Outrageous things men say

24

Replies

  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    "I've been in love with you for 20 years." and "I hope my wife doesn't notice that you are the person from my sketchbooks in the attic." Different guys, dated neither. Facebook pimps are funny. I have not depreciated, good sirs. If you were afraid to declare yourself then, you should be terrified to do so after 20 years. Don't come at me now, bro.
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
    Rule number one when sleeping with multiple women not in the same room at the same time. Make sure they don't talk to each other. Unless you use a fake name. But that just gets confusing.

    Rule number two. When you do get busted, just move on. Sending texts later, after being busted, that's just sad.

    On a side note, if you sleep with a woman and don't ejaculate then what the heck was the point of sleeping with her?????
  • (thinking)
    (thinking)
    (thinking)
    You know I'm such a Biotch I really don't have to hear those remarks. Men are terrified of me.
    I make sure I scare them right out the gate because..
    .........I don't date wussies...

    things like "What does your husband think about you doing that?" - a guy asked when I was talking with a cashier about going to Florida for Christmas.. I told him "He doesn't think much from his shallow shallow grave in the back yard" ---- the cashier well she had a good laugh.

    I don't get many dates anyone who asks I make sure they know I don't lie.. I don't act.. & I don't put up with a whiny princess with a penis who won't wear a condom without acting like a baby.

    Your guy at least wore the condom. He prolly needs a scary girl to straighten him out so he knows how good he has it... but I'm not taking playmates at this time...

    Uhm holy ****.....i dont know if i should be scared or turned on..:flowerforyou:


    I once had a "but you were in the same ROOM so i means you were involved too!"

    "i was passed out that doesnt count..."
    "she kissed you and i fel you up it counts.".......ya that REALLY happened.
  • I had a huge fight with an ex because he kissed a girl but said it was okay because "You were flirting with that guy and eventually you would have kissed him."

    I wasn't sure how to respond and he added " I was just taking the chance to get even."

    Yeah, a-hole!
  • Mama_Mila
    Mama_Mila Posts: 511 Member
    Oh hell no! Some of these made my jaw drop! Where do y'all find these men?! I guess I just never dated an actual *kitten* and have no intentions of ever doing so....any man I know better think twice:huh:
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    wanna play "just the tip"?
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I was told by a boyfriend once that he was going to spend the day with his uncle. At this point in my life I hung out with a pretty rough crowd and the guys all carried metal bats or steel pipes in their trunks and were particularly protective of me. I went to the mall with some of these friends and there was boyfriend’s truck. When one of the movies let out he appeared with another girl. I went up to him and said “You know, you’re uncle looks a little effeminate and young.” He said, “Al, we’re not talking about this right now” to girl “just get in the truck.” He drove off, and some of those guys took off after him. He lived pretty far away so they did give up the chase after a while.
    I have always had friends that were guys and have never minding my guy having friends who are girls, my rule of thumb is that if you have to lie to me about who you’re spending time with then you’re doing something wrong.
    You wanna lie to me, fine but someone's going to hunt you down with a baseball bat.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
    I was told by a boyfriend once that he was going to spend the day with his uncle. At this point in my life I hung out with a pretty rough crowd and the guys all carried metal bats or steel pipes in their trunks and were particularly protective of me. I went to the mall with some of these friends and there was boyfriend’s truck. When one of the movies let out he appeared with another girl. I went up to him and said “You know, you’re uncle looks a little effeminate and young.” He said, “Al, we’re not talking about this right now” to girl “just get in the truck.” He drove off, and some of those guys took off after him. He lived pretty far away so they did give up the chase after a while.
    I have always had friends that were guys and have never minding my guy having friends who are girls, my rule of thumb is that if you have to lie to me about who you’re spending time with then you’re doing something wrong.
    You wanna lie to me, fine but someone's going to hunt you down with a baseball bat.

    I think I love you (and your friends)
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    My sons father was cheating on me while we were together (had profiles on numerous dating sites) and I found out (because let's face it- I find out everything) I asked him numerous times about one specific girl and he kept telling me he had never messed with her, so I wrote her.....she confirmed they had met , slept together and she was now pregnant (I was about a month pregnant at this time) so I asked him again and he tells me

    "I swear on every breath my children breathe that I never slept with that girl"

    so then I handed him my phone , and showed him the naked picture of him IN HIS SISTERS DAUGHTERS ROOM that this girl sent to me.

    He still denied it.
  • Using a condom shows he cares.
    Kidding me? It only shows that he had time enough to stop and think.
  • Illona88
    Illona88 Posts: 903 Member
    I am lucky I never dated a douche-bag (only date geeks, girls. They treat you very well :)).

    I did once have this conversation with a bit of a scary dude in my class, that has always given me (and every other girl at my school) the creeps:

    "Do you want me to walk you home?"
    "No, thanks. I'm alright."
    "Really, cause you live in -neighbourhood-"
    "How do you know where I live?"
    "I followed you home a couple of times."

    Mmmkay *slowly backing away*.

    Luckily one of my teachers left at the same time as me and overheard the conversation, so I asked him if he would walk me home and he did (art academy teachers are cool like that).
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    I am lucky I never dated a douche-bag (only date geeks, girls. They treat you very well :)).

    I did once have this conversation with a bit of a scary dude in my class, that has always given me (and every other girl at my school) the creeps:

    "Do you want me to walk you home?"
    "No, thanks. I'm alright."
    "Really, cause you live in -neighbourhood-"
    "How do you know where I live?"
    "I followed you home a couple of times."

    Mmmkay *slowly backing away*.

    Luckily one of my teachers left at the same time as me and overheard the conversation, so I asked him if he would walk me home and he did (art academy teachers are cool like that).

    CREEPY !!! I hate stalkers.
  • TonyM1984
    TonyM1984 Posts: 267
    My sons father was cheating on me while we were together (had profiles on numerous dating sites) and I found out (because let's face it- I find out everything) I asked him numerous times about one specific girl and he kept telling me he had never messed with her, so I wrote her.....she confirmed they had met , slept together and she was now pregnant (I was about a month pregnant at this time) so I asked him again and he tells me

    "I swear on every breath my children breathe that I never slept with that girl"

    so then I handed him my phone , and showed him the naked picture of him IN HIS SISTERS DAUGHTERS ROOM that this girl sent to me.

    He still denied it.

    WTF???? Damn! I feel like buying you lunch or something cause I feel bad for being a guy after reading that!
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    My sons father was cheating on me while we were together (had profiles on numerous dating sites) and I found out (because let's face it- I find out everything) I asked him numerous times about one specific girl and he kept telling me he had never messed with her, so I wrote her.....she confirmed they had met , slept together and she was now pregnant (I was about a month pregnant at this time) so I asked him again and he tells me

    "I swear on every breath my children breathe that I never slept with that girl"

    so then I handed him my phone , and showed him the naked picture of him IN HIS SISTERS DAUGHTERS ROOM that this girl sent to me.

    He still denied it.

    WTF???? Damn! I feel like buying lunch or something cause I feel bad for being a guy after reading that!

    The sad thing is- he's done a lot more than just that.
  • TonyM1984
    TonyM1984 Posts: 267
    My sons father was cheating on me while we were together (had profiles on numerous dating sites) and I found out (because let's face it- I find out everything) I asked him numerous times about one specific girl and he kept telling me he had never messed with her, so I wrote her.....she confirmed they had met , slept together and she was now pregnant (I was about a month pregnant at this time) so I asked him again and he tells me

    "I swear on every breath my children breathe that I never slept with that girl"

    so then I handed him my phone , and showed him the naked picture of him IN HIS SISTERS DAUGHTERS ROOM that this girl sent to me.

    He still denied it.

    WTF???? Damn! I feel like buying lunch or something cause I feel bad for being a guy after reading that!

    The sad thing is- he's done a lot more than just that.

    Too bad! I hated when all the pretty girls in school liked the jerks over the good guys! Sorry to hear that.
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    My sons father was cheating on me while we were together (had profiles on numerous dating sites) and I found out (because let's face it- I find out everything) I asked him numerous times about one specific girl and he kept telling me he had never messed with her, so I wrote her.....she confirmed they had met , slept together and she was now pregnant (I was about a month pregnant at this time) so I asked him again and he tells me

    "I swear on every breath my children breathe that I never slept with that girl"

    so then I handed him my phone , and showed him the naked picture of him IN HIS SISTERS DAUGHTERS ROOM that this girl sent to me.

    He still denied it.

    WTF???? Damn! I feel like buying lunch or something cause I feel bad for being a guy after reading that!

    The sad thing is- he's done a lot more than just that.

    Too bad! I hated when all the pretty girls in school liked the jerks over the good guys! Sorry to hear that.

    my days of going after the jerks are done- but apparently the nice ones who are single are an endangered species...at least here.
  • mndamon
    mndamon Posts: 549 Member
    I can't decide what I'm more angry about here. The fact one of my gender screwed the pooch with you (cuz let's face it, you're pretty much smoking hot) or the fact that I never came up with tongue condoms before. That's applicable in so many situations.
  • mndamon
    mndamon Posts: 549 Member
    the naked picture of him IN HIS SISTERS DAUGHTERS ROOM that this girl sent to me.

    He still denied it.

    Whoa.....it sounds like it's a good thing you got out of that one. This guys sounds like a real winner.
  • MemphisKitten
    MemphisKitten Posts: 878 Member
    OMFG!! Wow!! :noway:
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    the naked picture of him IN HIS SISTERS DAUGHTERS ROOM that this girl sent to me.

    He still denied it.

    Whoa.....it sounds like it's a good thing you got out of that one. This guys sounds like a real winner.

    Oh, i'm definitely thankful I got out of it. He's someone elses problem now. :)

    Or well, I guess he's still kind of mine too, for at least 16 more years.
  • markymarrkk
    markymarrkk Posts: 495 Member
    "and if you must know... He didn't even cum inside her"
  • BrazenHarpy
    BrazenHarpy Posts: 81 Member
    We were discussing this very topic at a recent BBQ gathering. My husband has horrific foot-in-mouth syndrome, so I decided to share this little gem with the group (and now all of you):

    I was going through depression, and I was venting to my husband about some of the things that had led to said depression. No crying, no hysterics, just a lot of me being inconsolable. After I was finished, my husband replied, completely serious, "well babe, I think the best thing for you to do right now is to build a bridge, and get over it."

    Bawling ensued. ALL over the place. I have no idea why he thought that was good advice, but there ya go. I was pretty pissed at the time, but now I think it's hilarious.
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
    what a retard. Good riddance!

    "Yeah you used a condom on your d***? Didn't you kiss her during? Did you use 2 condoms then?"
  • TonyM1984
    TonyM1984 Posts: 267
    "and if you must know... He didn't even cum inside her"


    Freaking hilarious!
  • Oliviamarie05
    Oliviamarie05 Posts: 528 Member
    "i can't be with you because you are sinning temptress sent to me by the devil. You are my personal sin I must repent over"

    And that my friends, is crazy. :explode:

    He tells me this after I also find out he's sexting and all over some of his exes, but ya know, he's saving it until marriage. lol
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    "i can't be with you because you are sinning temptress sent to me by the devil. You are my personal sin I must repent over"

    And that my friends, is crazy. :explode:

    He tells me this after I also find out he's sexting and all over some of his exes, but ya know, he's saving it until marriage. lol

    Wow. Looney tune for sure!
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
    So I went on a few dates with a guy, we vibed well and things seemed promising. After a few dates, I found out he slept with a good friend of mine which in my eyes is a deal breaker so I ended things. A month goes by and today I received a bunch of angry text messages from him apparently pissed off that I kissed another guy. I called him and told him he had no right to be upset because we were no longer seeing each other and he lost all rights to get upset about anything when he slept with my friend..his response:

    "Yeah, but I used a condom so it doesn't count, did you use a condom on your tongue?"

    Definitely one for the books! :noway:

    Are you still friends with the girl that slept with the guy you were dating? Just wondering.
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    We were discussing this very topic at a recent BBQ gathering. My husband has horrific foot-in-mouth syndrome, so I decided to share this little gem with the group (and now all of you):

    I was going through depression, and I was venting to my husband about some of the things that had led to said depression. No crying, no hysterics, just a lot of me being inconsolable. After I was finished, my husband replied, completely serious, "well babe, I think the best thing for you to do right now is to build a bridge, and get over it."

    Bawling ensued. ALL over the place. I have no idea why he thought that was good advice, but there ya go. I was pretty pissed at the time, but now I think it's hilarious.

    men don't think before they speak most of the time. LOL
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
    So I went on a few dates with a guy, we vibed well and things seemed promising. After a few dates, I found out he slept with a good friend of mine which in my eyes is a deal breaker so I ended things. A month goes by and today I received a bunch of angry text messages from him apparently pissed off that I kissed another guy. I called him and told him he had no right to be upset because we were no longer seeing each other and he lost all rights to get upset about anything when he slept with my friend..his response:

    "Yeah, but I used a condom so it doesn't count, did you use a condom on your tongue?"

    Definitely one for the books! :noway:
    A month after breaking up with someone, you get angry text messages and instead of just ignoring them, you pick up the phone and call him to talk to him again?

    That's outrageous!

    Yes, of course, blame her! How DARE she answer her phone!
  • BenChase
    BenChase Posts: 169
    We were discussing this very topic at a recent BBQ gathering. My husband has horrific foot-in-mouth syndrome, so I decided to share this little gem with the group (and now all of you):

    I was going through depression, and I was venting to my husband about some of the things that had led to said depression. No crying, no hysterics, just a lot of me being inconsolable. After I was finished, my husband replied, completely serious, "well babe, I think the best thing for you to do right now is to build a bridge, and get over it."

    Bawling ensued. ALL over the place. I have no idea why he thought that was good advice, but there ya go. I was pretty pissed at the time, but now I think it's hilarious.

    hahaha, i tend to do the whole foot in mouth thing too but that is beyond anything i have ever accidently said and then thought about after, as a guy we tend to try to say things as soon as we think them before considering how they sound out loud, trying to make you feel better being the first thing on our mind before thinking about how it's actually going to sound to you when it comes out, that is the problem. also on the original topic of this post men (and women) who cheat should be shot, with that problem taken care of people might trust and respect each other a bit more. really how hard is it to at least be a little bit of a d*ck and break up with someone if you want someone else, better than cheating, that's my thoughts anyway.