Baby or Body

brendaschmitt1

Im 31 years old have been married for 8 years and have a 7 years old daughter. She was a surprise since I had her when I was in college. Anyways I debating if I should get pregnant or not. I want to wait until I hit my goal before I get pregnant but my teacher friends are trying to persuade me to do it soon. This will be my third year teaching so I feel like I am pretty set with my career but I do want to get my masters soon too. My husband is not thrilled about the idea and neither are my parents since they are thinking they will have to take care of him or her. I'm so confused especially because I haven't reached my goal weight so if I do it soon I will be huge. Has anybody been confused on baby or body or career?

jenniferstanton

For me, my husband not being on board would be a huge red flag. I have three children and work full-time. If I didn't have a supportive husband who is also a devoted father, I would be pulling my hair out( even more than I do now:))

pastryari

Having a baby is something you should be absolutely positive that you want to do. You are obviously not sure of yourself and your husband isn't "thrilled" about it. I would not try to have a baby, especially not just because your "teacher friends" want you to.

jtgilfoy

Your husband's lack of enthusiasm and your parents concerns about care (are they providing care?) seem much more important than what you are asking. Your personal goal weight is pretty small potatoes in the big picture.

13inchestogo

I don't have any experiences in my life like yours, and this may sound simpler than you were hoping, but I think you should listen to your doubts and try not to push them to the back of your mind. If you listen to others advice on how to live I just see that ending in a bad decision. I think you should put yourself first when thinking of your future, what I would do is write out on a piece of paper all the pros and cons and seriously consider what you'd be willing to live with.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: I wish you the best deciding

Icaw

Your husband's lack of enthusiasm and your parents concerns about care (are they providing care?) seem much more important than what you are asking. Your personal goal weight is pretty small potatoes in the big picture.

This.

I think that your husband's opinion is far more significant than whether or not you've achieved your goal weight. :S

slimmcb

Sometimes we think with our hearts - don't be afraid of this - you have millions of years of evolution on your side. I am sure that you will not have regrets if you bring another child into your life, however, that said, maybe you should explore the reasons for your husbands reluctance. There may be a perfectly good compromise there somewhere!

brendaschmitt1

Well my husband is not totally against it. It is just that for a while we are like yes we should , then no we shouldn't. . We are just back and forth about it. I know that he will help me 100% but he is just in love with the daughter we have now and does not think we need another one. I'm just a little worried because I'm in my 30's and do not want to have children after the age 35. My mom works too much so she would not be able to help so much.

My teacher friend might just want me to get fat since Im the thinnest teacher there and I am not really thin.Or since they have more then one child then might think that I am missing out on having more. They have really good points though. I am just confused and I have been confused for a while now but I am running out of time since I only have 4 more years to just do it.

NoAdditives

If you and your husband are positive you want a baby, go for it. If you're not, don't do it.

Trechechus

Probably the wrong person to reply to this since I don't want kids, but if I read correctly it sounded like your husband didn't want another child? If that is the case, I think you really need to talk to him about it and find out why and how he feels.

If that is not the case and I totally misread what you said, than I still think you aught to talk to him about it. Write it down, make a list of pros and cons.

jtgilfoy

Honest truth, it sounds like you know it's a bad idea (for whatever reason) but are hoping for people here to give you some way to justify it.

MissyBenj

This shouldn't even be a question (doubt) in your mind. If you whole heartedly wanted another child, you would be trying to get pregnant rather than worrying about your weight.

Wait until you're happy with yourself. It'll make pregnancy so much better for everyone around you. Then have another discussion with your husband and go from there.

His parents/Your parents don't matter in the conversation - It's not up to them if you can or cannot have more children.

Good luck!

ShreddedTweet

If you wait for everything in your life to be right before having more children you will wait forever. The only consideration I would have is your husband, he's the only other opinion that counts. But I would HATE to be an only child, it's lonely, bigger families rock, so make more people to love and look after the people you already made is my philosophy!

TrailRunner61

I don't know the extent of the problem (hubby and others, who btw it does not concern them!) with you having another child so I can't really say don't do it. I would want to make sure 'everything else' is ok first though.

However, if you know you want another child, you should do it soon. Ask your Dr. about your weight concerns. Maybe you should lose more before you get pregnant? He/she could guide you. Also, you can stay on MFP, still exercise and have a healthy pregnancy! Have your Dr. tell you how many calories to eat each day and what exercises you can do safely. Pregnancy is not disabling unless you have complications.
You have the rest of your life to finish school, advance in your career and have the body you've always dreamed of. A child is worth the extra effort it takes. Personally, I'd want to have the 2nd one and get it over with at a younger age. Just my opinion!
Good luck with your decision & <hugs>.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

My husband and I go back and forth too -- and our daughter was a surprise. Honestly, I don't think we'll have another because, while I love our daughter and think I want another child most of the time, the relief I feel when my daughter hits a milestone toward independence and the terror I feel at starting ALL OVER stops me. If I were you, unless the desire was overwhelming, I just wouldn't.

brendaschmitt1

If you wait for everything in your life to be right before having more children you will wait forever. The only consideration I would have is your husband, he's the only other opinion that counts. But I would HATE to be an only child, it's lonely, bigger families rock, so make more people to love and look after the people you already made is my philosophy!

The only child thing is my concern too. I have 3 sister and 1 brother and I love them like crazy so it really isn't fair to not let my daughter experience this too.

clockley

I'm 37. I was 34 when my husband I started trying for a baby. Unfortunately we had to use IVF, as 2 years went past with no luck. I was a little overweight when we started trying, then stacked on more with the various hormones, then a little more with being unable to do any vigorous exercise each time I had an embryo transferred..
The end of the story is that we FINALLY have a little boy, now 3 months old, and I'm just starting out with MFP to remove all the excess weight!
I was doing Weight-Watchers until IVF and had the same worries as you. i.e. had really started seeing the pounds drop off and was concerned about gaining it all back.
I *did* gain it all back too...and then some!
Worse, I had to have an emergency C-section, so was unable to even think about exercising until now!...the little fella is such a joy though, -the weight seems a paltry concern in comparison:)
He's now extra motivation for me to lose the weight. He needs a fit and healthy Mumma to see him through life:-).
I have to say, -pushing a pram up and down hills is excellent exercise too! I've been at it for 2 weeks so far and have managed to shift 2 kgs:-).

brendaschmitt1

This shouldn't even be a question (doubt) in your mind. If you whole heartedly wanted another child, you would be trying to get pregnant rather than worrying about your weight.

Wait until you're happy with yourself. It'll make pregnancy so much better for everyone around you. Then have another discussion with your husband and go from there.

His parents/Your parents don't matter in the conversation - It's not up to them if you can or cannot have more children.

Good luck!

"Wait until you are happy with yourself" Good point

brendaschmitt1

My husband and I go back and forth too -- and our daughter was a surprise. Honestly, I don't think we'll have another because, while I love our daughter and think I want another child most of the time, the relief I feel when my daughter hits a milestone toward independence and the terror I feel at starting ALL OVER stops me. If I were you, unless the desire was overwhelming, I just wouldn't.

"the relief I feel when my daughter hits a milestone toward independence and the terror I feel at starting ALL OVER stops me" I remember those days. The milestones

schustc

I am 43. I spent many years of my life fighting my weight, and at least 4-5 years yo-yoing with the intent of getting down to a 'good weight' before getting pregnant.

I finally allowed myself to try even though I was at the time 235. It took some time, but I did get pregnant. It didn't happen quickly, I was 38.

I have wanted to get pregnant again, but have suffered 2 miscarriages in the past 2 years. For the first time in my life, I feel like i have finally figured out this whole weight thing and how to lose it forever. Unfortunately, while I am finally figuring it out, and am at my lowest weight in over 10 years, I fear I am now too old to get pregnant.

I knew this, in the back of my mind, that the longer I waited, the odds would start stacking against me, but I SOO wanted to be at a healthy weight, and then ballooned up to 268 before I finally started to get a handle on it.

While I would never encourage anyone to get pregnant if they were not ready, if you are ready - and only debating career or weight - and no other issues, I encourage you to consider the fact that the older you get, the harder it will be to get pregnant. For me, I am trying now, and yes, I know if I do, my goal weight will be put off for a good year, but I don't care! I feel like I know the answer now, and whether i get there this year or in 2 years, I will get there. and if it means I put that off, in favor of having a baby, i'd take that trade in a heartbeat.

Take care.

Tina

brendaschmitt1

Honest truth, it sounds like you know it's a bad idea (for whatever reason) but are hoping for people here to give you some way to justify it.

Not really I am just not sure and worried but not a bad idea.

cdprouty

One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is a sibling.

Dauntlessness

The hubby and I are trying. I can always lose the weight again but you can only have a baby when your younger. Well, some 40+ year olds are but you know what I mean.

brendaschmitt1

One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is a sibling.

You think so?

NoAdditives

If you wait for everything in your life to be right before having more children you will wait forever. The only consideration I would have is your husband, he's the only other opinion that counts. But I would HATE to be an only child, it's lonely, bigger families rock, so make more people to love and look after the people you already made is my philosophy!

The only child thing is my concern too. I have 3 sister and 1 brother and I love them like crazy so it really isn't fair to not let my daughter experience this too.

But with such a big age gap your kids won't have the same kind of sibling relationship. To this day, my mom hates her younger sister (7 year age difference). My husband and his sister are 4 1/2 years apart and didn't start becoming friends until they were both adults, and even now they aren't as close as he'd like. Your daughter will be a babysitter to her younger sibling. They won't have anything in common until (maybe) they're adults, but even then, the age difference will mean your daughter has had a lot more life experience.

I'm an only child. I hated it. I still feel like I missed out on something great by not having siblings. But, a big reason for those feelings is because I was raised by a single mom and didn't have a whole lot of other family. Your daughter has you and your husband, plus other family. Most of the only children I knew grew up with family lives similar to your daughter's. They LOVED being an only child. Yes, having siblings would be great. But it's only great if they are close and can be friends. The bigger the age gap, the harder that is.

myfitnessval

Honest truth, it sounds like you know it's a bad idea (for whatever reason) but are hoping for people here to give you some way to justify it.

Not really I am just not sure and worried but not a bad idea.

Pretty much this is my rule about huge life altering decisions. If you have to ask the internet you probably shouldn't be doing it. I know its hard to hear but if you need outside advice outside of your marriage to see if you want to pursue this then that should be a red flag that its just not time yet. I understand there is a time limit for you, but if you want a child so badly, have you not thought of adoption? There like what 6+ billion people on this planet now? There is an infant out there who needs a loving mother out there I am sure of it. just a thought.

80lbslost

If you do choose to have a baby then I would recommend you get as close to your goal weight as possible because you want to have a healthy pregnancy and gain the recommended 25-35 lbs. It will be much easier to lose the baby weight if you continue using MFP during and after pregnancy. I'm 40, just had a baby and lost all my baby weight in 3 mos.

deksgrl

Having a baby is something you should be absolutely positive that you want to do. You are obviously not sure of yourself and your husband isn't "thrilled" about it. I would not try to have a baby, especially not just because your "teacher friends" want you to.

This.

brendaschmitt1

Honest truth, it sounds like you know it's a bad idea (for whatever reason) but are hoping for people here to give you some way to justify it.

Not really I am just not sure and worried but not a bad idea.

Pretty much this is my rule about huge life altering decisions. If you have to ask the internet you probably shouldn't be doing it. I know its hard to hear but if you need outside advice outside of your marriage to see if you want to pursue this then that should be a red flag that its just not time yet. I understand there is a time limit for you, but if you want a child so badly, have you not thought of adoption? There like what 6+ billion people on this planet now? There is an infant out there who needs a loving mother out there I am sure of it. just a thought.

Yes I have thought about adoption. I would love love, love, love to adopt a child especially since there are tons of children that need families, but my husband is Completely against it. He would not even consider it at all.

brendaschmitt1

If you do choose to have a baby then I would recommend you get as close to your goal weight as possible because you want to have a healthy pregnancy and gain the recommended 25-35 lbs. It will be much easier to lose the baby weight if you continue using MFP during and after pregnancy. I'm 40, just had a baby and lost all my baby weight in 3 mos.

Very true...I agree. The only thing is that how do you know what will happen tomorrow? One day you are completely healthy and the next you hurt yourself.

deksgrl

You are only 31. There is still time for you to lose weight and work on degree. Things might look completely different another few years down the road. And obviously, you and your husband should be in agreement about it.