An unmotivated spouse

Midnight_Sunshine

Not to sound crude but offer sexual favors if he loses a certain amount of weight. Make it fun and exciting. Totally serious

Doesn't work. Offered my boyfriend a threesome if he lost 30 pounds.

Still fat and lazy.

Rewards don't always mean motivation.

fitnfancy80

I am in the same boat. I am hoping and praying that soon he will follow my example. Also I do all the food shopping and cooking so if he isnt happy with what I make or buy then he is forced to do it himself. And thats works..men don't do that...j/k (not really)

stagknight

Get some brochures from funeral directors and next time he sits down to play modern warfare drop them in his lap and ask him to pick the casket ect, he wants, then when he asks what you mean, tell him you don't want the stress of planning his funeral so if he could plan what he wants as soon as possible you would be thankful. He might get the point.

sunnyside1213

bump

islandnutshel

I have a similar situation, but my husband does want to lose weight. His problem is that he retained his teenage eating habits. He still has a hard physical job and I can't expect him to want to exercise in the evenings. (I put a fitbit on him and he usualy gets 20000 steps a day, twice what I work to get.) His diet does undo the good he does physicaly.
What has not worked is lecturing, getting upset, scaring him, or begging.
What has worked, is starting dinner with a vegetable snack, salad or soup, or fruit. (about a half hour before dinner.
He also only has granola bars or corn chips or popcorn as snacks in the house, unless we buy specificaly for company.
I do most of the cooking and it is 90% healthy.
Where he gains weight is eating too much or eating out, or snacking at work or in fast food restaurants.
Slowly he has changed his eating habits and he is getting healthy little by little.
It is the permanent little things like not drinking pop, or drinking milk instead of cream in coffee. Cutting back on sugar.
If I expect big changes I will be dissapointed, as he is not there yet.
I understand the need to rant, I want my husband healthy too.
Lots of hugs.
Shel

Nysie5

i got my BF to change a bit of his habits, key is to start small, they are hardheaded after all, i was losing weight and he was happy about that, so all on his own he decieded to try also, so now i just have him look at the calories on whatever it is we buy to eat, just changing one item to a "light" version will help, and eventually he will care about how much he eats, also my bf is only allowed to play video games if he on the stationary bike to play them, (i dont know if he really does that or not he swears he does) but the point is to get them to think about it. Good luck my dear, prayers for your family

LizL217

I think you should put everything you've said in this post into a letter and ask him to read it.

You've laid out your feelings, fears and concerns in a very rational way, but sometimes when we try to express these emotions in a conversation they come out sounding like nagging rather than fear and concern. If he sees it in writing and if that letter is then kept aroud for a while where he can see it, I think it will be a lot harder for him to ignore your feelings.

MemphisGirl75

I am in EXACT same situation, FrausHaus. I have given up trying to help my husband. He doesn't want to change. We were fat together when we were dating, got married, and had a kid. At 35, I decided I needed to make the change ASAP so I wouldn't die of Type2 diabetes and renal failure like my father did.

I buy groceries for myself and our son, and he buys his own junk food. I quit caring about a year ago when he was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and refused to get medicine to help control it.

katweeks63

If his feet are turning purple he needs to see a doctor NOW. That is not a thing that happens to normal people. He may already have diabetes and it needs to be treated immediately!

I agree with this response! His feet turning purple is not normal!

I wanted to share a true story with you... One of my son's best friends that he grew up with, his father was a baptist preacher and was extremely obese. He had his stomach stapled so that he could loose enough weight that would be able to walk down the aisle at his son's (the friend) wedding, and died from a blood clot the night he came home from the hospital after the proceedure. This boy lost both his parents, his mother had a brain tumor, within 2 yrs.

Then he got married and gained some weight, not as extreme as his father, but enough to put him into the obese catagory. He went to the doctor for a check up and had a mild heart attack while walking on the tread mill. They sent him to the hospital and he insisted on driving himself so he could stop and get himself a whopper & fries. Yes, he did. He had a major heart attack at the hospital and almost died. He was in his mid 20s and had a 2 yr old son. To say the least, it took all of that to get him to react as he should have.

So... it may take something drastic for your husband. I hope he doesn't have to almost die to realize it.
Good luck.

Nikkei24

He is only going to do what he wants when he wants... it's life the same goes for you. When you wanted to workout and eat healthier you did because you wanted to not cause someone else thought you should or wanted you too. That being said my fiance is now working on bettering his health and will workout with me (something he did not do for the first year of my journey) you just gotta hope somehthing clicks for the ones you love. I told him I was worried and no matter how you say it telling someone they are over weight isn't something they are going to be appreciative of even if it's just cause you want to live a long life with them and have them around as long as possible. Just keep eating healthy (do not enable his crappy eating by making him cookies or giving in if he wants them tell him to make them ) & working out hopefully he will see how well you are doing and how awesome you feel and look and he will want to follow suit. It might not be tommorow or in a week or a month or 5 yrs but hopefully down the line he will.

theresmynapkin

some might say this is b*tchy of me, but actions speak louder than words. what I would do is seriously consider leaving or kicking him out for like a week or two and when he asks why tell him you need to get used to life without him because at the rate he's gaining weight/being the size he is, he's not going to be around for much longer. Reality sucks, but to me that would be a concrete way to make him understand that this situation is SERIOUS.

High_D

My husband has had a weight problem as far back as he can remember. When we married, he was 210 lbs. As of last June, he was 458 lbs. I'd tried to lose weight, but because he didn't do it with me, I fell back into my old eating patterns, and gained back everything I'd lost.

When he was his largest, even walking across a short front lawn to check the mail was VERY hard to do. He somehow was spared from most health problems, only suffering from high blood pressure and sleep apnea. At this point he was very depressed and didn't love himself, so was not accepting the fact that I loved him and cared about him.

I'm not sure what clicked and made him change, maybe the fact that the doctor couldn't give him anything else for his blood pressure, and the doctor telling him he'd always feel that bad unless he lost the weight. Just telling him this didn't do it though, because I've learned if you take something away, you have to put something in it's place. His doctor recommended a diet with accountability.

Now I weigh less than when I got married, and his goal is to weigh less as well (goal is 200 lbs). When he was ready, I was too, even if it meant committing to something I thought'd kill me (diet and exercise). He's lost over 250 lbs since June 2011 (without surgery), and he loves himself again, and willing to accept the fact that I love him. We are committed to keeping our weight off and living the healthy lifestyle.

Unfortunately there's not a switch that you can switch on to encourage him to exercise and eat healthy. I know how you feel, I've felt the same way, at times like an enabler. Stay positive and encouraging. Maybe try getting a male friend of his or your stepdad's to talk to him about it. Research diets that he might enjoy. When he finally decides to do so, you will be so ecstatic.

NavyKnightAh13

Ok, i'm going to share a personal story with you. I'm 24, and my husband is 25, going to be 26 in a couple of months. here is what scares me, by the time my mother in law was 51, she was overweight, and sadly passed away from a heart attack that was caused by the "widow maker". My mom passed away at the age of 57 from a massive heart attack (she had three others prior) as well as COPD and anal cancer as well as possible ovarian cancer, i watched her die as well as my grandmother (who passed 11 months after my mom) and then almost a year later almost lost my dad (he is in a mobility scooter).

Fast forward, my husband has a heart condition (neurocardiogeneic syncope) and is overweight, and I have been trying to get into shape because one I have asthma (I know i will have COPD, it runs in my family, as well as heart attacks, strokes, and blood clots) and two so our son can have mom. I have tried to get my husband to exercise, and every once in a while i can get him to, but between his work and all that, its impossible, and his eating habits have gotten slightly better, but he still prefers fast food every day or every other.

Moral of the story: your husband has to want to change, if not, then he will need to find out the hard way.

Kenhabes

I'm very sorry about your stepdad. My dad also died from complications of diabetes. He was only 62. He ignored it for far too long, was addicted to food, overate (he could eat half a loaf of bread and a pound of ground beef in a sitting). He went blind. He then needed dialysis. Then, he contracted a rare disease (calciphylaxis) that only a small percentage of renal failure patients get; most doctors don't even know what it is. It's extremely painful. He succumbed to pneumonia in October 2001.

I am 39 years old. I've been fat since second grade (8 years old). I'm 5'6" and weigh 209 lbs. currently (250 at my heaviest). I am taking medication for hypertension.

What I wanted to add is this: there is a good chance that your husband losing weight will not get rid of his need for CPAP. I have severe sleep apnea and have been using an APAP (auto adjusting CPAP) for three years. Without a doubt, it saved my life. I have many friends on my apnea message board who are women and are very petite, yet they have moderate to severe apnea. Will losing weight and eating better help? Almost certainly. He'll feel better and perhaps may NOT need CPAP, or he might be able to lower his pressure.

[Note: I do know people who have lost weight who had to INCREASE their CPAP pressure, but we on the board haven't been able to determine exactly why that happens in some cases. There are many helpful people on there if he needs it! (http://www.cpaptalk.com)]

In my case, I don't have a problem with food. Me and food have a nice respectful relationship now. I remember being little into my teens and early adulthood, stuffing my face and belly with food. Can't even imagine eating that much in a sitting now. I'd puke. My problem is with exercise. According to all the tests I've had, I don't have any heart problems, but exercising really makes me feel awful. Plus, I'm lazy and tired from being a dad to a toddler. I make excuses. I know I'm in a catch 22 with my energy levels.

Change comes from within. You can't force it. All you can do is be honest, loving and compassionate.

tamtamzz

He will only do what he wants to do. There is no forcing, convincing, or anything. The best thing you can do is lead by example and hope he follows.

Think about all the alcoholics, drug addicts, shopaholics, etc. in this world who will not stop self-destructive behavior in spite of people around them. They keep right on with their behavior despite the fact that it's killing them. It's hard to watch, but hopefully, he'll see your progress and will be inspired to join you.

mom2handh1975

My family has been laughing at me when I measure out my food. Let 'em laugh. Although I don't see huge changes in my family's behavior yet, I have heard my husband saying little things about portion sizes and second helpings. He's also asking me if *insert a food here* will work with my "diet". I use it as a lesson every time he asks! At the very least, I know he's starting to think about what we're eating. I don't know how long you've been working on the healthier lifestyle, but maybe he will come around little by little. Maybe he won't. That's not your choice to make, but you should certainly limit the amount you make for meals. Maybe put out an appetizer of some kind to get a little something in his belly before dinner. That should help him feel full sooner, so he won't gorge himself at dinner. Something as sneaky as soup can really help to fill you up without adding a lot of calories (depending on the kind of soup you serve). Make little changes - slowly - and hopefully he'll come around. Good luck!

Pedalpush

My eyes just about bugged out of my head when I read that his feet turn purple and my shaking head agreed vigorously with those who encourage him to SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION NOW!

Continue to lead by example but try not to be an enabler. I am definitely not one to talk because I walk my walk, but constantly have to push vegetables on my husband. And yet I find wrappers upon candy wrappers upon chip bags upon empty soda bottles in his office...

You can only do so much.

weighlossforbaby

I am sorry to hear about your stepdad. I am losing weight because my grandma died 2 years ago from a 2nd heart attack due to lack of oxygen from diabetes. Her siblings had diabetes too. My mom had ovarian cancer and my biological father's mother had cervical and breast cancer. I have a lot going against me. My husband doesn't exercise but he loses weight really easily and is at a good weight for his height. Your husband isn't gonna change unless he wants to. Making cookies for him to make him happy isn't helping him either. The purple feet does sound like diabetes and if it isn't looked at it will become a bad situation.

SusanDDuncan1

You can find healthy substitutes on Pinterest or Facebook Nutritional pages. Some of the Vegan sites really help. Take a look at this recipe. Don't tell him what is in it when you serve it. As he starts to lose a few lbs from the diet change, then he might be open to walking with you as well for exercise.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Pie
It's Healthy, Vegan & Gluten Free!! ♥

■2 cans white beans or garbanzos (drained and rinsed) (500g total, once drained)
■1 cup quick oats (uncooked)
■1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
■3 tbsp oil (canola, veg, or coconut)
■2 tsp pure vanilla extract
■1/2 tsp baking soda
■2 tsp baking powder
■1/2 tsp salt
■1 and 1/2 cups brown sugar (I used 2 1/2 cups Stevia)
■12 oz. chocolate chips (I used semi sweet)

Blend everything (except the chips) very well in a good food processor (not a blender). Mix in chips, and pour into an oiled pan (I used a 10-inch springform pan, but you can use a smaller pan if you want a really deep-dish pie.) Cook at 350F for around 35-40 minutes. Let stand at least 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

stxfuneral

To fight it and cook/buy his own food, or if he will start to adapt.

Some people might think its wrong of you to limit how much food you offer him but if you are the one cooking than you should get to decide how much you cook. And you arentt going to be cooking smaller portions beuase hess overweight, you will be cooking proper portions because no matter what size he is you should be cookig proper portions.

Obviously stuff like this will test him and you will have to decide what would be pushing him too far but I wish you the best of luck.
You love him and want the best for him and im sure he will see that.

Sorry for the disjointed post. Stupid smart phones lol

My husband was exactly as you described. When I met him he was pushing every bit of 500 pounds. I love this man so much, so I understand your frustrations. If you truly love him, you will put your foot down. He is dying before your eyes. Pretty soon, you won't have him at all. What i did with my husband was first had a talk with him. I expressed my concerns. then I told him I was no longer going to buy junk food, sodas, etc. If he didn't like what I made for dinner, tough ****. But you know what, he was too lazy to make himself anything so he ended up eating what I made anyway. He complained, but he ate it. It took time, but his tastes did change. He buys junk food from time to time, but not like before. I don't keep it in the house at all. If he wants a snack, he can have fruit or whatever else we have in house. He was too lazy to go out and buy junk food a lot, so he ate what we had at home. Tell him you want him to spend time with you. Find a trail or track to walk together and talk. Little by little it will change, but you need to put your foot down and be assertive. My husband has since lost about 200 pounds. The best part is, we do things together on a regular basis. I love our walks, it gives us some much needed alone time and exercise at the same time.