I need to rant and I'm sorry...

shadoewz

I realize a lot of men that exhibit this type of behavior are probably up to no good (cheating, drugs, drinking, etc.) but there are some that just need their alone time. My father, when asked by my mother where he was going, always replied "out". My old man asks me where I'm going every time I stand up......FFS where would I be going in my pajamas at midnight besides another part of our house. If he is like this, whatever you do....do NOT expect him to change. If you cannot live with this type of behavior it's time to get out of there.

myogibbs

I know you are feeling really desperate and lonely right now. It is hard being in a relationship, much less living together, much less in another country. I had a boyfriend that I dated for 8 yrs (yes that is EIGHT YEARS) about year 3, I started talking about living together or marriage & he pretty much told me not only did he not want to get married but he didn't want to marry ME. I had nobody...so I figured instead of booting him to the curb, which I finally did & should have a LONG time before, that at least he was somebody even if it wasn't the best situation. Not saying this is what happened to you at all. The reason I am telling you this is to tell you how I survived it. I read in a book "smother him with freedom" Now, I am not gonna lie, that is HARD. But, while I was smothering him with freedom, I got out & did things that I wanted to do that he wouldn't do with me. As I did that, I made friends...good friends, who eventually helped me get out of this negative relationship. I have since married the most perfect man in the world, who happens to be my very best friend. Back off a little. Be mysterious. You don't have to play games, but if it helps you to think of it as a game, then whatever works. Don't ask him to do things with you every time. Tell him you are going to the park or whatever & don't even consider inviting him. It will be hard at first, but I promise...one day you will discover how fun you are & what good company you are to yourself & that you don't NEED a man. When that day comes, it is so liberating. Then the relationship becomes much less one-sided & it will improve. If it doesn't improve, you will have the strength to let it go. Best of luck to you. Learn to love yourself...you have a lot to love, you just need to find it within yourself.

snipalicous

You should talk to him. You both need to sit down and talk without getting mad or upset, no yelling, no screaming, just talking. Guys can't read our minds and we cant read theirs. Communication is key in every relationship. Sit down together and talk about what each other expects/wants from the relationship. After all is said and done, either you choose to except the way the realtionship will be or you can move on but at least at that point, he will know what you want out of it and if he can meet your expectations/standards and vise versa for you with him. Hopefully he cares/loves you enough that you both can work on this together.

jlapey

I didn't read all of the pages of this thread so perhaps this was explained but: If he "cheated in the past", why are you with him now? WHY would you leave everything to move to another country with a man you obviously don't trust? I just don't get it.

You guys definitely have some communication issues. If you insist on sticking with this guy, counseling might be a good idea. You both need to learn the rules of fighting within a relationship: No demands, accusations, cursing, insults or storming off before it is finished. Don't say the words "always"or "never".

Begin with a statement like: When you (insert offending behavior), It makes me feel (insert your feeling). Then ask him how he thinks this could be resolved. This should open a discussion. Follow above rules.

Try asking him how he would feel in your position.

Also, others are correct. You need to get out and do stuff on your own as well. This is healthy. No one's life should be dependent upon another. Give him time to miss you.

edited to say: I'm sorry, The 'cheating' thing was from someone else' post. I misread, but my advice still stands.

hillm12345

My (now) husband and I went through a similar situation when we first moved in together. I wanted to spend a ton of time with him and I couldn't understand why he didn't feel the same way. He was accuse me of smothering him and not letting him go out for guys nights..

After we talked, I found out that.. he was a little nervous about us living together.. and he was afraid I would turn into a really smothering gf so he overreacting to every little inquiry. Also, he didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me he was going out for a "guys only" night without me.. so he wouldn't go. As soon as those things were cleared up.. things got better. I started making my own plans and he was completely honest on whether or not I was invited. We both stopped making assumptions and things are awesome

PayneAS

bump

Why in the world would you do this? This thread is 2 months old!

Sun 08/19/12 01:38 AM

lrtoland

He is a great boyfriend..

A great boyfriend wouldn't laugh with his friend about you being upset. Sounds pretty childish to me.

And I don't think it is unreasonable for you to ask where he is going.

^^This^^