Parents and Birthday Parties... WTF
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No way I'd leave my son with anyone I didn't know, or usually even with someone I did know unless it's my mom. Shame on them. We had my son's bday party on July 1... we were expecting just as many adults as kids, all the parents stayed, and we had a great time. That's the way it should be.......:sad:
^Agree, agree....0 -
Hell no. I was shocked I have an 11 year old boy and would never just leave my kid with someone I don't know. :noway:
at 11 I was catching the bus across the city by myself to go to football practice.
Unfortunately... things aren't as they used to be:(( It's very sad. I grew up in a time where we were locked out of our house in the summer until my Mom came home for lunch and then home for the evening. We made our own fun and we were our own babysitters.
You just can't do that kind of stuff anymore.
Why not?
The rate of kidnappings and other crap is down dramatically over the past 10-20 years. Check the stats out with your local police, most likely things are actually more safe now then ever.
The media just posts more stuff about this, but it is actually happening less frequently. Check out the book "free range children" great read.
But it still happens and that is just not a risk I am willing to take with my child. There is a big difference between helicopter parenting and being cautious. The two get lumped together entirely too much.0 -
My kid is my responsibility. You having a party does not relieve me of that responsibility. I couldn't live with myself is something happened to my daughter and my only justification was "Well that guy who had a kid in her class that I didn't know at all was supposed to be watching her!" Doesn't work that way.
^^^^THIS^^^^0 -
I work in health care and when you see a 4 year swabbed for STDs it makes it a little more real... I may be over protective... but at least they'll GET to college safely. Have a good day- I'm OUT!God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.0 -
I work in health care and when you see a 4 year swabbed for STDs it makes it a little more real... I may be over protective... but at least they'll GET to college safely. Have a good day- I'm OUT!God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
You don't know that. Strangers are the least likely people to abuse your children.0 -
Hell no. I was shocked I have an 11 year old boy and would never just leave my kid with someone I don't know. :noway:
at 11 I was catching the bus across the city by myself to go to football practice.
yup, me too. And baseball 2 years before that.0 -
I have never been to a birthday party for kids where the parents actually attended. The party is for the kids, not the parents, and they know their kid is with other kids and being supervised, no need for them to be there at all.
Way too many helicopter parents now a days.
I agree with this to a point. 9 is still very young. Most 8-9 year olds are not yet embarrassed by their parents. When you hit teens and preteens and stop going to places like chuck e cheese, that is when they really don't want parents hanging around. Even still, you should make an effort to get to know the host parents before hand and certainly shouldn't use their kindness as a chance for free babysitting services.0 -
I would NEVER just leave my son with someone I dont know for a birthday party!!!!! I also would never just show up w/my other son and expect them to feed him as well. I get a babysitter for my child that wasnt invited, and I stay. I dont expect to be feed either. I stay off to side and watch my son.0
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Okay, so over the weekend, my girlfriend and I threw my oldest daugher (now 9) a birthday part at Chuck E Cheese. (oh yes, we all hate that place too)...
In case you don't know, the birthday parties there are setup on tables next to a bunch of video screens and animatronic stuff with loud obnoxious music and kids and headache making material... This I understand, we all hate it, and it's just the way it is.
So we're there and waiting for kids to show. First mom shows up and says something to the effect of "I can't take this" and waves her hands at the screen and such "I'm going to go" and I thought she meant out where the kids would be playing and such.. or the tables on the far end of the place but apparently, she was dropping her 9ish year old daughter off and leaving for a bit. She was just *gone*.
Now, bear in mind, I've never met this woman in my life, a new school year just started, and my daughter invited some friends from class... This woman, is going to leave her 9 year old daughter, with a man she's never met in her life and just leave? Are you crazy? Okay, so we have some adults, and I'll keep an eye on her, fine, whatever I guess... I'm kind of in shock already.
Queue the second parent.. or rather grandparent... He shows up, with two other kids and I'm thinking "okay, so you want me to feed those two as well, I'm not going to turn them away, but bad form dude."... Well, I was wrong. He doesn't say "hi", doesn't introduce himself.. just asks "Part over at 2?" I reply (a bit puzzled) "Yeah... we've got this area 'til two"... He says "okay" and walks the F out!
Holy crap, we're currently at 0 for 2! Both girls, and both with some guy they've never met! (Granted, I'm not a psycho, but they don't know that!!!)
So third parent shows. She comes over (with another couple of kids), introduces herself, and has her son do the same and hand me the gift for my kid. Again, I'm just assuming the worst at this point. Well, turns out she really doesn't want to impose, and takes the other two kids to play and feed them separately from us and doesn't want to impose as she didn't rsvp, but does stick around and kinda keep an eye on her son.
Now, parent number three was awesome, and really didn't want to impose with the other kids after not rsvp'ing or asking for them.. That's cool.. but seriously...
What the hell is wrong with the other two? Is this a normal thing these days? I would get if we were in a small town, or we'd, I don't know... met EVER? Am I crazy for thinking I'd NEVER drop my 9 year old off with people I don't know and just assume she'll be fine?
Towards the end of the party, the second kid was clearly upset, having no idea where her grandpa or whatever (he had a greatest grandpa ever shirt on :laugh: ) was... Apparently, he came and picked her up from the play area without so much as stopping in to check with us, and I had to assume that she was fine, that really freaked me out! Like, seriously!
WHAT THE *kitten* PEOPLE? All you have to do is make an appearance, and be there.. You already drove all the way there, enjoy some damn pizza, pop some ibuprofen and let the kids have at it.
Tell me I'm not overreacting, or maybe I am... But I seriously couldn't imagine doing that in reverse!
OK...I haven't read many of the comments, but here is MY take. I have 3 kids--16, 12 and almost 7--who have been invited to parties like that in the past, and I have hosted parties in the past.
I usually keep the kid count pretty close, so yeah, I'd be peeved if a few sibs got added to the party who were not invited. I basically plan on feeding the parents, but if they are comfortable leaving their child, they can. I usually ask for cell numbers so they can be contacted if needed. My daughter's 12th birthday we had maybe 2 moms hang out--the rest ran off in the first 10 minutes. When dropping my kids at a party, I ask the parent if they *need* me to stay, or if it is OK if I leave.
Honestly, I wonder if the first mom had sensory issues...some people really really CANNOT handle all the commotion of that kind of place--all the noise, flashing lights and stuff is overwhelming ( think about trying to sit there with a raging hangover AND a migraine at the same time)0 -
God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
Mandy there's a world of difference between being a completely obsessed helicopter parent and leaving your child with a stranger in a public place just because there's a birthday party.
I wouldn't be surprised by a few responses here though.. 11 year olds need supervised at a party? They are almost middle school age!
Maybe I'm just shocked by the fact that so many parents here would stay at a kids birthday party. Maybe that's a bigger city thing... certainly nothing I've ever heard of or experience unless it was for a 3 or 4 year old. . At what point do people cut the cord? If 11 is not old enough for your kid to be alone at another kid's party is 13? 15?0 -
HMMMM I must be a bad mom. LOL
I have never stayed at one of my kids friends b day parties and I ve never had a parent stay at one of my kids.0 -
RIDICULOUS!!!! I had a parent try to leave her 5 year old at my daughters party because she had 'older sister in the car'. I put a stop to it and told mom that she could bring big sister in and enjoy the cake and goodies. I never met this woman or the kid which turned out to be a spoiled brat! That was the last time I threw a party for my daughter for the kids at her daycare (she's a summer baby). I take her out and pamper her and do stuff she wants to do instead. When she gets older I will discuss with her doing a party but by then she will have her friends contact numbers so I can have her invite them specifically and gear the party towards her interests rather then overstimulate and have chaos!0
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Hell no. I was shocked I have an 11 year old boy and would never just leave my kid with someone I don't know. :noway:
at 11 I was catching the bus across the city by myself to go to football practice.
^^yup. I've had birthday parties at my house, I kind of expect MOST parents to drop of their kid and... leave. pretty please LEAVE. I invited your kid, not you. Leave. Of course, I don't like most parents. (or kids) But it's easier to tolerate the kids when the parents are here so they abide by my rules. If you want to stay..that's fine, I guess? Your'e just one more person I didn't expect to entertain?
at 9, my youngest had a party at chuck's.. parents dropped their kid off and got the F out of dodge. *I* didn't even want to be there, how can I expect them to want to stick around?? My 11 yr old had an ice skating party. Parents dropped their kid off and left. I thought that's what you do? You host a party... you're hosting. I would stop, introduce myself and get the F out of dodge myself! My kid is old enough to say WTF and get an adult if something goes wrong and knows how to behave! I wouldn't drop off any other kid, though. If you want parents to stick around, pick a parent friendly venue, not one that makes them want to over dose on prozac! That's just my opinion, though. Of course again, I don't like most parents and I don't want to play hostess to them. Their pizza scares me. About the only thing I had there was a soda.0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.0
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I think things must be really different here in the uk as I have dropped my oldest off at parties from the age of about 4. You would be seen weird to hang around as most people have family and friends helping out to watch them. I also have had a few parties for my kids and would never expect any parents to stay unless I has asked them to.0
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When my kids were babies and toddlers the parents would stay (and the birthday party was a socializing event for the parents as well), but ever since my kids got past the age of 4, the parents never stay. I'm fine with that.0
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I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
All the chuck E cheese's I've been to give each child a bracelet. Kid can't leave with out the adult with matching bracelet.0 -
I must be a bad parent too lol! Kids are not learning how to problem solve on their own because parents are way too involved in everything these days. They don't give their kids a chance to build self esteem by letting them do things for themselves. Just MY opinion.0
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I work in health care and when you see a 4 year swabbed for STDs it makes it a little more real... I may be over protective... but at least they'll GET to college safely. Have a good day- I'm OUT!God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
And the chances of that child having an STD from a trusted person or family member is far greater than a stranger. 90% of sex crimes against a child are committed by a person they know. 50% of the time it is a family member. Most sex offenders will not commit an act at random.
Speaking as someone who was sexually abused as a child by a teenage family member, I never felt unsafe or unsure about people in public or strangers. Family get-togethers were another story. If you want to protect your kids, accept the facts and stop protecting them from what the tv has conned you into fearing.0 -
I'd take it as a sign that those parents trust you to be safe with their kids - but really, I personally would at least stay for awhile and get a feel for the parents, and make SURE it's okay with them to have my kids there without me before just taking off (I'd never leave a single parent alone with 20 kids though, even if they did say it's ok - that just seems rude). Also, just because someone is a parent and their kid seems generally fine doesn't make them automatically safe - there's a lot of screwed up parents out there. Our last kids party, about half of the parents left the kids off almost immediately, but I didn't take it personally - I'm pretty active at their school, and most of them knew me (or knew of me) from the various events I'd helped out at. I also insisted each parent sign in with their names and cell #'s to make sure I could immediately contact them if something came up (and given that one of the kids threw up an hour into the event, that definitely came in handy).
Plus I'd be especially unwilling to let them loose at Chuck E Cheese, just because I know how crowded it gets there, and how horribly lax I've seen some of the staff get about checking those stamps and making sure kids aren't leaving with the wrong people (seriously, last time they didn't even glance down at our kids as we walked out - we could've been anyone!!)0 -
I think things must be really different here in the uk as I have dropped my oldest off at parties from the age of about 4. You would be seen weird to hang around as most people have family and friends helping out to watch them. I also have had a few parties for my kids and would never expect any parents to stay unless I has asked them to.
It isn't the entire US. Like I said, parents never stayed at parties when I was a kid or when my daughter was that young. As toddlers, yes, but otherwise parents only stayed if they were close friends of the birthday kid's parents.0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
You work in a prison yet everything just said completely goes against criminal studies and statistics of sex offenders.0 -
I work in health care and when you see a 4 year swabbed for STDs it makes it a little more real... I may be over protective... but at least they'll GET to college safely. Have a good day- I'm OUT!God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
And the chances of that child having an STD from a trusted person or family member is far greater than a stranger. 90% of sex crimes against a child are committed by a person they know. 50% of the time it is a family member. Most sex offenders will not commit an act at random.
Speaking as someone who was sexually abused as a child by a teenage family member, I never felt unsafe or unsure about people in public or strangers. Family get-togethers were another story. If you want to protect your kids, accept the facts and stop protecting them from what the tv has conned you into fearing.
I agree with this last comment!!!0 -
LOL, I wonder if I am considered a helicopter parent...
My 12 daughter has only started going to things on her own in the last year or so. She is only dropped off at parties that I know the parents of, has only been allowed to roam the mall with a friend once (and I was there roaming also).
I (or my husband) have also attended all Girl Scout meetings and soccer practices etc.
My 9 year old has only been to 1 party by herself, and it was a close family friend and I was sick. Every other party/gymnastics practice/event that she has attended, has been with me or her dad.
Now when we go to things, I don't hover beside her or cause any sort of distraction. If it's in a public place, I will get my own table nearby so I can keep an eye on them. Around here, there are virtaully no parties inside someones home - so it's usually not an issue. If I have to drive her all the way there, I might as well stay. Plus if I know the party parents and they seem frazzled with all the kids everyone else dropped off - I can jump in to help.
I was a Girl Scout leader for my youngest daughters troop for a couple years, I was shocked that there were a couple parents I NEVER EVEN MET! They would send their girls in every week, without ever meeting me. :noway:
For our end of year trip, we took the kids into the city (3.5 hours away) and stayed overnight and went to the zoo and a museum. I met one of the moms for the first time the morning we left. I gave our cell numbers to every parent and was suprised that only 1 parent called to even tell their child goodnight, and just check on the progress of the trip. A couple parents were almost an hour late picking up their kids when we returned to town at the designated time. This was when the girls were 7.0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
All the chuck E cheese's I've been to give each child a bracelet. Kid can't leave with out the adult with matching bracelet.
That doesn't mean they can't be raped/murdered in the bathroom...sorry to be blunt, but it can and does happen.0 -
God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
Mandy there's a world of difference between being a completely obsessed helicopter parent and leaving your child with a stranger in a public place just because there's a birthday party.
I wouldn't be surprised by a few responses here though.. 11 year olds need supervised at a party? They are almost middle school age!
Maybe I'm just shocked by the fact that so many parents here would stay at a kids birthday party. Maybe that's a bigger city thing... certainly nothing I've ever heard of or experience unless it was for a 3 or 4 year old. . At what point do people cut the cord? If 11 is not old enough for your kid to be alone at another kid's party is 13? 15?
Yes at a certain age you worry less and allow them more freedom. That's to be determined by the individual parent based on what they know about their own kid. It's not an across the board "all kids over the age of 8 should be left on their own at parties." Putting the safety factor aside some of them have special needs or are just s#*t kids who SHOULD be looked after at all times.
What we're discussing here is risk management. It's different for everyone. For me the risk of leaving a child so young with strangers at a public place is too great to justify me being able to do my own thing for a few hours. But everyone must make their own choices.0 -
God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
Mandy there's a world of difference between being a completely obsessed helicopter parent and leaving your child with a stranger in a public place just because there's a birthday party.
I wouldn't be surprised by a few responses here though.. 11 year olds need supervised at a party? They are almost middle school age!
Maybe I'm just shocked by the fact that so many parents here would stay at a kids birthday party. Maybe that's a bigger city thing... certainly nothing I've ever heard of or experience unless it was for a 3 or 4 year old. . At what point do people cut the cord? If 11 is not old enough for your kid to be alone at another kid's party is 13? 15?
Yes at a certain age you worry less and allow them more freedom. That's to be determined by the individual parent based on what they know about their own kid. It's not an across the board "all kids over the age of 8 should be left on their own at parties." Putting the safety factor aside some of them have special needs or are just s#*t kids who SHOULD be looked after at all times.
What we're discussing here is risk management. It's different for everyone. For me the risk of leaving a child so young with strangers at a public place is too great to justify me being able to do my own thing for a few hours. But everyone must make their own choices.
I just don't understand that some parents are so adamate on protecting their own kids while ignoring the real risks/facts. People trust their kids with family and friends when statically speaking, those ARE the greatest risks for them. :frown:0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
All the chuck E cheese's I've been to give each child a bracelet. Kid can't leave with out the adult with matching bracelet.
That doesn't mean they can't be raped/murdered in the bathroom...sorry to be blunt, but it can and does happen.
The chances of that is actually astronomical.. and one thing I have taught my kids... is go to the bathroom with a friend when you're out. I thought everyone taught their kid that?0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
You work in a prison yet everything just said completely goes against criminal studies and statistics of sex offenders.
I am all too aware of criminal studies. Most sex offenders know their victims...IE the camp counselor, boy scout leader, priest or most common, family member. Sex offenders that abduct strangers are more likely to kill their victim as it is a significant risk factor to abduct them which is the difference. I was the sexually violent predator coordinator in a men's high security prison for years and read these reports way too often.0 -
Things that were perfectly fine and safe when I was growing up just aren't safe anymore. Especially for girls.
What changed? Or is it that you just see and read about it more as the media puts more emphasis on it?
Society has deteriorated drastically since then. When I was growing up if you were in a group of people all adults would be looking out for all of the children whether they knew them or not and would even reprimand them if they were doing something wrong. Nowadays people don't pay enough attention to their own children let alone any one esles. But even if they did pay attention you can't say anything to anyones precious little snow flake about their unsafe behavior because the parents will jump all over you.
I am not worried just about rapists and molestors. I have been to Chuck E Cheese that door is not as guarded as everyone makes it out to be. What if the kids decide to go outside and end up hit by a car? (because we all know kids listen so great and stay exactly where they are told at all times) :huh:0
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