How do I help my boyfriend? *advice needed badly*
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Thanks for the tips, I worked out his weight as a guess because he text me and asked what his goal weight should be.. I have no idea as I said I was only going by the BMI.. But at the moment he's got quite a "beer belly" thing going on that he wants to get rid of. I said to him that because he's a guy I think he should go for a less weight related goal and more of a size/look related one.. And I'm trying not to mother him but he comes to me to ask questions everytime he's not sure.. Like today I've had him asking what he can have for lunch and dinner.. I think he feels like he needs pushing to try new things which is why he always asks.. I'll just tell him to figure it out himself rather than asking me all the time x
Well it is a different story if he is asking you for suggestions. Your first post didn't clarify that! I do a lot of egg whites with low fat cheese and salsa in the morning, or oatmeal. Lunches are big salads. Dinners are a meat, lean beef, grilled chicken, lean pork, and a veggie such as brocolli or green beens. Snacks are fruits or light string cheese or almonds.
For my hubby I just pack him extra snacks and he gets bigger dinner portions. He eats what I do.0 -
Man, I am in the same boat, right down to the boyfriend being a drummer and living off processed crap and thinking it's no big deal. Right now I'm just throwing hints and cooking for the both of us. Him being active is up to him but at least I can provide him with nourishment.0
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OP, if you want to "help" your boyfriend, then first realize that he's not a girl. Guys don't want to be incredibly skinny like a frickin female J Crew model. 154 is retardedly light for any 5'11" guy who doesn't want to look like poindexter. BMI is designed for populations, not individual people. Individual people should be concerned about their body fat %. Your boyfriend should shoot for getting to sub 20% initially. Then depending on how serious he is, he can start doing bulk/cut cycles to continually improve his body composition. The main thing is that he needs to be doing resistance training (and eating at least 1 gram of protein per pound of lean body mass) while he's losing weight so he doesn't lose too much muscle with the fat.0
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Not to sound like a broken record, but I think 154 is too light. My son is 5'11" 185 (at 15) and he is right on the money according to the Doctor. Now he also plays football and lacrosse (anything w/ a helmet--a stick is just an added bonus) and runs about 3 miles a day.
I think it would be more important to change his eating habits so he is eating healthy rather than the junk. Veggies suck..I agree, but maybe start w/ babysteps like fruit--a natural sweetness. None of my boys like veggies..but they eat fruit like it is going out of style. So maybe start making out those switches.
I hope it goes well!0 -
The above is good advice from start to finish, IMO.OP, if you want to "help" your boyfriend, then first realize that he's not a girl. Guys don't want to be incredibly skinny like a frickin female J Crew model. 154 is retardedly light for any 5'11" guy who doesn't want to look like poindexter. BMI is designed for populations, not individual people. Individual people should be concerned about their body fat %. Your boyfriend should shoot for getting to sub 20% initially. Then depending on how serious he is, he can start doing bulk/cut cycles to continually improve his body composition. The main thing is that he needs to be doing resistance training (and eating at least 1 gram of protein per pound of lean body mass) while he's losing weight so he doesn't lose too much muscle with the fat.
I think BMI is a terrible and unreliable yardstick. If my wife told me she wanted me to be in the middle of the healthy BMI range for my height, I'd tell her to pound sand up her you-know-what. I'd be a skinny stick and completely unhappy with my appearance at that weight. As the above poster said, your boyfriend should be concerned about his body fat percentage - at sub-20%, a lot of his 'beer belly' will be gone. He won't be "ripped" like a fitness model, but he'll look reasonable (if he adheres to the advice given above about resistance training and protein intake).0 -
You should talk to him about it. Not directly, in more subtle ways. Letting out big sighs when he eats something unhealthy, slamming the refrigerator door and grumbling under your breath as you stomp out of the room, that kinda thing.
Yes, because passive aggressive is a great way to handle a relationship. I'm going to assume this person was joking!? This is a list of what *NOT* to do!0 -
154 is way too light for his height!! If you set an unrealistic goal for him, he's unlikely to stick with this. Since he is not very much over weight I would put an emphasis on cleaning up his diet. Cook him (and yourself) some awesome healthy meals, help him grocery shop to choose healthier options. Become foodies together! Take walks, runs, hikes, go to the gym together. Remember guys like to eat and they can eat a whole lot more than us women....cook him some steaks lol!0
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Speaking as a boyfriend (not currently unfortunately) who has his own "beer belly thing" going on I think the best way to handle it at least for me is to help educate him as to what are good foods to eat and what are bad ones. When I started this I knew next to nothing about nutrition and as I've been educating myself I'm finding that it is easier to make the healthier choices.0
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my boyfriend like me needs to lose weight but we have to do it in different ways, you can't make him change, you and he will have to do it when he is ready and not before it does not matter what support and resources you have in my experience unless he is ready he wont do it!0
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The thing that taught me a lot about what I was eating was to log my food for a few days.
Can you sit down with him and just log his food for one day. And look at it? It's kind of an eye opener. And him looking at it and figuring it out is much better than your telling him.0 -
I too am concerned that setting a goal of 154 might discourage him. I am 5'11" and I was 200 lbs last November. My goal was 175. I got to 160 but decided I should bump it up a bit. Today I'm 166.
Encourage him to track his food but don't tell him what to eat. He may simply hide his eating or become discouraged with the process altogether. I found that just tracking my food, even when I went over my daily calorie goal by a mile, caused me to lose weight. That's because even when I ate too much, it was still less than I had been eating.0 -
154 lbs would put him in the 14th % for men his height. Why not suggest that he do his research and pick a goal weight himself?0
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He should be aiming for the 170-180lb range.0
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Help him or make him meals/foods that taste good. The hardest thing about helping my husband eat healthier is he imagines he has to eat foods he doesn't like, that don't taste good to him, that won't be satisfying. It's been a revelation to me, even though I've been a compulsive food label reader since I was about 13 years old, that a whole plate of roasted vegetables with garlic, olive oil, a bit of parmesan cheese, sea salt and pepper is delicious and filling and satisfying (I crave them sometimes). In addition, it's roughly equivalent in calories to the 3-4 servings of potato chips I used to eat as an appetizer
with far less sodium, and much higher nutritional value for my body. 0 -
why not mkae the food he likes but healthy versions of them. Have a look at skinnytaste.com and pick a few receipes out to try.0
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Any suggestions on food types to recommend? He's doing well so far.. He's tried cod in parsley sauce.. He liked the cod but not the sauce lol.. He's also liking the granola with yoghurt and strawberries I recommended for him to try for breakfast x
If he's not a fan of vegetables, try to trick him into liking them. You can make some seriously awesome tasting foods that are far from eating raw and/or steamed veggies.
For example.. my boyfriend hates cauliflower... so I found some recipes where you make loaded mashed potatoes, but sub in cauliflower for the potatoes.. way lower in carbs and calories, and has a good amount of fiber. Plus, it's super tasty!
Quinoa is another solution.. there are endless recipes out there for it, and it's WAY healthier than eating any kind of pasta or rice.
There is always a way to help him eat healthier. Hopefully he's at least willing to try some new things!0 -
It is def going to take sometime for him to realize only because he is not huge due to his constant drumming. He is only associating unhealthy with being overweight even though internally he is doing harm to his body that he can not see. Not sure what your fit level is but maybe try going for runs and just watch him struggle. This may get him on the same page. Also who does the grocery shopping? Try eliminating those things from the house. If they are not there then he can not eat them.0
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Pff pls, 154lbs is wayyy to light for his length, 171lbs is fine.
THIS!!!! My boyfriend is 5'9 and is 180lbs and you wouldn't even know because he has almost no body fat and has abs and eats like a pig 80% of the time. Tell him to hit some weights and call it a day. He just might need to lower his body fat but 154lbs he'd look ridiculous0 -
Do you live with him? Cook for him, or teach him how to cook foods that are healthier. I have a lot of low calorie recipes on my blog, they are simple and don't take long to make and they are healthy.
Encourage him to get outside and be active, plan hikes together, bike ride together, walk the dog (or not) together.0 -
The best way to help him is educate him slowly, and don't ridicule him or punish him if he makes a poor food choice. The last thing you want is this to be an area of contention. He needs support not judgement. You said he was not educated so remedy that!!! I totally know what you are going through. I am battling the same issue. The more I "Preach" and make big issues out of what he buys or eats he takes 3 steps back.
Feel free to friend me if you like :-)0 -
have him log his food on here... thats how I am learning what I can eat and what I cant. make sure he has calories/sugar/sodium down to watch. I never knew how much sodium everything has until I started here. i'd tell him to try to get to 170 and see how he feels.0
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You should talk to him about it. Not directly, in more subtle ways. Letting out big sighs when he eats something unhealthy, slamming the refrigerator door and grumbling under your breath as you stomp out of the room, that kinda thing.
I'm guessing this was sarcasm..if not then it's probably the worst advice ever.
If he is serious then he will look around MFP and figure it out. If he asks advice I'd say offer but make sure also that he is going to other places as well. Right now he sounds like he's just in the 'I'm doing this for her" mode. Make sure you tell him that he is perfect to you and that he does not have to do things just because you want him to. I'd go with the 'health' angle to be honest. Let him find his way, and be prepared if he decides that it's not the right time for him.
Cook for him some more and encourage him to 'try' your food but don't make too many changes all at once or he may just get overwhelmed and bolt - baby steps.
And to those people with the rude comments about 'poindexter' and skinny men please keep it to yourselves. Some men prefer to be thin and some women prefer thin men just like some men prefer thin women. Everyone has to find their own comfortable weight even if you personally think it's too low. As long as they don't have an ED and they are happy why do you care if they wish to be a little on the thin side?0 -
According to BMI charts, my husband needs to lose about 80 pounds. According to his doctor, he needs to lose about 30. He has a large frame and a lot of muscle mass.0
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My hubby is also a vegetable-hater, I think mostly because his mother did not make him eat them when he was younger. But, he has changed dramatically over the last five years. When we got married the only veggies he would eat were those frozen packages of carrot, peas and sweetcorn. He would boil a small portion and eat it first, as though it was medicine, before the rest of the food.
He still doesn't like salad or raw vegetables (it's definitely the un-cooked thing that he doesn't like), but he'll eat if it there's a bowl on the table. He does, however, like roast vegetables (zucchini, eggplant, onion, carrots, pumpkin etc), and likes peppers and sweetcorn in chilli, sweetcorn in pasta. He loves mushrooms, so we can make mushroom lasagne, mushroom stroganoff etc...Vegetables in thai or indian curry is also another way that he enjoys.
Still won't eat fruit though. It's a process, will take time.
Stop buying all the junk and have some healthy snacks around that he likes instead - nuts? crackers? olives? dates? Start cooking and make home-made versions of the microwaved meals that he enjoys. You can also find some super healthy sweet treat recipes as well, just takes a bit of research.
And definitely agree with all those pointing out that passive-aggressiveness, being the food police and acting like his mom is not the way forward! Lead by example and work together instead.
Good luck!0 -
I think 154 is too light for a guy 5ft 11" tall, he should be at least 14 pounds heavier than that.
My boyfriend is 5'11" and about that weight. He fluctuated between about 155 and 165 or so. He is a very small-framed kinda man (and much stronger than he looks!).
Some men are fine at that weight and height, but like with women, it depends on frame.
OP -- If you want him to eat healthier, cook him healthy but tasty food. A lot of people don't realize how good healthy food can be. I taught my daughter's aunt last year that food can have flavor without being over-salted and she was really surprised when I cooked for her using other spices and no salt at all how good the food was. People believe and learn when you show them, not tell them.0 -
I think the important thing here is baby steps. As you said joining MFP alone was a big step for him. Let him log on his own for a bit, and if he asks questions, just answer them. I wouldn't want to push too hard at this point because it may turn him away from the point of things.
I was very uneducated when I began, so I started with portion control, and as I got used to that, I started to turn away from unhealthy foods and turn to eating more fruits and veggies and such. I would just focus on him staying under his calories for now and not try to change too many things at once, because that can be very overwhelming.
That's just my opinion though, it's what worked for me
^this!
You don't want to scare him away. I've had to take major baby steps. When I look at all the things I want to accomplish as a whole, I get a little squeamish. But when I take it in pieces it seems to go a lot easier.0 -
I agree with maybe starting to cook together - and you can also be senaky about getting his veggies into meals... espcailly meals like cottage pie/ hot pots - they don't have to be unhealthy.
If there are veggies that he won't eat - try steaming them, then puree'ing them and adding them to help thicken the meat sauce etc...
and let him log on MFP for a while and if he asks questions answer them and give him a nudge in the right direction.
You say he drums energetically for 2 hours at a time - that burns a lot of cals so he is porbably burning all the cals he is eating - the probelm will come in when he stops exercising and keeps eating the way he is.
You can also make sure your food looks really tasty so he will want to eat what you are eating.
as for the snacks - if you can start buying smaller packet/tub sizes... so he eats less.. :-)0 -
Take over the cooking (if you don't already) and try lots of different recipes. Indian food (curries) can be extremely healthy and are loaded with hidden veggies like onions and tomatoes. They are so easy to make at home... You can easily sneak in some peas, carrots, cauliflower, sweet potato, or spinach for some texture and some extra nutrients. And the curry will totally cover the veggie flavor if he isn't a fan! Serve it over brown rice and he might not even notice once the rice is buried in sauce!
What about grilled chicken? There are lots of great low calories sauces you can make like salsas and glazes that can be sweetened by fruit juice rather than sugar. Work together to prepare homemade pot pies... they can be good for you! Try stews as well.
Maybe do more things together? Try exercising together or inviting him for a stroll around the block for dinner? Eat out less and don't buy pre-packaged food.0 -
Tons of great advice in this post! I agree that he needs to want to do it himself, which since he is askign questions, it sounds like he might be heading down that road. HIm asking is a great start. The more educated you are then the more you can help him. My husband is also not a veggie fan. Either was I when we first met but we've been working it in. While I do enjoy then straight up now, I have to add them in more creative ways for my family. Here are some of the things we all enjoy and maybe one or two of these things will work for you guys:
- Whole wheat pasta with a light cream sauce (lots of different recipes out there that can be made "healthy") ... when the pasta is a few minutes from being finished, throw in some fresh cut up brocolli. When it's in the water for just a few minutes it steams up nicely and holds a lot of nutrients still. Mixed with the pasta and sauce, it's a bit easier to eat for non-brocolli lovers. Add some chicken or shrimp and it's a complete meal.
- If he likes sandwiches, add on some spinach leaves with it. Not a strong taste but a little extra boost.
- This recipe: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/marinated-grilled-shrimp/detail.aspx. YUM!!! Double the marinade and add in green peppers, red peppers and red onion. It's delicious. My husband can't get enough of the veggies this way. (Granted, there is a lot of olive oil in this but with the veggies and the shrimp, still a decent meal.)
- French cut green beans with toasted almonds mixed in. The almonds really help offset the taste of the green beans and almonds are a nice health boost too. Just don't add too many.
Hope at least one or two of these help! These are the ones that have gotten my husband to add some more veggies in. I won't bother listing the ones that *didn't* work. 0 -
Hey i think you used the 18.5 - 24.9 range to calculate a weight for him bang in the middle. I would use the 20-25 range which suits most people. My periods stopped for 6 months when my bmi was 19 and i looked skeletal.
But as others have said, aiming for reducing body fat and increasing muscle percentage might be a better way to think about it. For example, a 160lb man can look slim but be really weak and flabby, whereas a 180lb guy the same height could look and feel much much better!0
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