How do I help my boyfriend? *advice needed badly*

mickipedia

Me and my boyfriend are going away on holiday and to show support for me (and also for himself although he doesn't want to admit it) he has decided to lose weight.

He currently weighs 196lbs and he is 5ft 11.. I've recommended him to get to about 154lbs but depends how he feels as he gets closer really.

His issue is that he is very uneducated on what is good food and what is bad food, he thought he was being healthy eating microwavable hot-pot meals rather than pizza (yes it's better but still not perfect).. He also snacks on very bad foods such as biscuits, ice cream, crisps and chocolate. He can easily eat an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's in less than 10 minutes and not be bothered.. He can then go on to eat and entire packet of chocolate hobnobs (or something similar).. All of this is classed as "pudding" as it follows an entire stuffed-crust pizza. He is a creature of habit and only eats the same foods such as pizza, curry or some sort of cottage pie/hot pot ready meal.

You may be thinking how is this guy not huge, but it's because he is a drummer and he can be playing or up to 2 hours before he'll feel tired and need to stop (and it's full on monkey arms kinda drumming that is painful just to watch)

He doesn't really like vegetables, he's fussy about things he's never tried before, and he's pretty uneducated and doesn't understand balancing his meals.

How can I help him? He has made such a big step saying he'd join MFP so I don't want to put him off by lecturing him but I want to "assist" a little.. MFP is already showing him how bad his previous diet was and I think that's taught him a little bit.

I'm not too sure what to do really.. Help please! :flowerforyou:

Patovader

I think 154 is too light for a guy 5ft 11" tall, he should be at least 14 pounds heavier than that.

mickipedia

I only said that because it puts him slap bang in the middle of the "healthy" zone for his BMI x

hnsaunde

I think the important thing here is baby steps. As you said joining MFP alone was a big step for him. Let him log on his own for a bit, and if he asks questions, just answer them. I wouldn't want to push too hard at this point because it may turn him away from the point of things.

I was very uneducated when I began, so I started with portion control, and as I got used to that, I started to turn away from unhealthy foods and turn to eating more fruits and veggies and such. I would just focus on him staying under his calories for now and not try to change too many things at once, because that can be very overwhelming.

That's just my opinion though, it's what worked for me

RotterdamNL

Pff pls, 154lbs is wayyy to light for his length, 171lbs is fine.

cjc166

I'm 5'11" and I'm not sure I could get to 154 any more. I wrestled 152 in high school and did put on a lot of muscle during my time in the Army. A better indicator of appropriate weight would be body fat %, and 10-12% is very healthy and lean for a male. So just shooting for a healthy build is more important than the weight number.

As far as healthful eating, I can recommend Eat to Live and Engine 2 diet. both are great for weight loss and super healthy ways to eat.

iLoveMyPitbull1225

Are YOU educated on what is healthy eating/excersising?

um...help him. teach him what you know. Excersise together. cooke together. Teach him new ways to prepare foods.

cjc166

Are YOU educated on what is healthy eating/excersising?

um...help him. teach him what you know. Excersise together. cooke together. Teach him new ways to prepare foods.

I 2nd this notion...

FireBrand80

You should talk to him about it. Not directly, in more subtle ways. Letting out big sighs when he eats something unhealthy, slamming the refrigerator door and grumbling under your breath as you stomp out of the room, that kinda thing.

josyjozy

The only thing I would do right now, along with being supportive, is to get him to agree to try one new food/meal a week. Find a good healthy recipe and say every Sunday night we are going to try something new. Hopefully, he will stop hating newer and healthier foods.

mickipedia

Are YOU educated on what is healthy eating/excersising?

um...help him. teach him what you know. Excersise together. cooke together. Teach him new ways to prepare foods.

I 2nd this notion...

I'd like to think so, I mean I've done so much research on weightloss and I've been on MFP for a year and lost a total of 33lbs.. So I must be doing something right.

littlehedgy

Thats is how my boyfriend is! He is a perfectly healthy weight I just worry about his eating habits in the long run. He doesn't like green things, he wont eat it if he's never heard of it (and he hasn't heard of most vegetables haha) if he ate it once 10 years ago and didn't like it he wont try it again ect. Before we moved in together he lived with his parents who do not buy fresh veggies. They live on premade freezer food, canned veg (sometimes), crackers and meat. I've tried to change his habits as best I can without being controlling. The trick is is that I cook and do most of the grocery shopping. I make his favorite foods, but with healthier twists. Throw a billion extra veggies in the chili, buy baked vs fried chips, go half and half on ground turkey and ground beef. Small changes work up to bigger ones

DanaDark

He has to realize the food is not just a pleasure thing. It is about fueling the body.

Vegetables, fruits, meats, fats, etc are all needed in various amounts.

The most immediate steps one can take is swapping out white grains for whole wheat, whole milk for reduced fat, and other replacement ideas.

Combine that with having him count calories and he should be alright. So long as he doesn't always go over.

cherylhirons

The only thing I would do right now, along with being supportive, is to get him to agree to try one new food/meal a week. Find a good healthy recipe and say every Sunday night we are going to try something new. Hopefully, he will stop hating newer and healthier foods.

I agree, since neither of you need to lose a bunch of weight, change one habit at a time toward a healthier future. Heart health not weight health. Maybe go for walks together as well, good talk time for the relationship.

MrsMangler

I think the important thing here is baby steps. As you said joining MFP alone was a big step for him. Let him log on his own for a bit, and if he asks questions, just answer them. I wouldn't want to push too hard at this point because it may turn him away from the point of things.

I second this! I hated when people would give unsolicited advice when I wasn't ready. Joining MFP is a huge step in the right direction. Let him find his own way, and focus on things he might enjoy. For instance, my husband *hates* to exercise. But if I tell him its a "race", he gets unbelievably competitive and all of a sudden he is exercising and doesn't even realize it. Also, I keep an eye out for things he surprises me with. For instance, I saw him secretly eating pineapple one day. Now I have it around all the time because it is a much healthier choice than whatever he would normally eat.

Your habits will influence him over time, probably more than you think. Just be patient. It won't be learned behavior overnight.

auroranflash

Small changes, healthier decisions. Walks in the evening or whenever you two get a chance. Deciding you're going to bring X amount of lunches to work instead of going out to eat, learning how to plan a little bit, incorporate foods you like, find out what works for yourself - but it only works if he really wants to.

Trying to tackle every problem at once is too overwhelming for anyone, much less if someone else is pushing you. I'd jump ship immediately.

TheRealParisLove

My husband sounds a lot like your boyfriend. He works construction so he is able to burn a lot of calories through his work day, so he would just throw any old junk on his plate. Getting him to the doctor was helpful, where he learned that his cholesterol was well into the unhealthy range and he had elevated blood pressure and his blood glucose was really high got him started, but he blamed genetics and whined about how he didn't like fresh fruit and veg.

I have been using MFP for a while now, and have logged nearly every day for months. He signed up and started logging too, just to prove to me that he was actually eating just fine. He sure had a surprise when he started looking at his numbers! His carbs and sodium were through the roof and he was consistently going over on his calories, sometimes by as much as 2,000 a day.

He is now getting better. We are eating dinner together more often, but he still fixes his own on days when I make a big dinner salad. I have been asking him for High-Fives when I hit my eating goals, and have been sharing when my weight drops even just a little.

He reached his 20 days in a row today. I'm so proud of him! He plays darts with his friends on Fridays, and usually there is much beer and pizza involved. He is being extra careful about what he is eating so that he can indulge with his friends and not feel bad about blowing all his progress. Since this is going to be his first "blow out" day, I can't wait to see how he responds. I'm sure the headaches and stomachaches are going to be a good indication of just how much better he has been eating, and how eating crap leaves him feeling like crap.

Yanicka1

You should talk to him about it. Not directly, in more subtle ways. Letting out big sighs when he eats something unhealthy, slamming the refrigerator door and grumbling under your breath as you stomp out of the room, that kinda thing.

Don't forget to withhold sex..... that part is really important.

Or how about he does the work himself if it is important enough for him?

13inchestogo

196 pounds actually can fall into the very healthy range for guys that height, what I would learn more about is body fat, BMI can be a horrid indicator for people who are very muscular, like Arnold schwarzenegger's BMI was 33 when he was a crazy a** body builder is great shape and very lean. I'm guessing your boyfriend isn't really falling into that category though lol, and may just need to lose some of that extra fat. It's hard to change someone who doesn't want it... He doesn't sound like he is dangerously obese... and 154 isn't a very realistic weight for his height as an adult male, but I don't know his body type so I can't be sure maybe he is a naturally skinny guy? My boyfriend is 5'8 and 175 pounds and there is just no way I'd ever consider him overweight being like 7 percent body fat! I'd use my girlfriend powers and ask him to come on jogs with me. :P

cmccorma

Let him figure it out on his own. My husband sure hates it when I "act like his mother". He joined after me and has surpassed my weight loss as it is easier for men in some ways. My hubby is 5'11" and would look awful at 154. Your first step should not be figuring out his ideal weight for him. He can do that on his own. I was counting my calories and making healthier food and he joined in. I did not have to help him at all. He is a grown up.

Edit to add, do not be food police! My hubby tried that on me and I put that option out immediately. No one likes the food police, especially from their significant other.

para999sal

My hubby was the same until 1 month ago.
My approach was telling him that I did not care about his size, but I was worried about him having a heart attack or stroke.
Then I talked him into going to our Drs for a well man check.
Then I bought him a dog.
He has lost a stone and a half.
He has stopped eating endless bags of crisps , cheesy pizza , ice cream and chockie.

Salena xx

Sidesteal

I am only posting this to give you perspective:

I am 5'11 and most of my pics in my gallery are between 183 and 185, and roughly 12% or so bodyfat.

Again, I'm just posting this to give a reference. 154 is probably not a very good idea unless he wants to look like a pretzel rod.

mickipedia

Any suggestions on food types to recommend? He's doing well so far.. He's tried cod in parsley sauce.. He liked the cod but not the sauce lol.. He's also liking the granola with yoghurt and strawberries I recommended for him to try for breakfast x

BerryH

Was the calculator you used gender specific? The one I tried said men of your boyfriend's height can comfortable go up to 180and still be a healthy BMI. 154lbs would be on the slim side for me as a 5'8" female, let alone a strapping fella! Besides he's more likely to stick with it if you together set an achievable goal and then reassess whether he needs to lose more.

BerryH

Any suggestions on food types to recommend? He's doing well so far.. He's tried cod in parsley sauce.. He liked the cod but not the sauce lol.. He's also liking the granola with yoghurt and strawberries I recommended for him to try for breakfast x

Just get him tracking properly here so he learns about calories and portion sizes, it's how we all got edjumacated!

jzammetti

Everyone had good suggestions but I think the reality is you cannot help him lose weight. He either wants to or he doesn't...

You can support him and love him and whatever, but you cannot motivate him. He needs to motivate himself or it will just be one frustration after another for both of you.

Sidesteal

Everyone had good suggestions but I think the reality is you cannot help him lose weight. He either wants to or he doesn't...

You can support him and love him and whatever, but you cannot motivate him. He needs to motivate himself or it will just be one frustration after another for both of you.

^ Good advice.

MrsSWW

Just get him tracking properly here so he learns about calories and portion sizes, it's how we all got edjumacated!

^^This! I still eat the occasional pizza, and more frequently cottage pie/hotpot type meals but the pies are home cooked and lighter versions, and it's only by keying in the ingredients that you learn what's good and what's not!

meerkat70

Any suggestions on food types to recommend? He's doing well so far.. He's tried cod in parsley sauce.. He liked the cod but not the sauce lol.. He's also liking the granola with yoghurt and strawberries I recommended for him to try for breakfast x

Just get him tracking properly here so he learns about calories and portion sizes, it's how we all got edjumacated!

Definitely this. He needs to work out for himself what he likes an what he doesn't. (Personally can't stand granola - all that chewing, with very little to show for it in the end!)

mickipedia

Thanks for the tips, I worked out his weight as a guess because he text me and asked what his goal weight should be.. I have no idea as I said I was only going by the BMI.. But at the moment he's got quite a "beer belly" thing going on that he wants to get rid of. I said to him that because he's a guy I think he should go for a less weight related goal and more of a size/look related one.. And I'm trying not to mother him but he comes to me to ask questions everytime he's not sure.. Like today I've had him asking what he can have for lunch and dinner.. I think he feels like he needs pushing to try new things which is why he always asks.. I'll just tell him to figure it out himself rather than asking me all the time x

phdcharlie

He is my height and about the same weight. I will be happy to get down to 180-185 AND then maintain that weight consistently. In the past, I thought a weight of 175 would be ideal but I do not intend to try to go that low until I can consistently hold 185.
I am 40 now. When I was 25 I briefly got down to 155 but that was way too low for me and I gradually gained more and more, topping out at 215. The older I get, the less I want to go for that ideal weight and the more I wish to look good enough and, more importantly, feel healthy in the long run. It's great that you are supportive. If he is becoming aware of nutritional content, that's a great first step. Your support will help him, and yes it is ultimately up to him. He and I are about the same height and weight--he can friend me if he likes.