Losing my feelings for my boyfriend
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Lol same situation here, i just made a thread LoveSick for the same reason. anyways the thing about this situation is only You really know this guy to a point that you can determine his reaction to a full legit confession. if you do it slowly like i have you establish harmony no matter the situation, it takes sacrifice but the benefit of keeping a friendship is they can aid you & open opportunities for your future, no mater how different. I have been trying to break up my 5yr relationship for the past 2yrs , at the time i was not in a hurry as i was just realizing the damage it was doing to us individually. and well as i see my youth passing me by & show no signs of giving her my life, she has come to terms with what i want for us and through this patience and care we look forward to continue seen eachother & been there for eachother as unmeasurable friends. i honestly believe if your not happy then be patient & prepare your next move, be as detailed as possible with the process of how/when you plan to trully leave him. Prepare yourself psychologically & emotionally, create a force of complete certainty so that no external force can corrupt the decision you make. And last of all do look back, in a sense of learning and aquiring wisdom for your future ????0
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Get out now. He is trying to manipulate and guilt you into staying. You are not responsible for his unhealthy behavior. Leave. And let him get help for himself. You have no obligation to stay. Move on. You will be glad you did, when this is all a distant memory from your past and you are happy. You are strong enough to leave.0
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It sucks but it happens. The feels are gone and that is that. You need to leave. The possible suicide threat is a sign this was a mistake on another level. ANYONE that says that is not someone you want in your life.
Though I am curious, what qualities is it you want in a life partner he doesn't have?0 -
Your feelings matter, too. Just because he threatens to blow his brains out if you leave him doesn't mean you shouldn't leave him. Are you going to be tricked and cajoled into marrying him because you feel bad for him? That's certainly not love. I'm 22 and married with two kids, and before I got married, I dated a guy who was suicidal like that, and I thought that I could take care of him. I nearly destroyed myself in the process. If he's really suicidal, get him help--don't leave yourself with that kind of burden.
Evaluate your relationship--seriously sit down and evaluate it. If you can't say that you really love him, don't stay. It'll only get worse over time. If you love him and he just annoys you, well, that's kinda what happens when you live with someone; their quirks become more obvious than ever. My hubby has absolutely no set schedule, so he could go to sleep at 2 in the afternoon and wake up just before midnight; it's all one to him. It annoys me, but I love him regardless.
When it comes to love and long-term of relationships, don't be afraid to be selfish. You'll spend the next 40-60 years feeling exactly the way you feel now, and worse. Do you really want that? Do you want your kids to live with that? Something to think about....0 -
I feel bad for both of you. I hope you don't resent him or think he's disgusting by his crying and all. The poor thing probably has very deep abandonment issues. He's got an insecure attachment which is why he seems obsessed.
There's nothing you can do to ease his pain. I know people in this thread said his threat to kill himself was manipulative (and it could be), but it could also very well be true. Speaking from experience, when one has an insecure, unstable attachment, suicide does seem like a possible way out of having to deal with deep-seated abandonment. Don't hate him for it. He can't control how he feels.
It's best for you though, if you leave. You aren't happy, so it's not fair to either of you to stick around. I'm sorry that you're in such a bind, OP. Best of luck to you.
this
and also, before you leave him, find out how your local mental health crisis system works, i.e who to call. Even if he makes just one threat to kill himself, call them and tell them that you're afraid he's going to try to kill himself. It sounds like he needs psychiatric help, and you're actually helping him by enabling him to get that. If he is just saying it to manipulate you, then you taking it seriously and getting the authorities involved might make him think twice about using that kind of thing as a threat again. But really it does sound like he has issues and could benefit from therapy/counselling. It's hard to tell on an internet forum how serious his mental health issues are, or whether he's really a risk of suicide, but by alerting the right people should he threaten to kill himself, you're ensuring he's safe if he's serious and if he's just manipulating you, well, he'll have to explain that to the authorities.
I've had some quite serious psychiatric issues in the past, and what helps is getting professional help. Well meaning friends etc may try to help or sympathise, but really it takes a professional who knows what they're doing. If he's gone to the extent of threatening to kill himself if you leave, then either he's extremely manipulative or he's really hurting very badly inside, from issues that existed probably long before you met him, that you can't fix. Only he can fix it and in most cases only with professional help.0 -
You're young. You live and learn. Never ever move in for convenience. Your boyfriend will get over it, I promise. Time to move on. Do you really want to be with a man who reacts like that?? Yikes. Good luck......it will all work out.0
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This is at the very least intense, and incredibly manipulative see above ^^^^^^^^^Dude, your BF has issues. Crying and saying he'll blow his brains out after only a year of dating is pretty intense, I think you might be in a bit of trouble. I watch this show "I Survived" and ive seen episodes where the dude acts like that and bad *kitten* ends up happening. You need to end it now, before it gets worse/weirder. For real.0 -
Well ,, Love is not perfect,, there is quarell, sadness , pride , mistakes & anger
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:explode:This has been eating at me for a while and I really just need to get it all out. It's long, so I don't blame you for not reading.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. When we started dating it was like something you'd see in the movies. I really thought it was love at first sight. I really enjoyed his company, we have a great time together, and my friends and family love him. After being together for 9 months we moved in together. I wouldn't say I was super ecstatic about moving in because we had only been together for 9 months, but my lease was up at my apartment and I didn't want to live in that city anymore, and I literally stayed at my boyfriend's apartment 5-7 days/nights a week, anyway, so why pay $300 for storage at my apartment. I did it because it was logical, not necessarily because I wanted to.
Well here we are, 3 months later, and I don't even think I want to be with him anymore. I could just kick myself for moving in with him. Living with him now is no different than before I moved in because, like I said, I basicaly lived here anyway. However, I don't have the opportunity to just pack my bag and leave--I'd have to move all my crap out.
I'm so torn because my boyfriend loves me SO much. He is SO wonderful to me. He would do anything for me, he's constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me and can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I also do have a lot of fun with him when it's just me and him. But, there's just something missing. I wouldn't say I'm SUPER unhappy, but I definitely feel like something is missing--or like I'm settling. There are certain things about him that just BUG me so much. If I had to list the top 5-10 qualities that are most important to me in a partner, I don't know if he'd even have half--or maybe just about half. I feel guilty. I am lucky enough to have a guy who treats me like gold and it's not good enough. The funny thing is I broke up with my ex of 2 years about 4 months before I met my current boyfriend (making me now feel like he might've been a rebound) because he DIDN'T show me the attention and affection my boyfriend shows me now, but now I feel like my current boyfriend shows me too much. I'm not trying to sound conceited, but sometimes I feel like my boyfriend is obsessed with me.
I've brought up the idea of us maybe breaking up about 2 times in the last 3 months and each time he completely freaks out. He hyperventilates, cries uncontrollably, begs me not to leave, talks about what a "loser" he is for not being able to keep me, and one time he even told me he'd "blow his brains out" if I ever left him. I really don't want to hurt him. He's a wonderful person and he treats me like gold, I just cannot help how I feel. He's even said this to me when I've brought up breaking up--"Don't I treat you well?"--this is what he always says to me. And he's right. Am I just a selfish *****?
Women like you are the reason I am an *kitten* *kitten* who objectifies women, and treats them like flip flops, easy on, easy off. I was just like your BF , nice guy, caring, affectionate,blazay blah..women dont want that, you want to be called a B.. every now and then. Even if you leave us, youll still think about us years from now..(hence your ex bf reference)
You better realize what youve got before he goes total D-bag.:mad: :explode:
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If you leave don't come back if you find the grass isn't greener.
^^ THIS
While I am in agreement with others that you should just leave if you ain't happy make sure it is indeed what you want before doing it, second chances don't come by very often if at all...0 -
:explode:This has been eating at me for a while and I really just need to get it all out. It's long, so I don't blame you for not reading.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. When we started dating it was like something you'd see in the movies. I really thought it was love at first sight. I really enjoyed his company, we have a great time together, and my friends and family love him. After being together for 9 months we moved in together. I wouldn't say I was super ecstatic about moving in because we had only been together for 9 months, but my lease was up at my apartment and I didn't want to live in that city anymore, and I literally stayed at my boyfriend's apartment 5-7 days/nights a week, anyway, so why pay $300 for storage at my apartment. I did it because it was logical, not necessarily because I wanted to.
Well here we are, 3 months later, and I don't even think I want to be with him anymore. I could just kick myself for moving in with him. Living with him now is no different than before I moved in because, like I said, I basicaly lived here anyway. However, I don't have the opportunity to just pack my bag and leave--I'd have to move all my crap out.
I'm so torn because my boyfriend loves me SO much. He is SO wonderful to me. He would do anything for me, he's constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me and can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I also do have a lot of fun with him when it's just me and him. But, there's just something missing. I wouldn't say I'm SUPER unhappy, but I definitely feel like something is missing--or like I'm settling. There are certain things about him that just BUG me so much. If I had to list the top 5-10 qualities that are most important to me in a partner, I don't know if he'd even have half--or maybe just about half. I feel guilty. I am lucky enough to have a guy who treats me like gold and it's not good enough. The funny thing is I broke up with my ex of 2 years about 4 months before I met my current boyfriend (making me now feel like he might've been a rebound) because he DIDN'T show me the attention and affection my boyfriend shows me now, but now I feel like my current boyfriend shows me too much. I'm not trying to sound conceited, but sometimes I feel like my boyfriend is obsessed with me.
I've brought up the idea of us maybe breaking up about 2 times in the last 3 months and each time he completely freaks out. He hyperventilates, cries uncontrollably, begs me not to leave, talks about what a "loser" he is for not being able to keep me, and one time he even told me he'd "blow his brains out" if I ever left him. I really don't want to hurt him. He's a wonderful person and he treats me like gold, I just cannot help how I feel. He's even said this to me when I've brought up breaking up--"Don't I treat you well?"--this is what he always says to me. And he's right. Am I just a selfish *****?
Women like you are the reason I am an *kitten* *kitten* who objectifies women, and treats them like flip flops, easy on, easy off. I was just like your BF , nice guy, caring, affectionate,blazay blah..women dont want that, you want to be called a B.. every now and then. Even if you leave us, youll still think about us years from now..(hence your ex bf reference)
You better realize what youve got before he goes total D-bag.:mad: :explode:
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Yeah, it may sound harsh, but take it from me, you aren't in love with him. You probably never were, and don't settle. Just don't. If you can't imagine you're life without him, you aren't in love with him and you need to move on. Just because he is good to you doesn't mean you should stay. It doesn't serve him or you. It isn't fair to him or you. It sucks, but there it is. And I think you already know it.
wish love was easy, but it isn't.0 -
:explode:This has been eating at me for a while and I really just need to get it all out. It's long, so I don't blame you for not reading.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. When we started dating it was like something you'd see in the movies. I really thought it was love at first sight. I really enjoyed his company, we have a great time together, and my friends and family love him. After being together for 9 months we moved in together. I wouldn't say I was super ecstatic about moving in because we had only been together for 9 months, but my lease was up at my apartment and I didn't want to live in that city anymore, and I literally stayed at my boyfriend's apartment 5-7 days/nights a week, anyway, so why pay $300 for storage at my apartment. I did it because it was logical, not necessarily because I wanted to.
Well here we are, 3 months later, and I don't even think I want to be with him anymore. I could just kick myself for moving in with him. Living with him now is no different than before I moved in because, like I said, I basicaly lived here anyway. However, I don't have the opportunity to just pack my bag and leave--I'd have to move all my crap out.
I'm so torn because my boyfriend loves me SO much. He is SO wonderful to me. He would do anything for me, he's constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me and can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I also do have a lot of fun with him when it's just me and him. But, there's just something missing. I wouldn't say I'm SUPER unhappy, but I definitely feel like something is missing--or like I'm settling. There are certain things about him that just BUG me so much. If I had to list the top 5-10 qualities that are most important to me in a partner, I don't know if he'd even have half--or maybe just about half. I feel guilty. I am lucky enough to have a guy who treats me like gold and it's not good enough. The funny thing is I broke up with my ex of 2 years about 4 months before I met my current boyfriend (making me now feel like he might've been a rebound) because he DIDN'T show me the attention and affection my boyfriend shows me now, but now I feel like my current boyfriend shows me too much. I'm not trying to sound conceited, but sometimes I feel like my boyfriend is obsessed with me.
I've brought up the idea of us maybe breaking up about 2 times in the last 3 months and each time he completely freaks out. He hyperventilates, cries uncontrollably, begs me not to leave, talks about what a "loser" he is for not being able to keep me, and one time he even told me he'd "blow his brains out" if I ever left him. I really don't want to hurt him. He's a wonderful person and he treats me like gold, I just cannot help how I feel. He's even said this to me when I've brought up breaking up--"Don't I treat you well?"--this is what he always says to me. And he's right. Am I just a selfish *****?
Women like you are the reason I am an *kitten* *kitten* who objectifies women, and treats them like flip flops, easy on, easy off. I was just like your BF , nice guy, caring, affectionate,blazay blah..women dont want that, you want to be called a B.. every now and then. Even if you leave us, youll still think about us years from now..(hence your ex bf reference)
You better realize what youve got before he goes total D-bag.:mad: :explode:
So by your opinion this poor guy deserves to be trapped in a relationship with a woman who doesn't really love him? How'dya figure?0 -
No I think the OP needs to understand that the grass is only greener where you water it. Also he sounds like an awesome guy, the guy most women clamor for. Yet she says thats not enough? clearly he is so invested in her that the the thought of her not being there makes him breakdown..Isnt that what women want?0
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No I think the OP needs to understand that the grass is only greener where you water it. Also he sounds like an awesome guy, the guy most women clamor for. Yet she says thats not enough? clearly he is so invested in her that the the thought of her not being there makes him breakdown..Isnt that what women want?
no, that isn't what women want...well not what I want anyway.0 -
this thread is almost a year old...
but maybe that doesn't matter on a Saturday night on mfp
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I dated one of those guys.0
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Any person who says they would blow their brains out if you left is not mentally sound and not a person I would want to be around, live with or date. That's just my opinion.0
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Just realized this thread is a year old. So, I guess it is more a question of what did you decide to do? and where do you and the guy stand at this point?
Hope it all worked out for the best.0 -
Honestly? That's actually kinda terrifying. So no, that's not what all women want.No I think the OP needs to understand that the grass is only greener where you water it. Also he sounds like an awesome guy, the guy most women clamor for. Yet she says thats not enough? clearly he is so invested in her that the the thought of her not being there makes him breakdown..Isnt that what women want?0 -
I've brought up the idea of us maybe breaking up about 2 times in the last 3 months and each time he completely freaks out. He hyperventilates, cries uncontrollably, begs me not to leave, talks about what a "loser" he is for not being able to keep me, and one time he even told me he'd "blow his brains out" if I ever left him. I really don't want to hurt him. He's a wonderful person and he treats me like gold, I just cannot help how I feel. He's even said this to me when I've brought up breaking up--"Don't I treat you well?"--this is what he always says to me. And he's right. Am I just a selfish *****?
Somebody who would threaten suicide to guilt you into staying is manipulative and has major problems. I would leave him as fast as I could run. Be careful. Set up a place first without telling him. Even talk to a counselor by yourself and get advice about how to leave and be safe. I seriously mean this. He actually might hurt himself -- or you.
EDITED to say I didn't realize this was so old... like someone said above, I hope things worked out.0 -
No I think the OP needs to understand that the grass is only greener where you water it. Also he sounds like an awesome guy, the guy most women clamor for. Yet she says thats not enough? clearly he is so invested in her that the the thought of her not being there makes him breakdown..Isnt that what women want?
Awesome guy who threatens to blow his brains out if she leaves? Who cries, hyperventilates and begs at the mention of breaking up? Women want a man to love them, to even need them, but not to be so dependent that they would rather commit suicide than live without them. Well, I can't speak for all women. Just the sane ones.
The longer a thread ages, the better it tastes.0 -
You're in a precarious situation right now because he has stated on several occasions that he plans on killing himself if you leave. You're going to leave him, and that's pretty much set in stone. You might not leave today, but it's going to happen. When you decide you're done with the relationship, just leave. Write a note, leave, and take the things you need while he's at work or something. I know you have feelings for him, and you'll like him to live a safe and happy life; but if he's willing to kill himself over this, then he's probably willing to kill you too.0
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I've brought up the idea of us maybe breaking up about 2 times in the last 3 months and each time he completely freaks out. He hyperventilates, cries uncontrollably, begs me not to leave, talks about what a "loser" he is for not being able to keep me, and one time he even told me he'd "blow his brains out" if I ever left him. I really don't want to hurt him. He's a wonderful person and he treats me like gold, I just cannot help how I feel. He's even said this to me when I've brought up breaking up--"Don't I treat you well?"--this is what he always says to me. And he's right. Am I just a selfish *****?
Red flags.
He's the one being manipulative and selfish.
He has control issues from insecurities.
You won't cure those by staying with him.
He needs to figure out that he's okay by himself first before he can be a boyfriend/husband.
Be honest and leave.
That's the most loving thing you can do at this point.0 -
Obviously I cant agree with the fact that he would kill himself over this broad. Or any broad for that matter. I think he is just so insanely in love with her, and having been there before ,what seems irrational seems rational at times. I wish i could hang out with the guy , slap some sense into him, and take him under my wing. Kick that broad out, asap!...I really hope he's snapped out of it.0
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I feel bad for both of you. I hope you don't resent him or think he's disgusting by his crying and all. The poor thing probably has very deep abandonment issues. He's got an insecure attachment which is why he seems obsessed.
There's nothing you can do to ease his pain. I know people in this thread said his threat to kill himself was manipulative (and it could be), but it could also very well be true. Speaking from experience, when one has an insecure, unstable attachment, suicide does seem like a possible way out of having to deal with deep-seated abandonment. Don't hate him for it. He can't control how he feels.
It's best for you though, if you leave. You aren't happy, so it's not fair to either of you to stick around. I'm sorry that you're in such a bind, OP. Best of luck to you.
this
and also, before you leave him, find out how your local mental health crisis system works, i.e who to call. Even if he makes just one threat to kill himself, call them and tell them that you're afraid he's going to try to kill himself. It sounds like he needs psychiatric help, and you're actually helping him by enabling him to get that. If he is just saying it to manipulate you, then you taking it seriously and getting the authorities involved might make him think twice about using that kind of thing as a threat again. But really it does sound like he has issues and could benefit from therapy/counselling. It's hard to tell on an internet forum how serious his mental health issues are, or whether he's really a risk of suicide, but by alerting the right people should he threaten to kill himself, you're ensuring he's safe if he's serious and if he's just manipulating you, well, he'll have to explain that to the authorities.
I've had some quite serious psychiatric issues in the past, and what helps is getting professional help. Well meaning friends etc may try to help or sympathise, but really it takes a professional who knows what they're doing. If he's gone to the extent of threatening to kill himself if you leave, then either he's extremely manipulative or he's really hurting very badly inside, from issues that existed probably long before you met him, that you can't fix. Only he can fix it and in most cases only with professional help.
TOTALLY this
and I know he hasn't got a lot of family, but, is there maybe a sib he trusts/still talks to? you can let them know, too, if you're worried.
beyond that, you are not obliged to sacrifice your life and wellbeing for his. it wouldn't work anyway.0 -
My sister's husband of 6 years shot himself in the head a month ago. She had found out looking on his computer that he had been looking for casual sex through Craig's List. She left and came to stay with me. She would go home everyday to get clothes and check on her cats. On the third day, she walked in and he had shot himself. We've been dealing with the aftermath for a month now. He also had threatened and went through with it. Don't want to scare anyone, but it does happen. Not that I would ever have recommended that she had stayed with him. He was a nut from day one!! I never did care much for him at all. But never would have ever thought he'd go through with something like this. The only good that came out of it is the fact that he only took himself. I thank God for that every day!0
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this thread is almost a year old...
but maybe that doesn't matter on a Saturday night on mfp
And it was revived by some now-deleted spammer trying to shill some "cast a spell on your boyfriend" crap. Yet here we go again. The OP hasn't posted here in 4 months. Hello, echo chamber??? lol0 -
No I think the OP needs to understand that the grass is only greener where you water it. Also he sounds like an awesome guy, the guy most women clamor for. Yet she says thats not enough? clearly he is so invested in her that the the thought of her not being there makes him breakdown..Isnt that what women want?
No, it's not what women want. Women want to love and be loved. If she's just not feeling the love anymore, that's hardly her fault. I'm sure he's a really great guy, but just not "the one" for HER.0 -
"blow his brains out"
There's your problem. Leave now.0
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