A guy told me he's in love with me, I don't feel the same.
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Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.0
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Before I would throw this fish back into the pond, I would ask myself what kind of a man is he? Is he honest, virtuous, and a good person? Is he considerate of others? Is he generous with his time and money? Does he have any bad habits? Vices? Would he make a good husband and father? Would he be faithful?
What about his family? Do you like his parents? His brothers and sisters? Could you feel part of the family, or would you always be the odd person out?
What about your beliefs? Do you share the same religion? Do you share the same vision of the future?
In life, passion comes and goes, and it is these other things that matter. IF he is a good person, I would keep up the friendship. Sometimes it takes time, because both have to want the same thing at the same time, but I've seen these things evolve into the best of marriages.
Just don't stay on the surface. If he does not have good qualities, then you lose nothing by tossing him back into the pond.
I think he's a good guy at heart. He hasn't been totally honest with me in the past and I know this is partly because he's scared to talk about feelings. He is a caring person though... I've seen him be extremely mature in several situations where I wouldn't have known how to react. I've never met his family and he doesn't talk about them a whole lot, which bothers me, as I've shared a lot about my family. I feel like he probably knows a lot more about me than I know about him.
I wish we could continue our friendship. Maybe we'll be able to at some point. But probably not right now when he's feeling more invested in me and more attracted to me than I am to him.0 -
Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.
Yeah... I think it's easy to assume he just wants to stay in it so he doesn't lose the sexual relationship. But I honestly believe that he cares about me a lot, and that makes it so much more difficult. If I was 100% sure he was only trying to stay with me for sex, it would be really easy to walk away right now, no questions asked.
But there is no way for you all to know every little thing, so I do appreciate all the advice anyway.0 -
double post, oops0
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Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.
Well, that's all we have to go on.0 -
Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.
Yeah... I think it's easy to assume he just wants to stay in it so he doesn't lose the sexual relationship. But I honestly believe that he cares about me a lot, and that makes it so much more difficult. If I was 100% sure he was only trying to stay with me for sex, it would be really easy to walk away right now, no questions asked.
But there is no way for you all to know every little thing, so I do appreciate all the advice anyway.
Caring for you and being IN LOVE with you are two different things. If he was truly in love with you, he wouldn't have waited until you wanted to end the FWB to declare that love.0 -
Caring for you and being IN LOVE with you are two different things. If he was truly in love with you, he wouldn't have waited until you wanted to end the FWB to declare that love.
I think you're right.0 -
Caring for you and being IN LOVE with you are two different things. If he was truly in love with you, he wouldn't have waited until you wanted to end the FWB to declare that love.
I think you're right.
Wish I wasn't :flowerforyou:0 -
Your answer lies in the title of your topic. What more is there to say?0
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Your answer lies in the title of your topic. What more is there to say?
I'm only struggling because I care about him a lot and hate to lose him as a friend. There's just not a way to make it work like that though.0 -
It seems to me that you wanted much more from the FWB than you were allowing yourself to feel. If he was using you, and it sounds to me as if he was (i.e. not admitting you into his family), then you don't have much to build a future on.
Lots of guys, when they have a FWB, won't move on until they can leap into somebody else's warm bed.
Next time, look before you leap. It looks as if this did not work out for you, so I would avoid this kind of thing in the future.0 -
I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.
^ agree0 -
This!I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.0
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Nvm, missed the FWB part.
He broke the first rule of FWB. He's out0 -
Your answer lies in the title of your topic. What more is there to say?
I'm only struggling because I care about him a lot and hate to lose him as a friend. There's just not a way to make it work like that though.
I suspect that you have always placed more value on the friendship than he has, which doesn't make it much of a friendship.0 -
In the words of a not-so-great-movie: he's just not that into you. He would have let you know a long time ago if he were. It took my husband and me a long time to get around to it, but when we did, he was the one who sent me a cute email with a note that he had drawn and scanned asking: I like you. Will you be my girlfriend? _Yes _No. He meant it. This guy does not.0
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The answer is in your profile--this is what you said....
"I've treated my body like crap for way too long. Time to be nicer for a change."
Think of a "relationship" like that as sexual junk food--- you're a lovely girl---time to date nice guys who will take you out--to casual outings and fancy places---who want to get to know you---and care about you---
in other words--treat you like the goddess that you are---
^^ THIS...is awesome....0 -
Nvm, missed the FWB part.
He broke the first rule of FWB. He's out
???
Is that like the first rule of Fight Club?0 -
Your answer lies in the title of your topic. What more is there to say?
I'm only struggling because I care about him a lot and hate to lose him as a friend. There's just not a way to make it work like that though.
Granted this was with an actual boyfriend, but I dated a guy for years on an off who was still in love with me when I was no longer in love with him. I kept going back because I missed him as a friend, but then I would just end up breaking his heart all over again a little while later when I realized (yet again) that I didn't feel the same way he did. It would have been much kinder to him if I had just stayed away, but I was selfish and didn't want to lose my best friend. In the end he realized he was better off without me, and he hasn't spoken to me in 5 years. I still miss his friendship, but I know it's for the best. I'm happily engaged to someone else who I love with all my heart, and I wouldn't change a thing except maybe toying with the poor guy for so long.0 -
This blows. And I keep second guessing myself. Like, maybe I only talked myself into thinking I'm over him. Idk.
You said you guys are going to take time for awhile and see if you both feel the same way. So, see how you feel in a couple days of not talking to him. Do you really miss him or do you miss having a guy around?
I think you already know where you stand-you said it's been a year and you talked to him, don't let him saying he loves you (whether he truely does or not) change your mind. Think only about you in this and not him or his feelings. Are you settling or do you know your true feelings? Good luck0 -
Meh, you're 21. See other people. In fact, see lots of people. Go out on dates with different guys all the time. That's the best way to learn what you really want. But don't sleep with guys on the first date unless you have already decided against a second.0
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He may have true feelings and it took you saying you want to move on for him to see it. But I say leave it now, your already done. His feelings came a bit to late and it's his loss. Until your sure one way or another I'd stay out of his bed.0
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Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.
She's the one asking advice from complete strangers while only posting "half the story" We're working with what she gave us. The only thing we know about the guy is that he was FBW and now says he loves her. That's it. We're just making assumptions to help provide advice0 -
In the words of a not-so-great-movie: he's just not that into you. He would have let you know a long time ago if he were. It took my husband and me a long time to get around to it, but when we did, he was the one who sent me a cute email with a note that he had drawn and scanned asking: I like you. Will you be my girlfriend? _Yes _No. He meant it. This guy does not.
On a side note, If you've ever actually read the book He's Just Not that Into You, the movie and the book have opposite messages. Same authors wrote, It's called a Break-up because it's Broken. And it was probably the best way of putting some of my past relationships. I'm the same kind of person. i hate hurting other people's feelings, but sometimes it is for the best. Something major is not right in your relationship, so take a serious pause before you make any movements in either direction.0 -
Probably said it to keep you there.
"A relationship is a two way street, not a highway and a bike path. If you really want to be with someone you have to be willing to make some sacrifices and work at it a little, otherwise the relationship will never work."
- Unknown
By far my favorite relationship quote. Good luck in the future.0 -
He just dosent want to lose steady sex, thats what he loves.0
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Best sex I ever had was with a live in girlfriend. Had sex 3 times a day. I even got lucky enough to catch her when she was extremely drunk after a party one night. THAT was the night I will never forget. She doesn't remember it. Guys know what I mean. May never get it again! lol. No, but really, guys like convenience. Easy sex is the best sex. You are 21. Way too young to get into a serious relationship. I learned the hard way. devoted all my time to the woman I was with on both occasions, because I kept thinking they were the ones. Now , I am an unemployed loner who has no circle of friends , and hasnt been laid in over 2 years. I am 26. That is embarrasing!!!!!0
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Probably said it to keep you there.
"A relationship is a two way street, not a highway and a bike path. If you really want to be with someone you have to be willing to make some sacrifices and work at it a little, otherwise the relationship will never work."
- Unknown
By far my favorite relationship quote. Good luck in the future.
Nice quote.
And if you are the ugly friend, I want to hang out with you! :drinker:0 -
Don't settle!!! If he dosen't make your heart race just thinking about him .... your hands shaky when you get to see him and his kiss melt your heart....well I promise you there is someone out there that will have this effect on you.
You deserve to be adored and you will know it when you have that! Best of luck to you....you are a beautiful young woman. :flowerforyou:0 -
Don't settle!!! If he dosen't make your heart race just thinking about him .... your hands shaky when you get to see him and his kiss melt your heart....well I promise you there is someone out there that will have this effect on you.
You deserve to be adored and you will know it when you have that! Best of luck to you....you are a beautiful young woman. :flowerforyou:
Yes! great idea. Dont force anything, because if you do, it will hurt you twice as much. You will see it as a failure on your part.0
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