Starting to find comments on weightloss annoying and hurtful

j1wright

First off let me tell you that I hit goal about a month ago. I am pretty satisfied by the way I look other than some toning but I don't want to lose anymore weight. Last December I had a baby, I weight 197-198 pounds. I now weigh around 120 pounds. This is the smallest I have been since high school, I am 32 now. Probably because I have never been so dedicated......another thing that I don't mention much is that I stopped drinking like a fish (empty calories). Yeah I drank my 20's away, and stayed anywhere from 130 pounds to 155 pounds.

So here I sit at 120 pounds 5.4" and I still occasionally get the you look great compliment but I usually get...."Wow, you have lost a lot of weight, what are you doing.?" Are you okay? Are you eating enough? I think you should stop losing weight, Everytime I see you, you look smaller and smaller....and the latest, Are you anorexic?"

I don't even know how to react to this. Any of the people who say this 9 times out of 10 are smaller than I am. The anorexic question comes when I tell them that I count calories. Really? So anyone counting calories is anorexic? I even tell them that I eat over 1500 calories a day (my TDEE is anywhere from 1533 to 1550 depending on what site you use). Apparently over 1500 calories is not enough for people. I sit at a desk all day long.

Sorry this is so long winded. I needed to get it off my chest. I also need to know if anyone else get this. If so what do you say? It is starting to annoy me and become hurtful. I am starting to doubt myself. I ask my husband if I am too skinny. I wear a size 6 for goodness sakes, it isn't like I am a 0.

So how would you feel? What would you say to these people? How would you overcome?

AlphamaleBAMF

So how would you feel? What would you say to these people? How would you overcome?

Quickly change the topic to their favourite topic, themselves. Steer the conversation away from you.

Case in point.

Them "Hi j1wright wow you have really lost a lot of weight you look too skinny are you anorexic?"

You "Did you get that new vacuum cleaner you were talking about? How is your cat going?

PhilyPhresh

If they seem like they are joking around or asking a legitimate question, I'd just brush it off. Personally, if they were being purposefully rude, I'd just be an *kitten* back and make them feel small for not understanding what I'm goin through... I've had a lot of people notice how much I've lost, and the weirdest thing has been "better watch out, you're disappearing!" but I typically just laugh comments off and respond with how much stronger I am now and how awesome I am...

peachyxoxoxo

I can't believe someone would straight up ask if you are anorexic. That's quite an assumption to make. I'm sure it's difficult to hear things like that, but I think the best thing to do is just clear up their misconceptions. Let them know you're achieved your weight loss in a healthy way. If it's only coming from people smaller than you though... maybe they feel threatened? I know that sounds weird. But people are weird like that.

postrockandcats

I don't think people have any idea what healthy looks like. I see your pic there and you look like a healthy, slender woman.

mortyfit

Blow it off and enjoy what you're doing for yourself! Obviously, it's working! If comments persist by specific people, don't be afraid to let them know that their misguided comments are not supportive. Maybe they don't realize how those comments feel to you (trying to give them benefit of the doubt since I don't know them), but if they're just being catty, then you don't need 'em.

Doozer1978

.........I have got "I didnt know you were pregnant"..............(awkward silence, followed by a sturn)..........."I'm not"

I think I prefer your comments!!!!!!!!

People say things without thinking - a lot of the time it is because they care (not always).

I agree with the post above - change the topic....... Or your could make a concerned comment about them!!!! (if feeling rather defensive!)......you are busy, you have to go etc........

Rave about MFP to them and tell them they should log on......but most of all be proud of yourself. If you are comfortable and your closest family members are supportive then stuff everyone else!!!!!!!!!

Good luck - and stay proud of you!!!!!!!

:-)

LovingMe19

Happens to me all the time....especially from my mother. But i'm a ***** so I usually come back with "hows that 10 thousand dollar lapband surgery working for you? Oh yea, it isn't." She shuts right up.

ladytinkerbell99

So how would you feel? What would you say to these people? How would you overcome?

Quickly change the topic to their favourite topic, themselves. Steer the conversation away from you.

Case in point.

Them "Hi j1wright wow you have really lost a lot of weight you look too skinny are you anorexic?"

You "Did you get that new vacuum cleaner you were talking about? How is your cat going?

^ This is EXCELLENT!! It is also so true. People love to talk about themselves and as soon as your steer the conversation to them, they will forget all about you. Sad, but true. Good luck!

tpittsley77

Me being my usual snarky sarcastic self. If someone asked if I was sick, or anorexic, I would probably answer them yes I am sickand only have 6 months to live. When people ask these questions, they don't want truth. I love shock value. I have given many similar shocking answers in the past to many random questions.

albinogorilla

I work with all guys, so when one sees me, that i haven't seen in a while, the common, yet not so PC question is "Did you get AIDS or something?"...............to which i generally respond "Yes, from your mother."

might not work in your situation, but that works well for me.

peachyxoxoxo

Me being my usual snarky sarcastic self. If someone asked if I was sick, or anorexic, I would probably answer them yes I am sickand only have 6 months to live. When people ask these questions, they don't want truth. I love shock value. I have given many similar shocking answers in the past to many random questions.

And giving a silly response might make the other person realize it was a silly question to ask in the first place.

taylorwaylor

Same here... My friend even told me that her mom is worried about me? Like wtf?! I does get annoying but I just think about how it's my life and it's what I want... So il get over their comments and continue to reach my goals. Something that also really annoys me is when people seem to get annoyed when I eat healthy... The annoying part is that I don't even have to be eating 'healthy' for them to make comments about how I eat. They just know that I'm trying to lose weight, so automatically anything that I want to eat is weird to them. Aaaaand what I hate the most is when people talk about my diet and try to tell me if I can eat something or not! " I know what I want an what I don't, I'm capable of making my own des icons, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" gaah, I swear... People just don't understand.... Haha glad I got that out though... Sorry this was so long haha.

ScottCadi

You look great. You look HEALTHY!

I'm not much of a country music song, but one line from one I use all the time is:

God is great, beer is good and people are crazy.

cardbucfan

I think I can give you some perspective on this from the other side. I have two friends who lost a bunch of weight. The first one, lost it fairly quickly and it was so shocking to see how thin she was that several people (myself included) thought she looked sick because she looked so different and her skin hadn't caught up with her new weight. She has pretty much kept that off now for going on 4 years and she looks "normal" to us now. The other woman did kinda the same you did-cut out drinking and she also started working out like the cardio queen and dropped a lot of weight. I had people asking me if she was sick, was she anorexic, what was she doing etc. I approached her one day and said 'I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this, but this is what I'm hearing" and told her about the sick comments. (For what it's worth, both of these women are older than you so that lovely skin sag didn't help either one of them).

As we all know, it can be very hard to lose weight and even harder to keep it off. When you lose a bunch of weight it shocks their sense of the "you" they know. Sadly, the first thing a lot of folks think is "she's sick" since we all have known many people like that. While it is incredibly rude to ask you if you are anorexic, it's probably just shock at how small you are now and they aren't used to it. I'd be willing to bet it's folks who haven't seen you regularly during your weight loss making these comments.

I think you look amazing and great job on losing that much weight. Dang, that's impressive! Please don't let them discourage you and if you can, try and laugh it off when they ask you those questions. I'm sure for most of them, it's coming from a place of concern and they just aren't expressing themselves well.

Katahna

It is all very very irritating, however when you get to know someone at your original weight that's how they know you..

I got asked if I had an eating disorder, I replied "yes I did, now I don't"

bonniecarbs

I've been in this world a long time, constantly fighting just to maintain 10 pounds over desired weight. I have noticed so many people making that anorexic statement just out of envy. They want the person to gain weight. Not saying thats the case with your comments but think about it. Anorexic people look pretty, pretty sick. you look healthy, so I look back at the people who would desire that person to gain weight so that they themselves will be the thin ones.

PinkRhythm428

Don't let it discourage you! After all, you are the one that needs to be happy with yourself. It shouldn't matter what other people think.

Tell people that you are happy with how you look and feel. Confidence is a huge factor in these discussions. As long as you have the confidence you need, people will generally leave you alone...or feel awkward about repeating the comment, at least

If people think you are anorexic because you cound calories, you could tell them that the average person eats X too many calories a day and give the benefits of a healthy, stable diet and exercise.

I was actually asked if I was anorexic a lot in high school and middle school. I was, in fact, very small, but I was not anorexic. Even my mom questioned me about it. I just told people that I had a great metabolism and went on with life. I was sedentary until I got a job at 16, but I never worked out or anything. It was the honest truth. Think of it this way: If they are skinnier than you but asking if you are the one with anorexia, they possibly have a distorted body image and view themselves as heavy but view you as skinny. Try your best not to let it bother you and remember that you worked hard to get the body you have. If you are happy with it and you are healthy, it doesn't matter what other people have to say.

Jebbster007

First off let me tell you that I hit goal about a month ago. I am pretty satisfied by the way I look other than some toning but I don't want to lose anymore weight. Last December I had a baby, I weight 197-198 pounds. I now weigh around 120 pounds. This is the smallest I have been since high school, I am 32 now. Probably because I have never been so dedicated......another thing that I don't mention much is that I stopped drinking like a fish (empty calories). Yeah I drank my 20's away, and stayed anywhere from 130 pounds to 155 pounds.

So here I sit at 120 pounds 5.4" and I still occasionally get the you look great compliment but I usually get...."Wow, you have lost a lot of weight, what are you doing.?" Are you okay? Are you eating enough? I think you should stop losing weight, Everytime I see you, you look smaller and smaller....and the latest, Are you anorexic?"

I don't even know how to react to this. Any of the people who say this 9 times out of 10 are smaller than I am. The anorexic question comes when I tell them that I count calories. Really? So anyone counting calories is anorexic? I even tell them that I eat over 1500 calories a day (my TDEE is anywhere from 1533 to 1550 depending on what site you use). Apparently over 1500 calories is not enough for people. I sit at a desk all day long.

Sorry this is so long winded. I needed to get it off my chest. I also need to know if anyone else get this. If so what do you say? It is starting to annoy me and become hurtful. I am starting to doubt myself. I ask my husband if I am too skinny. I wear a size 6 for goodness sakes, it isn't like I am a 0.

So how would you feel? What would you say to these people? How would you overcome?

Well it depends. Like many on this site, I tend towards the sarcastically humorous. You can say, "why yes, as a matter of fact I am anorexic, can you please pass me those laxatives you see on the table there, I have to go crap out another 20 lbs". As you walk towards the bathroom, liberally spray the area with air freshner. Might not work for you but that's how I'd handle it....lol.

homeymoney

Congrats on the success! I would shine off the negative comments Many people are just plain jealious and can't handle someone's achievements..Think positive..you are doing great!!

haroon_awan

I think you should take Tony Horton's advice and punch them in the face...

I'm just kidding. I think you if you are feeling fit, healthy and eating very clean then you should just a) ignore them and b) stop hanging out with them. Find friends that are like minded about health and fitness - this is probably the hardest thing to do to be honest.

TheBigYin

I'm assuming the comments are from jealous fat people - just smile, change the subject, and take the ultimate revenge - outlive them...

(I've lost over 140 lb's in the last year, and regularly get the "You've lost weight... are you - er - okay?" from people who haven't seem me in a while...)

j1wright

Me being my usual snarky sarcastic self. If someone asked if I was sick, or anorexic, I would probably answer them yes I am sickand only have 6 months to live. When people ask these questions, they don't want truth. I love shock value. I have given many similar shocking answers in the past to many random questions.

And giving a silly response might make the other person realize it was a silly question to ask in the first place.

^^^^^All of this could work for sure. For the people who think they are asking as if it is a joke.....no they are either really worried concerned or a little dumb (especially the one who thought I was anorexic for counting calories).
The comments that I am wasting away and when people just call me skinny and instead of my real name, I ignore now.

Thanks guys I am glad I am not the only one that gets the concerned or hurtful comments. I wish none of us had to go through it though. I waited for the day for all these great compliments and it was short lived to now annowing and hurtful comments.

P.S. At one point I had 5 people (two strangers and three people I know) ask in some way when I was due. So I have had to explain I am just fat and not pregnant as well and this was 4 years after my first and about a year and half before I got pg withmy last.

gramacanada

I love some of the answers here. They are bang on. You don't owe people an explanation. They don't care about what you're eating or how much. They're making random comments. Just say I'm fine and leave it at that. I got aids from your Mother. Pass the laxatives. A way out there retort, usually works. I brought 1 piece of lettuce for lunch, would you like to share it.? Remember this, There are 8 billion people in the world. Don't let 1 ruin your day.

Crochetluvr

I think, in my case, if someone made similar comments to be it might be because they are used to seeing me fat and not thin. To those who know me, fat is normal....thin is not. So they might associate that with a problem.

Mummyadams

Oh I get this ALL the time - mainly from family! I find it annoying because I have lost and toned up the healthy way (LOTS of training and watching what I eat) - not starving, no laxatives - just good old sweat!. I think next time they comment on how 'skinny I am' and when they comment on 'how I am losing too much weight' that I will say 'yep - all the Crossfit & weight training at 5.30am is really paying off'!

opuntia

I think people genuinely don't expect overweight people to lose weight, and they can find it quite a shock to see someone physically changed. In every workplace I've been in, practically all my female colleagues were permanently 'losing weight' - counting calories, doing weight watchers or slimmers world together. But with the exception of one person, none of them actually lost weight - they all stayed big, and their weight watching seemed more a social thing to bond over and have a laugh over than something they took seriously. I never got the impression they even believed they were going to lose weight.

I think it's the exception to the rule that someone actually loses weight. The one woman who lost weight also had experienced the death of her son, and people worried that she was getting an eating disorder, because they associated the weight loss with her bereavement. She didn't become underweight at all - but her body became significantly thinner than it was when she was overweight, so people saw the difference. I don't think she had an eating disorder - I think for her it was a way of dealing with her grief, by focusing on something positive and sticking with it. She looked great and became more confident. But no one else's weight watching had worked, so people thought her weight loss must be somehow wrong and unhealthy.

Vilhelmine

hhahahah thats funny!!! I personally get crap from the fat people in my life - they like to make fun of the fact that I have no boobs now that I lost 42 lbs. Finally I said to them, after hearing crap all day, well if I weighed as much as you do then I would have boobs like you too!!! shut them up, but now she keeps posting stuff on facebook about not needing to be skinny to be beautiful........HA i never said I was skinny, nor have i ever said that she wasn't beautiful, I am just fit and slim and she is fat and whatever she thinks she is....unhealthy in my book

britfout

Wow! I could've posted this! Exact EVERYTHING except I'm 22. Had a baby got to 195 now down to 120 at 5'4 and everyone's saying I'm 'too skinny'. I've gotten the anorexic comment too. It's hurtful but I try to look at it logically. I stand in front of a mirror, and NOPE not too skinny. Need toning definitely but I WANT to be thin and that's all that matters. I think at our height it's such a dramatic difference that people feel the need to say something dramatic and think you'll take it as a compliment. Idk though it's pretty weird but I can't say I hate the attention. Oh btw I too was about 135 pre pregnancy but I find that I still don't look as good now as I did then because I have so much more flab.

j1wright

I think people genuinely don't expect overweight people to lose weight, and they can find it quite a shock to see someone physically changed. In every workplace I've been in, practically all my female colleagues were permanently 'losing weight' - counting calories, doing weight watchers or slimmers world together. But with the exception of one person, none of them actually lost weight - they all stayed big, and their weight watching seemed more a social thing to bond over and have a laugh over than something they took seriously. I never got the impression they even believed they were going to lose weight.

I think it's the exception to the rule that someone actually loses weight. The one woman who lost weight also had experienced the death of her son, and people worried that she was getting an eating disorder, because they associated the weight loss with her bereavement. She didn't become underweight at all - but her body became significantly thinner than it was when she was overweight, so people saw the difference. I don't think she had an eating disorder - I think for her it was a way of dealing with her grief, by focusing on something positive and sticking with it. She looked great and became more confident. But no one else's weight watching had worked, so people thought her weight loss must be somehow wrong and unhealthy.

I have also had a death in the family as well along with post partum depression. I think people thought or think I am sick or get worried because of these two things but like your friend....I found this is one thing I can control and it has helped with my depression. Excerise is one of the best meds for depression.

Now that I have heard so many of your stories, I feel like I am armed with whatever comes my way. Sometimes I need to be just as rude back, sarcastic, or just straight up ignore them. My close family thinks I look great and I feel great so screw the rest of them.

DavidCHobby

a) FWIW, you look great. And I'll bet that, physically, at least, you feel great. Don't worry about what other people think. Enjoy your success.

b) I got a $20 bill for the first person who asks me if I am anorexic. (And before anyone tries to claim it here, I mean *in person*.)