible about food will give me many more years with my husband. I have hope that being responsible about food will allow me to participate in any activities I so choose. I have hope that being resonsible about food will lead to days where my feet don't ache anymore. I have hope that being responsible about food gives me many more days to savor the millions of other things in life that I love other than food.
I continue to try because as long as I am trying, I am not failing. Somedays that's is the only reason I keep going is because I can't stand to fail at anything.
My advice is simple, just keep trying and even if you don't lose quickly or as much as you wanted to, you will be better for the small effort that you do manage to put into it. Even the littlest changes towards your health can go a long way.0 -
First off, I could have written those thoughts, only without the husband part. My hubby is thin and never has to even think about what he's eating. Someone told me about 5 years ago that "when you're ready to lose the weight, you will". It seems that I have finally reached that place. It's much easier to control the cravings after deciding to lost weight. I rarely think about food the way I used to.
Second, for too many people, DIET is a word that implies that you will do this until you are at a weight that you want to be. This is not a good plan. You need to come to the place where you and your husband understand that if you want to be healthy, you have to do this forever. Not for 2 weeks, 2 months - but forever. My days of binging and then starving myself are over. I have to eat every day and eat the number of calories to make my body run efficiently. I have just about ruined my body yo yoing all these years. It's starting to respond to healthy eating. Dropping the weight.
Fortunately, I stumbled across this person "helloitsdan" on the forum. He just kept popping up in a lot of the posts I chose to read. He was telling people that they were working against their bodies by not eating enough, doing too much cardio, not lifting things - anything! So, one day I messaged him and he steered me to the thread below. It made me rethink everything I have ever known about eating.
Please, take the time, with your husband, and read In Place of a Road Map tonight. Run your numbers and see if you are eating enough. If it's not for you - that's okay. But it has really worked for a LOT of people and I hope that I will see you on the road to success really soon.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-120 -
I'm going to cut to the chase. You are in denial.
Like an addict, you have to WANT to get fit and healthy, want it more than anything. Be willing to sacrifice a little piece of yourself for the ultimate goal. Until that lightbulb moment comes, you will always try and fail. The lightbulb moment is a feeling inside you, when everything suddenly clicks and you get a determination that you've never had before and you KNOW this is it.
It will be hard along the way, but if you're sick of starting again, then you can't give up.
I've been waiting....and waiting...where the hell is my lightbulb?
But seriously, I think deep down I do want to lose weight, but it probably is just laziness. My hubby and I even joked last night, "We never would have gotten fat if it was this hard!" referring to how hard it is to lose...
I'm not in denial. I know EXACTLY how fat I am, the heath issues associated with it, the societal stigma, how it affects my love life and social life and basically how being fat negatively impacts most all of my life. I think I'm more pissed that being fat does all of these things and I oftentimes feel powerless to fix it. Like I said, I KNOW what I need to do in order to be healthy. Right now I'm just having a very hard time doing it and mentally convincing myself that it is, in fact, worth it.
It can take years to come. Someone close to me was obese for nearly 20 years before her lightbulb moment came.
You admit the problem is laziness, there is no way to change that other than refusing to be lazy. You can't sit there and wait for it to happen, you have to make the chnage no matter how difficult it is and the lightbulb moment will come eventually.
It's your choice. Your only two options are to lose weight and be the person you know you can be, or stay as you are and feel the sadness you feel. You sink or you swim.
I don't think you are denial about being overweight or knowing what you have to do, I think you are in denial about how much this is your responsibility and yours alone. Saying you feel destined to be fat forever is a natural thought, but also the words of someone who is looking for a cop out.
It is so so so so hard, all of us here know that and we all support you. I know I sound harsh, but I promise you it is something I wish I had realised earlier.0 -
Love this, thank you. Being responsible about food. I've never looked at it that way before.
So why don't I just give up and let myself enjoy whatever I want? Because I have hope. I have hope that being responsible about food will give me many more years with my husband. I have hope that being responsible about food will allow me to participate in any activities I so choose. I have hope that being resonsible about food will lead to days where my feet don't ache anymore. I have hope that being responsible about food gives me many more days to savor the millions of other things in life that I love other than food.0 -
It sounds to me like you need to (a) adjust your thinking and (b) find things to do other than food that make you feel good. Don't think of it like "we can't have X" think of it like "I choose not to have X, instead I'm going to have Y." Healthy food can be delicious and satisfying. It only needs to be "cardboardesque" if that's what you want to eat. You can eat so many delicious things that will help you reach your goals - no need to eat stuff that tastes like crap.
If you are craving junk food or high calorie food, either have a little bit or decide that you are going to do something else. Go for a walk, hike, go to the gym, read a book, take a bath, do anything that distracts your mind from eating/food. There are so many things you can do if you have free time. Sometimes a change in scenery is good too - reading a magazine on your couch may be a gateway into mindless eating, but walking to the library and reading the same magazine rarely provokes the same result (at least for me). Get some hobbies!0 -
If you have lots of "free" time, why not do active volunteering such as Habitat for Humanity where you help to build houses or some sort of park cleanup so you aren't sitting around thinking about food.
Or work on a big goal like training for a 5k, even just walking it.
Boredom makes weightloss harder, I think.
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter0 -
I agree with what you said, You already lost 54lbs don't get down on yourself, its gonna take time. Don't make the mistake of going backwards you will regret it.0
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Thanks everyone for the comments, they helped.0
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Part of your profile reads: "I'm huge, my legs and joints hurt, I have bad skin, I'm physically limited in the things I want to do..."
Your outlook of "heavy and happy/content" doesn't quite compute with the above... just saying.
It was more of an internal question to myself that I was posting on MFP, and it seems that others have that feeling as well. "Can I just live life the way I've been living and be happy?"
Sometimes it's just too much, and sometimes it's very hard to stay positive. Obviously I've had some small successes, but damn...that 50 pounds was not easy, but at the same time I look back on this last year, having lost that weight in that time period, and I KNOW I didn't try very hard.
Maybe I am making excuses for myself, but as I said, this was exactly how I was feeling this morning and often how I feel alot of mornings, particularly if I've eaten poorly the day prior.
Maybe it's just the way I grew up, but there has always been an all or nothing mentality. if you slip, you fail...that sort of thing. I'm wondering if it does get easier...because 34 years later, it's only gotten harder.
Moderation is another issue I have...if i have a little, I'll want A LOT! So maybe it's just supposed to be a lifelong process. I know I'm going to strive for a healthy eating lifestyle, but I don't know if I'm ready to accept the "forever" part of it...I dunno, just one of the aspects of the journey I'm having serious issues with.
But, like some have said...I have lost over 50 pounds in a year. I know fat is bad and unhealthy and I want to do somethign about it...but maybe some people just don't want to work that hard. Obviously, we take the easy way...it's what we know and what we're comfortable with. Not saying it's right...just trying to explain how I feel and why it's so damn hard.
So your question is "Can I just live life the way I've been living and be happy?" The answer is obviously no because you already seem unhappy at the moment because it's "hard and just getting harder". It's not always easy and you just have to accept that fact. Will you have to do this your whole life?... YES! Until I'm bed ridden and fed through tubes, I will have to make a conscious decision about the foods I eat and how to keep active. Once I'm at my goal weight I'm not going to decide, ok, I'm done... time for McDonald's and back to being a couch potatoe. HELL NO!
Whether it's hard or not, a healthy lifestyle is supposed to be the norm, not the exception!0
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