Baby or Body

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  • cdprouty
    cdprouty Posts: 140 Member
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    One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is a sibling.
  • Dauntlessness
    Dauntlessness Posts: 1,489 Member
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    The hubby and I are trying. I can always lose the weight again but you can only have a baby when your younger. Well, some 40+ year olds are but you know what I mean.
  • brendaschmitt1
    brendaschmitt1 Posts: 218
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    One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is a sibling.
    You think so?
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
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    If you wait for everything in your life to be right before having more children you will wait forever. The only consideration I would have is your husband, he's the only other opinion that counts. But I would HATE to be an only child, it's lonely, bigger families rock, so make more people to love and look after the people you already made is my philosophy!

    The only child thing is my concern too. I have 3 sister and 1 brother and I love them like crazy so it really isn't fair to not let my daughter experience this too.

    But with such a big age gap your kids won't have the same kind of sibling relationship. To this day, my mom hates her younger sister (7 year age difference). My husband and his sister are 4 1/2 years apart and didn't start becoming friends until they were both adults, and even now they aren't as close as he'd like. Your daughter will be a babysitter to her younger sibling. They won't have anything in common until (maybe) they're adults, but even then, the age difference will mean your daughter has had a lot more life experience.

    I'm an only child. I hated it. I still feel like I missed out on something great by not having siblings. But, a big reason for those feelings is because I was raised by a single mom and didn't have a whole lot of other family. Your daughter has you and your husband, plus other family. Most of the only children I knew grew up with family lives similar to your daughter's. They LOVED being an only child. Yes, having siblings would be great. But it's only great if they are close and can be friends. The bigger the age gap, the harder that is.
  • myfitnessval
    myfitnessval Posts: 687 Member
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    Honest truth, it sounds like you know it's a bad idea (for whatever reason) but are hoping for people here to give you some way to justify it.


    Not really I am just not sure and worried but not a bad idea.

    Pretty much this is my rule about huge life altering decisions. If you have to ask the internet you probably shouldn't be doing it. I know its hard to hear but if you need outside advice outside of your marriage to see if you want to pursue this then that should be a red flag that its just not time yet. I understand there is a time limit for you, but if you want a child so badly, have you not thought of adoption? There like what 6+ billion people on this planet now? There is an infant out there who needs a loving mother out there I am sure of it. just a thought.
  • 80lbslost
    80lbslost Posts: 93 Member
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    If you do choose to have a baby then I would recommend you get as close to your goal weight as possible because you want to have a healthy pregnancy and gain the recommended 25-35 lbs. It will be much easier to lose the baby weight if you continue using MFP during and after pregnancy. I'm 40, just had a baby and lost all my baby weight in 3 mos.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Having a baby is something you should be absolutely positive that you want to do. You are obviously not sure of yourself and your husband isn't "thrilled" about it. I would not try to have a baby, especially not just because your "teacher friends" want you to.

    This.
  • brendaschmitt1
    brendaschmitt1 Posts: 218
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    Honest truth, it sounds like you know it's a bad idea (for whatever reason) but are hoping for people here to give you some way to justify it.


    Not really I am just not sure and worried but not a bad idea.

    Pretty much this is my rule about huge life altering decisions. If you have to ask the internet you probably shouldn't be doing it. I know its hard to hear but if you need outside advice outside of your marriage to see if you want to pursue this then that should be a red flag that its just not time yet. I understand there is a time limit for you, but if you want a child so badly, have you not thought of adoption? There like what 6+ billion people on this planet now? There is an infant out there who needs a loving mother out there I am sure of it. just a thought.



    Yes I have thought about adoption. I would love love, love, love to adopt a child especially since there are tons of children that need families, but my husband is Completely against it. He would not even consider it at all.
  • brendaschmitt1
    brendaschmitt1 Posts: 218
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    If you do choose to have a baby then I would recommend you get as close to your goal weight as possible because you want to have a healthy pregnancy and gain the recommended 25-35 lbs. It will be much easier to lose the baby weight if you continue using MFP during and after pregnancy. I'm 40, just had a baby and lost all my baby weight in 3 mos.

    Very true...I agree. The only thing is that how do you know what will happen tomorrow? One day you are completely healthy and the next you hurt yourself.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    You are only 31. There is still time for you to lose weight and work on degree. Things might look completely different another few years down the road. And obviously, you and your husband should be in agreement about it.
  • brendaschmitt1
    brendaschmitt1 Posts: 218
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    You are only 31. There is still time for you to lose weight and work on degree. Things might look completely different another few years down the road. And obviously, you and your husband should be in agreement about it.

    Very true...I think I am convinced. I might just try to lose 10-15 more lbs before I try.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Seriously, whether or not you've reached your goal weight is the last thing you need to worry about here. If your hubs isn't on board it's a no go.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    If you do choose to have a baby then I would recommend you get as close to your goal weight as possible because you want to have a healthy pregnancy and gain the recommended 25-35 lbs. It will be much easier to lose the baby weight if you continue using MFP during and after pregnancy. I'm 40, just had a baby and lost all my baby weight in 3 mos.

    The weigh gain recommendations are for when you're at a healthy bmi and can be adjusted for your situation.
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
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    If your husband isn't happy with the idea of another baby then that is a big problem. I wouldn't try to get pregnant if my husband was not on board with the idea. It is too big of a life changer to go through with and force on somebody who isn't 100% ok with it.
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
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    You have to do what feels right to you......I did babies first.....then worked on my body and I'm 99% of the way to where I want to be, and now I'm going for my career......I'm 33 years old and this is the way it worked best in my situation.
  • brendaschmitt1
    brendaschmitt1 Posts: 218
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    If your husband isn't happy with the idea of another baby then that is a big problem. I wouldn't try to get pregnant if my husband was not on board with the idea. It is too big of a life changer to go through with and force on somebody who isn't 100% ok with it.

    Yeah but he wasn't to thrilled about the first one and now he loves her like crazy. He also helps me a lot so I don't think he would bail out or anything. Or is this about how he feels?
  • brendaschmitt1
    brendaschmitt1 Posts: 218
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    To be honest Im not too much concern about him not being sure for baby #2. I hope that doesn't make me a bad wife. I'm more concern about career and weight. Gosh Im selffish. :( I just think he will change his mind. he is a super, sweet ,supportive husband and father. We have a great marriage.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Seriously? Marriage does require compromises at times but a decision such as having a baby shouldn't have to be one of them.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    If you wait for everything in your life to be right before having more children you will wait forever. The only consideration I would have is your husband, he's the only other opinion that counts. But I would HATE to be an only child, it's lonely, bigger families rock, so make more people to love and look after the people you already made is my philosophy!

    The only child thing is my concern too. I have 3 sister and 1 brother and I love them like crazy so it really isn't fair to not let my daughter experience this too.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with being/having an only child. Families come in all shapes and sizes and having a baby just to make sure you have more than one.....or because your friends want you to.....probably isn't a solid reason.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Of course he is going to love the child if he is even a halfway decent man, and it sounds like he is. The bigger problem here is you disregarding and disrespecting his feelings and opinions. It happened before, but since he loves his child you take that as a "he'll get over it". But if you do this across the board, on other things too, I can't imagine that he is going to be happy for very long. So, this isn't just about worrying about your weight or your career.

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