A guy told me he's in love with me, I don't feel the same.

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  • grassette
    grassette Posts: 976 Member
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    It seems to me that you wanted much more from the FWB than you were allowing yourself to feel. If he was using you, and it sounds to me as if he was (i.e. not admitting you into his family), then you don't have much to build a future on.

    Lots of guys, when they have a FWB, won't move on until they can leap into somebody else's warm bed.

    Next time, look before you leap. It looks as if this did not work out for you, so I would avoid this kind of thing in the future.
  • dward2011
    dward2011 Posts: 416 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.



    ^ agree
  • winterdancer
    winterdancer Posts: 89
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    This!
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.
  • gshoemaker06
    gshoemaker06 Posts: 264 Member
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    Nvm, missed the FWB part.

    He broke the first rule of FWB. He's out
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    Your answer lies in the title of your topic. What more is there to say?

    I'm only struggling because I care about him a lot and hate to lose him as a friend. There's just not a way to make it work like that though.

    I suspect that you have always placed more value on the friendship than he has, which doesn't make it much of a friendship.
  • sanguinepenguin
    sanguinepenguin Posts: 41
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    In the words of a not-so-great-movie: he's just not that into you. He would have let you know a long time ago if he were. It took my husband and me a long time to get around to it, but when we did, he was the one who sent me a cute email with a note that he had drawn and scanned asking: I like you. Will you be my girlfriend? _Yes _No. He meant it. This guy does not.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    The answer is in your profile--this is what you said....
    "I've treated my body like crap for way too long. Time to be nicer for a change."

    Think of a "relationship" like that as sexual junk food--- you're a lovely girl---time to date nice guys who will take you out--to casual outings and fancy places---who want to get to know you---and care about you---

    in other words--treat you like the goddess that you are---

    ^^ THIS...is awesome....
  • rprussell2004
    rprussell2004 Posts: 870 Member
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    Nvm, missed the FWB part.

    He broke the first rule of FWB. He's out

    ???

    Is that like the first rule of Fight Club?
  • McLifterPants
    McLifterPants Posts: 457 Member
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    Your answer lies in the title of your topic. What more is there to say?

    I'm only struggling because I care about him a lot and hate to lose him as a friend. There's just not a way to make it work like that though.

    Granted this was with an actual boyfriend, but I dated a guy for years on an off who was still in love with me when I was no longer in love with him. I kept going back because I missed him as a friend, but then I would just end up breaking his heart all over again a little while later when I realized (yet again) that I didn't feel the same way he did. It would have been much kinder to him if I had just stayed away, but I was selfish and didn't want to lose my best friend. In the end he realized he was better off without me, and he hasn't spoken to me in 5 years. I still miss his friendship, but I know it's for the best. I'm happily engaged to someone else who I love with all my heart, and I wouldn't change a thing except maybe toying with the poor guy for so long.
  • ChristyRunStarr
    ChristyRunStarr Posts: 1,600 Member
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    This blows. And I keep second guessing myself. Like, maybe I only talked myself into thinking I'm over him. Idk.

    You said you guys are going to take time for awhile and see if you both feel the same way. So, see how you feel in a couple days of not talking to him. Do you really miss him or do you miss having a guy around?

    I think you already know where you stand-you said it's been a year and you talked to him, don't let him saying he loves you (whether he truely does or not) change your mind. Think only about you in this and not him or his feelings. Are you settling or do you know your true feelings? Good luck
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    Meh, you're 21. See other people. In fact, see lots of people. Go out on dates with different guys all the time. That's the best way to learn what you really want. But don't sleep with guys on the first date unless you have already decided against a second.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    He may have true feelings and it took you saying you want to move on for him to see it. But I say leave it now, your already done. His feelings came a bit to late and it's his loss. Until your sure one way or another I'd stay out of his bed.
  • gshoemaker06
    gshoemaker06 Posts: 264 Member
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    Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.

    She's the one asking advice from complete strangers while only posting "half the story" We're working with what she gave us. The only thing we know about the guy is that he was FBW and now says he loves her. That's it. We're just making assumptions to help provide advice
  • leslielrd12
    leslielrd12 Posts: 115 Member
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    In the words of a not-so-great-movie: he's just not that into you. He would have let you know a long time ago if he were. It took my husband and me a long time to get around to it, but when we did, he was the one who sent me a cute email with a note that he had drawn and scanned asking: I like you. Will you be my girlfriend? _Yes _No. He meant it. This guy does not.

    On a side note, If you've ever actually read the book He's Just Not that Into You, the movie and the book have opposite messages. Same authors wrote, It's called a Break-up because it's Broken. And it was probably the best way of putting some of my past relationships. I'm the same kind of person. i hate hurting other people's feelings, but sometimes it is for the best. Something major is not right in your relationship, so take a serious pause before you make any movements in either direction.
  • TheUglyFriend
    TheUglyFriend Posts: 338
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    Probably said it to keep you there.

    "A relationship is a two way street, not a highway and a bike path. If you really want to be with someone you have to be willing to make some sacrifices and work at it a little, otherwise the relationship will never work."
    - Unknown

    By far my favorite relationship quote. Good luck in the future.
  • Fatal1ty2k5
    Fatal1ty2k5 Posts: 333 Member
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    He just dosent want to lose steady sex, thats what he loves.
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
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    Best sex I ever had was with a live in girlfriend. Had sex 3 times a day. I even got lucky enough to catch her when she was extremely drunk after a party one night. THAT was the night I will never forget. She doesn't remember it. Guys know what I mean. May never get it again! lol. No, but really, guys like convenience. Easy sex is the best sex. You are 21. Way too young to get into a serious relationship. I learned the hard way. devoted all my time to the woman I was with on both occasions, because I kept thinking they were the ones. Now , I am an unemployed loner who has no circle of friends , and hasnt been laid in over 2 years. I am 26. That is embarrasing!!!!!
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    Probably said it to keep you there.

    "A relationship is a two way street, not a highway and a bike path. If you really want to be with someone you have to be willing to make some sacrifices and work at it a little, otherwise the relationship will never work."
    - Unknown

    By far my favorite relationship quote. Good luck in the future.

    Nice quote.

    And if you are the ugly friend, I want to hang out with you! :drinker:
  • determined136
    determined136 Posts: 332
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    Don't settle!!! If he dosen't make your heart race just thinking about him .... your hands shaky when you get to see him and his kiss melt your heart....well I promise you there is someone out there that will have this effect on you.

    You deserve to be adored and you will know it when you have that! Best of luck to you....you are a beautiful young woman. :flowerforyou:
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
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    Don't settle!!! If he dosen't make your heart race just thinking about him .... your hands shaky when you get to see him and his kiss melt your heart....well I promise you there is someone out there that will have this effect on you.

    You deserve to be adored and you will know it when you have that! Best of luck to you....you are a beautiful young woman. :flowerforyou:

    Yes! great idea. Dont force anything, because if you do, it will hurt you twice as much. You will see it as a failure on your part.

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