I need to rant and I'm sorry...

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124

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  • sbernardy
    sbernardy Posts: 188
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    bump
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Just break up.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    bump

    WTF. Why would you bump this thread?!
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
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    " I said " **** YOU. YOU CAN SLEEP ON THE ****ING COUCH" and I slammed the door. He goes into the other room with his friend like it didn't phase him at all and is laughing. " <~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HATE TO TELL YOU THIS BUT IT PROBABLY DIDN'T PHASE HIM.
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
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    If you aren't happy, only you have the power to change your situation.

    Maybe try to talk it out with him, emphasize how unhappy you are in a new country and how you feel you don't have his emotional support?

    You'll know in your gut if it's going to work out or not. NEVER ignore your gut feeling, it will carry you through some of your toughest decisions in life.

    (I was in a toxic/emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years. He was a wonderful person...until the times he wasn't. Which was 2-3x a day. Leaving me crying on the bathroom floor.)
  • peachNpunkin
    peachNpunkin Posts: 1,010 Member
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    Something fishy is going on there. Let him off of his leash, and then give him enough rope. He will eventually hang himself.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    Ive seen this thread WAY too many times already.......
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
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    I'm sorry honey. He is disrespectful to you in every way. Sounds like he has something to hide. Is there anyway you can come "home"?
  • rhinesb
    rhinesb Posts: 204 Member
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    You are at a difficult transition period and it isnt going to be easy for either of you. You moved to a different country to be with him and left your friends and family behind and are probably a little lonely and looking for him to fill the void. He is adjusting to a new relationship and may have never had a serious love in relationship before and is feeling a lot of pressure and likely inexperienced in the finer points of being a good boyfriend. Its a tough situation and I hope you make it through, because it does get better.
    This is my first thought too.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
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    He is a great boyfriend.. But when he gets into certain "moods" he never tries to look at things from my point of view. I just hate doing so much for someone and they act like they can walk all over me and change me.

    I'm afraid to respond to your post because you seem so quick to defend him. It seems as though you think he is being a big jerk at the moment but you want us to remind you he's wonderful, man of your dreams, etc. May I be honest with you? Frankly, honest people generally don't have anything to hide. He may be feeling smothered because in a foreign country where he is the only thing familiar you might cling to him more than he was prepared for. In that case I would suggest you find your own life. Make friends. Do stuff without him. Let him have some breathing room. But if he continues to be secretive, don't be blind. And don't let any man treat you like garbage, I don't care if you moved to the moon. People only treat you as well as you demand. If he is cheating or even if he isn't but being an @ss seems to be his new normal, then I would get yourself a one-way ticket back home faster than God gets the news.
  • iceqieen
    iceqieen Posts: 897 Member
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    Mistake 1) moved out of country with a boyfriend - knowing there is a risk things could go south in a non-marriage relationship

    Mistake 2) Hounding a guy that is complaining about being hounded all the time (>.<) TIP: As a dude when we complain about this crap.. DROP IT... show US it doesn't bother you! Don't hound us more about it, that's just going to make us want to tick you off with it even more.

    this

    though sure there might be something wrong with him.. but you really do not need to know EVERYTHING about him and his doings.

    a bit late to say it, but give him space. moving and changing living conditions is hard for both of you. you need to try to sit down with him and explain calmly and in private that this bothers you.. but you need to be prepared to give him space too
  • Angie_1991
    Angie_1991 Posts: 447 Member
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    1
  • skinnybitchbarbie27
    skinnybitchbarbie27 Posts: 306 Member
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    My husband did a lot of this.. Boom... Was cheating on me.

    Just sayin.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
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    He is a great boyfriend.. But when he gets into certain "moods" he never tries to look at things from my point of view. I just hate doing so much for someone and they act like they can walk all over me and change me.

    I'm afraid to respond to your post because you seem so quick to defend him. It seems as though you think he is being a big jerk at the moment but you want us to remind you he's wonderful, man of your dreams, etc. May I be honest with you? Frankly, honest people generally don't have anything to hide. He may be feeling smothered because in a foreign country where he is the only thing familiar you might cling to him more than he was prepared for. In that case I would suggest you find your own life. Make friends. Do stuff without him. Let him have some breathing room. But if he continues to be secretive, don't be blind. And don't let any man treat you like garbage, I don't care if you moved to the moon. People only treat you as well as you demand. If he is cheating or even if he isn't but being an @ss seems to be his new normal, then I would get yourself a one-way ticket back home faster than God gets the news.

    Great posting. :drinker:
  • rhinesb
    rhinesb Posts: 204 Member
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    This sounds like an awful position. I'm sorry that I can't rescue you, but I'd say let him laugh it up for a while. Try not to let him see you upset. Instead of being upset, go out by yourself, find a friend. Someone to talk to, and know that you are absolutely right. You are not being controlling, he is being a jerk. But when you go out, do the same thing to him, don't tell him where you are going, just go. Let him see how you feel. Then try to talk to him calmly. No yelling. And come to an agreement.

    If you can't come to a compromise, maybe it's time to find a new boyfriend. ?

    I wish you the best. If you want to add me, I'll do my best to be supportive and if nothing else, an ear to hear what you have on your chest. (:
    And this is one of the best solutions.

    Early in my relationship with my husband he disappeared mentally. Always playing games never doing anything with me. For weeks and weeks this went on. So much so that I was crushed. I thought for sure I'd made the biggest mistake ever. To me marriage is forever so now here I was stuck with what I considered a problem (other choice words come to mind). Anyways how I solved it was just like the quote says. I did the exact same thing he was doing to me. I stopped hanging around. Stopped telling him what I was doing and where I was going. Heck it took him another 3 weeks to figure out that he had no clue where I was half the time. Just like I always had no clue about him. Next thing I knew he was bugging me for me to tell him where I was going and what I was doing. He was practically begging for attention. Going from totally and COMPLETELY ignoring me to actually being interested in me. I assume he finally realized what an *kitten* he was being because from there forward he actually told me what when and where and I did the same.
  • ash8184
    ash8184 Posts: 701 Member
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    As someone who has lived in a foreign country, I know that is stressful enough. I think it's important to keep in mind that nobody is perfect HOWEVER there is no reason for him to be hiding what he's doing, either.

    Try laying low on talking to him/asking question for a little while, get busy doing your own things (whatever that is), and see if that doesn't help. I have gone through the same thing with my boyfriend and I think he felt a little smothered. Now that I have a ton of my own stuff to do and a very demanding job schedule, he asks to spend more time together. It's not about playing games, it's about finding the right balance.
  • alarae
    alarae Posts: 263 Member
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    DD did a great job responding. Great advice. Nice to see there are nice guys still around.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    I believe if you are in a relationship, you should let the other one know where what you are going to do/where you are going to be. It would blow my mind if my husband was gone and I didn't have any idea where he was. Yeah, sometimes he isn't home right when i get off work. I call him and he tells me what he is doing. I think it is just respectful. I trust him 100% but, i dont want to have to worry if he is gone and why can't he tell you what he is doing? It doesn't make sense. Sorry you are all alone. That sucks. Not sure if you work or anything but you should try to find friends. Maybe co workers or something? It's especially hard when you dont live close to friends or family when you and the significant other are having arguments/fights. Hope it gets better. Has he always been like this?
  • mom2handh1975
    mom2handh1975 Posts: 224 Member
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    He is a great boyfriend.. But when he gets into certain "moods" he never tries to look at things from my point of view. I just hate doing so much for someone and they act like they can walk all over me and change me.

    He certainly doesn't sound like a great boyfriend. If he's keeping secrets and you feel like you're being taken advantage of, you should get out of the relationship. But you already know this. Life is full of crappy choices, but you need to be #1 in your life.
  • dlmowrey
    dlmowrey Posts: 22
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    Break up with him and go home. There are many types of abuse, and this is definitely abuse.

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