Haters/sabotage

2

Replies

  • nayers86
    nayers86 Posts: 60
    Sadly, this has happened to me and I firmly believe that this will and has happened to anyone who is putting in a strong effort to improve themselves. My mother was the worst offender. She would always tell me I couldn't stick to it, she would make my favorite comfort foods, and generally, whether she realized she was doing it or not---sabatoge and kick me when I was down. I have also come across people who say you're too skinny, you're more beautiful with curves, don't let the number define you, etc. The best thing to remind yourself of regularly is that you're not doing this for anyone elses satisfaction or approval. THIS IS FOR YOU. People that love you and want you to be happy will support you. A lot of people often reflect their own insecurity on you, it's not quite a jealousy thing but it is. They wish they had the will power, the drive, motivation and commitment you have to succeed. Stay strong and don't falter, you're going to blow them away!
  • jordanreddick
    jordanreddick Posts: 197 Member
    I think the worst ones are the one's closest to you. My mother has watched every step of my weight loss journey for the past 13 months and at first when I would tell her how much i had lost her immediate response was "You still have a long way to go" mind you this is coming from an overweight person herself, then when I got closer and closer to my goal and finally AT my goal, she refused to even acknowledge that I had even said anything at all, nevermind bothering to say congratulations or anything to that matter. She wants me to fail because she feels bad about herself. I WILL succeed with or without her approval or support and not even bother saying anything to her about it anymore and lead by example. That is all you can do with so many Negative Nancy's and Debbie Downer's in the world.
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
    I like your username, you should add me.
  • lts42uk
    lts42uk Posts: 162 Member
    I have had some of the naysays... screw 'em, I say.

    What I have found to be more sabotage-y is when I hear comments like "omg, you are too skinny" or "you are wasting away". Those comments, even though they are meant as compliments, feel negative and don't help push me along. Its hard work making this transformation.

    I typically respond with "uhh.. I'm finally not in the obese category and have another 30 lbs until I'm at a healthy weight". That shuts them up :)

    That's been my worse problem: The people who try to tell me that I'm too skinny. Just the other day my sister (who needs to lose 20-30 lbs herself) suggested I should be happy going into maintenance where I am right now. I'm still 5-7 lbs away from FINALLY (probably for the first time in my life) reaching a healthy BMI) and at least 15 lbs from what my doctor, personal trainer and I have decided should be an ideal weight for me. Why the hell would I want to stop and go into maintenance now???

    I've heard this one too - I liken it to walking to work and stopping at the corner as you think you've walked far enough! But you're not there yet!!
  • juli_jones
    juli_jones Posts: 101 Member
    In the beginning my husband (who is over weight) would make negative comments, mostly due to his insecurities about me loosing weight and "finding someone else." After a while he became more supportive. Recently, however, he is gone the opposite direction makeing comment like "do you have the calories for that" - I'm doing this for me and I wish he would just keep his comments to himself - a simple "you look nice, honey" would be great once in a while!!!

    One the other hand - I love the comments from people/ friends who see me and say "You look Great"
  • newmooon56
    newmooon56 Posts: 347 Member
    some of us have some MAJOR jerks in our lives- I know not all mean to be...
    But the ppl that are large and then act like you did something wrong by getting healthy need to look within themselves a bit more.

    Had someone ask me yesterday why I am doing this. They wondered if someone had made a crack about my weight, or had some other negative factor spur this on.. I started at 152 am now 144- I am 5 foot 2 and very small boned. Ideal weight is low 100s... Yet I look "fine" to ppl and shouldnt diet?? Sure, compared to some I look GREAT- but for ME Im far from my ideal weight and at 152 was a biscuit away from being OBESE -but I shouldnt diet??

    I truly believe what ppl are most curious/jealous/wonder about is - not how great we start to look- I truly wonder if they are in awe of our DISCIPLINE. This take major strength in many ways to do what we did. Change our eating, read a ton to learn about nutrients, exercise no matter what. Stick to it in situations where its hard to- and avoid triggers, all just for starters. We all jumped major hurdles just to get our minds ready for the work and then we WORK hard. When ppl ask "how" and you say diet and exercise- ever notice how they tune out, many of them? They want to hear 'magic pill' or some other cheat. I even think some ppl think Im lying- starving behind the scenes then claiming to eat nuts, eggs, quinoa- like Im some fake on TV.

    Keep it up beautiful people- YOU ALL inspire me every day. I come to the forums to find you all doing your best and it makes me want to continue on. I want to be part of THIS community - the community that cares about health, nutrition and well being in a balanced, sensible - and I'll say it- FUN way.

    Peace out-
  • Freyja2023
    Freyja2023 Posts: 158 Member
    my mom was the worst for me. She would insist on working out with me then show up an hour late sit at my table for 2 drinking coffee and when I finally got her downstairs to my equipment jump on my bike in her jeans and pedal at a snails pace and try and give me a rough time for how I hit the elliptical. I finally quit waiting for her to show up and did my workout before she got to my house, then when she found out she was disappointed with me because I didn't wait for her. I finally told her that I couldn't work off her weight as well as my own, it just wasn't possible so I had to focus on my goals. She finally stopped trying and she no longer wants to workout with me. Instead now she will tell me that I have my grandmothers large rear and it will never shrink, or that my shoulders look like a football players. I just tell myself on a regular basis that I have slopped shoulders for a reason, so that all her crap can just roll off me. I also now come up with little sayings that drive her crazy like when she is whining about her weight I say well I learnt the hard way that b*tching about my weight didn't burn enough calories to lose so I just got off my rear and did something about it. :)
  • kathyszoo
    kathyszoo Posts: 311 Member
    some of us have some MAJOR jerks in our lives- I know not all mean to be...
    But the ppl that are large and then act like you did something wrong by getting healthy need to look within themselves a bit more.

    Had someone ask me yesterday why I am doing this. They wondered if someone had made a crack about my weight, or had some other negative factor spur this on.. I started at 152 am now 144- I am 5 foot 2 and very small boned. Ideal weight is low 100s... Yet I look "fine" to ppl and shouldnt diet?? Sure, compared to some I look GREAT- but for ME Im far from my ideal weight and at 152 was a biscuit away from being OBESE -but I shouldnt diet??

    I truly believe what ppl are most curious/jealous/wonder about is - not how great we start to look- I truly wonder if they are in awe of our DISCIPLINE. This take major strength in many ways to do what we did. Change our eating, read a ton to learn about nutrients, exercise no matter what. Stick to it in situations where its hard to- and avoid triggers, all just for starters. We all jumped major hurdles just to get our minds ready for the work and then we WORK hard. When ppl ask "how" and you say diet and exercise- ever notice how they tune out, many of them? They want to hear 'magic pill' or some other cheat. I even think some ppl think Im lying- starving behind the scenes then claiming to eat nuts, eggs, quinoa- like Im some fake on TV.

    Keep it up beautiful people- YOU ALL inspire me every day. I come to the forums to find you all doing your best and it makes me want to continue on. I want to be part of THIS community - the community that cares about health, nutrition and well being in a balanced, sensible - and I'll say it- FUN way.

    Peace out-

    I agree with this, the people that are the most unsupportive are the ones that could use to eat better and get healthy also! This is why I come here-for the support, encouragement, motivation and advice from people on the same journey!
  • mulcahya
    mulcahya Posts: 82 Member
    Ah my mum is not good with this!

    I live at home still (I'm 21) and when I'm asking how she cooked dinner she will say she didn't use oil even when she did, or tell me she used less of certain things. When I am logging and trying to estimate how much things weigh she will suggest measurements that are probably half of what is accurate! And when I had lost about 2kg and was feeling happy about it, she told me that it was about time I was losing weight because she was getting really concerned (I wasn't exactly overweight to begin with, just a little bit let go, and I have 3 obese siblings who she will never say a word about!!!).

    Not exactly supportive.

    And then on the other hand my boyfriend is incredibly supportive and helpful and listens to me talk about it all the time and patiently allows me to try out new things and spend our money on expensive health foods.

    Very different ends of the spectrum!
  • peuglow
    peuglow Posts: 684 Member
    you know what they say, haters gonna hate
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    I don't have people trying to feed me, but I have had a lot of 'you will never do it' comments, particularly when I joined the gym.

    People that have never worried about their weight don't appreciate how hard it is for people that do and how much their words can hurt.
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    If offering you food is sabotage in your mind, I think you need to be less sensitive. Don't expect special treatment because you are on a diet. If I bring cupcakes in, I'm gonna offer them to all my coworkers, even if one is dieting, because I would consider it rude not to. It is up to you to turn things down if they aren't in your plan.
  • EmilyG34
    EmilyG34 Posts: 23 Member
    A great quote for this "Small people always belittle your ambitions, but the really great, make you feel that you, too, can become great" - MarkTwain
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
    Do you have people who always say negative stuff? Like you are gonna fall of the bandwagon. Also they try to sabotage my diet by giving me chocolate. I give it back! I refuse to be fat forever!

    Oh yes. Good choice giving it back. "Oh, that's so sweet! But you know, I can't eat this right now so why don't you take it to your neighbor? I bet they'd really appreciate it way more!"
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
    A great quote for this "Small people always belittle your ambitions, but the really great, make you feel that you, too, can become great" - MarkTwain

    Love this! Thank you for sharing!
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
    I was eating an ice cream bar from Dairy Queen and my mom said, "Hey, you're going to get FAT!".

    She knows I eat based on calorie counting, yet she won't do that for herself.

    Also, she is obese. Sadly.
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
    Thanks! I just posted the quote on Facebook!
    A great quote for this "Small people always belittle your ambitions, but the really great, make you feel that you, too, can become great" - MarkTwain

    Love this! Thank you for sharing!
  • abbylanes
    abbylanes Posts: 5 Member
    Keep doing what's right for you. I suspect your friend is exhibiting passive aggressive behavior. I have a food (sugar) pusher in my life. She's extremely passive aggressive. I have learned to keep a healthy distance, and find healthier "close friends."
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive–aggressive_behavior
  • Asha0714
    Asha0714 Posts: 88
    hell no. I don't allow people in my life like that.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    I had a nurse at work tell me "Oh see-you look like you've lost weight. I overheard some of the other nurses saying you look like you've put on a few pounds."

    People will always try to get you down when they see you're making a changes they wish they had the willpower to make for themselves.
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
    :laugh: im married to a navy cook, so yes

    makes me soo mad when he makes tasty food(somtimes) and then forces me to eat it


    (sarcazim)
  • waynekp1981
    waynekp1981 Posts: 6
    I would venture to say that the reason her 1200 carolie diet didn't work, is that because she stops counting at 1200 calories doesn't mean she stops eating!
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    My daughter always tells me...mommy you are getting so skinny...I just laugh and say not yet but I plan to be smaller soon. I am smaller by over 100 lbs but far away from skinny. But I love hearing her say it. It makes me smile that she can see all my hard work. She says I'm a different person every time she sees me and has to look twice to even know who I am. Try not to take some comments so negative and those who try to give you food or whatever, just politely decline the offer and move on, no need to stress about it. Soon they will get the hint.
  • pinkgumdrop123
    pinkgumdrop123 Posts: 262 Member
    Do you have people who always say negative stuff?

    Appropriate response "U MAD BRO?"


    I already say that to a ton of stuff so why not? lol
  • _KatieKat
    _KatieKat Posts: 224
    I dont get any of that. Everyone around me is very positive. Thats what I attract to myself by putting out positive energy.
  • Monalisa85
    Monalisa85 Posts: 31 Member
    Let your success speak for you. And just smile!
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    Some people will always define themselves in relation to those around them (ie "I'm a better cook than everyone I know", rather than "I'm a good cook") They are not always bad people, or mean people -- they are just not self-aware or self-assured. And they cannot cope when YOU change. Because your change means that they are being forced to redefine themselves.
    How can they be the skinny friend/sister/coworker/boyfriend/husband/in-law if you lose weight? How can they consider themselves athletic, when you work out more than they? People who make negative comments, people who sabotage -- those words and actions have nothing to do with who you really are or what you've really accomplished -- regardless of how they dress it up, it is always about them.
  • redlady82
    redlady82 Posts: 43 Member
    I think a lot of people do try to sabotage. People work with their own demons and they come out in really strange ways. Girls like to do it at times becuase I swear some are comfortable with an overweight friend who has everything else going on so if you lose weight you might "pass them up." I wish I knew why "friends" could be this way. I know people love to point out weight. I had dinner with my in laws and my father in law sat down and was talking about another girl and how big she was and what her weight was and I found the whole conversation very strange especially while we were eating. My mother in law is super thin and I've heard about my weight before in that circle so I really felt like it was aimed at me. I kind of like to take the approach with anyone who is being negative about anything to be like "sorry you feel that way" or just nod and keep moving along. Especially if you know you wouldn't be that way to someone then you don't deserve it back so ignore it and if it's someone of no consequence it's easier to ignore them or drop them
  • alli_dalli
    alli_dalli Posts: 22 Member
    Fat people hate it if their friends lose weight. To them, its like you've betrayed or deserted them. Its the same with smokers. If you give up cigarettes, smokers act as though you've let them down and if you go back on the cigarettes they are delighted that you've rejoined the club! I work with a couple of women who are morbidly obese (its quite common in Ireland I find). Just as you've said they constantly try the "just a little bit of cake won't hurt you". And "you wouldn't look right if you were any thinner" even though I am overweight by about 60lbs. Its a sort of envy - rejoice in the fact that you are rising above it and doing what's best for you and your body!
  • Candy_monster
    Candy_monster Posts: 59
    Eurgh yes!

    I live at home and my parents have taken to actually bringing me slices of cheesecake and cream cakes up to my room when I'm studying :S It's every night, after i've had my tea AND dessert, about an hour later someone will be up with a huge slice of cake or muffin or whatever else. And there's no way of saying no because it's already cut and plated up :S

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