Females...are you the MAN in your relationship?

HeatherLeahxx

Ahhh this is more of a rant but I just want to know am I the only person who is like this... >___<

Basically , I'm with the boyfriend 2 years , but we are always breaking up.....

My dilemma is that I genuinely think that he is waaay too emotional.....He literally starts fights about absolutely everything...breaks down crying all the time when we are fighting.....he just snaps at absolutely everything....everything I do is wrong.....and when I don't do what he wants me to do, or want what he wants me to want....then I'm listening to it for weeks and weeks.....it's actually draining....

And there I am, just mellow and chilled......I don't get annoyed unless he does something that would understandably upset anyone.... I don't randomly snap or pick fights.....and I don't break down crying over every little thing.....

It's like I'm the one who wants to brush everything off, and he wants to make a huge deal over everything.....I mean, I have yet to meet another guy who wanted me to write love letters, and essays about how much I love him......as well as give him flowers after a fight...that he more than likely started.....Am I being a complete heartless biaaatch or is this actually normal? Btw I'm 20 and he's 23......

I don't mind brutal honestly....If I'm wrong then I'm wrong....just want to know does anyone else feel like this? :huh:

nlwilliamson

It sounds like he has some serious issues and needs some therapy or treatment of some kind to help over come it. If the two of you are on again off again it can be draining and emotionally exhausting. Is it always him to breaks up with you? He needs some help dealing with whatever it is that makes him so needy, maybe he has abandonment issues?

HeatherLeahxx

Like his dad died last year......and we were only together a few months at that stage ....but like gradually over the two years, he wants me to do all of these things , tell him all nice things like how much I love him in reams of pages.....Is it normal for a guy to want all of that? ......Like I told him it feels like I'm the guy in the relationship, and he had a compelte fit and freaked out and now won't talk to me....Am I missing all of the emotions that women are suppose to ahve or what?

I believe I was raised (or programmed) into thinking guys don't really give a shizzle and are mean and it's girls who are suppose to want all of those things........ahhhh

dougii

Sounds to me like your boyfriend has a lot of issues with security and control. Unless he really wants to change this will be the patern you are stuck with for life so you need to ask yourself if this is how you want to spend your future. My pesonal advice would be to get a new boyfriend, one that is much more secure in himself. I can only think that over time the issues you are facing now will only get worse.

HeatherLeahxx

And yeah he's always the one breaking up with me....but I'm the fool that keeps going back....but it's becasuse he just guilties me into thinking everything was my fault ahhh

Mistyblu08

wow this is the first i have heard of a man behaving like this...I would say he should go in for some counseling...sounds like he might have some emotional issues ...abandonment or something...check out his parents if they were like this he prolly thinks this is normal....he's pushing you away with the fights because he "knows" your going to leave him then its your fault and he's the martyr ....wants you to give flowers (which wow) because again its " poor me I am the injured one and your the bad person"....
I dont think I would call yourself the "man" of the relationship lol but he does sound like he needs some help dealing with past hurts to get over the hump.....couples counseling???
this is just my opinion though,,,I am certainly not certified psych doc :laugh:

dougii

Greiving over the death of his dad should not lead him to need you to write reams about how much you love him. This is a straight up control issue and is by no means normal. Guys do want to know that they are loved and an important part of your life but this should be able to be accomplished with a look, a hug, a brief comment, an occassional thank you or I love you....not by you having to write a book about it. I stick by my origianl assessment.....

HeatherLeahxx

wow this is the first i have heard of a man behaving like this...I would say he should go in for some counseling...sounds like he might have some emotional issues ...abandonment or something...check out his parents if they were like this he prolly thinks this is normal....he's pushing you away with the fights because he "knows" your going to leave him then its your fault and he's the martyr ....wants you to give flowers (which wow) because again its " poor me I am the injured one and your the bad person"....
I dont think I would call yourself the "man" of the relationship lol but he does sound like he needs some help dealing with past hurts to get over the hump.....couples counseling???
this is just my opinion though,,,I am certainly not certified psych doc :laugh:

His dad died.....but still really weird reaction to want flowers and essays of how I love him etc etc

Oh yeah like he's poor me poor me...honestly it's a pity party every day....

Like i've been in one long term rship before ....for 2 years....I know I was only a teenager but still I remember that he never did any of that...

I have tried to get him grief counselling but apparently he doesn't need it...I've went to his mom and his brother about it too and I've begged him to get it and he won't...apparently I'm the problem...yet he keeps coming back for more.....

couples counselling at 20.......are you for reeeeal ha

Kelley528

Its not that you are the "man" in the relationship. Its that you are probably more emotionally stable, secure, and well balanced. He has issues. Issues that will prevent your relationship from ever truly being happy and stable.

Cut your losses and move on. The on again off again nonsense attests to the fact of how unstable in insecure the relationship is. You are young. This type of drama is not worth it at any age but at least you can move on.

chevy88grl

Hm. I'm a lot older than you guys are, and honestly? This isn't normal male behavior from my personal experience. I think there are some serious underlying issues (whether it has to do with his dad's death or not? we can't evaluate and diagnose that over the internet..lol). You really have two choices here:

A) stay and put up with it, but know it likely isn't going to get any better

leave.


Good Luck.

TavistockToad

you're 20, go have some fun... ditch the emotional wreck and find a real man!!!!

Tangerine302

How much do you care for him? Are there times when he isn't acting like this? If it seems like it's a struggle all the time, it sounds like it's not meant to be. (Just from what you've mentioned). If it's just part of it then I would let him know that writing down how much you care for him isn't necessary. Show him that you care for him and he will know. Maybe he doesn't feel you truly care for him?

leanne9876

I feel like I am the male in my relationship, My partner doesn't cry but he does crave my attention and affection and constantly asking for reassurance that I love him. We have been together 12 years and have 5 kids together.

he just snaps at absolutely everything....everything I do is wrong.....and when I don't do what he wants me to do, or want what he wants me to want....then I'm listening to it for weeks and weeks.....it's actually draining....

my partner is exactly the same.

but we are always breaking up.....

same here, but he is the one that always wants us to get back together, he says no matter how much we fight he loves me and can't live without me. He says fighting is normal but I don't think it is.

It's like I'm the one who wants to brush everything off, and he wants to make a huge deal over everything.

This is how I feel when we fight, I just want to make up and move on but he wants to talk about it, and talk about things from both sides and work it out so it never happens again. Doesn't work though we still fight.

HeatherLeahxx

Thats the problem ...he thinks I don't truly care...and the only way to prove it is to buy him flowers, write him essays of how much I love him, tell him all these mushy things, and pick him over everyone else....

Like atm the things I have to make up for are :

1. Booking a holiday with the girls - On a day that we were broken up
2. One day I wasn't in the mood to see him, and I told him I was babysitting my sister.....when I really went to the cinema with the girls........maybe this was bad form for lying to him, but this happened in April

I have stopped talking to all friends that are guys....when it's okay for him to flirt and chat with every vagina on the planet.....It's like when he does it it's okay, but when I do it...he starts freaking out twisting things....

I genuinely do care ......but does everything I did merit this type of behaviour and reaction?

HeatherLeahxx

@leanne9876... nice to know I'm not the only poor soul out there

seanorawe

Sounds like the relationship was a non starter. It's not all that normal to behave/react like that. You are only together 2 years. Who knows what will happen in another 2? Will he become more obsessed and clingy? Or will he mellow out? I think he will get more clingy.

If it was me? Id break it off before it gets worse. A relationship with constant fighting does not sound good.

If you do break up with him, it sounds like he will become a stalker and maybe take it very hard. Try to be as subtle as you can.

Edit
A man wanting flowers and poetry? Thats a first for me!

_HeartsOnFire_

Is he a "mama's boy"?

My advice...RUN. Fast. As fast as you can. I agree with someone else here who said that this is always how it's going to be. He will not go to counseling or get help until HE decides he wants/needs it. You can beg, plead, bargain, etc. Until he chooses he needs it, it won't happen. Break this cycle. Break it off, change your phone number. Cut off all ties. Especially if it's draining, it WILL only get worse.

HeatherLeahxx

Sounds like the relationship was a non starter. It's not all that normal to behave/react like that. You are only together 2 years. Who knows what will happen in another 2? Will he become more obsessed and clingy? Or will he mellow out? I think he will get more clingy.

If it was me? Id break it off before it gets worse. A relationship with constant fighting does not sound good.

If you do break up with him, it sounds like he will become a stalker and maybe take it very hard. Try to be as subtle as you can.

Edit
A man wanting flowers and poetry? Thats a first for me!

Dude,

every time I try and end it ...(which isn't that often)...he will just appear at my house or work until I see him and take him back......he threatens to do stuff aswell if I don't give in.......but it's over small stuff like and makes it out to be all my fault. I would genuinely leave the person if I knew I was causing someone that kind of pain...but the only reason I'm staying is cause i think it's over his dad , and I'm hoping he'll go back to the way he was

slyder432

you are 20 yrs old...you should be having the time of your life!! Y r you tied down to a relationship? Go discover who you are!!

HeatherLeahxx

Is he a "mama's boy"?

Don't get me started on his mother.....

PhotogNerd

You haven't listed one single reason to stay or even be with this wreck.

Perhaps you should be the one to break up and for your own benefit, don't get back together! Rip his heart out and stomp on it....jk but do move on with your life.